Grub Doe Pondering

Fincayra's picture




We See the Same Sky





January 24th

So uhh I almost died last Saturday. Couldn't breathe, flatlined and everything I think. I think I literally came back frim the dead. The cancer got into my brain ventricles and wouldn't let any of the fluid drain so the pressure p much ballooned. Had to get a shunt put in, still recovering from that surgery. Needless to say I am no longer in school and I guess the fight's still on, I'm just on borrowed time rn

We'll see what happens now. This cancer really wants me dead, but I really don't want to let it take me yet. Don't wanna be morbid, but I just want to say that in case anything still happens, you guys are amazing and supportive and I love you all. I'm sure you'll hear from Tuo or my sister if anything were to happen at this point ♥













redoooo


all about kidaaaa who's kida


redoooo


fuckin redoooo

Fincayra#9828






Hraeth's picture

keep it up, you're goin'

keep it up, you're goin' places
Calinka's picture

i'm keeping my fingers

i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, Jay. you gotta come back here to europe and we'll do more amazing stuff <3

): Keeping you close in my

):

Keeping you close in my thoughts.
Kaoori's picture

I'm thinking of you ... hang

I'm thinking of you ... hang in there Jay.
Mauvable's picture

Fin I love you and I haven't

Fin I love you and I haven't been much of this because it's hard for me to deal with these things.

You're strong. I know you can do this. Kick this shit's ass.
Echosong's picture

&hearts; know you can beat


know you can beat this, Jay. we love you
is there any way we can help? somewhere we can send money?

what echo said, i'd love to

what echo said, i'd love to keep helping in any way possible ;;
and you can do this, you're an incredible fuckin' fighter and you'll overcome, seen you do it countless times before ♥
Aivilo's picture

YUO CAN DO IT This video

YUO CAN DO IT
This video always makes me smile, so I hope it makes you smile too.
Flyleaf's picture

With the help of your

With the help of your Forestfriends and your strenght you will beat this !
I was able to eleminate my cancer too ...it is inactiv at the moment .
You can do it Smiling
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13

Jay, you've got this. Let us

Jay, you've got this. Let us know if you need anything, please.
Fincayra's picture

ugh i love you guys gonna see

ugh i love you guys
gonna see about restarting the campaign, or getting a new one goin' but please don't feel obligated to give anything. your thoughts and well wishes are what matter the most to me, above everything else ♥
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

We got you, Jay. Don't you

We got you, Jay. Don't you worry. Ain't no surgery or stupid tumor that's gonna keep you down. F that. Hell yea! You'll get out of this and kick it all to the curb and just be gd done with it all, k? One last time. That's all. You're gonna get through all this and be all good afterwards.
Even if you don't have hearing on your left side, that ain't nuthin', yea? We're "hear" for you. Ha. ... I'm not that funny. But still, one more battle. Just a little more stress and it'll be all good then. You got this. Prove us right, k? Much love and admiration, alright? That's what's here for you- from all of us.
#1354
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&hearts; &hearts;

♥ ♥ ♥
not here anymore really but
thinking of you regularly, and sending love often.
Iaurdagnire's picture

urgh. Jay. &hearts; I'm so

urgh. Jay. ♥ I'm so gutted for you. You must be so exhausted by this shit.

Gloves back on, back in the ring. I'll be thinking of you on the 22nd (and in between, you're in my thoughts often). I wish you so much luck in that 3rd round of surgery and anything you need out the other side we got you.
Flyleaf's picture

Sending you strenght and all

Sending you strenght and all my positive vibes !!
I know how you are feeling right now .
Stay strong !
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
Nazzard's picture

God the little thing just

God the little thing just doesn't give up does it? You've got this, you will win this war. You will put that damned tumor in its place one way or another. Besides, you know what they say about the third time being the charm!

I'll be thinking of you on the 22nd and my heart goes out to you. Stay strong, you'll conquer this!

