Saved, yet again, by Zombies...
10 . 03 . 14
10 . 03 . 14
WILL THIS EVER BE UPDATED AGAIN?
Last update Rossamund was still dead ffs.
The first time.
Fuuuuck.
Little self-reminder/MOTIVATION to at least go and try to archive as many RPs as possible before Skype deletes them so I can actually remember what happened when I do get around to it.
STILL LOVE YOU, CRAZYBITCH. I'M SORRY.
least you get a bio tho
Doing everything in her power to keep her presence in the Forest lightly-felt and difficult to trace, but inevitably brought out of her seclusion on a few noteworthy occasions.
Reunited with Castallion when she first caught scent of the buck, glad to see he was in as great as shape as ever (and just as colorful in personality as appearance). Tended as much to Rossamund as she could, finding the boy needed counseling through an admittedly difficult chapter of his time in the forest. Tried to work with him on fighting in his ghost form and encountered a hostile June during one their sessions. Spoke with the Rabbit and attempted to diffuse a little of the ire she understandably felt for both of them, succeeding on a few small points she felt. Vowed to take advantage of what communication had been established to try to follow through on it in the future, and from that could only strongly advise Rossamund on how to handle interactions if he valued having a chance of a relationship with his "sister." (It seemed he had been stalking a few of her friends. No idea where he learned that kind of behavior...)
More than the "physical" however, being relegated to this form had the Myling contending with heavily emotional turmoil. Did her best to offer her support where she could through these dark times, not minding when he came to visit her and Indi although made it clear after an encounter with Rohit that he understood both children were to be protected at all costs. Didn't feel she had to say more than that, and Rossamund appeared uplifted by her mentioning that she considered him like family. Less enthused about received the title of Aunt, but it was neither the place nor time.
Speaking of confusing familial ties, had been making gradual progress in her relationship with Indi's son, still finding it imperative to get him on accepting terms with her before approaching Abhiri. Starting to consider it wise that Rohit learn to spar, as he's a quiet, serious little thing with a lot of pent-up energy, and she frankly thinks he could use the outlet. He'd (unfortunately) seen his first fight not too long ago, despite her and Indi's attempts to keep him out of it knows he saw far more than he should have. Attempted to egg him on a few times on a lazy evening at the Playground, under Indi's approval of course, and probably only succeeded in cementing her Weirdo image. Though was able to deadpan though her joy in causing him some adorable frustration in the process of trying to get him to wrestle.
Ended up laying off him finally, and he'd retreat back to his mother on the boulders glaring at her as if she was the single greatest source of evil on this planet. Joked with Indi a few times about how much he seemed to take after his mother and just kind of gets this look back that made her question if the Sangai also noticed a certain
other resemblance the children bore... maybe JM wasn't going crazy after all.
One of the most significant recent occurrences to memory was no doubt Rossamund's safe and eventual return to life, after a long and frustrating journey. Saw to it that he was fed and accompanied for the first few days of his recovery, incidentally using up each of the rabbits she had asked him to kill just days prior, when food hadn't been of interest to him but was to her for a project. Didn't find out how it had happened, not finding the timing right then and also not having seen much of the Myling since that week, though hearing whispers here and there of some of his exploits, for better or for worse.
Caught Rohit and Abhiri out running around one night without Indi's usual constant supervision and got just close enough to keep an eye on them without alerting them to her presence. Indi showed up in no time, so she relaxed and fell into her own thoughts as the family played. Completely caught off guard when the trio came and took Red Hill by storm in a confusing game of
Zombies, no doubt initiated by Rohit, and ended up getting involved in it whether she wanted to or not. Somehow had been promoted from "Evil Zombie" to "Zombie Hunter" in the little guy's eyes, which while it sounded like an improvement at the time, Jokerman quickly realized still made her the antagonist in the little game. Though she fought back, was quickly outnumbered, mobbed, and infected to his seeming delight before Abhiri tired out. Rohit still looked at her like she was nuts when she rubbed the trees afterward, in an attempt to get him to play a little more. Would have to try more drastic measures later, but for the time just took it in stride and settled near the group tentatively. Heart all but seized when the smallest of the trio wandered over and ended climbing onto her back and falling asleep there. A whole myriad of fears put to rest by seeming to get Abhiri's stamp of approval and Rohit's growing tolerance. Didn't say anything to Indi at the time but knows it meant as much to her, too.
