Mini PSA about the positivity questionaire

Jacklo's picture
I've been talking to some of my friends, and though I 100% support the thread, I 100% think its a lovely charming idea and that Lemon hasn't done anything wrong by posting it, I just wanted to add something to it without derailing that thread in a long comment.

If you haven't been mentioned in the positivity thread, its okay.

There is nothing wrong with you, you aren't unpopular, you aren't disliked, you aren't outcast. There is nothing wrong with your characters, or designs, or plots just because no ones brought them up yet.

I, like many others, adore my friends, adore their characters, and adore all our time spent together and I know I speak for the entire forest when I say there is always someone who adores you, your characters and your time together.

Like I said I'm very sure it wasn't Lemons intention, and its a lovely thread, but its lowkey been upsetting people so I want you guys to know you're valued here.
fushrah's picture

I have a thought! Once upon

I have a thought! Once upon a time there used to be a thread for complimenting the person who wrote the post above you. It was a great way to share love all around, and it led me to checking out people and characters with whom I was less familiar. Would folks be interested in that?
Jacklo's picture

You could bump the thread! Or

You could bump the thread! Or make a new one, I'm sure people would like that!

I did something myself where I asked people to send me their or their friends' character hubs/list and I'd pick one to showcase with a description of why I liked it, which I stole the idea from someone who did the same thing when i joined as a nub 4 years ago.

There needs to be more kindness sharing on TEFc!

Jacklo's Characters/Hub
Discord: Daddy#4977
Awentia's picture

♥ ;;

♥ ;;
Discord: Tzvii#9954 // Signature by Wake.
fushrah's picture

Ooh I like that! I'll make a

Ooh I like that! I'll make a new compliment thread, and it'd be awesome if you remade that! (Although it would also be fun to let everyone love on showcased characters too - not certain how to make that work, but I sure love to gush about cool people and characters.)

I'm all for more love and wholesomeness. So many of us have life stuff we come to the forest to escape from; having some kind threads like these would be great for everyone.

I've...yeah. When I was first

I've...yeah. When I was first here, and before the drama came to a peak and I snapped from it, Calida was actually well-liked. I wasn't good at art yet, but she got so many gifted arts....and I kept every one of them. Upon my return, it took a whole year for people to even just talk to me and say hi. The newer players came forward first, of course, having missed all the drama and I couldn't thank them enough. But recently, a few other players started talking to me a bit more, and it's given me such hope that I could regain what I lost, just with different people involved, and not making the same mistakes again and avoiding those who only made it worse which, thankfully, are VERY few and not enough to deter me.

Roleplays were once epic. I feel myself going brain dead without it now. I'm not as sharp as I was. But if I got back into it...maybe something would happen. There's a good few of you I would just LOVE to go into deeper roleplay with, but I'm so afraid of rejection, that I don't approach. I figure, if anyone wants to, they have the invitation to come to me, so I won't force anything.

But I love Lemon's thread, even though I feel like this. Many may have purposely forgotten me, but looking at what people like, I can tailor some of my characters to be more like what the general populace likes. Doubt it will work for me specifically, but we shall see. My characters range from cold and hard to soft and submissive. Hoping something is bound to happen eventually.
Wildrose's picture

Okay thank... you made me

Okay thank... you made me cry! I have been feeling exactly what you have expressed in these words, I am sorry if I am a random person commenting on your post but I 100% agree with you there needs to be more kindness on TEF. ( PLEASE no hate or dislikes from people who disagree.)

I am having trouble fitting in with people here on TEF or it feels like it * due to my anxiety and personality disorder some times it makes it hard for me to understand people and makes me feel feelings and worries that are not true at all* But yes this post I 100% feel so strong about.

Thank you <3

just wanted to leave a lil

just wanted to leave a lil love here too ♥

Sig: Aihnna

LostintheEcho's picture

&hearts;

Sigi by Wake

OshiBoo's picture

I know the feeling and I

I know the feeling and I understand how some can be feeling down or left out. Seeing the comments here is a reminder that sometimes we all get our doubts and worries and just need to feel a little uplifted. I've been feeling really down lately myself but I always find its easier to deal with if I can make someone else's day a little better.

If i may and i really dont mean to derail the thread(so sorry Jacklo) - shed a lil love for those of you here to start - and I mean every word of it.

Jacklo - I love your character concepts and I've always enjoyed interacting them or even just reading what you've written. All of yours seem to have some little quirk or two that just brings a bit more depth or interest to the character.

Fushrah - I don't know you but i'm looking forward to see you around more. You seem to be a genuinely nice person and im happy to say 'welcome back!'

Awentia - I REALLY LIKE YOUR ART. Seriously I always smile when I see one of the icons youve done for your commissions cause they are really lovely to look at and not gonna lie I stalk your adopts like hell and wish I had the time and money to devote to having all of them.

Valeska - Don't be so down all the time. You've been pretty damn nice and its fun talking to you. Looking forward to working with you more and getting to know our characters better.

