July 25, 2011 - 12:01am — Rutilus
I'd say 'yeah guys, I'm drifting', but honestly I've been drifting for the past two years. It's so difficult to keep up now. It gets harder and harder to keep my interest in TEF. I still adore the game itself, but I just...it's the community that gets me. Don't get me wrong - I love quite a few of you. I even respect some of you. But the people that used to really keep me here are gone - or in some cases, we've just stopped talking.
There are so few reasons I stay here. One is because I hold onto the illusion that one day I'll actually make a character and stay with it, hold people's interests for more than a minute. Stairway and The Keeper were successful - up until I lost interest in them, because the story 'no quarter' pretty much flopped. Really - I go to the effort of writing a five-part story, making up background and character, and I get so very little in return. I know plenty of people have that problem here, and it sucks, I know. Here, you don't get feedback on your writing, and often even your artwork, unless you make a blog complaining about it like I did a while back. And that, too, sucks. It makes you feel like an attention whore. It might even make you look like one, even if that's not true.
I like Moksha as a character. I find his concept interesting. I find that writing him is far from being a mundane process. I enjoy his ability to make friends inforest. I find him to be a good character, all in all.
What I am afraid of is keeping him here. Quite a few of my most precious characters are rotting here - Taliene, Rutilus, Jared, even Lorak. Rutilus is my ultimate pride and joy, and I always hope that he'll become known again like he used to be, but I am so very, very tired of holding onto that thought. I want him to move on and do other things, and he is doing so. I don't want Moksha to rot here like countless other characters of mine.
I miss the community. I miss being unafraid to post on it. I miss having laughs with random people on here and I miss knowing who everyone is. I miss having drama without getting players involved. I miss being able to have a fight inforest or a good chase without a fuss being kicked up. And you know - I kind of miss when things were simpler. Deer didn't have to be realistic, everything didn't have to be explained, a backstory wasn't always necessary.
This post is too long already, but onwards nonetheless.
Things have happened here that still make me bitter. I'm not one for doing this kind of thing. I mostly keep quiet on here. But anyway.
I've never felt so screwed over as I have on here, on one instance in particular. I should've been informed when the signs of an affair started to show. I should have been told about it, especially after the last damn time it happened. I am emotionally attatched to my characters. Anyone that knows me knows that much. I should not have been told months later. I should have been told at the very beginning. I want to rant more on that here, but I'm not going to. I don't mean to be bitter, and honestly, I probably wouldn't be if I'd had the guts to say this a year ago. It's ridiculous, how long I can bottle this shit up.
I keep coming back here to post writing, poetry, occassional new characters. I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop that. I don't think I'll ever stop checking back here either. I need an outlet and TEF has always been the best place for that.
I've completely forgotten the original point of this post, you know that? I guess I wanted to tell you guys I'm sorry for drifting so much and why I do so. I could've cut it shorter - I probably should have. But that would be bottling it up, and I've been told that's a bad thing.
This is my attempt at being blunt about it. Not usually my style. And you know - I want to make friends here like I did before. But I'm shit terrified of the lot of you. You scare me. I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore on here. I don't know how to type without coming off like an idiot, an attention whore, a bastard or offstandish. I'm a friendly person. I'm affectionate. And I don't know who is and who isn't the same.
-- Dannii.
-cuddles- Always got me.
Always got me.
-snuggle-
I remember you. . . I'll miss
I'll miss you. . .
Dannii. . .
Even if i do know you not
Offers a big "Hugg"
:c ♥ This both pisses
I miss how TEF used to be, I know people get pissed when people say so but it's true. :/
It's great that this place is
Hang in there babe. <3
*hugs* I'll always be around
Moonlitstar, I can sympathize
The same can be side for many artists. I may not draw myself, but I've witnessed the long, drawn out process that comes with producing a good art piece. No matter what you're drawing, your heart and soul gets poured into each brush stroke. You might spend hours... Days... Maybe even a week or more working on drawing the perfect image with the right coloring, lighting, and pose you want. Yet despite how beautiful it is, maybe only get one or two "good jobs".