Her time and visits with Indi had been occupying the majority of her mind in one way or another, either working during the day on small schemes and building contacts with deer relevant to those schemes, visiting the family in the evening or stealing moments alone with Indi during the night. Hadn't been sticking her nose into much else that was arguably not her business, at least not in any obvious way. And while things were definitely much improved from where they started, the last thing she wanted was to any way encroach on the Topaz's time with her recently reunited family, or to be perceived by an intruding force by either of them. Found Indi by the flower patch near the river alone tonight and gladly took the opportunity to spend some time with the mother.
It wasn't too long before they were being watched. Waited to see if the other (Indigo) would approach on his own, but aware that her own companion was a little less comfortable with the bird's approach (Player assumes Indi felt tacky being caught wearing the same name so embarrassing) and went to deal with it head-on, as was the Sangai's way. Watched this as well though eventually interfered just to make it clear to the newcomer they weren't going to be chasing him, giving him the chance to come closer if he wanted. Could remember every one of her run-ins with Morioch since returning to the Forest and they were intentionally few and far between, but had seen enough of his small bird companion to make a few conclusions about his presence. Knew it was likely that nothing more than simple curiosity that had spurred the visit, though there was a few other possibilities too.
With this thought, plopped herself on the ground, intending to see how the rest would play out. Laid her head on her forelegs and watched with half-lidded interest as she waited for him to either come closer or Morioch to show up, standing enthusiastically when the older male came by. Took the opportunity to observe his behavior and appearance, nothing more than a sniff to his small companion which caused a small stir of amusement in the Kudu as he took off again. Watched the littler one leave, regretting that she hadn't been able to exchange greetings but time enough for that later. Maybe. Whatever it was, it was still better than Xetkal, and she resumed her earlier stance that there was no need for her to get involved.
Aware as they settled back down that Indi was still tense. Assumed her own omniscient Jokerman way what it was about without even asking, leaned close and quietly launched into the best reassurances and promises she could give her friend. Was cut off with Indi's words of knowing, and complete trust in her, and that was enough. In a moment of intimacy responded with the only thing better than that that she could think of which brought the doe pressing closer, things instantly seeming a lot simpler and a lot more complicated in that action. Shut out the world and lingered in each other's companies for as long as possible before Indi had to return to the kids.
Left as well, figuring the twilight hours would be the best time to do this. Despite Rossamund having promised to replenish the rabbit supply, had taken it upon herself to kill, cure, and preserve a variety of small vermin carcasses over the weeks following his return. Gathered them now and went off to the Birch to speak to a contact she'd made there, wanting to pursue a little whim.
It's good to see you both.
...We'll have to do something about that maternally-instilled sense of virtue.
Keeping close at Indi's family's heels should the need for aid ever surface; apart from that, busying herself with other things.
Many visits from Rossamund, to her relief. The Myling was doing a good job of checking in and putting her mind at ease. Watching his appearance shift from avian to vulpine to, at times, something like his original form. Which is at once heart-rendingly gratifying and more than a little bit amusing when he couldn't seem to perfect the hue.
Helped him work on his coloration this afternoon, the process being long and consisting of much trial and error and doubtless lots of effort from the Ghost. Eventually he got it right and their efforts were rewarded. Definitely didn't fall into the pond at any point. Settled into a mood for a moment and took note of the little Ghost sneaking off. Equally curious of where he was going as she was what he would do off on his own, and opted to explore the latter today. Feigned slumber and waited. The thought process being "He can't get hurt... right?"
Wrong. The Myling came back a short while later and settled back next to her. Could sense something was off and kept her mouth shut, just eyed him thoughtfully. At last he started spilling. Questioned him on it a little bit about his participation in a fight, as much interested in his ability to be hurt as the source of his injury. It seemed to be another hallmark of him gaining aptitude in this form.
Joined by Ciel and Neela as well, greeted the pair somewhat briskly as Neela was being adorable and shy and what was Jo supposed to do with [i]that? Felt bad; she really needed to work on how she approach fawns, little girls in particular, but that thought was intermingled with the one that most kids start crying when she looks at them, and more lately have thought that she was going to eat their brains. Didn't want to do that to Ciel's family, and entertained other ideas, all of which consisted of staying seated for now.
Resumed talking with Rossamund, though noted his change in behavior with the pair's arrival. Found out about... something. Unsure. Ushered him a bit closer to Neela, perplexed at both their behaviors when she found out they were supposed to be friends. Also barked out some orders for any future 'incidents' with protecting others. Trying to work with him as it was evident the buck's code of honor was a part of him, and there was no use trying to pretend it couldn't get him hurt anymore.[/i]
...He has my ears.