Wildrose - IVe always thought Felbane was really cool!! and the Wow-nerd in me giggled with delight when I saw them the first time. I always look forward to seeing them in game or reading about their antics. ALSO your arts really improved!! Dont stop or be discouraged, you're doing really well!

ems. - How do you even with updates I can't write like that that and its always been something I've admired about you. Your writing slays me, even if its just notes, im always either having a good laugh at the character's antics (Shahla's and Mirah's especially) or moved when things aren't quite working in the character's favor (Kato, Aurik, Gunnarr). How well thought-out they all are in your rps always gets me too.

LostintheEcho - It has been an absolute pleasure watching your art skills improve over the few years I've been here and all the time im caught staring at your adopts trying to rationalize buying the ones i like up. (who am i kidding though they all look fantastic and I have no self control) I always point people looking for designs in your direction when i can. Your characters are all fantastic and I really regret that im too scared to approach most of the time cause they really are awesome and I always enjoy seeing them in game.



lemon's picture

I was worried when I started

I was worried when I started that thing that some people might feel left out, but that really wasn't my intention at all. I'm sorry to anyone who felt upset or unloved, it breaks my heart to hear that.
Avatar by Kohva!

Wildrose's picture

@Senecxys: I admit I have

@Senecxys: I admit I have always admired your characters from afar as well, sadly I don't speak up a lot unless I have talked it over with close friends to make sure I don't offend any one. I am sorry I have always been quiet but I really love Adayti background story and her design in general but so many good designs from every body on this site it's impossible to keep up sometimes!

I couldn't help but base felbane around wow lore a bit...All tho I plan to change some of my oc back ground history so some people might find it more easy to follow along or something? I am glad you giggled tho makes my belly glow in delight that I made you laugh haha. Thank for the support on felbane * Credits for her design this go fully to vessan as she helped me come up with the design."

Thank you for saying my art has improved <3 I am finding it really hard to draw on a tablet like I draw on paper but I am sure I will get the hang of it sometime =) but again thank you so much!

@Jacklo: Sorry for the wall spam.
Aivilo's picture

One reason I didn't reply to

One reason I didn't reply to that thread is I have a really shit memory and unless I see/interact with something pretty much every day, I don't think about it much and it does not jump to the forefront of my thoughts until it gets brought up by something, even if I am actively trying to recall a category that item belongs to. I have oohed and aged over so many designs, plots, art pieces... and yet I. can't tell you who came up with most of them and other specifics are very hazy to me.

I see people and bios around the community all the time and go "holy cow! That's SUPER cool! They really put some effort into that and it paid off!" And then I'm not on for a week or I don't play in the Forest or we don't interact and I literally forget they exist until the next time I see them.

Tldr: you are all so much more amazing than I ever have words for; I am (and much of the community is) super shy and insecure at heart so I may not comment on something even if it's one of the coolest things I see that day, and that does not make it (or you) any less awesome. It just means I have issues I need to resolve. The lack of comment or mention is a reflection on me more than it is a reflection on your worthiness.
0baf0's picture

&hearts;

Icon - ahimsa.Signature - Qanat. ♥
Vessan's picture

I think it's mostly a matter

I think it's mostly a matter of how many people you know/interact with.

Thats why I think even more people should participate there.
Yes, you too, the ones that feel left out. Don't stalk the thread untill you're mentioned. Pop in and make somebody's day nicer. Just join in. Just do it. The feeling of making another person's day is sometimes enough to make yourself bubbly warm.
Unplugged's picture

I originally didn't want to

I originally didn't want to post on the thread because I was worried that some people would feel left out, but I also want to reiterate that I think every one of you is awesome and fantastic and we all appreciate you being around.

I did feel left out at first as well and it made me very anxious, but I know that that is my low self esteem messing with me. I did get mentioned (made my day ;_; <3) a bit later on but I still think lemon's thread is a very positive thing, and i definitely don't want lemon to feel bad for it at all.

e: also what Vessan said is spot on!
Wildrose's picture

That's always vessan! Hitting

That's always vessan! Hitting everything on the nail, Glad to see that this post was picked up by alot of people.

@Lemon: Please don't feel bad for putting your post up, It was a lovely and caring thought that you did to show others how much players care about each and other. I love the Idea you did and I love how Jacklo Just balanced it out with this post just a tad!

Plus good morning from the Uk xD!
LostintheEcho's picture

I'm probably going to shoot

I'm probably going to shoot myself in the foot by saying this, but hhh.

For those saying 'you should comment too if you/you're friends feel left out', i think its gotten to the point where i can't. Because after conversing with other people over skype/discord, anything I say about people that have become upset over this, will just come off as disingenuous? Like trying to put a dirty bandage on an already infected wound. My friends know that I love them, they don't need the reassurance that they're wanted here from me.

And if you're only commenting on the thread to make you're friends feel better because it's upset them, then there is something wrong with the entire thread.

