I'm sorry to bring this up again, especially here. But I really wanted to ask a question from someone other than my therapist, and you guys are my best friends...so here it goes.

Shimmyshimmy wrote me an e-mail the other day pointing out characteristics I have. It's difficult for me to grasp these because, well...being recently diagnosed with several things including high anxiety and depression, you have a hard time accepting the truth. I've gotten better at this, and am really starting to feel pride, confidence, and better self-esteem.

These things I've just been diagnosed with - ADHD, learning disabilities, a personality disorder or two, anxiety, depression...I'm making a commitment now to not let these defeat me. I've told myself many things that should have never been said -- that I was a failure, that I was weak, that I was flawed...that I should have never been born.

Those thoughts, they're going to end now. I'm tired of them, I'm tired of these feelings of worthlessness.

Shimmy's e-mail used words to describe me such as "fantastic", "selfless", "caring", and a "triumph". To read these words from someone else, that they actually think this of me despite the things I have written on this site about myself...it really digs deep into my soul.

I want to ask this then. I know this is my life and I have the right to do whatever I want with it, but I wanted to ask you all - if you were in my shoes, at this very moment of being ready to move out and live your life...if you knew that you will be living your dream job and that you really don't care about how much money you make...if you already had an idea for things you want to do for yourself later on, but had money to give away or use toward helping others...what would you do to better the world?

I already know I want to donate to charity. That's a dream I will be fulfilling once I have money to spare. But I feel like that's not good enough. So I want to ask, what could someone like me do to make people happier and to make the world a better place?

So in short, aside from being a hydrogeologist, what should I do with my life?

If you wanted to know some of the skills I have, if that will give an idea of what I can do -- I am open-minded and really love learning from people, especially their culture and traditions; I'm pretty good at writing stories and poetry; I love to travel; I think I'm good at giving advice; I know I am dependable and hard working (from my job experience); and I try my best to be humble.

If you'd like to e-mail me instead of posting here, it's lapras316@hotmail.com

Thank you for any advice you have to offer. I am very grateful to this community and to have all of you as my friends.

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I wanted to mention as well that people have told me that 'I need to consider myself and what I want in my life' as well. I do have realistic goals that I want to achieve in my life, and here are most if not all of them:

- I want to learn a martial art (working on a little by learning how to use a katana as well as shuriken and kunai. I want to learn aikido as well as a hand-to-hand martial art for when I've lost my weapon. I've trained a little in shotokan but that was years ago)

- I want to take a trip to a tropical island, either Hawaii and/or the Caribbean (which should happen soon as I am planning a trip next year to Oahu in Hawaii)

- I want to travel as much of the US as I can and also take trips around the world (I plan to have a year-long sabbatical after 10 years or so of saving where I get to travel to anywhere I want to in the US, and want to take trips to many countries I've dreamed of visiting such as Ireland, Italy, New Zealand, Australia, and Japan to name a few)

- I want to be able to learn from Buddhist and Zen monks and be able to practice meditation in a real Buddhist temple

- I want to publish a novel or collection of poems

- But most importantly, I want to help people in any way I can. That will give me a genuine sense of accomplishment, purpose, and happiness in life.