Visited the Sangai's homeworld in projected vessels and succeeded in establishing her children's souls' connections with the Forest. Concluded the long and arduous 'adventure' and returned to the Forest approximately a month ago, where they immediately set about trying to find the youths, both unsure and nervous that it hadn't worked out after all, or knowing if they would be able to recognize either fawn. Eventually mother and children were happily reunited, though it was clear it would take time and effort for things to settle down. Understanding of this, backed off immediately so as not to make the transition any rougher, even though falling back into old habits of withdrawing was the last thing she wanted right now.
Has busied herself with relearning the Forest. The first order of business being to touch bases with Henna. Accepted her sister's scolding for her lengthy absence (with no way of contacting) and insisted on learning of recent news. All worse fears seemingly came to light. Heartbroken to hear of Rossamund's passing, all the anger she felt directed purely at herself and even saddened that she had put Henna in this place. Made a sort of peace with it a few weeks later, however. Found a way to keep in touch with the boy's spirit and has not given up on finding a proper conclusion to these events. Treasures his attempts to make contact with her and does everything she can to increase the frequency of his visits.
A few other small visits here and there with others. Sat with Ciel at one point and was grateful as ever for his presence in her life, however little their paths may cross. But for the most part, drifted through the Forest like a ghost. Embracing the solitude and spending much time seemingly wrapped up in her thoughts near the riverbed, hardly moving to acknowledge the glances from certain passers-by; wisened up to a few less-friendly individuals in this way, though hasn't acted on it yet. Uncertain if she will. Also been crashing at the Topaz's home when she wasn't there, for a change of scenery. Sentimental like that. Found by Israel one afternoon in her favorite spot, and filled in on his recent travels. Unsure of how to receive the buck now that he's older, and treading carefully but firmly. Intends to learn more about him in light of Indi's relationship with her adopted son.
Rarely sees the Sangai after helping her to reunite with Rohit and Abhiri. Missing Indi like crazy after the events of the past months, which was expected and only natural. Using the time wisely, making preparations. Beginning to take small steps towards encountering the trio and familiarizing them with her presence, particularly Rohit, who already has a negative impression of her. Reassured by Indi that the boy has always been the cautious type. More endeared than anything with being able to see so much of his mother in the fawn. Happy to have them all here, and Indi so obviously happy.
Thoughts and perceptions challenged, even more than she thought they would be, by the two perplexing, spirited little creatures now in both their lives. Trying to do her best to give the newly-reunited family time to adjust, but acutely aware of certain aspects that are incredibly familiar. Keeping these thoughts to herself for the time being as she really isn't sure what it all means, though muses on it a lot in her spare time. Already charmed by and devoted to the fawns in mind, it seems.
mine /runs
/runs
Arghh I'm the worst. Thank
Thank you to everyone who's said nice things.
New trackers - you've made a terrible mistake. >> This is going to be updated like twenty thousand times in the next few days.
Echo - bunch of hearts ♥♥♥ cuz you've posted like 3 times since I last replied. This is why I'm glad I have you on skype now.
WithEyesThatSee - incredibly late but know I've run into your gal a few times now and always enjoyed every interaction. She's a lot of fun.
Flatsoda - Also enjoying your new boy!
Niri - Don't deserve you in my TEF life. Thank you again for the beautiful family pictures. ♥
Oooo How did I miss this.
Discord:Nazzard#9068 ||Click for bios.
Track cB
A plate of half-burnt cookies
If you take a closer look, you can see the words, 'Shub Naya Baras, Jo!' written on a card with deer stickers covering it. In the corner, there's a small scrawl of 'love, Abhiri.'
Well.
Hopefully the cookies are there just for decoration, because they look pretty black. If you remove the plate and open the box, you can find the following amidst rainbow packing peanuts;
A shirt, folded with neat precision, a sliver of dried pear (Abhiri's favourite) and a small bundle of bobby pins and sparkly hair ties.
Thank you, Tuo and Kohva!
Sweetest thing ever, I swear.
THANK YOU, Niri.
sneaks in. ♥ This
This looks pretty.
(cries...) Thank you so
Thank you so much! ♥
Hug.