Now, I have been with the community for a very long time. I might not have been productively active with it my whole time here, but I have always been a silent spectator. Even if I never touched my blog in months or did not even have TEF installed, I still looked through the community. Many of the people I use to know have either left or have changed to an existent. I do agree, it is a scary experience to find yourself alone in an environment that use to make you feel so at home. I am not saying that people on here are hostile in any way but the truth of the matter is, the community has changed. A new generation has embraced the Forest while the old generation still thrives but in what seems to have turned into a "secret club".
Maybe this is just me talking... So please do correct me if I am wrong... but it seems like if you are not part of one of the "in groups", you are left struggling with trying to get recognition for your character. And the only other option to get any sort of acknowledgment is to cause unnecessary drama, much like you mentioned almost feeling the need to complain just to have your voice heard. I still remember your characters. I remember seeing Rutilus and Loark in the Forest, but I do not believe our characters ever really interacted though. Nonetheless, you should not let this fear prevent you from continuing on with your works and character development.
I guarantee you that 99.9% of the community will ever read any of the writings regarding Cypher's history or his decent into madness, Kumiko will never be adored, and Paavo is in a state of limbo that he might never break out of but I still let my passion for my characters flow. Why? Because even if the world does not care about them, I do and I want them to live on. Even if it is only to a very, tiny, isolated following. So do not let the lack of responses discourage you. Instead, let your own desires fuel your dedication for your characters.
you've been a familiar face
I hope you don't give up, and I hope you come back to visit every now and then.
I haven't been on this site
~snuggles the Dannii~ Phi and
You got friends here.
I can say nothing more than
My thoughts exactly.
I'm very interested in the psychology in this place, I want to know how people here think and what makes them tick. Why people here act the way they do, for better or for worse. It's blogs like this that really help me along with that, because it's displaying not just the mind of the writer but the people that they're surrounded by. I'm interested as to how and why the Community has evolved so much all of a sudden. Why this trend of ignorance or blatant arrogance has been on the rise, I'm intent on finding out. I want to know why things done in the forest are so dramatic and so excessively personal on the community. I want to know why hard work is ignored.
Hang in there with us, Danii.
Oh no, you know what, I will
Mick; I'm thankful for that.
Arrow; -snugs-
Sanguine; ♥
Flyleaf; Thanks bundles. I always see you posting supportive comments like this; you're a lovely person.
Xylv; Cheeeers, and yes, exactly. I miss how TEF used to be.
Juke; I'm the exact same. <3 I'm also a bit...upset that M&A have abandoned this place as well, selfish as that sounds.
Pega; Good |: I love that you're still here sfsdf.
Kumiko; Jesus, I can't remember the last time I spoke to you, if I ever did. Thankyou for writing that out, because you're spot on. I remember both Kumiko and Paavo, and I actually miss reading things about them because both are/were incredibly interesting characters. I still roleplay my most precious characters with one other person, but of course, it would be nice to have Rut back here the way he used to be. Ah well. Thanks, again. <3
Kaoori; It's funny. We've practically never spoken, and yet I'm fond of seeing you around here. ♥
Comet; I also miss when you could come inforest at certain times and there would only be about four players online. I miss not having to know who people were to interact. I don't think I can give up on this place, goddamn.
Panda; That's comforting to know ♥
Ryff; If you ever find the answer, I'd love to hear it. |D
Misako; Bye, then.
Hey there. I stumbled upon
I know it's hard to accept big changes in a place you once used to know but don't let those things drive you away. I don't know... the bigger a community gets, the harder it is to keep track of all the people, to comment their art or to read all their stuff. I think this process is normal. You don't have to know everybody and as long as you have those people that you're fond of you shouldn't worry that much.
I guess I'm sounding kind of naive here but it's just what I think about this.
P.s. Gah... I hate my poor english in situations like this.
You're one of the first
♥
The old forest was the one
I remember you. I enjoyed the
I enjoyed the story 'no quarter'
I'm shy, always have been.
But I like you, Dannii. You were always so kind.
You are kind, still.
♥
I'm sorry, I've been neglectful of someone so lovely.