- 11.20.18 -
Life's been sorta alright lately. About a month ago I started at this course which is meant for unemployed people who are stuggling with their physical and/or mental health, its goal is to help us figure out what kinda work would be good and doable for us. It's held in a big wellness manor and the place looks so amazing, we're able to live there for free during the weeks when we have classes and such, which is exhausting in its own way because I'm not used to being around people all day long, so I'm usually dead tired at the end of those days. My course mates are all a bit older than me but gladly they're all really friendly. A nice bunch.
Our first internship period is starting in a couple of weeks and I found a place in a company that makes clothes, and there's this one older woman working there who does abstract art and wants to teach me. Usually I'd be so afraid and nervous but this time I'm kinda excited, which is a nice change. Things are getting better slowly but surely, at least I hope so.
+ I caught my very first shiny pokemon in Pokemon Go and I'm dumbly excited about it, smh. That green Espeon will be mine..
Hope everyone's been doing good! ♥ Love y'all.
important
- 4.20.18 -
I was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) about two and half years ago, I was 21 at the time. MS is considered an autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system attacks its own tissue. In the case of MS, this immune system malfunction destroys myelin (the fatty substance that coats and protects nerve fibers in the brain and spinal cord). Myelin can be compared to the insulation coating on electrical wires. When the protective myelin is damaged and nerve fiber is exposed, the messages that travel along that nerve may be slowed or blocked. The nerve may also become damaged itself. There's no cure for multiple sclerosis. However, treatments can help speed recovery from attacks, modify the course of the disease and manage symptoms.
Before my first and worst relapse that finally lead to the diagnosis, I'd had odd numbness and burning sensations in my limbs and face every few months, and I had no idea what it could possibly be about. But because the symptoms always disappeared in the span of a couple of weeks, I didn't think it was anything serious, tbh I thought it had something to do with my overall bad shape because I've never been the kind of person that's into exercising.
And then in the winter of 2015 I had my worst relapse, and it was easily the scariest experience I've had in my life. I lost the feeling in my left side's arm, my back, my ass, both of my legs, and lost most of the sight in my left eye due to an inflamed optic nerve. I had such a bad vertigo that I couldn't walk straight, couldn't walk without getting so nauseous that I had to run to the toilet to throw up. And most embarrassingly, I couldn't feel when I had to go to the toilet- but gladly I was so conscious of it that I never had any bigger accidents. I went to the nearest health care center and they didn't know what was wrong with me, but eventually they sent me to the hospital in Helsinki. And there I went. During that day they took many blood samples, a spinal tap, a heart film, and wheeled me to the MRI room so many times that I can't even remember most of it; I was so tired and scared that I spent most of my time in the hospital sleeping. After spending hours and hours in there, waiting alone, I got my diagnosis from a doctor who was very sympathetic. And I cried for the longest time afterwards. I didn't want any of my family members to call me and ask about it, I was that devastated, and I didn't want my mother to know because she'd been worried sick. Of course my worst immediate fears were that I'd end up in a wheelchair and could never be independent again. There is no known cure for MS, and I thought my life was over.
But now, after three years, I can say that I'm a lot happier than I was back then! I've received Tysabri infusion therapy for a couple of years now, and I haven't had a relapse since my diagnosis. My MS is the relapsing-remitting kind; the most common. I receive the best known medication for MS every four weeks, and I couldn't be more grateful, plus I have to pay basically nothing for it, and I have to thank the Finnish health care system for it. But even though it's a great medication, Tysabri infusions also come with a risk of its own since it may cause liver damage aND a rare but serious brain infection called PML (progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy), which is why I have to go get that checked out every six months, + which is why my memory is tested every time I go get my medication. But it doesn't worry me. I'm so grateful for the medication I'm getting because I know things are a lot worse for some other MS patients in other countries and my heart goes out to them. MS is a scary disease, and sadly not a lot of people even know of its existence.
The damage that my relapse left me with is relatively minor. The left side of my body is weaker than the right and I've lost some feeling on that side, but not much. I've nerve pain sometimes, bad phantom itches. I have a constant tingling sensation on the left side of my face and the skin there is kind of numb all the time, but not so much that it'd bother me. How MS in itself affects me? Well. I'm very tired most of the time, I have issues focusing on things for long, I'm forgetful and my memory overall is quite bad, but that's pretty much it. I'm lucky. Of course those old fears of a wheelchair and lost independence are on the back of my mind on a daily basis, but not as strongly as they once were. Even though they might come true someday. But as for this time of my life, I know I can live with this disease and I'm still able to do anything that I want to do, and I'm so grateful for it. I know that I'll probably have another relapse eventually, but it doesn't scare me because I know I have access to great medication. I know I'll be fine.
I don't know why I wrote this, but I guess I wanted to because I haven't mentioned anything about it on any platform for a long time. I guess, if anyone who happens to read this has experienced similar unexplained starting symptoms as I did, I want to encourage them to go to the doctor. Tell them if you suspect it might be MS, tell them if you know that someone in your family has the same disease. I didn't know that my oldest sister also has MS until after I got my diagnosis! I doubt it's the first thing your doctor suspects you to have, but you have to be persistent. I also had several doctors and nurses tell me it's something else before my symptoms got really bad.
tl;dr, don't be as dumb as i was and think most of your body gets numb bc you're not into exercising, lmao.. go see a doctor.
