I have nothing to be updated regarding myself. Shit still hurts every fucking day. However I do want to thank several people who have been there for me continuously. You know who you are and I love you.
Also, I wanted to add something that I already put in Hrau's bio, but I want everyone whom it may concern to see it.
"I know I said that Hraustr would be retiring with Liam, but Liam will absolutely be available for his family and friends whenever; visit him in Erialas or Herda, include him in events, anything. Retiring means they're living together as they already were, but there're times Hraustr wouldn't be present and he'd absolutely always give space if nothing else. So yeah, please feel free to include Liam in your characters lives and events."
That's all.
------
The loss of a partner.
I've never gone through anything harder than that. Yet i don't regret coming out here and spending the last days of Jay with him. He had the most amazing personality and soul, truly. Can't believe I'll never again hear him start singing out of the blue and then laughing about his range when it was off. Can't believe I'll never get to tease him again nor tell him how much i love him. Can't believe a lot of things and it still feels fucking surreal.
I guess we're visiting the mortuary today and we have a possibility to see Jay one last time, and idk what to do. On the other hand I'm aching to see him bc i miss him so incredibly much, but then again he's going to look a lot different than i remember, and i remember how badly i freaked out when i had to see my dad several days ago after his death. Funny, he's been gone for exactly 21 years today on the 13th, and tomorrow is Valentine's day. We had Valentine's day plans with Jay, too, and my whole soul is just crushed. Gotta love February.
Can't thank you guys enough for reaching out- so many have done that, even some surprising ones and it makes me even more emotional to see just how many people care.
I had legit, detailed plans to follow Jay when he'd be gone, started planning when his cancer kept coming back. Didn't tell anyone and just smiled when my therapist told me how much progress I've made during the last hear. Jay in his deathbed and you guys however convinced me to keep going and that's what I'll try to do. It's not fair that he wanted to live so, so badly, had hopes, dreams and goals and then there's me who has never appreciated my life and i gotta change that somehow. Even a day before he died, he wanted us to take selfies and despite the horrible pain he was in, he smiled that wide smile of his that reached his eyes and i fucking can't.. Either way, he wanted me to have his gecko, so I'm going to try my best to be here and take good care of him once we can make that happen. Being here with Poss and Jay's other sister has helped immensely too, i can't even express how grateful i am for that. Definitely wouldn't've made it if I'd had to fly back to finland immediately. Now we're spending time together, looking through photos and Jay's artwork and simply talking and crying together. Didn't know how helpful that could be, since I've always been a recluse and keeping my feelings to myself.
Going to try and get a memorial tattoo here before i fly back home next week, hopefully it'll be possible so i can sort of take Jay with me. I have the perfect design that includes some of Jay's old artwork.
Thanks again for being awesome and supportive <3 I'll be taking a break from tef bc of all the memories that make me miss Jay even more, but i want to come back eventually and play my Stelmaria kid to honor Jay's memory as well as his beautiful, perfect characters. Hraustr will obviously be retiring and living his best life with Liam, there's no way i can bring myself to play him without his partner. But Diana, you'll meet her eventually, she's my special bby who Jay also loved and helped me create.
Hang in there, guys; we all lost someone dear and irreplaceable.
What kind of cinnamon
This is my page :0
Evern; I started baking cakes
Mjrn; Yes agreed. One day I hope to own a big kitchen where I can cook without a hassle.
Im quite the opposite though, I dont care to have an audience or someone else with me when I cook or bake, but I can see your reasoning. I got that from my mom, she hates when others watch what she does so I had to learn on my own and also turned up as one to snap at anyone bothering what I do, lol.
Gonna visit my own mom for one whole weekend next month so we are probably going to cook together (she lets me watch and do things now) and I have a feeling its gonna turn out as a shouting competition between me and her (in a good spirit). Ill post something about that if I remember.
Acurna; They were finnish cinnamon rolls called korvapuusti or kanelipulla. No frosting, very easy to make even for a beginner. I prefer to make mine with regular flour instead of the gluten free ones because of the, well, gluten. I dont care about gluten free baking, even if regular baking means I cant either eat anything I make or suffer from fevers etc.
Anyway, congrats for the page, yes its all yours now.
