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15th of September, 2020


I have nothing to be updated regarding myself. Shit still hurts every fucking day. However I do want to thank several people who have been there for me continuously. You know who you are and I love you.
Also, I wanted to add something that I already put in Hrau's bio, but I want everyone whom it may concern to see it.

"I know I said that Hraustr would be retiring with Liam, but Liam will absolutely be available for his family and friends whenever; visit him in Erialas or Herda, include him in events, anything. Retiring means they're living together as they already were, but there're times Hraustr wouldn't be present and he'd absolutely always give space if nothing else. So yeah, please feel free to include Liam in your characters lives and events."

That's all.

------

The loss of a partner.
I've never gone through anything harder than that. Yet i don't regret coming out here and spending the last days of Jay with him. He had the most amazing personality and soul, truly. Can't believe I'll never again hear him start singing out of the blue and then laughing about his range when it was off. Can't believe I'll never get to tease him again nor tell him how much i love him. Can't believe a lot of things and it still feels fucking surreal.
I guess we're visiting the mortuary today and we have a possibility to see Jay one last time, and idk what to do. On the other hand I'm aching to see him bc i miss him so incredibly much, but then again he's going to look a lot different than i remember, and i remember how badly i freaked out when i had to see my dad several days ago after his death. Funny, he's been gone for exactly 21 years today on the 13th, and tomorrow is Valentine's day. We had Valentine's day plans with Jay, too, and my whole soul is just crushed. Gotta love February.

Can't thank you guys enough for reaching out- so many have done that, even some surprising ones and it makes me even more emotional to see just how many people care.
I had legit, detailed plans to follow Jay when he'd be gone, started planning when his cancer kept coming back. Didn't tell anyone and just smiled when my therapist told me how much progress I've made during the last hear. Jay in his deathbed and you guys however convinced me to keep going and that's what I'll try to do. It's not fair that he wanted to live so, so badly, had hopes, dreams and goals and then there's me who has never appreciated my life and i gotta change that somehow. Even a day before he died, he wanted us to take selfies and despite the horrible pain he was in, he smiled that wide smile of his that reached his eyes and i fucking can't.. Either way, he wanted me to have his gecko, so I'm going to try my best to be here and take good care of him once we can make that happen. Being here with Poss and Jay's other sister has helped immensely too, i can't even express how grateful i am for that. Definitely wouldn't've made it if I'd had to fly back to finland immediately. Now we're spending time together, looking through photos and Jay's artwork and simply talking and crying together. Didn't know how helpful that could be, since I've always been a recluse and keeping my feelings to myself.

Going to try and get a memorial tattoo here before i fly back home next week, hopefully it'll be possible so i can sort of take Jay with me. I have the perfect design that includes some of Jay's old artwork.

Thanks again for being awesome and supportive <3 I'll be taking a break from tef bc of all the memories that make me miss Jay even more, but i want to come back eventually and play my Stelmaria kid to honor Jay's memory as well as his beautiful, perfect characters. Hraustr will obviously be retiring and living his best life with Liam, there's no way i can bring myself to play him without his partner. But Diana, you'll meet her eventually, she's my special bby who Jay also loved and helped me create.

Hang in there, guys; we all lost someone dear and irreplaceable.




INFO

Contains hidden hovers
Name; Tuo (Jake)
Nationality; Finnish
Age; 9th April
Personality; ISFJ
Plant Personality; ECHINACEA A protector. With an amazing blend of optimism, nurturing and goodwill, you lend your strength and energy to those in need. Your seemingly infinite goodwill and boundless supportive energy make you the one people turn to when times are tough. Your greatest strength is, of course, also one of your weaknesses, especially if you neglect to take care of yourself. At times like these, it’s a good idea to take a step back and focus some of that protective energy on yourself. - FENNEL You’re quiet, sometimes shy, with a tendency to be reserved. You have a humble, kind nature and often find yourself taking care of others. You can be known to hold things in, and you don’t always speak up for yourself. This tendency to hold things in can lead to disturbances. - NETTLE Truly a nurturing and supportive friend, you’re the kind of person that just isn’t for everyone. But those who take the time are rewarded with your gentle disposition, and the kind of friendship that does a person good no matter the difficulty they’re facing. When out of balance, you can become more prickly than supportive or nurturing, though—a sign that you need to shower yourself with the same kind of nurturing you so freely give to others.
Zodiac; Aries, metal horse
Leo Leo Ascendant has a strong constitution. They are very concerned with their appearance and how they behave in public. They like to dress in a youthful manner, and their bearing is strong with a sense of authority. They can pull all this off because they are just big kids at heart. This Ascendant is warm, generous and fun to be around.

