Garbage topic that I'll delete later.
Why does all this have to be so hard? Why do I feel like an outsider?
I'm not like other guys, who are proud of themselves for how much weed they smoke or how many women they've slept with. I sit there and laugh along with everyone else as they talk about how they can drink a case of beer in one sitting, but mentally I pity them for being so stupid and destroying their body just to impress some girls at a bar.
I don't have any intention on smoking or using drugs. I drink alcohol just a little, but even that backfires on me as just one little shot of whiskey will make me so depressed that I want to kill off my deer and leave the Forest.
I should be happy that I don't make stupid choices that others make, but instead I feel like a shell of a person who has no sense of direction. I just don't see my future.
Yes, I have big dreams and goals. I write about them all the time - I want to give away part of my profits to charity, I want to fix some of the mess that greed and ignorance has created in the world. But I feel like people look down on me because I don't want to keep my money and buy expensive cars, gold jewelry, and a huge mansion like they would. They look at me like I'm a hippie because I want to save the environment.
It took a very long time for me to realize how important that was to me. Things have gotten so out of control with pollution, deforestation, this whole "it's not my problem" attitude that all the people with power in the world has.
I have no aspiration. I let people use me for their personal gain instead of doing my own things that would benefit me. I feel like I just can't say no to doing what everyone else wants.
I'm not strong and not smart like everyone else is. I would be the first one to be killed or eaten if I was an animal, because everyone else would live and survive while I'd be the bait. I have no useful talents and will ultimately just fade away while the world continues to destroy itself.
What's the point of all of this if I'll never be truly happy? Why bother trying to set things right when the next generation will be just as greedy and selfish as this one is and just destroy everything I work toward?
I asked Quad why I feel the way I do, why I feel like a waste of a person.
He looked at me and said, "I'm the fattest deer in the Endless Forest, and yet the other deer look beyond that and see me is a genuine friend. Try accepting yourself as someone with potential instead of how you feel, because I see it in you."
...
...
...
Even my own deer has good advice for me, and I won't listen to him.
Aww, Quad, don't be sad... I
Think about it; the world and humanity has grown just like a person so far.
the dark ages were just that. People were stupid compared to today, they didn't know why things were happening around them and they were superstitious. Just like little kids. Yet, they were curious to learn, and so they progressed and grew.
Next came the pre-teen-years of humanity. They were passionate, still not quite clever and they believed that they were the only ones who were right. They singled out things and people they didn't know about, creating groups and slavery. Look at a preschool these days, and little kids will still be creating groups and keeping away from people who are different.
But as humanity grew, we became smarter, each generation improving and becoming more tolerant, just like a growing adult, who learns about the world around him.
So think about the future generation! They can only become smarter, more enlightened and sensitive, if their growth isn't stunted by the old generation.
And Quad, in the wild I would be the first to get killed, because I'm so darn protective of my friends, I'd get killed by the predators while protecting you or another of my friends XD
So see, don't loose faith in the future or humanity, it'll be alright~
And another thing... if the peeps you hang out with brag about stuff like that... You need new friends with an IQ higher than that of a lizard TwT;;
Not dissin' anyone, just saying you deserve better ^w^
Quad, I'm a loner outside of
It's probably why I fit in best here, people have the same interests and stuff that I do. I know I'd be ridiculed if anyone knew I played this game.
But even here? I don't know if I fit in anymore.
Why not, Kaoori? D: Doesn't
Chickenwhite - I badly need
It's very hard not to give up on humanity, I guess it's better to look at the good then dwell on the bad. I'll try my best to see the positive things going on. Thank you, it means a lot.
Kaoori - I feel the same way. All my friends go party, go to bars, ect. I only go to a bar if there's someone to go with me like my Aunt (actually, I think she's the only person that's gone to a bar with me).
The only people that really know I play TEF are my family. I don't tell anyone else because I feel like they wouldn't understand. This place is unique that we all really do share similar interests, and I think you fit here much more than I do.
