Not directed at anyone, obviously! Just, I need to put the pen to paper, so to speak.

Really, this is for me. Nobody else has to view this, nobody has to comment (though I won't PREVENT them, I'm just typing this for myself).

So one thing about myself that I really consider a bit...challenging...is the fact that I'm transgender. FtM, binding, short hair, all that jazz. Won't get too into that.

Anyways, there's one thing that, each month, really messes with me. Emotionally and mentally. One of the symptoms? Cramps. And I'll be the first to say: they are BAD. Seriously the worst things in the world. On a scale of 1-10 in pain, it'd be at least 7, if not more most of the time. But today? They were the WORST I've ever experienced. As if low self esteem, struggling with dysphoria, and shame wasn't enough. Now I have plenty of physical pain that practically makes me incapable of walking, let alone anything else.

Best part is? I know it'll get worse. That saying, you know, the one where they say "it gets worse before it gets better"? Yeah, it applies here. Tomorrow's going to be fun. Even more so because I have to DRIVE to the college, sit through a 1 hour 45 minute class that isn't purely lecture, but I have to PARTICIPATE, and then drive the 20 minute way back. Overall? I'll be an emotional wreck by morning, not that I'm not already-- the agony is so great I can barely move, and I burst into tears more than not.

Anyways. That probably helped me a little. Just a little, but every part counts, I suppose.

If it wasn't so late, I'd derp around as a deer. But I need rest (not that I'll be able to sleep ) because tomorrow is a full day of agony and emotional roller coasters.

like title says.... gr (im ranting, not mad at anyone though) didn't go to rehersal today because I didn't need to but still gets called and there like ya the teacher(director) is really mad and stuff because I missed my scene. but I didn't.still I freaked out. searched the whole play sheet for my lines and i wasn't needed today... grr.. sorry you guys its amazing here but i was freaking out so bad though, like not even funny

Have you ever looked at a Landmark in the forest and asked yourself, "how did THAT get there??"

~Under Le Cut~

Lineart by Aviaku on DA

I drew a picture. The only thing that was able to upload from your computer

I know I made one of these some months ago. I didn't forget any of you and probably didn't delete the blog yet. Don't really know how to explain it other than Sicily is an extremely socially awkward person and sort of needs someone to go "Hey. You. We're still doing that plot or what?" Otherwise I get it in my head that you weren't super enthused about the idea in the first place and any sort of follow up is just pestering you. Yeah I've got issues. Not much I can do about it. Go ahead and yell at me to continue that if you want to. Open for just about anything. Otherwise...I may or may not get up the nerve to contact y'all about it. Probably not. My nerves are shot right now. Nothing personal, just like I said. I've got problems.

Anyway. Onward with question:

white as snow, not very sociable. lying under a stone in the company of other deer hi Jack!^__^