Leo Ascendant is usually of sunny disposition, although they usually speak their mind. They can be extremely stubborn, and it can be challenging for them to break bad habits or behaviors. Their innate tenacity is one of their greatest assets, though. Even when everyone else is tired out and ready to give up, Leo Ascendant is still ready to inspire everyone to keep up the good work.
Ascendant
Libra Individuals with the moon in Libra turn out to be excellent planners and strategists due to their eye for detail. Intellectual stimulation is a must for them in any relationship. They value their home and family and are very affectionate. They are attracted towards the arts and possess a great aesthetic sense.

They prefer to see the silver lining on any cloud, give people the benefit of the doubt and see life as an endless stream of opportunities for joy. Compliments are a natural part of their speech. They dish them out daily and truly mean them. They relish human interaction and value it, so they try to let people know this by treating them kindly and fairly. Of course, they aren't perfect, and their one pet peeve is this whole issue of fairness. Perhaps because Libra moons put so much effort into treating others well, they are more offended than most when the effort isn't reciprocated. Often, you will see a Libra moon astonished by the rude behavior of someone who they just treated so kindly. In sports or work, they are super conscious of issues of fair play.
Moon
Taurus Taurus Midheaven doesn't like change. This goes for both the physical world and the mental one. Ideas can stick with them no matter what until they are finally convinced they should let it go. This can work with an unsatisfactory career, too. They may spend years in a dead-end job, but they fear the change, even if it may be better.

They love to develop their skills and help others; what better way to do this than when they are the boss? Once they find their niche, they are content to sail through the rest of life.
Midheaven
Mercury in Taurus People tend to listen to Taurus Mercury. They are taken seriously. They are funny and a bit sarcastic. They do not use flowery speech; instead they come across as authoritative and realistic.

Mercury in Taurus likes to learn through demonstrations, basic concepts and concrete answers. They like practical applications for what they learn. They can learn in the abstract, but the lessons are much more powerful if they can use the information personally.

They are very sensual, and have well-defined tastes. Everything they can experience through the senses: color, scent, touch? all affect their communication style. They are shrewd in business and excel at finances.

Mercury in Taurus can come across as obstinate and opinionated. They have an incredible memory. Whatever they set their efforts to needs to produce tangible results.

Venus in Pisces The person with Venus in Pisces is changeable, and can appear completely different to different people. They have the knack of picking up on the emotions of others, and they can adapt to fit the needs of those around them.

Pisces Venus has the ability to understand people and to forgive them, no matter what. It is hard for them to define boundaries around themselves. They tend to be taken advantage of because of their sense of hospitality and empathy. They often feel alone or disappointed unless they get a very clear, definitive demonstration of love and affection. They are afraid of getting hurt, and may hesitate to express their own feelings.

In friendship, they will go out of their way for a friend or anyone in need. They are thoughtful listeners who can empathize with any situation.

Pisces Venus loves unconditionally. They don't care about status; they just care about what is inside.

Mars in Aquarius Mars in Aquarius is a bit difficult to figure out. And they like it that way because they like to surprise others. They find conventional methods boring and look for new, innovational ways to accomplish their goals. They are original and unique.

Aquarius Mars is proud of their own independence. They wouldn't have it any other way. They can stand up for themselves quite well. While open-minded and progressive, they can be surprisingly stubborn. If they know you've found a pattern in their behavior, they are sure to change it.

Mars' intense energy will often combine with Aquarius' benevolent humanitarianism in an extremely positive way when it comes to charitable causes, and the needs of others. This placement frequently indicates a willingness to work tirelessly for a good cause. For those born with this placement in their charts, a general concern for their friends, humanity and social causes touches everything that they do.

Jupiter in Cancer Jupiter in Cancer has a gift at making people feel cared for. They can create a homelike environment anywhere. Whatever they turn their hand to grows or turns out well. They really know how to make the most of what they have. They have a talent for sensing the emotional currents around them and sensing when others feel vulnerable.

They are ambitious, and are led by their intuition and emotions. They are excellent at healing and caregiving. They can be very artistic, whether that is with traditional arts or with food or business. They have an excellent memory, especially for family and history. Security is very important to them.

Saturn in Capricorn Capricorn is the natural home of Saturn, and as such all of the core traits of Saturn are inherent here. Career and finance will usually be the focus of this placement -- frequently to the detriment of all else. This placement is highly desirous of power and will often go to great lengths to achieve it.

This position is not likely to be conducive to teamwork or cooperation.

Saturn in Capricorn is ambitious and hungry for power. They are focused on their career. A great organizer and planner, they easily assume responsibility and can be relied upon to take care of business. They may find it difficult to delegate, so may end up doing all the work themselves. It is hard for them to believe that others can produce results that are up to their tough standards.

