By a player formerly known as LexFirehind

Hi...So, um. . I've been back on TEF since yesterday. I know, I know, I haven't been here in like forever. But there's many reasons for that, actually, and it's a very long story. I prefer not to give all the details of my life from last christmas but I can explain some.

Well I wanted to have a clean slate here so a month ago I got new account and a new deer. Naturally, I wasn't fully back and I didn't want to play with my chara as a fawn so I let it "age." Now that she's grown up, I plan to be more active in game and in the community. Right now, I got my character resting on the Red Hill as I am writing this.

Ok ok...I'll explain about my deer in a few-now I want to talk about what has been going on. If you remember from my old accolunt, the LexFirehind one, I sorta left TEF due to having love issues with my best long distance friend from Sweden, who I had known for ages. You remember how I was longing for her to come back from her WoW addiction and hang out with me more. Well...come after New Years, she did. Since then, we've been refriending and catching up over a year and a half of our friendship put on hiatus, due to her addiction. It was awesome and the more she came online to talk to me everyday, the more I fell in love with her, however I don't think it was romantic. More like a sisterly kind of love. But still, being a fool for love and not knowing which is which, I still wanted to ask her out. However, in fears of rejection and her being scared out of being my friend thereafter, I held myself back. Until, on a chilly morning in March, I deceided to ask her out. And I did and waiting for a rejection, she said yes.

Seemingly it looked promising-we never quarreled, been there for eachother, and even tried to make plans to see eachother this summer. However, she only made herself appear to be fine on the outside.

My fawn just grew up into a doe!!=DSorry I'm really excited -.-

I need help getting the orca mask! buut nobody is helping me!

[=10]I'd say 'yeah guys, I'm drifting', but honestly I've been drifting for the past two years. It's so difficult to keep up now. It gets harder and harder to keep my interest in TEF. I still adore the game itself, but I just...it's the community that gets me. Don't get me wrong - I love quite a few of you. I even respect some of you. But the people that used to really keep me here are gone - or in some cases, we've just stopped talking.

There are so few reasons I stay here. One is because I hold onto the illusion that one day I'll actually make a character and stay with it, hold people's interests for more than a minute. Stairway and The Keeper were successful - up until I lost interest in them, because the story 'no quarter' pretty much flopped. Really - I go to the effort of writing a five-part story, making up background and character, and I get so very little in return. I know plenty of people have that problem here, and it sucks, I know. Here, you don't get feedback on your writing, and often even your artwork, unless you make a blog complaining about it like I did a while back. And that, too, sucks. It makes you feel like an attention whore. It might even make you look like one, even if that's not true.

I like Moksha as a character. I find his concept interesting. I find that writing him is far from being a mundane process. I enjoy his ability to make friends inforest. I find him to be a good character, all in all.

What I am afraid of is keeping him here. Quite a few of my most precious characters are rotting here - Taliene, Rutilus, Jared, even Lorak. Rutilus is my ultimate pride and joy, and I always hope that he'll become known again like he used to be, but I am so very, very tired of holding onto that thought. I want him to move on and do other things, and he is doing so. I don't want Moksha to rot here like countless other characters of mine.

I miss the community. I miss being unafraid to post on it.