(No subject)
It takes Eraline almost no
Of everyone she left behind when she passed, it is Jo’s voice she hears most often now. For a long time, her voice had been absent from the narrative of Eraline’s afterlife – but then, neither Jo nor Henna knew until it was too late. Now, her voice is everywhere, speaking her name in prayer whispers, often most loudly when she dreams. This is how she founds her tonight: curled up tightly against a pine tree deep in the thicket of the woods, the skull on her snout crooked and well worn, sleeping.
The Veil makes way for her visits to Jo. Perhaps, it is the strength of her remembrance of Eraline that makes it so easy for Eraline to be neither here nor there; perhaps, it is the longing that keeps them both bound to one another. Regardless of the reason, Eraline is grateful, because Jokerman and Henna are home, and for now, at this very moment, she can come to rest.
Eraline’s dark brown hair cascades over her shoulder and brushes against the bone brow of the mask Jokerman wears as she lowers herself onto the ground behind her and wraps her arm over the doe’s shoulder, as she’s grown accustomed to doing whenever Jo calls to her while she’s sleeping. When Eraline was a fawn prone to bickering and trouble, she would find her at the end of the night and draw her in close against her chest while Eraline wept for one reason or another; she was always crying back then. She tries to draw Jokerman in that same way, but her human body is small compared to the doe’s muscular form, and it isn’t long before she gives up and begins stroking the length of the doe’s neck with one hand, her nose buried in the fur on the back of her head.
Jokerman smells of pollen, of algae, of the pine sap that catches in her fur in clumps when she uses the trunks of the trees to scratch herself or mark the area as needed. Eraline used to look for this scent when she was itching for a few rounds of fighting practice. She used to try to mimic it by rolling in hyacinths, jumping into the lake while Henna chastised her for being so reckless, by rolling on the debris left over by fallen pine cones on lazy days. Her efforts had never brought her close enough to the real thing, but what little could be gained had always been enough.
The kudu’s pulse races against her palm. Eraline knows that she’s dreaming and wishes, not for the first time, that she could bring her racing mind to rest. There are limits to what the Veil will allow, and though it’s afforded her the privilege of visiting with Jo in this way, Eraline isn’t magic, and neither, as it turns out, is purgatory.
“You know, you were always so still. Always watching. I used to get mad at how little some things phased you when I thought the world was ending, and you should be angry with me.” Eraline keeps her voice to a low mumble, knowing the possibility of Jo being able to hear her is slim, but wanting to be courteous anyway. “You should have let loose more back then. Maybe things would be easier for you now.”
Eraline pushes her fingers up the fur of Jokerman’s neck against the grain, imagining that it must feel like being grazed by a faint breeze. She finds the bottom of an ear and traces the curve of it to the very tip with her index finger. Jokerman’s ear twitches. Might she have felt that, too?
“Toward the end, I wondered if we all would have been better off if I’d never stuck around. But I’m selfish, you know… and I think that there would be no me if there were no you, or no Henna.” She pauses for a moment to very gently flick the tip of Jo’s ear one more time just to see it move, and can’t suppress a small smile when it finally does. “I wish you’d let me teach you how to dance. God, you suck at dancing.” Her chest tightens, and she pauses for a moment to inhale shakily through a flood of memories that washes over her. She and Henna dancing circles around the red doe. She and Henna nudging her backside with their heads just to embarrass her. Eraline shifts to balance herself on one elbow so she can lean over the side of Jokerman’s face and press a kiss to the pendant forged into her helm. “Tell you what – when you finally catch up with me, we’re doing nothing but dancing until you stop being so damn shy about it.”
Eraline imagines it. Grins. Even in a new life, Jokerman will probably always hate dancing. But it wouldn’t hurt to try.
In the end, it’s the Veil that calls her away. It takes hours because when it comes to Jo, the time is never borrowed – Eraline watches her sleep until the forest around them is dappled with the golden light of sunrise, beckoning Jokerman’s eyes to open. “Sweet dreams, Lady Red,” she murmurs as she goes bit by bit, toe by toe, finger by finger, until Jokerman’s prayers find her again maybe tomorrow, or a thousand years from now.
It's meant to get easier
She goes to the gravesite less and less, from a greater distance each time. There's a reason for it - several, good reasons. But more than anything, she doesn't need to visit that awful place anymore.
She always knows when Eraline's visited. It's the nights where the sound of her own breathing gets heavy enough to, finally, drown out the thoughts. The mornings where she can actually remember dreaming and it's not the shallow, clammy overtures at pretending there was something from her past she wants to remember. And at this time of year, she can only attribute the fact that morning comes at all to Eraline's doing.
She feels like Eraline hears her, she's certain should hear her a lot. She sings and breathes and bleeds for her.