Discord:Nazzard#9068 ||Click for bios.
Fincayra's picture

you're all incredible, each

you're all incredible, each and every one of you.. i really have no words to describe how much you, this community, all mean to me. so glad i found this place 11 years ago ♥ i've got a new campaign going as requested, but pls don't put yourself out for me! take care of yourselves, too
i'll be in surgery first thing tomorrow morning, so i'll be seein' you
Silverfang's picture

thinking of you, jay, you can

thinking of you, jay, you can do this ♥

My paycheck hits tomorrow. I

My paycheck hits tomorrow. I will be donating more.
Flyleaf's picture

I hope you are recovering

I hope you are recovering well from your surgery !
Sending you lots of positive vibes !!
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
Kaoori's picture

Check in when you can.

Check in when you can.
Fincayra's picture

'eyy! had a couple

'eyy! had a couple complications in hospital, like i couldn't feel my right leg for an entire day (surgeon said it had to do with OR padding and a nerve getting pinched), and i had to endure some p unbearable head pain early early friday morning bUT IDK WHY YOU NEED THOSE DEETS

back home now anyway, with too much energy and not a whole lot i'm about to do atm and not a lot.. i can do about it atm. ?? hopped up on steroids again, so i'm feeling a little crazy, but everything went well and i'm super glad to be home ughh
Flyleaf's picture

Good to hear such good news

Good to hear such good news Smiling
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

welcome home

welcome home <3

WE NEED THOSE DEETS BECAUSE WE WORRY and we're nosy af
#1354
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Tuo's picture

It must suck so bad.. well,

It must suck so bad.. well, that's an understatement. oTL
Wish I could loan you some strength. Try to hang in there. ;; ♥

Flyleaf's picture

Keep fighting !! We are with

Keep fighting !!
We are with you Smiling
Sending lots of strenght towards you .
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

Jay. Take a breath. And

Jay. Take a breath. And another.
A week is out of the way, which is good.
You can do this, just allow yourself to realize that you're human and this crap is tough.
You are tough, too, because you've dealt with shit up till now, k?
Like. You're still here, and you've made some big choices, so make sure that you take it easy on yourself and don't let the circumstances weigh you down.
About a month more. You got this.
Make sure to come here and vent and complain it out of your system.
We'll support you, if you need it.
#1354
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I believe in you. So much.

I believe in you. So much. You are strong enough to get through this, but its ok if - sometimes - you feel that you're not. We're here. Always here for you. And we love you.

Wonder n Clare both stole the

Wonder n Clare both stole the sentiments right outta my heart. it's awful to hear how it's taking its toll on you, i can't imagine what you're going through.. bUT keep in mind all that you've accomplished thus far. it takes incredible fortitude and bravery to overcome what you already have, n it's downright fucking inspiring, alright. and though i know it gets worse before it gets better, i believe in you, and i believe in your will to keep on accomplishing things.
you've got so much amazing shit to do in your life yet, and if i know your stubborn ass, this won't stop you from gettin' there ♥
Aivilo's picture

Sending love and well-wishes

Sending love and well-wishes ♥
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

Vili i sflipflappin

Vili i sflipflappin adorable!! Their mom is a rockin gorgeous girl, too! o man o man!

Good on your for treating yourself to such a precious babbin!
Also, rock that 'do, no matter what!

So proud of you for getting so far! For puttin' up with all this! So proud
#1354
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OkamiLugia's picture

xoxoxoxo

xoxoxoxo
WonderfullySarcastic's picture

Jay, dear, how are you doing?

