Quad's Updates and Stuff

quadraptor's picture

Goodness! I can't believe Quad's almost 9 years old! I registered close to Halloween because I saw this on Deviantart:

And just wanted to know what the heck this Endless Forest was. Didn't know it was going to completely change my life, and that Quad would be a good friend to me for almost a third of my life.

Thanks for continuing to be an amazing community, guys.

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quadraptor's picture

I guess everything I've done

I guess everything I've done to try to find a job here in Pennsylvania has gone to waste.

Mom's making me come home in a week. She keeps saying that I'll have to apply to Zaxby's or Wal-Mart.

So that's it. Indisputable proof that I am a failure and never was meant for anything in life.

She never did have faith in me, every other day she'd call and ask "Time to come home?" or "Do I need to come up there and get you?"

It was a mistake I was ever born. I'm the most worthless piece of garbage on this planet.
trigger_mortis's picture

How is she making you come

How is she making you come home Quad? You're an adult, you don't have to follow her every whim! It sounds like you're really making some progress with your job search there, why not just stay (if you're welcome there), and follow those leads?

I know you feel loyal to your family, but you also have to look out for yourself. If you go back now, like you said, you're wasting all that time spent trying to get a job. However, with even just another couple of weeks, you could pursue those contacts and find your career.

Think how happy you've been meeting with these people and learning about the business! She may be your mother, but she has no right to destroy that happiness.

Stand up for yourself Quad, you're not worthless, you're not useless, but you're being held back when you could be making a name for yourself.
quadraptor's picture

I don't know how else to

I don't know how else to explain it other than I've been programmed to never disobey her. Even while I've been living up here, I've had to report to her on a daily basis, and she seems to only focus on me wasting my time and that I'm being a mooch to my aunt. Even if she doesn't really say it, I take out the same messages again and again when she talks to me - fat, stupid, worthless, child

It seems like every time I talk to her, it leads to me feeling like crap. My aunt said that I need to feel better about myself, and she constantly says I'm a great person...but I just don't feel it myself.

I don't know what to do, as far as anything - my job hunt, my living situation, my overall thoughts of myself. I had an amazing day yesterday and today I feel like I'm in a ditch.

I'm sorry, I just...I'm so stuck right now.
Pegasicorn's picture

It sounds like your mom is

It sounds like your mom is just afraid to let go.
quadraptor's picture

I've calmed down since it

I've calmed down since it happened, and she called again and talked about something else that seemed to diffuse the whole thing. But I still don't know what will happen from this point on. I haven't talked to my aunt yet so I don't know what she thinks of all of this.

I need a better way to handle situations like this than shutting down like I did.
quadraptor's picture

I painted a Japanese Tea Bowl

I painted a Japanese Tea Bowl the other day at my aunt's pottery shop, and I knew you guys would appreciate the artwork, so here's pictures:

quadraptor's picture

Holy cow!! One of the

Holy cow!! One of the companies I sent a résumé to sent it to forwarded it to a colleague of theirs in Traverse City, Michigan! He said they were looking for new employees at this time! Fingers crossed that they contact me, I may be heading up to the Great Lakes!
Pegasicorn's picture


quadraptor's picture

I had a great Christmas and

I had a great Christmas and got a whole bunch of cool things! As always I have to list some of the awesome loot I got XD!! Pictures may come later if there's something specific that I have to share.

- A forest green knit cap
- A miniature sentry turret from Portal 2
- A Megaman car freshener
- A tigers eye pendulum
- A CD from a band I like called Shaman's Harvest
- Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind DVD
- A Deadpool graphic novel
- An antique deer keyring/hat/whatever holder
- A 'Dino Mate Money Jar' of a Chrisosaurus
- Some pineapple Hawaiian tea
- An apple corer
- An orange juicer
- A magnetic wrist band (it holds bolts, screws, ect when you're working on something)

So all of this is pretty awesome, and I still have my birthday in 5 days so I'll have a few more things later, but hey I'm pretty pleased with everything I got. Hope you guys are having an awesome Christmas too!
quadraptor's picture

I got a couple new emails

I got a couple new emails today from some of the companies I applied to the other day. They forwarded my resume to their colleagues and HR firms, so hoping I'll hear something back soon. One was GZA GeoEnvironmental, Inc., which has offices in CT, IL, MA, ME, MI, NH, NJ, NY, OH, PA, RI, VT, and WI. Definitely hope one of their offices is looking for new employees
quadraptor's picture

So depending on some answers,

So depending on some answers, I may be heading back to Mobile soon.