It's weird because there's a
Even if I don't ask to help or anything, she'll have me come into her kitchen and help. Only thing she won't let me do is wash the dishes lmao. She sprayed me in the face once with the water spout when I refused to leave the sink and was trying to do the dishes. So yeah, total opposites there between you and I there. Though if I'm doing anything else, like playing a game or something, I get irritated as hell.
Awww that's awesome! LOL my mom and I have those kind of shouting matches too; it feels good getting to yell at each other, but not because we're angry. It's kind of like a release valve to ease off any pressure that builds up, I think.
On the subject of gluten free, we used to have a gluten free bakery right across the street from my place. They apparently were pretty popular down south and even shipped out their food across the country. They went out of business though after only a few months; it's a quiet stretch of the road, and most people I know who went there said their sweets tasted terrible.
I take it you have a reaction to gluten? That really sucks if so. ):
Awh, I know how that is like.
Haha, I could see that situation in my mind as I read, your mom seems chill. A fun person to be with and do stuff.
I can get irritated even when not doing anything and someone bothers my vision of sight or even -gasps- talks to me. Usually I manage to response in a civil manner though out of not wanting to hurt anyones feelings.
Yeah, I think so too. Theres no anger in our tones even if the used words are horrible. We are both very sarcastic and fire signs, its a clash of titans whenever we meet.
I think I have eaten one gluten free pastry that actually tasted good during a year and six months. Everything else has been horrible, sweets, bread, everything. I have a celiac disease according to doctors, but the biopsies they took were "unclear", so Im not even sure if thats what it is, since I dont always get symptoms. Might be just a high sensitivity towards wheat, rye or barley. I kept away from those for a long time but decided that I cant go on without proper bread (and baking without gluten).
T-tuo would you be interested
The nail varnish thing.. i
100% real life picture of me
Hahah, yeah I think its a
I'm so sorry.
Such a majestic floof. So
So sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry hun...she was
Thank you. Yeah he was
Happy anniversary, you old
Happy 6 years anniversary!
Happy six ♥ Wouldn't
Glad you're doing better.
It's a good news ♥
lunaa; Kitty yells thank you.
Luu; Yes, very!
The best feeling when you
Just did so to my old gaming desktop yesterday.
Retracking. 'Grats on the new
Foo; Damn right it is. Luna;
Luna; Thank you!
k i'm a little
congrats tho! must be super nice to've gotten rid of that lag
GOD I HATE STUFF LIKE THAT
honks back
If only people could be sober
I know right.. Good luck
(No subject)
Important bump.
Best wishes for your cat!
-
Good to hear he is alright! ;v;
Aww, glad that this lovely
I’m glad to hear your kitty
Been keeping you and your cat
So glad he's ok :'}
Thank you all. ♥ I'm
Your bebe boy is so handsome!
.
WS; totally missed your
Happy 7 ...!
♥ ♥
♥
Happy 7th Tef Birthday
Happy 7th year!
Happy anniversary.
jfc old fart. Hap
.
Hold onto that feeling, it's
It really is! And I will
Hi, happy late birthday I
Aaa thank you! ♥ It
super glad you're feeling
Thank you!
oh man... no.. I empathize so
Please take care. And my best wishes for your baby kitty
.
Damn.. I am so sorry to hear
also, hope it isn't inappropriate to ask this now, but would it be alright if I added you on discord someday? ;_; I've known you for quite a while now, but at the same time I don't think I've actually gotten to know you, and I'd like to change that... You're a very kind person from what I've seen. ♥
Hey Tuo, if you ever want to
I know we're in different countries and I don't know how things are done.. but honestly, like I said, I don't ever mind talking at all. My kitty is my world too, and I can't imagine life without her. Days are so hard thinking about it.
WS; Thank you, we're hanging
Jay; Please do! Anyone who wants to is free to add me whenever! And likewise, have known you but not really talked to much, hhh. Thanks social anxiety. But yeah please do add me!
Kimi; I'm so sorry to hear that. ;; It's constantly in my thoughts too but for now, my cat is eating and drinking well, and one of my old class mates has a cat with this disease as well and she gave me advices and recommended a special kibble that I already ordered etc. I'm scared to have my hopes up (since i always end up disappointed when i do) but still don't want to lose all hope. oTL doctor said to wait these three months before more tests to see if the disease has progressed, but i was like, feck that, i'm not waiting for the condition to get worse? and ordered the kibble that was recommended by the friend. |:
it's creating so much anxiety anyway that i myself have p much stopped eating since the diagnose.