They kinda sound like a bunch
How old are you? Y'see, I never hang with anyone from my high school and stuff because they just never understood me... I'm in university now, though, and it's astounding how many people share my interests and viewpoints! They're all so nice... One day I brought an old Game Boy Colour to intertain myself in the break and immediately got three peeps going "Oh, that's so cool! Oldschool! What game're you playing? Can you help me with this level?" And I haven't met a single person who think it's cool to drink your brains out.
University=geeks united and it's wonderful!
So, my point is, maybe you should just try and go to where other people like you would gather? If you follow your heart, needs and interests, you'll automatically meet people who did the same~
I'm not like a lot of other
Maybe I'm missing something here, but if that's what it takes to be cool, I'd much rather continue being boring. I like being in charge of my senses. I like being aware of my surroundings. To me, it seems like our generation is a bit lost in some ways.
I also feel like I lack aspirations at times. I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that I tend to live my life for other people. I may be wrong, but it seems like you do this, too, sometimes. If someone should be disappointed in a decision that I make, my world crumbles. I also find it difficult to make decisions at all sometimes, but I digress. I'm rambling.
It may seem hypocritical of me to say such a thing, especially when there are similar issues that I have to work on, but I really do think that you have to start seeing the things that make you unique as strengths rather than weaknesses. It is easy to see the bad in oneself and, in some sick way, it becomes comfortable. However, you're a strong person whether you believe it or not, and you deserve to be happy and see the good in yourself.
I noticed that you sometimes post songs with your comments and I believe that you might find Ashes Divide's Forever Can Be of some relevance. We all want you to see the you we see.
((( I think quad is right!
Quote:I'm not like other
I pity those guys too since doing those things wouldn't impress me at all.
I don't drink. I don't smoke. Neither of these things, especially done in over-excess, is something I see as having any point to doing.
People who look down on you because you want to do something good with your money instead of spending it on yourself? You're better than them.
And...dude, I'm an artist. I wanna animate, or at least keep drawing a lot. That's not exactly a "useful talent". But I'm proud of what I like to do. Screw anyone who thinks I chose a "useless career" and will probably end up a starving artist.
I guess I'm lucky though. The friends I have are cool and don't make fun of me for anything I like or do (yes, you people on here count as friends
..I'm not really sure what point I'm trying to make anymore. ^^;
It's very hard for me to see
It's like I know I can write stories, but I'm starting to feel like my stories are becoming the same thing over and over - unoriginal, taking ideas from other sources, sometimes involving someone getting hurt or dying. I envy the artists in this community because they have more patience, skill, and drive to create wonderful artworks, and almost all of the time they make them as gifts without wanting anything in return. I wish I could do what they do.
I give advice when I can, because I feel like it was the way I was raised - to help others in any way I can. I may not have the right words to say, but often just knowing someone is willing to listen is more than enough to make someone's day.
But that's all I see in myself that's good. Instead I feel burdened by comparing myself to others and their skills and talents, and how jealous I am that they can make things that I can't.
I'm just as selfish as the people I was talking about in the venting above. I'm being selfish right now by writing all of this instead of keeping it away from all of you.
You're not being selfish,
And Quad, maybe you've just hit an artblock? It happens to all great artists, believe me!
You're right, though, you shouldn't compare yourself to others, it'll only get you down... My personal philosophy (a rather dreary and depressing one, actually) is that no matter how good you get, there's always someone else out there who's better... It might sound like a bad philosophy, but it's all in interpretation!
For me, it means that I should keep working on my own skills, independent of other artists' style and progress, because if I start comparing myself to them, I only get myself down.
It also keeps me humble and makes sure I don't get full of myself ^^
And originality is all in the eyes of the beholder... There's so much stuff out there by now, that it's difficult to make something completely original, bordering on impossible. So I'm just having fun doing what I love instead of worrying about plagiarising others.
I guess this is all rather... depressing, but the point is, don't worry~
Because worrying is a waste of time and trust me, you get further with not worrying than you ever did worrying.
Maybe you just need to get your mind off of things?
Because it's just such a pity for an awesome person like you to get all down and depressed about the small things in life.