Jay, dear, how are you doing?
#1354
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Fincayra's picture

heyy. sweet of you to check

heyy. sweet of you to check in <3

well. radiation's over with, and the MRI came back clear. cancer's gone. started chemo.. a little over a week ago now, but it's given me a pretty severe body rash that burns and itches and overall just looks hella nasty. s'got me pretty bummed out. :[ was ordered to stop the chemo to work on resolving it with an antibiotic and topical ointments, but so far it hasn't responded to anything and they want me to have restarted chemo by monday which.. m'thinkin' i might have to refuse bc i def can't live with this so i might have to fight with the doctors..

we'll see. appreciate you thinkin' about me hnn
Flyleaf's picture

Oh god ....you are in the

Oh god ....you are in the same situation as i ..
Fighting with your health and the docs ....
Hang in there too ♥
Avatar @ Sluggs Siggy @ Amazegenalo
Bouncing Fly by Mary13
Fincayra's picture

fly! hey, don't mind me- i've

fly! hey, don't mind me- i've just got a silly rash. it'll go away, one way or another. i'm over the worst of my crap so now it's your turn to pull through yours, yeah? i know you can. you're just an important person to everyone here and we're all rooting for you.

you've been with me, encouraging me through every step of my medical journey even when sometimes i haven't wanted to go any further. i'll never forget any of it. you're such a light around this place.

so start getting better, y'hear. you're gonna get through this.

Thinking of you. Hoping

Thinking of you. Hoping you're well.
Fincayra's picture

lacie.. &hearts; doin' as

lacie.. ♥ doin' as well as i can and i hope the same for you. tysm for reminding me to update
wormwoods's picture

&hearts; Thinking of you.

♥ Thinking of you. Hope this all works out as best as it can, Fin.

Formerly ocean.
Kaoori's picture

thinkin of you.

thinkin of you.

Ugh, I'm really sorry to hear

Ugh, I'm really sorry to hear that the chemo wasn't helping well, but I'm glad you're finding an alternative. Cannabis is stupidly awesome and healthy, and I was honestly the same way when I was that age because of all the fear-mongering. I myself am doing alright, I can't complain too much.

Keeping you in my thoughts as always, and happy early birthday. Why the hell is everyone here younger than me, I don't understand this and it's mildly frightening.
Osmotious's picture

Why haven't I seen this yet.

Why haven't I seen this yet. Let me just sit down right here.
add me on discord: Krisaur#9391

know i've been MIA the last

know i've been MIA the last couple months, but you're in my thoughts always. really hope you don't have to deal with the rash much longer, it sounds awful ;n; but m'super glad that you're finding your own way through this, especially if chemo is doing more harm than good. quality of life is so, so important and you deserve some peace and comfort from all the troubles ♥
Mauvable's picture

Hey, ily a lot

Hey, ily a lot
Fincayra's picture

mauv.. 3: &hearts; poppin' in

mauv.. 3: ♥ poppin' in outta nowhere like that
tysm for your kind words- everyone's kind words, even. i know i'm so terrible at replying to every one of you individually like i should for all the sweet sentiments you've all thrown my way, but i read and appreciate all of them sm. been wanting to put this off for a bit longer but i think it's time for another life update, so m'glad you stopped by for the reminder mauv hhnn. ily too and ily all

i've been wondering but

i've been wondering but didn't wanna pry- i'm so glad to know the cancer's been long gone, and am proud of you <3 still hoping the side effects of everything wear off in the next few months, it sounds like hell to deal with ;n;
and it's rly sad to hear about how your mom handled everything, but it's thrilling that you've got support from other important people, doctors and ofc the community here eue do what you gotta to feel comfortable. it's your body, after all~
Kaoori's picture

i'm extremely happy to hear

i'm extremely happy to hear the cancer is gone. i'm so happy for you.

but i'm incredibly sad for what you have to deal with- i can't pretend to know how hard it is and my heart hurts that you have to deal with what you are dealing with, especially from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. I'm glad you DO have support from others, and know you also have support here, although it may be from afar.
Tuo's picture

you know my thoughts already

you know my thoughts already but sending love here as well ♥

Aivilo's picture

Literally jumped when I read

Literally jumped when I read the cancer's been gone. I'm so happy for you!!

I'm sorry your mother didn't take things well. Worst come to worst, you could probably couch hop between TEFers. My couch folds out!
Only partly joking
Wishing you all the best, Fin.

Very good news that the

Very good news that the cancer haven't showed up now.
I'm sending you strength and stay strong!