One of the lab companies I applied to just called and said they had an opening for a lab assistant. "Duties include driving company truck for sample pickup, heavy paper documentation and varied lab cleaning duties."

I contacted one of my professors to see if this would count for my substitution for Chemistry 2. If it does, my other concern is that, for one, I'd want to know that this job was mine and not drive back down to Mobile to find out they gave it to someone else. Also I'd want to know what kind of truck I would be driving - I can handle a small truck, but not a commercial truck.

Anyway...I've sent e-mails all around, and depending on what they say, I may or may not be heading home soon.
quadraptor's picture

Well the medicine is

Well the medicine is definitely working. I'm not 100% yet but definitely feeling better. I still have 3 more days of the Z-pack and also ran to the store for some more supplies. I picked up some Mucinex so hopefully I won't have to blow my nose every 5 minutes like I have been. XD

Sorry I'm so late on the Advent Calendar, once I've gotten past this cold I'm going to work on finishing it up.

Also I wanted to share what I got for my birthday -

Mom gave me the book "Nelson Mandela's favorite African folk tales" and some money; My brother and sis-in-law gave me a GameStop gift card and the movie "Legend of the Guardians - the Owls of Ga'Hoole"; My aunt and uncle gave me a retro clock for my apartment; My cousin gave me a deer tin, some fancy pens, and some money; My aunt in Florida gave me a Starbucks gift card; My brother gave me a Starbucks gift card, the movie "The Pickle", the movie "Lupin the III - The Castle of Cagliostro", and a Portal Sentry Turret T-Shirt; Misty the cat gave me some reindeer cookies; Boo the dog gave me a reindeer PEZ dispenser; and Brandy the dog gave me the game "Doggie Doo"
quadraptor's picture

My aunt got me a pretty cool

My aunt got me a pretty cool cake for my birthday. Just had to share XD

Also this is my first New Years celebrating in Eastern Time. So uhh...Happy New Years everyone!
quadraptor's picture

I'm having an issue and I

I'm having an issue and I don't know what to do about it.

The other day I got a phonecall from one company that I gave a resume to in Mobile, they have an opening for a part time job. I ran it past Mom and my professors and everyone agrees that it would be a good idea to take it and get my foot in the door.

Well since then Mom has been pretty much convinced that I am coming home within the next few days. Even today she gave me a deadline.

I just sent off about 60 resumes in this area, and I understand that it being the holidays and all it may take time to even hear back from them. I also have not gotten the phonecall saying I am getting an interview for the job in Mobile.

I get the thing about my student loans looming in February, but at the same time, I feel like I'm being rushed.

*sigh* I don't really know what to do right now. At least I am still up here while I'm still sick, I will not get on the road until I've gotten this bronchitis cleared up. But after that, I don't know what to do.

It's like...she has no faith in me that I'll get a job up here...
quadraptor's picture

So officially I will be

So officially I will be leaving Pennsylvania on Tuesday, but I'm going to stay in Virginia in a hotel before I head to my brother's house on Wednesday. I'm trying to find something interesting to do along the way, preferably in West Virginia. Anyone have any recommendations for a cool attraction along I-79 and I-77? I wanted to stop at the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum but they're closed for the season except for group tours.
quadraptor's picture

So here's a quick update, I'm

So here's a quick update, I'm leaving Pennsylvania tomorrow. I will be stopping in Roanoke, VA, to visit a Buddhist center and attend some events they are holding tomorrow afternoon, and then I will be staying in Wytheville for the night. Then Wednesday I will drive to my brother's place in Georgia. I will stay there for a few days and then drive back home to Alabama on Friday.
quadraptor's picture

Just an update to say I'm

Just an update to say I'm back home. Not so sure how I feel right now considering I got the talk as soon as I walked in the door, but as of now I'm putting my search for a career-related job on hold and am going to look for a temporary job around town. Especially going to try to get a job at a grocery store since I worked at one for 5 years. We'll see how it goes.