Uranus in Capricorn Capricorn Uranus can be restless or impulsive. They may act before they think it through. They can be stubborn, eccentric and radical. They are good at balancing ambition, independence and their intellectual abilities. They are not afraid of challenges. They are tolerant of differences in people, and they have no problem treating them all equally. They are even tempered.

Capricorn Uranus is responsible and is capable of handling power with ease. They are good people to hold a job needing the trust of the public. They have the talent to see the coming trends long in advance. They are not afraid to change procedures in order to achieve their goals. They are logical and have a great mind. They may be excellent politicians or business leaders. They will be capable of accomplishing great things for mankind and may make great material progress.

Neptune in Capricorn Capricorn Neptune is serious and likes to think things over. They have the ability to concentrate on anything that happens, so they can solve any problems that occur. Detail work is something they usually excel at. On the other hand, they may tend towards melancholy, secrets and deceit. When they get this way, they want to shut themselves away from the world.
Eros in Pisces
Descendant in Libra
Lilith in Scorpio

Likes;
Reading, traveling, cats, animals in general, statues
Photographing, NSFW, working, nature, scents
Baking, cooking, tea, coffee
Tattoos, piercings, body modification
Different cultures, languages
Trying out different recipes
Listening

Virtues;
Forgiving
Listening to anyone's problems and keeping them private
Empathetic
Non-judgmental

Vices;
Bossy as fuuudge, I'm sorry
Overprotective
The Worst Humor™
The dad friend - you'll go to sleep when I tell you to
All the vices



Discord - Tuo#3714

I can also be contacted through my Email, , but I don't check it too often, so better leave a message to this blog before emailing and tell you wanted to reach me.

Enbis, OOC
Morgül - BIO - Tumblr - Spotify
Kalma/ Francesco d'Este - BIO - Tumblr - Spotify
Dario d'Este - Spotify
Hraustr Vargsson - Bio - Tumblr - Spotify
Ilías Adonai - Bio - Tumblr - Spotify
Lohtu - Bio - Spotify

Other personal links;
Tumblr
"funny" Tumblr
Toyhou.se
Pinterest
Instagram
deviantART


All of the Tumblr blogs above can contain mature content, such as macabre, violent, sexual and otherwise mentally disturbing.





CSS made by Evern (with help from Unplugged ♥) explicitly for Tuo- not to be used elsewhere. Art made by Kate Hallen

Jayternator's picture

Social anxiety is the story

Social anxiety is the story of my life so I get you completely. I did consider adding you right away but my anxiety got the better of me so I decided it'd be better if I ask first... Glad it's alright ♥

So sorry to hear about your cat though... It must be really hard for you right now. I've never had any experience with what you're going through so I'm afraid I can't help much but I'll be keeping you and your kitty in my thoughts. Please hang in there. ♥ Ugh, I wish I had more to say, but thoughts and best wishes are with you two ♥
Flyleaf's picture

You are in my thoughts

You are in my thoughts !!
Wishing your cat will get better !!
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
Kaoori's picture

Kira is on a special diet

Kira is on a special diet too! She won’t eat the special canned food so I just give her the special dry and she gets her pick of wet food. My Vet said the most important thing is that she still eats. She also gets some freeze dried raw.
She has had some rough days, but overall she acts like a kitten still! I think it’s great you’re being proactive and it definitely helps to have a friend who can understand. I do have days when I just start crying because I can’t get it out of my head and I know I can’t in front of her because she is so attuned to my feelings.
Make sure you take care of yourself too- remember your kitty needs you.

And my offer still stands, if you ever want to talk. ♥
Tuo's picture

Thank you guys.

Thank you guys. ♥

Kimi; I bet mine wouldn't eat the spacial canned food either, he is too picky for his own good. And I have days like that too ;_; Like every other day is dedicated to crying over the future and when I have to let him go. He's closer to me than my own family. The anxiety is crippling, really, I totally understand what you're going through.
You can also poke me on discord if you ever feel like talking to someone in the same situation or during an anxiety attack about the cat etc. ♥

Kaoori's picture

Thank you, that honestly

Thank you, that honestly means a lot. ♥

Meisebolle

Meisebolle

Tuo's picture

Get out.

Get out.

Mis's picture

So bout that tooth; I've had

So bout that tooth; I've had 3 wisdom teeth removed so far and one still left. It really is way hyped. Especially my two top ones I couldn't even feel HAHA, dentist had to show me he'd actually removed them because what that was really quick. I had one super difficult tooth that'd basically grown in horizontally, and the top had to be sawn off, and that really didn't hurt either. I find the care after to be more a hassle.

