Musings of a Wandering Mind

ocean's picture

The world is quiet here.


I am losing every battle that I fight. Every time, I'm held back by something, unable to stop the horrors that go on around me. I lost her, I lost that fawn, I'm losing everything. I lost him too.

I think I'm going a little insane from it all. I can feel myself falling inwards, away from everybody, everything. It's like some invisible wire was unplugged in my brain. I can't connect, no, not anymore.

I'm frightened by strangers now, after so many have proven their terrible intentions. Is this the way this forest was meant to be? Drenched in blood? I won't be surprised if our forest turns red, red, red as roses. Too much blood.

How have I stood it for this long? How much longer can I stand it? Noelle couldn't stand it. She's left us now, left me here, wondering where she's gone. Feels like this forest is at the edge of a very long drop.

If it goes, I might be dragged down with it.
J!n's picture

I hope you continue, I love

I hope you continue, I love reading stuff like this.
I wonder what that deer was thinking..
ocean's picture

I'm glad you liked it. :3 I

I'm glad you liked it. :3
I wonder too...He/she was so nice to Ama. o.O
J!n's picture

Sorry about Saosin being so

Sorry about Saosin being so hyper right now. He's not often like that, not at all. Hahaha... I really hate when he is, but it's not that easy to control him.

I guess he was a bit ooc. x)
ocean's picture

Heh, it's fine. Ama needed

Heh, it's fine. Ama needed it.
The only reason she stepped back from that one nuzzle was some rather raw memories that he was inadvertently bringing up.
LOL. Totally fine.
Sorry about Ama being such a downer. xDD

Oh, I like this. Though I

Oh, I like this. Though I wonder who the other deer, besides Saosin, are.
ocean's picture

I know Kaoori & Saosin, as

I know Kaoori & Saosin, as well as her first defender, Maia.
I don't know her attacker and second defender. :3

Where is Kaoori?

Where is Kaoori?
ocean's picture

In the "warmth radiates from

In the "warmth radiates from both of you". She's not mentioned as much as Ama has seen her. |D It's a brief mention, but hey. |3
Serenai's picture

I...am apparently

I...am apparently speechless.

Intriguing.
Icon Art © Beloved
ocean's picture

Speechless and intriguing are

Speechless and intriguing are good. x3
Serenai's picture

Ocean, Indeed. You seem to be

Ocean,

Indeed. You seem to be quite the story-teller.

Atvana wishes Ama good night. That was fun, it thinks.
Icon Art © Beloved
ocean's picture

I hope so. :3 Ama: "Heh.

I hope so. :3

Ama:
"Heh. Thanks. That was...really fun, though I'm a little worried about all those clones."
Serenai's picture

Ocean, What a shame Atvana so

Ocean,

What a shame Atvana so rarely speaks. Even I can't coax it to.

However, its voice...is a little striking. Perhaps too frightening. Perhaps that is why it chooses not to.

It bows with the deepest respect imaginable. It chooses now, with Ama absent, to depart from its physical form and be merely a spirit, as it is most frequently. It awaits her return patiently, and happily.
Icon Art © Beloved
ocean's picture

True, it would help. Then

True, it would help. Then again, 'twould be nice if Ama was a mind reader.
Probably best not to shock her with its voice at the moment then. |D

Ama closes her eyes lightly, drifting off into a relaxed sleep.
Floating...
Solid again.
She is used to it by now.
Serenai's picture

Ocean, Haha. In my novel

Ocean,

Haha. In my novel (which I aparently refer to incessantly) it speaks with telepathy. XD She doesn't have to be a mind reader. It works with anyone.

Or, at least, it does back home. Then again, there its power is far more...exceeding. Here it is limited by the gods which are already in power. There, it is the god. Or, a god. An ascended being who is in a constant state of unity with God. There. Direct statement! 8D

It is used to it as well. Well, sort of. "Used to" as in it isn't bothered, and it never was. Feels normal.

It...has a different mindset than a lot of things.
Icon Art © Beloved
Zergarikiaka's picture

*tracking post*

*tracking post*
ocean's picture

*waves to Zerg* :3 Helpful.

*waves to Zerg* :3

Helpful. x3
Ooh. Shocked

[I can't think of any way to respond x3]
Serenai's picture

It's okay. I wouldn't be able

It's okay. I wouldn't be able to either. XD

Maybe I'll go and add some storyish things to the biography soon. I'm a novelist, after all. I should be able to write a story.
Icon Art © Beloved
J!n's picture

Saosin didn't know that he

Saosin didn't know that he was her friend.. :/
He was just trying to help his friend Wesker.
I really regret getting Saosin into that.. Hm..
ocean's picture

Yeah, a recent friend, but

Yeah, a recent friend, but they seem to get along alright.
I'm sure he didn't, really. :3 And I thought so.
"Saosin, tell me: why do you harm others?"
J!n's picture

In this case.. To protect the

In this case.. To protect the ones I love.
ocean's picture

"Is there really no other

"Is there really no other way? Saosin, your antlers seem stained with blood whenever I see you..."
J!n's picture

You don't know me..

