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tossercook's picture



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mm.dd.yy

05.05.24
I have come to the realization that having a stroke at 19 and not being allowed to go to the hospital or to a doctor has had more long lasting effects than I originally thought.

We believe it was a right hemisphere cerebrum stroke.

I never fully regained left side mobility. My ability to hold items will never be the same. I can barely draw, but I still try. The memory fog only just now is starting to lift, four and a half years later. One of my eyes is now even more colorblind, and my depth perception fluctuates. I can't always recognize my own hands (jump scare). So much damage left untreated because they wouldn't let me get help.

When I almost died of covid, a year later, I was also not allowed to seek help. My oxygen levels hit 72, my fever 105 F. I couldn't stay awake, and I couldn't breathe. I thought my roommates, the mice, would probably find me first. I was told I'd be "a waste of a hospital bed" by my mother.

I have long covid, lupus induced by covid, my fibromyalgia worsened, my already underdeveloped lungs were damaged, i developed asthma, and i have on and off vertigo.

I have realized a lot of things. But to the forest, thank you for helping me survive so much. I only survived 2017-2019 because of this community. I will always be able to breathe here, to feel like myself here.

To the reader, you are resilient. I love you. I see and hear you.
Stay safe.

04.26.24
It's funny because the rheumatologists still refuse to diagnose me after four years because I'm young. I'm sorry, is it the positive blood results or is it the having every possible symptom that's somehow not enough for you? "You're just too young!" Clearly I am not

03.29.23
still kicking, damn tired. missing the forest. lungs have been fighting me, so have my legs and my skin and my muscles. dear reader, you're still resilient even when you feel beat down. keep on going.

11.25.22
Think I got misdiagnosed, I have high blood markers for auto immune and oddly specific symptoms but rheumatologist doesn't think I have it. "Too young". My body hasn't fought off illness at all recently, concerned but still kicking! To the reader, you're more resilient than you think. I love you, and you got this!

10.06.22
Medical procedure this past week, chronic illness kicking my ass. Not doing great but still trying.
I keep finding myself here on the forums, despite the chaos and business of life. Something will always draw me back, a part of me was born here and I can't keep away.

7.12.22
I hurt all the time
Heilong, Damisona, and Jolos are current mains. Open to interaction for Jolos and Damisona, but Heilong is currently out of the forest.

1.18.21
Survived covid, permanent lung damage in my already literally undeveloped lungs. (And possible autoimmune. And fibromyalgia, unbeknownst to past me.)









♥

.

screeches on in here

screeches on in here

ayye

ayye
Shey's picture

hgohgohogoh

hgohgohogoh
Wyldflower's picture

♥ your cat's a beauty,

♥ your cat's a beauty, thoSE EYES AA
also I know what it's like to suffer from an eating disorder, if you ever need a listening ear please don't hesitate to send me a message. ♥

By Draak ♥
tossercook's picture

(thankyou

(thankyou <3 )

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Sybilline's picture

Track! &#10084 And a virtual

Track! ❤ And a virtual hug for Tink Purring cat
sig by AceAshling, icon by HeartClock

Oi, i will take a sit

Oi, i will take a sit here,
took some pillows with me too!
Evern's picture

My dog has nightmares every

My dog has nightmares every night too. I'm not sure why, but she is a rescue and stressed often (very afraid of strangers). She already has gray hairs at age five. I call out her name and tell her she's a good girl and then she's fine. Maybe your kitty has had bad experiences before you got him?

tossercook's picture

Tink did have a lot of stress

Tink did have a lot of stress when she was separated from her mother, she's our only non-rescue pet however. My two dogs were horribly abused before we recused them, but my baby kitty hasn't faced anything so terrible. But maybe that could be it, her mother?

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Evern's picture

Could be! I think animals are

Could be! I think animals are just like us, and some people just tend to be more sensitive to these things. Another cat might've been fine but she could still miss her mother. Although, regular nightmares for that does seem a bit extreme... maybe see if anything else bothers her? Sometimes I play soothing music for my dog while she sleeps and it seems to help, btw. Smiling

Vessan's picture

-Screams from heaven-

-Screams from heaven-
Vessan's picture

Oh I do hope all goes well

Oh I do hope all goes well for her Sad
Wyldflower's picture

I really wish all the best

I really wish all the best for you and your Nana <333
And i've been meaning to say I hope you enjoy your trip too, you're so lucky ♥

By Draak ♥

Best of luck and lots of love

Best of luck and lots of love to your nana and have a safe and enjoyable trip!!
tossercook's picture

Thankyou guys

Thankyou guys <3
I think she'll be okay but I will keep this updated

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Are you able to take some

Are you able to take some time for yourself? I've found that engaging in more self-care during times where I feel like that helps immensely.
No matter what, I believe in you. Always remember that, ok?
Sybilline's picture

You are not alone in this,

You are not alone in this, never forget that. Lots of love to you, friend ❤
sig by AceAshling, icon by HeartClock
tossercook's picture

u guys told me to keep you

u guys told me to keep you updated on nana,
here is nana's updates.
Her cancer surgery went really well today, we are all overjoyed and relieved.
Thankyou guys for your prayers!!

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crabbycrown's picture

I'm rather late to finishing

I'm rather late to finishing requests because of my hiatus, but here, my dear <3
https://sta.sh/02g9qqn42cut


crabbycrown#3207

tossercook's picture

it's beautiful, thank you so

it's beautiful, thank you so much <3! and welcome back

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tossercook's picture

[this feels weird but boost

[this feels weird but boost because several characters are up and running, seeking interaction. others are being revamped. info in updates.]

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I really wish the best for

I really wish the best for you <3. Chronic illness doesn't sound good at all ;;
Sending strength to your way!
tossercook's picture

thank you, it's not fun and

thank you, it's not fun and has been a major adjustment, but i'm alive and that's good!
thank you for your kindness and for the strength, I hope you're doing well <3

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(No subject)

<3

As someone with disabling

As someone with disabling life-long chronic illness (including but not limited to! fibro, IBS and neuropathic dysautonomia), fuck that doctor. "Too young" in medical-speak translates to "I have no idea what I'm talking about and am not qualified to help you, but have too grand an ego to admit it". Don't give up. You are the only true advocate you have in the world.
Urschanabi's picture

Hey, tossercook! Sending you

Hey, tossercook! Sending you health vibes and forest nuzzles <3
Also, I've just come across your art of Damisona and Jolos and OMG it's so beautiful, can't believe I missed it when it was added!

Signature © Draak
_
tossercook's picture

(No subject)

<3 thank you guys
I'm fighting my best fight, and I'll try and keep myself hopeful enough to advocate for myself.
Thank you for the love and wishes
Ursch! Thank you:) I think I might keep that as my art style, I love how it looks like craft paper textured! I'm glad you enjoy it <3 many forest hugs

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Urschanabi's picture

The texture (or rather the

The texture (or rather the color) made me think of marble at first, but when I look closer at those parts where legs meet the body, yeah, it definitely looks more like paper.
In any case, the style is lovely and I think it's worth keeping it!

Signature © Draak
_