Stupid question, but I need a book nook. Somewhere I can sit and read without being tempted to turn the TV on or jump on the computer. Do you guys have book nooks, and if so, what are yours like as far as design?

I just have a lot of books to read, but I get distracted very easily with technology.
Amazegenalo's picture

You have dogs, right? Why not

You have dogs, right? Why not take them out for a walk... maybe to some nice quiet spot in the park? That's what I do. I enjoy reading (and drawing) in the park or at a nearby lake. You won't find a tv or computer at a place like that.

PLK217's picture

Good to know you're back home

Good to know you're back home already.

About some good place, where you can read, I think that anywhere outside can do the job. But then you are limited by the weather.
Sometimes the attic is also good. Especially when you use it only as a storage. You than simply climb up, browse on the boxes with various contain and suddenly you find yourself sitting there, reading some old book you never sew before.
quadraptor's picture

I do have dogs, but when I

I do have dogs, but when I take them walking I'd rather not be reading at the same time, I think that would distract me too much.

I mentioned it to Mom and she came up with a pretty good idea. There's a corner in the back of our living room that has been used for storage, so we're thinking about rearranging some stuff and then setting up my book nook back there. I have a good lamp for lighting and a nightstand I can put things on, all I really need is a chair. I could even put a pillow down for Brandy to sit on while I'm reading. I could even make some tea and sip it while reading. And it'll be a good spot away from the TV and computer where I'll definitely be free from distractions.

I was so psyched about it that I put some books back there already, on the fireplace ledge.

Edit - PLK, good ideas but I don't have the best places for those XD. It's very humid here so sitting outside wouldn't be very comfortable, and also my attic sadly is extremely small, as in you have to crouch to be up there. If it were more spacious I would consider it.

It's a work in progress since I just have to move everything around


Aaaanndd finished! It still needs a little work, mostly need a rug and maybe a better chair, but using what I had already, it's pretty cool. I've got my Mayan Apocalypse coasters there to use to sip tea, and we put up the tapestry I got in Pennsylvania. What do you guys think?

trigger_mortis's picture

Looks good Quad, seems like

Looks good Quad, seems like all you need is a cozy blanket and comfy cushion and you're good to go! Also, I approve of Skin, Roald Dahl writes some amazingly creepy short stories. ^^
Pegasicorn's picture

Duuude. I wasn't expecting to

Duuude. I wasn't expecting to get a package from you. 8'D I cracked up for a few minutes when I saw the mug. It's so awesome. XD
I'm planning to use it to try that tea.

And thank you! =]
quadraptor's picture

Just an update for today

Just an update for today -

I'm not giving up on my dream, but rather...trying something else. My student loans are looming in February, so I'm going to try to get a job at a grocery store since that's what I know. I applied to one store that's 5 minutes from my house, but I'm about to go across Mobile Bay and try to apply at another store called Publix. Actually I will apply to two of the same store.

The reason why is because they're building two Publix stores in Mobile, so if I work at one across the bay they may send me to one of the closer ones once they're finished. It will be a 45 minute drive over there daily, but I'm actually kind of used to that sort of thing since it took 30-ish minutes to get to my college. Not a big deal.

So the plan either way is to get a job, save some money, and then try to take Chemistry 2 again. If I took it, I will not be taking it at my university (since I know now that the Chemistry classes there are aimed for professional chemists and not undergraduates who have it in their minor), so I will see if Ivy Tech is offering it, and if not, I will try to take it at Faulkner State, which is also across the bay.

