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*Warning* Mature theme and a little gore. Read at your own risk

Many of the deer in the Endless Forest honored and worshiped the Twin Gods, knowing that they were always protected under their watchful eye. They thought that the Gods' presence would be just as endless as the Forest itself. They waited anxiously for the Autumn to come, so they could once again meet a great zombie whom we call the Big Zombie Deer or BZD. The BZD hated the little deer, and often threatened them if they came close. He longed to be free from his chains, so he could stay on the land for an eternity instead of trapped for months of each year.

Little did anyone know, but the BZD himself was a god deer much like Michael and Auriea, but one of evil intent. The Twin Gods used their forest magic to keep the BZD under control, and he succumbed to their will, letting the little deer cast spells on him that in return transformed their bodies to look like his. They still were living, but had the illusion that they were of the dead like the BZD was.

One musty day, two fawns decided to play a game of tag on Twin Gods' Hill. One of them noticed something strange on the ground. He scratched at it with his little hoof, and found an old tome that was written in a strange language. The little one tilted his head at the artifact, and curiously he and his friend dug it out. The thing was circular like a wheel and looked just as old as the Twin Gods' statues, and the two noticed that it let off a strange glow.

"Let's take it to the Pond and wash it off. Maybe it's just dirty.", one of the fawns suggested. The two tried to lift the heavy stone, but as soon as they were able to get it to move, it began to roll down the hill. They shrieked in horror and tried to stop it, but it was too late - the tome rolled off and crashed into one of the stones of the Birch Forest.

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(For those who feel burdened, depressed, lonely, or painful...this one is for you)

You find yourself in a quiet old cathedral. You see that many candles have been lit, which flicker on the pillars and in small glasses, but you notice that there is no one else around. You take your first few steps deeper in, and hear the echoes of your feet on the solid floor.

If there was anyone else here with you, you would know. You stop and listen.

Quiet. You can hear a light breeze coming from the ceiling, and the occasional sound of the individual candles flickering, but otherwise the place is completely empty aside from you.

You look at the great pillars that hold up the walls and ceiling. They are beautiful in their own way, seeming to flow up like trees, though you know they were crafted by someone's careful and loving hands. You see there is an altar near the front of the cathedral, as well as pews close to it. Strangely, you notice a large gap in the pews, and as you approach, you discover a great circle has been etched into the floor. It is a strange maze, and the pattern seems familiar...

You decide to walk it, and with each step, your mind wanders. What am I doing here? Is there something that needs to be said? Am I feeling emotional about something? Do I feel hurt or alone? What is troubling me? Why? Why is it so hard...?

The questions continue on and on until you find yourself in the center of the maze. You had walked the entire path, not relaxing or meditating but questioning things over and over. You feel yourself sink and you fall on your knees, your body tired and overwhelmed with grief. You shiver as the cathedral suddenly seems colder than before.

Then...

Clip clop..., you hear something coming. Clip clop..., footsteps that are not your own. Clip clop..., they approach and become louder and louder.

I posted this in my updates but I thought I'd repost it in a separate topic in case anyone has dealt with this before and might have a solution. This really scares me.

It seems like I'm dealing with Dad's death in my own way. I had no idea about this until now since I've been sleeping with Mom on Dad's side of the bed. She told me that I've been having really bad nightmares and have been talking in my sleep. She said that I've even gotten up and sleepwalked to the closet and around the room.

I don't even remember any of that. I remember getting up and getting something to drink at 2:00 last night, but she said that I have been talking in my sleep and getting out of the bed. It's scary to me because I'm not controlling myself when I do things like that. She says whenever she calls me, I say "Oh sorry, sorry.", and then I stop talking or something.

I barely remember the dream I was having. Sometimes I can remember them vividly, but lately I can't.

Anyway, she wants me to talk to someone about it. Either one of the social workers or a relative or friend. I wanted to post this up here and see if anyone had any ideas.

It's like I'm living a separate life when I sleep, you know? One I can't control, and that I don't remember a thing about when I wake up.

This morning I went to Dad's grave at the cemetery. They have a temporary marker there and I felt bad that the flowers he had for the funeral were already wilted. I didn't bring any flowers for the temporary vase there but I'm sure someone will soon.





I told Dad that I loved him and that I was going to feed the ducks at the pond that's in the cemetery.

Before I had come by the cemetery, I went to the store and grabbed a loaf of bread to feed the ducks with. I had some old hamburger rolls as well.

So I drive up and see this:



I'm thinking, "Okay, are there ducks out there?"



"Maybe this won't be so bad."



"Hey look, Canadian geese!"



So they started to come closer to feed...



And seagulls showed up...



And before I realized it, I had Noah's Ark out here. I really didn't bring enough bread for them all, but I did what I could.



This guy was my buddy, who came up and asked for bread politely.

For Dad...

The morning light illuminated a vast land, an open plain where light grass grew and isolated trees gave shelter for those who sought it. The air was musky and a light fog filled the place.

There, in the quiet morning, lay an old grey rhino. His body was both wrinkled as well as scarred - he had been through many struggles, but he continued to persevere and live. There were many others that this rhino touched, many lives he saved, many he inspired. The buzzards were already circling his body in the sky - they knew his minutes were counting down.

The old one drew in long breaths, though stopping for nearly a minute between his breathing. He was in pain, and every moment seemed like hours to him.

He just wanted to rest. He had seen plenty of the world, and his wisdom and experience was enough to be told countless stories from. He had done wonders in the world.

The birds above continued to wait for him to draw his last breath, but they were unaware that there were others in this land. Four other creatures arrived, knowing of the rhino's last moments.

An owl who loved him for many years - the two of them spent many days together. They protected each other - she kept him healthy while he defended her from predators. They were truly meant for each other.