Fairs sound like fun!! Also followed you on instagram Eye

ooo! take lots of pics

ooo! take lots of pics tomorrow o:

Tuo's picture

Mis; ahhh lucky! glad yours

Mis; ahhh lucky! glad yours went so smoothly! aside from that horizontally grown tooth, that is- my lower one's growing that way too and it's the one that's giving me grief rn hahah. aand yeaaah, the aftercare. that's why didn't get it fixed yet; i really want to go see the fair, and if the pain's much worse from this, don't think i could attend and i really want to hhh. also because i have an appointment made for it for next month, not happy to pay for two dental visits. but seems like i have to, after all living from pain med to pain med is no fun, pft

Luk; i sure will!

you are so, so immensely

you are so, so immensely strong, Tuo <3
Kaoori's picture

So much love to you.

So much love to you.
Rav's picture

I am so, so incredibly proud

I am so, so incredibly proud of you and your decision to live. Please, stay with us and keep his memory alive; in you. You, Poss, and the rest of his family - you are his legacy.

We may not know each other very well, but I'm here for you if you need anything. Especially while you're still here in CO; any distance, any time.

Take care of yourself and love yourself the way we all know Jay loved you. ♥

I really wish I was better with words, but my heart is with you.

You're living my worst

You're living my worst nightmare. I wish so much that it was all just a bad dream. You're honestly blowing me away with your strength.

We'll all be here waiting for your return whenever you feel ready.
HB's picture

Proud of you. &hearts;

Proud of you. ♥
wake's picture

I just wanted to send my love

I just wanted to send my love your way in this incredibly heartbreaking time. <3

i'd love so much to see that

i'd love so much to see that ink when it's done ♥ can you please add me on Discord? mrsmorbid#3594 i will not be on tefc anymore..
Starling's picture

You have such an immensely

You have such an immensely strong soul. I am so proud of you for being there with Jay, and for carrying and taking his spirit with you. We are strangers, but there's just something about this community where I see all your names almost daily, and somehow everyone feels like family in some way or another. It sounds like you have been reached out by many and are surrounded by love, but you are very welcome to reach out to me anytime if you need anything else. Always happy to listen, or just be comfort in some way or another. My heart aches a lot for you. I'm sending you all the more strength I can give. In the meanwhile, take all the time you need. <3
Calinka's picture

Please don't ever hesitate to

Please don't ever hesitate to reach out to me if you ever feel like it.
OkamiLugia's picture

&hearts;

Jayternator's picture

I've never gotten to know him

I've never gotten to know him personally, but seeing what's everyone been saying, I can only imagine the amazing person he must've been - or how terrible it must be, by itself and for his loved ones, that it's had to end like this.

And it is this that I feel is too heavy for me to even attempt to comprehend. How you must be feeling.

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it is just what life is capable of. How it is a cruel, mindless chaos that will tear people down regardless of whether they deserve it or not, regardless if they're genuinely good and kind people that deserve anything but that, and how there's nothing in existence that destroys me harder than this. But this is why you cannot give in to it. It's hurt you so much already, it cannot have you as well.

I've never gone through anything like this and I struggle to imagine just how hard it must be for you, but let me tell you I am incredibly proud of you for going on. Your strength is immesurable, and although I cannot say I know you extremely well or that we've talked extremely often, you're honestly one of the kindest people I've had the pleasure of getting to know. You're not letting this win. Life can be terribly cruel, but it is the meaning we give to it that makes it terribly beautiful as well, and the connection you must've had with him, as well as your very own kindness and loyalty (I appreciate it immensely that he had his loved ones with him, that you and Poss were there by his side), is proof of that. Don't let up, please. He'll live on in you. <3

And like I said, although I don't assume we know each other terribly well, please don't ever hesitate to hmu anytime for any reason. It's the least I could do, really.
kokote's picture

hey old friend!

hey old friend! <3
Tuo's picture

thanks to every single one of

thanks to every single one of you <3 and hi, kokote, long time no see!

---

was hoping i'd feel better by now, even a little, but rather i think it's getting worse instead. i'm in a constant fight or flight mode, the very same i was feeling prior the trip after i heard fin had been taken to hospital and was fighting for his life. i keep telling myself that he's gone, there's nowhere for me to be anymore but the feeling won't leave me and i'm constantly in distress. i might try being more active here or work on my characters to try and keep my mind busy, we'll see.
either way, thank you guys for your endless support and what you did with the gofundme thing, my mind is still blown hnng. thanks to that i was able to get my very first drawing tablet with a screen and i love it. you ppl are amazing with the biggest hearts i've ever seen and i will never forget it.

OkamiLugia's picture

it's been giving me warm

it's been giving me warm fuzzies seeing you and Raido around in forest ♥ and rereading that blurb from February... augh, it's hard not to cry all over again. but it's honestly a beautiful piece of writing and I'm so, so glad for you sticking around and being loved and determined.

&hearts;...

♥...