With all this going on, it seems like all my answers are across Mobile Bay. There's even a Buddhist center in Pensacola!
Vala 's picture

Hello Quad friend , soon you

Hello Quad friend , soon you will find a job , take care , Vala sent you lots of Nuzzles <3<3<3
" ~ Lady in Red ~ "

♥ ♥

quadraptor's picture

*Nuzzles for Vala* Thanks for

*Nuzzles for Vala* Thanks for the encouragement XD

Okay today just went from great to awesome! I went across the bay and applied to Publix, and on the way back home I got a phonecall from a groundwater and environmental firm!! The person I spoke to was from an office in Madison, WI, and they have offices all over the place including Georgia, Pennsylvania, and Texas! I've gotta research the company a bit before I respond, but it sounds like an amazing company to work for! He said I could do anything from oil remediation to groundwater sampling to working on a landfill.
Tuo's picture

Hey man..... Sorry, I should

Hey man..... Sorry, I should have commented on this more... Thought that you had better things to do than read my crappy comments. x___x I'm sorry you feel like leaving, personally I think that you just belong in this place. : <

/another crappy comment, I woke up three minutes ago...
lemon's picture

What the heck? Why are you

What the heck? Why are you leaving? ):

Quad! We love you here.
Avatar by Kohva!

Aivilo's picture

Aw, Quad :/ I hope you're

Aw, Quad :/
I hope you're well, at the very least. I've never thought you were wasting my time. At least come back and visit, if you feel you have to go?
Pegasicorn's picture

Don't make me sit on you.

Don't make me sit on you. B|

This is me using humor when I don't know how to say what I mean.
CydaLuva83's picture

I know we don't talk much at

I know we don't talk much at all, but don't leave. ;-;
You were awesome to see around and always made me smile when you posted pictures from the cool places you'd go.

Well... I hope you feel alright soon. You never ever wasted any of my time.
Signature By Aihnna, Avatar by YaraMyst
Zergarikiaka's picture

You're not a waste of time

You're not a waste of time Quad! You're one of those who truly make the forest worth going to!
Flyleaf's picture

You are not wasting anyone's

You are not wasting anyone's time ..Quad !!
How could you think something like this ?!
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
Seed's picture

!!! D: Don't leave us, Quad!

Don't leave us, Quad! We love you!

what? nhoo, i love reading

what? nhoo, i love reading your storys and saying hi to your deers form time to to time ;/
Not wasting my time at all!

though, you might have a good reason to leave that i don´t know about. You should always do whats good for you I think.

I will miss you :c and hope for your return or/and that your life gets better. ( I know you´ve been struggling a bit here and there.)

feel free to contact me on skype, messanger or email if you like.
Your a great person with huge amount of fantasy and ides.
Im sad to see you leave, so i will just say,
See you soon and your always welcomed back when you feel like it.
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

Quad, you have never once

Quad, you have never once been a waste of time. Not a single thing is a waste as far as what do and post here. You've no idea the impact you have on this place, on the people here, especially those of us who have known you for a while. I'm not sure if there's something else going on in your life that would prompt you to think of yourself as anything less than an amazing person who constantly puts a smile on people's faces- on my face, but I know for sure you're not wasting anyone's time.
If there is something else going on, Quad, I wish you the best in figuring it out and sincerely hope you feel like you belong here again. I'll definitely miss you if you decide to leave, no doubt about that. The Forest just wouldn't be the same without you in it. If there's anything you want to talk about, my email's always open and I'd be more than happy to give you my cell number.
keepspeeps's picture

I appreciated your movie

I appreciated your movie suggestions;I just didn't get to respond yet. Was watching Ferngully and wanted to fully respond to you.
I don't think you should leave. You're a welcome and reputable member of TEFc.
You have my email. That's also my Skype;you're welcome to add me.
"You're a great person with huge amount of fantasy and ideas."-seconded.
Keeps loves Fay.
BigBunny's picture

Quad; come to Madison WI,

Quad; come to Madison WI, it's a great place. It is also where I live.
We Are Always Special When We Are With Friends.

keepspeeps's picture

Big Bunny, Keeps wants to

Big Bunny, Keeps wants to come and see your new pet bunnies and this great place of "Madison".
Keeps loves Fay.
keepspeeps's picture

We can't continue without

We can't continue without stuff like this;like the pictures/report of the Japanese tea bowl which you hand painted. You can't leave.. You're appreciated beyond what you know..
Keeps loves Fay.