Their first time they got to speak again, she'd been so full of guilt and heartbreak and regrets. Made mad with second-guessing and wonder. What could she have done differently?
Had Eraline held her? Had fingers both unseen and known cuffed her ears gently, opening them to another lifetime? Now she doesn't worry about it so much. She carries an ivory pendant between forged antlers, and a tapestry of prayers.
You know, you were always so still.
She'd tell her Henna has grown.
She's found herself a place with purple skies and storms, and a village full of sleepy-eyed people who could bask in the endless glow of Henna's candescence. She doesn't visit often, despite Henna making herself laughably easy to track down.
Those times she did, Henna's fire burned so brilliant as to reduce her to mere shadows, and Jokerman had basked in that blackness like returning to an old love. Jokerman would watch, flushed with the courage of Henna's struggles, standing by while furious white embers singed her coat and eyes and nose. Henna burns the way Jokerman always knew she would: stubbornly, a brilliant haze of life spilling into a golden pyre, yet somehow never emptying. Jokerman picks up the ashes fallen from Henna's coat, the ones produced from fires that are still lit and the ones that, for however hard they tried, couldn't achieve ignition. Those ashes are the only reminders that such things ever existed in the first place. She takes the ash of those fallen hopes and dreams, and invents from them something new, not as resplendent as the original but something blazing all the same, like that one remarkable bird in folklore.
That fire was soundless and painful, too beautiful to behold, like looking straight into the sun when there's not a cloud in the sky.
Henna has grown. All burning things grow, or else they become smothered by the very air they breathe.
Always watching. I used to get mad at how little some things phased you when I thought the world was ending, and you should be angry with me.
She would never tell Eraline what she was like, afterward. Not exactly.
She wears the new mask more than she ever should, more than you should ever use anything you can't care about. Its edges have rubbed parts of her face bare of any fur, just raw welts stuttering at the seams where Henna had painted her red, to remember. These days, the perpetual grimace on its face shows more humanity than she can quite manage beneath it.
After losing her first mask, she'd done every foreseeable thing to bend herself into the stone she'd sought. Now, when she took it off, the was no quiver of lip or eye or hint at unbidden emotion. Her voice didn't shake or falter, unless she needed it to.
Maybe Eraline could read in between the lines. In the words of love she'd speak to the girl with an emerald heart, maybe Eraline could hear a confession.
You should have let loose more back then. Maybe things would be easier for you now.
She confides she was always going to be this angry. And it was always going to look too much like staying still. She knows beyond a shade of doubt that if she'd let loose at all in those past years, she wouldn't be here today. Wrath isn't a call, it's an echo. It's an answer. It couldn't go unaccompanied, without its orchestra.
By the time she was moving, by the time the screams ceased and the blood was still, she'd already forgiven them, and she'd forgiven herself.
Her anger wasn't for Eraline. Never would be.
She has seen enough of wrath now that maybe, in the next lifetime, she'll still be angry. Maybe, when she and Eraline meet, they can skip the parts where her feet have dragged for too long, where she's failed to recognize the devil she was looking in the eye. She'll be faster. Maybe next time...
Toward the end, I wondered if we all would have been better off if I’d never stuck around. But I’m selfish, you know… and I think that there would be no me if there were no you, or no Henna.
She tells her of her new family. That she appears still for them, and they know better. Kalindi, especially, stokes a kindred inferno over which they've loved, wept, and bled.
Her youngest is a dancer, like Eraline. Fearless and brave and she terrifies her for all the reasons Eraline did, maybe more now than ever.
The boy is familiar, dark, with peering eyes and a set of large ears, and that terrified her too. Maybe Eraline knows the things that she's only just begin stringing together, maybe she's been patiently awaiting with a knowing smile and a glint in her eye.
She knows that for Henna, once Ciel had visited and she'd given her her half of a set of matching charms, it had meant she could finally move forward. She also knows that's not how it worked, for her. They exist beside their own heaven and hell. It's not back and forth, it's left and right.
Tell you what – when you finally catch up with me, we’re doing nothing but dancing until you stop being so damn shy about it.
Most of the time, she pleas.
You've been chasing elephants up mountains, and chariots into the Savannah. I've been calling to you but you've had monarchs under your soles, and candles in your ears, and a hive in your heart.
We've just a little longer, and then we'll run together, the three of us.
We're reaching for eternity. We're closing in. We're biting at its haunches.
I'm holding you for eternity.