Just a little blog rant thing

DashingFate's picture
Not directed at anyone, obviously! Just, I need to put the pen to paper, so to speak.

Really, this is for me. Nobody else has to view this, nobody has to comment (though I won't PREVENT them, I'm just typing this for myself).

So one thing about myself that I really consider a bit...challenging...is the fact that I'm transgender. FtM, binding, short hair, all that jazz. Won't get too into that.

Anyways, there's one thing that, each month, really messes with me. Emotionally and mentally. One of the symptoms? Cramps. And I'll be the first to say: they are BAD. Seriously the worst things in the world. On a scale of 1-10 in pain, it'd be at least 7, if not more most of the time. But today? They were the WORST I've ever experienced. As if low self esteem, struggling with dysphoria, and shame wasn't enough. Now I have plenty of physical pain that practically makes me incapable of walking, let alone anything else.

Best part is? I know it'll get worse. That saying, you know, the one where they say "it gets worse before it gets better"? Yeah, it applies here. Tomorrow's going to be fun. Even more so because I have to DRIVE to the college, sit through a 1 hour 45 minute class that isn't purely lecture, but I have to PARTICIPATE, and then drive the 20 minute way back. Overall? I'll be an emotional wreck by morning, not that I'm not already-- the agony is so great I can barely move, and I burst into tears more than not.

Anyways. That probably helped me a little. Just a little, but every part counts, I suppose.

If it wasn't so late, I'd derp around as a deer. But I need rest (not that I'll be able to sleep ) because tomorrow is a full day of agony and emotional roller coasters.

well theres nothing to have

well theres nothing to have shame over, its just you. im a teen and I get bad cramps to and they suck the most when my math teacher is rambling about something I don't even understand anymore. see your not alone its the suckish part of growing (I didn't say growing up tho lol because do we ever really grow up? because looking at the boys at my school the answer is no.) may luck find you in college.
DashingFate's picture

The shame mostly comes due to

The shame mostly comes due to the fact I identify as a male. Most 'regular' (biological) guys do not go through this part of 'growing up', so yeah. Not exactly fun for me. Sticking out tongue

hmm well regular I have never

hmm well regular I have never seen only assume, but im different from the other ppl at my school and im proud of that. I find it something to be proud of. and truly I don't think regular is real because we are all different, some are just easier to see then other
Reyy's picture

I have a few suggestions. 1)

I have a few suggestions.

1) Birth control. You may or may not be sexually active, but it's a very good way of regulating your cycle. Knowing exactly when your period will start and stop. Then you can better prepare yourself for it emotionally and physically. You can even take a couple days off of work ahead of time if you recognize when your symptoms will be bad.
2) Talking to a doctor and getting prescribed pain killers. If you have cramps that affect your day-to-day tasks and leave you doubling over in serious pain I absolutely recommend this. You have got to get through your days especially with school and work.
3) Blood work and scans. Your cramps do not sound normal. They sound severe. My mom developed horrible cramps that left her crying. When she finally got some work done she discovered she had cysts on her ovaries. You might actually have a medical condition that can be treated and discussed with your teachers and workplace so that they can better fit your needs.
4) PMS and mood fluctuation is normal around that time of the month. But if you plunder into a serious dark state of mind I suggest talking to a doctor about this as well. I went years thinking this was something normal, but it isn't. My spiral downward was linked to other deeper problems that sufficed when I was emotionally vulnerable and hormonal. Unstable. I only suggest medication for this as last resort.

I hope I could offer some light on this subject. Sad

My, I hope you take

My, I hope you take painkillers? Assuming you're planning on having the hormone therapy, it'll stop eventually, if that thought makes these times easier. I imagine you're already aware of that, though. There are a few other things you can try make the experience less painful, if you wanna look some tips up. Not sure what works myself. I'm sorry if it's a triggering subject to you, though. Either way, hope you know that it doesn't make you any less male, you've just been subject to a really unfortunate condition. Mm, pretty impressive that you'll still go to the lecture when feeling this way. Prioritize your health and mental well being if you're able to, man. Wish I could help, really...

...And what ravyn said.
Apoidea's picture

I suffer from similar

I suffer from similar agonizing pain. This is a real, serious condition that you need to talk to your doctor about. There are many causes for increased menstrual pain including ovarian cysts, endometriosis, and dysmenorrhea. Ovarian cancers can cause these issues too. Of course, it doesn't mean you have one of these but who wouldn't check when the possibility is there?