That's all I guess. Sending my strength to all of you who are currently battling with their health, you're in my thoughts. Love you. ♥
♥ You're so brave to
I wish you lots of strength and hope that no bad relapses come your way. ♥
Sending lots of positive
You are really a strong person
My best wishes go out to you
Send you healthy hugs.
♥ ♥
♥
Thank you so much for sharing
love you beb ♥ you've
we're both just gonna be in wheelchairs when we're older ok between my fucked up back n legs n your nerves, pushin' each other around and gettin noWHERE FAST :ok_hand:
(No subject)
tyvm all of you :{ ♥
pan--
sobs, u.. ♥ i won't accept the slow kind of wheelchairs tho, we deserve the motorized ones. rolling past the kids on our way to the store to get some chocolate, so fast... n furious.
i can't even imagine how
♥ keep kICKIN ITS ASS.
I remember when you were getting told it was a gd ear infection SIGH- but i'm glad you're still doin' well :{ and i'm sure you'll keep doing totally fine
♥!!
♥
tyvm y'all again q^q ♥
ka--
ugh that's weird. i know some environmental factors mAY cause MS but what are they, we just don't know.. }:< and that's so eNCOURAGING gosh, good for her. she probably had the same kind of MS than I do then, because the relapses might come as rarely as every few years. the progressive kind is much much worse. but yeah, the symptoms are so different on each patient. tyvm though, I shall keep kickin' ♥
it sure was one hell of a ear infection LMAO, sigh..
Love and light to you. You
I hope things only look up for you.
My bff's mom has MS and I
It was awesome for you to share this ♥
?
♥
kaoori-- that must've been
that must've been hard to watch, i'm sorry about that. :{ and thank you. ♥
okami--
breaks my heart to hear that. i've read so many similar stories of MS patients who just can't afford the treatment and it's absolutely terrible to even imagine. truly makes me realize how lucky i am to live here, sigh. i wish the best for her.
and that's actually the first symptom my sister had as well. she was walking down the street and half of her vision in one eye disappeared. u^u gladly she hasn't had any serious symptoms since that. it's good that your doctors actually realize to consider that it might be MS even if it wouldn't be, means that we're heading towards the right direction. i hope you're doing well now! ♥
shey & vee--
♥!
Damn..! You're a kickass rock
And now if you'll excuse me, I have to quietly ship myself to Finland in a used Amazon box lol
Stay strong, all my respects.
I have been doing well and
I kinda wonder if I should ask to be tested every few years for MS 'cause I do get random short-lived shooting pains in random extremeties or in my head every now and then :')))
fish-- omg, i'm glad you
omg, i'm glad you enjoyed it. ♥ i can only hope that it offers some hope for people who are having health issues, since it's the kind of thing that crushes your spirit so easily. nothing tends to look bright when your body's giving up on you, i wasn't feeling too hopeful during my relapse either, bUT IT'LL GET BETTER. just gotta keep on keeping that chin up and hope for the best.
and WELCOME TO FUNLAND, i'll come pick you up at the customs.
evern--
♥!
okami--
personally i think it might be something else than MS especially if you've never had any numbness or tinglings or electric shock sensations in your spine when you bend your head forward, since those seem to be the most common signs of it. :{ definitely doesn't hurt to do some research though and see if your symptoms match. I'M NOT A MEDICAL EXPERT THOUGH LMAO so def don't rely on my opinion, i can only tell what i've experienced and what i've read about the disease since i've done quite a bit of research on it myself. if you ever get a real bad flu or any other kind of infection you should keep an eye out for more weird symptoms (especially the electric shock sensation in your spine) because infections are usually the kind of thing that trigger MS symptoms.
i def hope you don't have it though and that it's something less serious, but i do hope you'll find out what the heck's causing those random pains. sounds so uncomfortable.
ahhh ty friendo ♥
Sending you some healin'
I'm so sorry to hear.
You are in my thoughts !
♥
sending all the best your
thank you all so much
have fUuUUuUuUUN you lucky
soak up dat sun for me
Seems like I missed this
I read it all and could only imagine how going through this had to be horrible. Im so sorry for you. You are person who doesnt deserve such things. Im glad your country's health care is good enough. In mine it's better to be healthy or rich heh
Stay strong HellyBelly ♥
ho had the fun, loads of
dampir--
aw, no biggie!
and it was, but i've been doing awesome for the past years and that's what matters. ♥ eue
so grateful for the healthcare we have here, but at the same time it makes me so sad to hear what you just said, sighs.. taking care of your health shouldn't be so fuckin' expensive.
Yeah, that's true. We joke of
aurghh, i hope everything
helo i am tracking this
I feel your pain. Im in the
And the weather... I thought it's cooler on the north of EU, but if you say it's the same as here, then there's no hope for us lol
(No subject)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA pretty photo
Hampaan poisto ei oo mitää ihaninta hommaa, ite kans joudun ravaa hammaslääkäris ugh.
Voimia sinne! you can do it
I'm getting a wisdom tooth
MMMMMM wonder what's this deal with comming from vacation with nice beaches and wisdom teeth pulling.