And yes, you are indeed awesome >w<
I've been looking up to you for your kind heart, your wanting to help and protect the environment and your open mind ever since I joined the community, so don't give up, 'kay? You're so much better than that >w<
If something is bothering
As for artists having patience? Pfft. I'm very impatient. I'm glad I learned how to draw fast, or I'd never get my ideas sketched out before they're gone. And if an art piece requires more than one sitting to finish? I can lose motivation to work on it, or take a very long time to get to the next "session".
And usually I draw because it's something I wanted to, something that inspired me, or I was just in a drawing mood. It's always for myself first, even if the drawing is for someone else.
I can point at what I said above. I won't draw for someone else unless I want to draw at that moment. So the drawing really is still for myself first.
Thanks for all the words.
I apologize for all this that was written. I hate wasting your time with it, I mean I could have dealt with it in a different way then by venting on here.
The biggest things I need to consider are what truly makes me happy. My dachshund, Brandy, does (even though she can be a little brat sometimes). Traveling and seeing landscapes does. You already know I love music. Watching deer and antelope be silly always makes me smile. Joking around about Quad's flatulence and seeing my friends burst out laughing.
I need to learn a way to snap myself out of things like this when I lose my way and get frustrated and depressed over such small things. I'm glad you all are willing to help when I lose my light like this.
Quad! You have me nearly in
1. "I don't have any intention on smoking or using drugs. I drink alcohol just a little, but even that backfires on me as just one little shot of whiskey will make me so depressed that I want to kill off my deer and leave the Forest." --Good for you for being your own person and not following the typical patterns of humanity! Like yourself, I don't enjoy alcohol, I would be horrified with myself for doing drugs, and I too sometimes feel like an outsider, especially at parties when the people I'm with (including the love of my life) decide to get drunk and be stupid. It's hard to take, but please don't feel the need to conform because of it! If the people you're with can't handle the decisions you choose to make, then maybe they're not people you want to be around.
2. "I have no aspiration. I let people use me for their personal gain instead of doing my own things that would benefit me. I feel like I just can't say no to doing what everyone else wants."--No aspiration? Of all the people I know you're one of those with the biggest aspirations! You want to change the world Quad! That's huge! And even if you only manage to achieve half of the goals you've set for yourself, the world will be such a better place! As for saying no to people, this is a hard thing to learn, but sometimes you just have to realize when doing what other people want is hurting yourself, and learn strategies to protect yourself from that harm. Once again, I'm very similar in that aspect, and it can be one of the biggest things to change in yourself. It is not a bad thing either, all things considered, but it can become a bad thing when you start putting everyone else's needs above your own. Just...try to take a deep breath, and really think about how you can help the person while still maintaining your own well-being!
3. "I'm not strong and not smart like everyone else is."--You are strong, look how many people that you manage to support! I can tell through everything you've posted that your family relies on you so much, and the fact that you can support them while still doing your school programs, not to mention also supporting all your friends, tells me that you are as strong and reliable as the sturdiest oak tree! You do so much for everyone, and you do it well, I don't know how you can say you aren't strong. As for smarts, I know that you're much more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. You understand the world's connectedness, and your goals themselves speak of the mind beneath them. Give yourself more credit Quad, you deserve it!
*huggles* So glad you're
*looks at above comments* wow... I ramble a lot XD
(No subject)
I feel like grabbing you by
Really, you're one of the kindest members I've EVER known and even though you're on my MSN list, I'm still not very close to you as a friend (but that's me, I fail at starting conversation). Despite that, you always seem so open and accepting towards everybody. That's a great gift. Frankly, I HATE guys who smoke weed and sleep with every woman. A guy like that could never win my heart, because they're often shallow and do not really care.
You care. About TEF and the friends you've met here. You care about the world, the environment and all the innocent souls of nature. Who cares if they call you a hippie? Screw them, let them be. What matters is that you're an incredibly good person, who'd never trade his love for the world for something unimportant called 'image'. What's inside is all that matters. I always keep telling that, to everyone and I'll keep on telling you that until you know it yourself!
So get yourself together, be a man! A real one, not a pot smoking weener. The world needs you!
/overdramatic but well-meant peptalk.