I must agree with everyone

I must agree with everyone else. I've given up a lot on here to make others happy....but leaving would make others sad, so that is one thing I would never do. You are obviously a bit popular on here. Look at everyone's replies. Yes, the economy sucks right now, everyone trying to find a job, and your mother seems to expect specific things from you that isn't your cup of tea. People here read your entries. WE have empathy, we relate to you, though sometimes there's not much we can say to help.

If you do decide to never come back, just remember you have people here who would do anything for you if they could. Be safe, and good luck, and I hope to see you around again, someday.
quadraptor's picture

I'm sorry guys, I had a rough

I'm sorry guys, I had a rough night when I did that and it was something dumb that set me off. This hasn't happened in a long time and I'm ashamed I reacted the way I did. I'm not leaving, I just have been trying to get back to 'normal' life at home compared to being in Pittsburgh like I have been for the past few months.

I'll try to get Quad back into the Forest when I can. I know I have been neglecting the game for a long time especially since I have been so preoccupied.

I guess if anything I'm just tired of waiting for things to happen. And I think what bothers me even more is that my cousin, the one that has been in his room for months, can somehow get a job within a day, and I can't?

I can't stop feeling utterly worthless. I had a discussion with my aunt the other day about how unfair it was that there's not a medal or a trophy for loyalty or hard work. I am jealous of people who seem naturally more fit than I am - those who were born strong or born smart. And I just...you work so hard to do the best you can and you still end up a C student. Average, mediocre, boring, worthless.

I hate this, I hate feeling like my only option is to give up on my dreams. I'm 27 and I feel like I've wasted my life waiting for a job. I've just now resorted to trying to get a grocery store job again, because I'm at the edge of my rope.

I'll try to find worth in this life. I'm not a quitter, that's one of the few strengths I know I have is resilience. I'm just so tired of waiting for my life to begin.

It's ok. We all get like that

It's ok. We all get like that sometimes. ^_^ If you need a break to get your things in order then do so. I think most of us would. Some of us might not really know you, but we're still here for ya when you need us!!

And hey, I live not far from Pittsburgh XD We go there on rare occasions.
quadraptor's picture

Was having a good day, got a

Was having a good day, got a bunch of things done today.

Mom came home. She asked if I had done one thing she wants done yet. I said no and that I would do it tomorrow.

She got angry that I hadn't done this one thing yet and spent about 30 minutes roughly saying I was fat, stupid, lazy, worthless, a mooch, and a hoarder.

Why do I even bother? Some days I feel like it would have been better if I was never born.
Aivilo's picture

I know you didn't ask my

I know you didn't ask my opinion, but I think that either your mom needs to learn to let go or you need to get out (at least for a while) :/ That's not a healthy place for you if she's going to continue to be like that, and you're such a sweet guy that I really hate to hear about her tearing you down all the time - and you tearing yourself down because of it. You bother because you ARE worth it, and I think that down inside you know it, but you have your mom beating on you so often that you can't hear yourself say it over her voice.
Don't ever give up on you, Quad.
quadraptor's picture

I was gone in Pennsylvania

I was gone in Pennsylvania for 2 months, that entire time about every other day Mom tried to make me come home. When I finally decided to head back home, I got in the door, and was able to bring in a few things from my car before she made me 'sit down' so she could scold and criticize me. It was like making up for the 2 months I wasn't there.

She says I'm lazy. While I have been getting up later than I normally would, I spend a few hours every day to clean, straighten things up, do chores, and job hunt. It seems like everything I do goes unnoticed.

She acts like passing Chemistry 2 is a cakewalk. It's not. I've tried the damn class twice and can't pass it. But also now knowing I have an anxiety disorder as well as a reading deficiency can add to the reason why the class is so difficult for me. But of course in her eyes, those are just excuses for me being stupid.

She repeatedly implies that I'm a mooch because I don't have a job. I'm trying my damnedest to get a job, even have settled for trying to get a grocery store job. Since getting home I have applied to all the grocery stores in the area.