I'm going to be blunt here: Just because you identify as a male, doesn't mean you can neglect taking proper care of your very female body's needs. You're stuck in that body for now, and if you don't take care of it it's either going to not stop or get worse. Neither of those things work in your favor, especially when the time comes to undergo your gender modification. No doctor in their right mind would do reassignment surgery or voluntary hormone therapy on someone who isn't healthy enough to handle it.

Go see your doc and get things sorted out.

.: I agree strongly with Apo.

.: I agree strongly with Apo. Whether or not you classify yourself as male, you still were born into a female body and therefore need to take care of it. I am not a huge med-person as I myself was raised to lean on more natural and traditional remedies but yeah maybe get checked on that. I get HORRIBLE cramps during the month and I literally roll around in the bed in pain. Appearantly, every female body responds differently to things. For me, drinking hot liquid and taking hot showers make the pain numb for a while. I also take one Aspirin which usually helps me get going through my day without as many problems with cramp pain. I think this once a month crisis we go through once a month is the only time I actually take meds XD
I bid you good luck with those cramps. I know they are never fun!
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Aivilo's picture

In addition to what's already

In addition to what's already been touched on, a heating pad can do wonders. There are also some wearable temporary hot pads that are designed for back pain and arthritis, but which have helped me tremendously when I couldn't be laying on a real heating pad at home. And if you are at home, a super hot bath (as got as you can stand without hurting yourself) can give you a lot of relief for as long as the water stays warm. That's been the only way I could get to sleep in the past, before I started medication for my cramps. I had months where they were so bad I would vomit. Do see a doctor about them at some point - you can feel so much better with a little help!
Iaurdagnire's picture

Not being able to walk

Not being able to walk because of them is familiar to me - I was rushed to the hospital once because they were that ridiculous, I thought I was dying :')
Like Apoidea said in extreme cases there is an underlying problem, but in my case and many others it was purely bad luck. However there are so many things you can do to make yourself feel better!

On the most very basic level, if you're not doing so already you really MUST take normal Ibuprofen tablets regularly at the recommended dose while you're having cramps. You can get strong Ibuprofen tablets specific to these cramps as well if the regular ones don't work, so if you don't have any, git your ass to a pharmacy!

To touch on what Ravyn said, if you see a doctor and explain how excruciatingly painful your cramps are (only on the condition that regular non-prescription pain relief tablets don't work, that is), they will most certainly prescribe you birth control and/or take a blood sample to check if everything is a-okay. I personally was given Cerazette to take with some hormone treatment about... 4/5 years ago now, but I was on it for the best part of a year and it helped my cramps almost disappear. Your doctor will have to decide which would be best for you though.

A tablet I use now to avoid too much messing with my body is Mefenamic Acid tablets. This might be something else to ask your doctor about or inquire about other tablets that are similar (they are specific to menstrual cramps). You take them a couple of days before you know your cramps will hit and during/any time you're in pain that normal pain relief doesn't help.

Having such bad cramps isn't unusual, and although your situation leaves you downtrodden about it just know that there are plenty of options to help it. Honestly I think if you go to your doctor and have a chat about it, you'll find a solution either in birth control or a cramp-specific medicine that will make you feel way more comfortable and not effect you like it is now.


I don't have much helpful

I don't have much helpful advice on the medical aspect (everyone's advice seems pretty sound to me), but know I hear your rant and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this right now. Just remember it won't be like this forever, however much of a physical change you choose to make in the future, even if you don't decide to go beyond getting your menstruation under control so it doesn't make you absolutely miserable each time. Does NOT make your body female just because it does this. If you ever want to talk/rant or anything one-on-one, feel free to email me--my address is on my profile if you click on my name. No pressure of course, and feel better.

hey if you ever need any

hey if you ever need any thing just shout out? ok. and I was reading your other post but you seem pretty cool, well every one is pretty cool.. (im rambling gah) lol but iif you want to talk or rp or something?

/late I can relate to the

/late

I can relate to the cramping part. My cramps were bad enough to where I looked dead and acted dead. I had no skin pigmentation; turned white from the pain. I couldn't move, and even my senses like sight and hearing would fail. The blood even got stuck a few times, and only these really strong knock-out pills could get it out, lmao. Can't tell you how many times I wished I was dead when I was hurting that bad. If you scale your pain to 7 out of 10, mine was probably a 15. I'd take your seven any day, dude.

But yeah, birth control is one of the solutions to bitchy menstrual cycles. I use something called Minastrin 24 Fe. Not sure if it's a lower dose or not, but it helps me out. I do get the typical cramps every now and then, but 2-3 doses of Advil fix that.