A wolf who held him with great respect - he was taught discipline and strength from the old one, and looked up to him as a father. The wolf would be there with the rhino for many days, both surviving and both protecting one another.

A lemur who honored his wisdom - the young creature learned much of the ways of the world from the elder. He treasured the rhino's words and would value many lessons he was given.

And a stag who saw him as a guardian - he came to the rhino for protection, and the gentle creature would offer it freely.

Quad Raptor. I'm really curious as to what you guys would visualize a Quad Raptor to be. I won't describe one because I've never really drawn one myself (QuadRaptor was a cyborg character from a different community, not actually a raptor)

I know I am an art whore but I would really appreciate any kind of a response to this. Kind of going through a lot of IRL stuff and this would mean a lot to me. Thanks for your help - I might actually create a raptor character based on the designs done.

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What are you most afraid of? An animal? Intruders in your home?

Perhaps...heights?

Close your eyes. Just imagine the breeze from the altitude. It is strong but brisk, and the air has a clean scent. Your body is cold from the air but warm from the sunlight. The sound of the wind is loud, but you feel at peace here.

Open your eyes.

You're standing on a great plateau. Before you is a cliffside, with a great waterfall that flows right from the top of the cliff. The water pours right off of the edge, creating a mist as it plummets for miles. The ground below is almost barely visible, but you can see where the water collects down there, forming a river. You look to the horizon, seeing a great jungle that stretches for miles, and is blanketed by a thin mist.

Your heart races. Are you really thinking about it? Wouldn't it be a suicide leap?

"Do it. You know you want to feel it.", you hear a familiar voice say. You realize that your deer is standing there with you. "Don't hesitate, don't worry, just jump.", they say.

"But I'll die.", you reply.

The deer shakes their head, "This is only a dream, and besides, everyone needs to let go every once in a while.", they reply.

"Are you sure?", you question them.

"Trust me. You have before, why wouldn't you trust me now?", they reply, and giving you a little nuzzle, they say, "It'll be fun. Come on, I'll jump with you."

You hesitate, looking off the edge. It is really far, and the river is really small and may be hard to land in. You begin to doubt yourself, wondering why your deer wants you to jump.

...But you take a deep breath, "One...", you say.

"Two..."

"Three!"

You and your deer jump off the side. The two of you free fall, the wind hitting your face rapidly. You pass by the falls, feeling the mist coming from them.

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The next few days you have felt very enlightened. Your work has been much more productive, and your friends have enjoyed your company a little more than normal. You are home one day, and sitting in your favorite chair, you turn on the television.

Flipping through the channels, you stop on a channel that you never watch. There is a commercial on, with a voice talking about saving nature from being demolished, and what you can do to help. You normally don't pay attention to these kinds of commercials, but something was different about this one.

The commercial pans across a wide open field, where wildflowers of many colors blanket the place, and a gentle breeze makes them wave and sway beautifully. You slowly stop hearing the voice in the commercial, and closing your eyes, you hear your deer's voice, "Today, your life will change.", they say.

You open your eyes in response to the voice, and are surprised that you are standing in the wildflower field you were just watching. The flowers let off an intoxicating scent collectively, and it fills your lungs and makes your mind reminisce of a simple life. You notice a variety of insects crawl and flutter around this place.

It must be paradise for them. You see butterflies of all kinds land on the bountiful flowers, bees pollinating happily, beetles climbing the stalks and enjoying the leaves, dragonflies hovering above almost aimlessly, and many others. You know the insects will not bother you, so you walk into the flowers, letting your hands touch a few of them as you walk. You feel little bits of dew collect onto your hands - it must be an early morning here.

You then hear some of the flowers rustling. Stopping, you listen for it again. Are there predators out here? Are you in danger?

You then see your deer pop their head up from the flowers, looking at you with a mouthful of them.

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Silence. It can be a beautiful thing, and when used correctly, can be powerful too. It sometimes is hard to maintain silence, though. The world clutters your mind, makes you remember things from long ago that have been said and done.

Sometimes, you long for silence, but cannot ever find any. You find the world around you noisy, with televisions blaring, car alarms going off, obnoxious music playing just to draw attention. When this happens, you always want to just get away.

There is a way to do it without ever leaving, though. You just relax, release your worries, ignore all that is going around you, close your eyes.

Imagine yourself in a zen garden.

You sit on a nice stone bench. It is simple, not supposed to be eccentric but just there for you to rest and listen. You look around, seeing the place is fairly large and has a variety of plant life. You also see that there is a wall that has enclosed you. Next to you is a famous zen rock garden. You see a wooden rake there, and notice that the rocks are flat. Standing, you take the rake and try creating lines in the rock garden. The sound is strangely peaceful, and you go around three boulder-sized stones that sit there. Soon, you've raked the entire garden, and looking back at it, you notice that it has been done as perfectly as possible.

You wonder how you were able to do such a feat. How could someone with so much clutter in their mind create something so beautiful?

You return the rake to where you find it, and notice something sitting there. There is a little grey river stone, with your deer's pictogram etched into it. You pick it up curiously, and putting it into your pocket, you walk deeper into the garden, following a path made of stone.

Clonk! You hear something nearby, it's the only sound in the area.

Clonk! What is it?

Alright guys, I have a really dumb dilemma. You're going to think I'm really stupid for this, but...

Do any of you know of a way to get over bad memories that you constantly think about?

Mine are stupid stuff that I said or did in my childhood that people won't remember. It's really little stuff but to me I feel so ashamed of myself for saying or doing it.

Eh...it's like I'll be working and remember something really stupid I did at my middle school and be like "Gaah why did I do that?!"

Sigh...I don't know if this is really going anywhere...