Every day I hear in one way or another that I'm fat and I need to lose weight. Since I've been home, I have been outside practicing with my martial arts weapons. I am also eating more fresh fruit than I have been. And you know...when you don't have the money to get better food than what we have, we kind of have to settle for eating what's available. When I am living on my own, I plan to cook and eat more quality meals, especially trying to eat as fresh of food as possible. It's not my fault that our choices of food is limited right now, and as a result, I can't seem to lose the weight that I'm desperately trying to get rid of.

And the hoarding thing...that is just downright insulting when she accuses me of it. She literally said, "And whether you accept it or not you are a hoarder". If I were a hoarder, I would fight to keep useless crap in my room. Yes, I know my room is messy, but I have already started to straighten it up. First off, I'm reading a book about Feng Shui. I am already addressing that I have some things that need to go, and am glad to let things move on. Secondly, I asked her today what she thought of me selling some old things on eBay. And thirdly, when I have my house I want a traditional Japanese interior, and I want to be minimalistic. I am not materialistic and honestly it offends me every time she accuses me of being a hoarder.

I am not a quitter either. I am incredibly hopeful that I will have the future I want. But it's become obvious that she has little faith in me and every time she attacks me like this I feel like a burden. I swear sometimes I don't know if she even loves me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to bring this all out. I thought she would have been proud of me for doing a few things she wanted done. I think she expects me to know exactly what will please her on any given day, and I'm sorry but I am not a mind reader.
Aivilo's picture

"I was gone in Pennsylvania

"I was gone in Pennsylvania for 2 months, that entire time about every other day Mom tried to make me come home."

Again, she can't seem to let go and it seems like you enable her to continue to butt into your life.
Have you considered asking her to meet with you and a neutral third party (counselor, etc) to see if you two can work on communicating a little better? It might be worth a shot. Just a, "Hey, Mom, I love you to death, but I've noticed that we both seem unhappy lately, and I want us to have as healthy a relationship as a mom and son can. Will you try with me?" sort of thing.

You're not lazy and you're not a mooch; I admittedly haven't read every single entry you've put up, but every time I check in I see you hard at work trying to get your life on a roll, or trying to better yourself in general.
Sometimes parents are stupid, though, and their fear of a child's failure (and therefore their own) makes them do stupid things. It makes them blind, in a way, to all the success and potential you have. My dad used to force me to practice saying "Do you want fries with that?" during study sessions. Now that I've moved out of the house (he didn't like that), gotten into a school program to advance towards my career (he didn't like that, either; too risky! Too new a program! You'll crash and burn!), and have put myself in a position where he has outright REFUSED to provide me financial support because he was so upset with my decisions, he's not only backed off and shut up, he's come forward and started having adult conversations with me. He's even appologized for some of the trauma in my childhood.
I know I've read how your mom tends to break down after you bring such things up with her and you hate to do it, but she has to realize that you are not only an adult, you're a responsible one, and you can do anything you set your mind to as long as she quits stepping on your coattails in an attempt to keep her little baby at home so he doesn't fall on his face in the big kid world.

In short, what I'm saying is, no, you're not a quitter. So don't let her tell you that you are. Don't let her drag you down. Don't burn bridges, but set yourself against a rock and stand strong for yourself. Set boundaries. And remember that that job is out there, and whatever it is, you're going to do great with it.
quadraptor's picture

So it's gone from "get a job

So it's gone from "get a job in my career" to "get a job at a grocery store" to "just get a damn job already".

Just shows how little I'm worth if I can't even find a job that I have experience in.
trigger_mortis's picture

Quad, finding a job has

Quad, finding a job has nothing to do with worth. Stop blaming yourself when it is external causes that are making it so difficult. You are clearly trying your hardest to find a job in the field you're interested in, but if the jobs aren't available, then it isn't your fault.
quadraptor's picture

I just got the "you have to

I just got the "you have to have a job by monday or else" speech from Mom, so now I'm frantically trying to find some kind of job.

And I'll be honest, this isn't the reason why I'm so upset right now. I'm upset because by miscommunication I upset Mom by accident and she said I was a monster and that she was terrified that I was coming to kill her.

Tonight I honestly just don't have any sense of self worth. I can't think anything of myself tonight than 'monster' and 'worthless'.