Its a double-edged sword. You can't single people out without leaving someone else in the dark. And its getting to the point where someone I know is thinking about dropping everything and quitting.

NOW, if you're sat there like 'its just a questionnaire chill, I don't give a shit about it', then that's great! But as a community whose population consists of maaaany people that suffer from varying degree's of anxiety, this thread could ruin any confidence they had about feeling wanted and cherished here. Anyone with anxiety will know the stress that comes with it, and the constant feeling that they've done something wrong, or they aren't good enough. So when they don't get mentioned at all in thread like that, its soul crushing.

I know the thread wasn't intended to hurt anyone. Lemon you did nothing wrong. But I fear its starting to turn into something dangerous, as people are still going unmentioned as others comment on it, and I do NOT want people leaving the community over it. ;n;

Sen: Thank you, those words mean a lot, you have no idea ;; ♥
Sigi by Wake

Unplugged's picture

I suppose i'm gonna be a bit

I suppose i'm gonna be a bit controversial here but frankly, I don't think we should avoid praising people publicly just because we cannot praise all of them individually and because others might feel bad over it.

I'm also a person with diagnosed social anxiety amongst other things and before i got mentioned I honestly started thinking I'm completely useless and that people maybe hated me for reasons I'm not aware of – and even after I got mentioned some of that anxiety still pertains. I know this shit can get really bad too.

While it is nice when someone is understanding of my worries and fears, it's not the community's collective responsibility to accommodate my mental issues. Personally, I don't ever want others to withhold praise just because of my insecurities.

That said, I am sorry if this post comes off as aggressive or insensitive, I assure you it isn't meant to be and I value everybody's opinions and I too wish that it wouldn't cause this much anxiety. I want to reiterate again that I think every member of this community is fantastic and contributes in their own unique ways. I understand the position on a personal level. I don't think badly of anyone here at all and I am not targeting anyone personally with this, but I wanted to voice my thoughts on this discussion.

I think this PSA and the other posts made on this topic are still very good ideas, especially the "compliment the person above you" blog. You are valued. There is nothing wrong with you. And at least on my behalf I can say you're always welcome around us and I would love to get to know you better. Please don't let yourself get discouraged by this.
Echosong's picture

^

^
Jacklo's picture

I agree that we shouldn't

I agree that we shouldn't avoid praising people, but it can be remedied with things like, try not to praise someone already been praised e.g i had a rule in my character showcase no one could suggest the same player twice (because I'd be writing the same thing)

It kind of works with Fush' praise above you thread because if someone was commenting enough to be praised multiple times, they'd also be giving as much as they got you see?

Jacklo's Characters/Hub
Discord: Daddy#4977
Evern's picture

Only skimmed this but I

Only skimmed this but I wanted to say that... I THINK a lot of this is down to the fact that we, the TEF community, are a small bunch. If we exclude the players who don't use the community site or players who only very rarely do, there's what... 100-200 people here? Possibly even just 130-150. That, for an online community, is very small. We all suffer from a fear of being unseen or unknown (myself included) becasue it's almost like a highschool class- we all know eachother. In larger fourms, with numbers of 1,000+, knowning everyone is simply not possible. There's the creator, the few popular people who always post, admins- and that's it. Everyone else is equal. But because here we all sort of know eachother, it can be daunting and feel like if you're not in the loop you're not loved. More people stand out because there's a smaller number available, and that can make some feel invisible. Just like someone who's unpopular in a school class might.

Whatever the issue here, I think it's important to keep that in mind. Whether it's right to praise people publicly or not, the bottom line is that we, as a community, have and will always have issues with this. AND THAT'S NOT TO SAY it's a bad thing at all! I think it just goes to show how important we all are to eachother, whether we know eachother well or not, whether we slip more into the background or not. We all matter way too much. And that's the problem.

I think it's important to

I think it's important to remember that we're not 'losing' because someone else is 'winning'. Expecting everyone to enjoy everything equally is unrealistic. Asking others to keep their preferences hidden because it might offend someone isn't fair. Being offended because you're not someone's favorite is unhealthy to both you and them.

I know this is coming from someone who gets more compliments than they deserve, but people are allowed to express what appeals to them the most, because we all have different tastes and that's okay. It doesn't render everything else we see or interact with undesirable or unwelcome.

I approve of this blog's original message very much.

everyone has already said my

everyone has already said my thoughts on this.

you are loved, you are appreciated, you are noticed. and i'm here if anyone needs to talk.

Sen; I'm undeserving of all

Sen; I'm undeserving of all those nice things you said about me, but I appreciate them, thank you ♥

Sig: Aihnna

CydaLuva83's picture

Going to pop in and basically

Going to pop in and basically say that I'm with Aivilo here, 100%

I'm terrible with remembering things, and if we didn't talk at all for a day, I probably forgot to mention you. That's nothing against any of you, because so many of you are amazing. Please don't be hurt because of my poor memory. (I love you regardless of if I can remember your name LOL)
Signature By Aihnna, Avatar by YaraMyst