You don't know me..
ocean's picture

"You're right. I don't. I

"You're right. I don't. I can't. I just want to know why. I want to know why you hated me once upon a time. I want to know why you hate him. Look, I'm not trying to scorn you. I'm just trying to puzzle this all out."
J!n's picture

Hated you..? I have never

Hated you..?
I have never hated you. What makes you think I have?
I hate who?
ocean's picture

"Past bitterness, I

"Past bitterness, I suppose...Never mind. Just...so long ago, when I saw your antlers aiming for me. I guess...I never really got past that. Not really.
And him. Darkweaver. He seemed so cordial to me, like you.
"
J!n's picture

I don't hate him. But I don't


I don't hate him. But I don't want to watch while he buries his antlers in my friend. If he didn't want a fight he would have left.

If you don't know me, then stop assuming that I'm evil.
ocean's picture

"I'm not assuming you're

"I'm not assuming you're evil! I'm just saying what I've seen. Look, I'm not saying he's not right either. It's all a mess. I don't know why-
-why the cycle can't just stop.
"
J!n's picture

Then are you blind to the

Then are you blind to the other things but to that what fits my reputation?
The cycle doesn't bother me.
ocean's picture

"No...But it hurts me that

"No...But it hurts me that you can hate so violently...and hurt to back it up.
I guess it doesn't, does it? Does anything?
Excuse me. I need some time to think this over. I don't want to hate you. And I don't want to say something I'll regret later.
"
J!n's picture

I'm sorry for sounding like

I'm sorry for sounding like this, but I grow tired of others expectations.
Don't feel hurt.. I don't hate you. I don't hate that easily.


And to you ocean, don't take anything Saosin says, or does, personally.
ocean's picture

"Don't we all...Alright...I

"Don't we all...
Alright...I just...
"
Anything in smaller text = whispering or quieter. :3
'Course not. Same for Ama. Smiling
J!n's picture

Trust me. I won't hurt you.

Trust me. I won't hurt you.
ocean's picture

"But will you hurt the ones I

"But will you hurt the ones I love?
I just...don't know what to make of you, really...
Look, I don't mean to come off accusing. I'm not...trying to. Like I've said so many times, I'm just trying to understand.
And like I said, I don't want to hate you. I want to forgive you...but I don't know if I...can.
I just want to think it over for a bit...but I'm glad you don't hate me.
"
J!n's picture

I won't if you tell me not


I won't if you tell me not to.
If you feel this way now then our friendship isn't going to turn out very well. You'll just end up feeling hurt again.
Goodbye Amadahy..


She reminds him of Garth.
ocean's picture

"I know, I know. I can't hide

"I know, I know. I can't hide that I'm...that-
Look, Saosin, just don't say goodbye. I want to think, okay? I don't want to lose you. I just don't want to get hurt either, don't want-
Please don't leave...I'm confused, okay?
Can you just...give me a bit? Please?
"

Er, uh-oh.
Kaoori's picture

aww, Kaoori is warm..

aww, Kaoori is warm.. Smiling
ocean's picture

Yes. Yes she is. <3 And much

Yes.
Yes she is. <3
And much appreciated company for Ama. x3
J!n's picture

Okay... but think about it. I

Okay... but think about it. I don't want to be your friend if you're not sure you want to be mine. I just.. It feels like it's all being repeated.


Garth is one of Crimsongale's deer. xD She was a friend of his once. Saosin is like this because of her.
ocean's picture

"Thanks, Saosin. I

"Thanks, Saosin. I understand. I wouldn't want to hurt you either. Especially if it's happened before.
I will think about it...
"

Yep! x3 And I think I remember that fiasco. Poor Saosin; poor Garth. *pats both*
J!n's picture

Thank you.. Saosin didn't do

Thank you..

Saosin didn't do much for it to happen. He's worried that Ama might be as sensitive as Garth.
It must be hard for Amadayh to deal with Saosin like this.
ocean's picture

[No response][/no

[No response][/no response]
|D Can't think of anything.

Yeah, she may very well be. I dunno. Hopefully not. |D
And vice versa. Saosin's gone through a lot, I'm sure.
J!n's picture

It's okay, I didn't really

It's okay, I didn't really expect her to answer to that. (:
If this goes well then Saosin might feel better about befriending more sensitive deer.
ocean's picture

Oh good. x3 I better be off.

Oh good. x3
I better be off. :3
Bye!
And hopefully it will; at the very least, she'll be kind about it? xD
Kaoori's picture

I will protect you from that

I will protect you from that deer. As for Darkweaver.. there is a history between he, Wesker and I .. one that is hard for me to bury. And I don't know if I -can- bury it..
ocean's picture

"Thanks, Kaoori...I'm glad I

"Thanks, Kaoori...I'm glad I have so many loyal friends around here. Maybe...maybe you should just keep trying. I don't know...He seems nice..."
Kaoori's picture

That is a beautiful edit.

That is a beautiful edit. <3
ocean's picture

Thanks! I like the "old

Thanks! I like the "old photo" filter in GIMP. x3

OMG! XD thank you for helping

OMG! XD thank you for helping me with Jason's set <3

btw- his picto is just a placeholder Smiling
ocean's picture

Haha, no problem. ^^ I'll be

Haha, no problem. ^^
I'll be sure to have Keme stalk his new picto when he uses that one. ;D