I promised myself I'd try to avoid posting vents or ranty things, because I remember in highschool when I as first on this site as a very angsty teenager I had I bad habit of being kinda whiny, and that's not who I am anymore.

But holy ****

I just need to make a tiny exception because I'm so utterly baffled I need to make sure I'm not a crazy person.

alright so a little backstory:

Back in October I lost my house very suddenly and had to move last minute and the only viable option really was my best friend's house a few states away. Now I've known my best friend since I was 14, for about 12 years, and sshe has a boyfriend now which I was cool with I'd met him before and it was fun hanging out with him so no problem. Everything was fine until a little bit after Christmas.

I began to find out he was a very friendly and clingy person and very touchy feely. Like physically touchy feely. As in one of those people that insists everyone likes hugs all the time no matter the situation. And because I live here now that apparently means no boundaries and I can be physically bothered and manhandled in my own bed and just not left alone ever, I always have to be available to entertain him.

I decided I wasn't ok with that and said I needed some boundaries and he seemed to get it.

Then the texts started. He would start to whine at me in text about how he just wanted it to be the way things were before and for it to be ok again and basically implying I was mad at him and was cold shouldering him. And I'm like no, I'm not I just said not to touch me and let me have space.

And then it would stop for a bit, and then he'd be at me again acting all pouty and like I was being unreasonable. And so then I had to metaphorically hold his hand and walk him through how some people are what's called introverts, they don't like to spend a bunch of time around people because it exhausts them, they need lots of personal space and private time but when they're rested they'll pop back and pick up where they left off. And that SEEMED to work. I thought it was over.

Then fast forward to this morning. I'm in bed trying to rest a little more because I frequently have sleep issues, I have anxiety problems and my one friend suspects depression and I'm not sure but whatever is going on it's caused a fair share of rough nights. But even without all that, NORMAL PEOPLE usually expect for someone who is not their partner or family to leave them alone in their own bed. It was fine at first he just asked me if I wanted some coffee and I'm like sure, then I think he tried to pull me into a hug but I resisted because duh I'm in bed and I've said over and over do not touch me. Then he asked repeatedly for a hug and I denied him. And let me make this clear: I have never physically retaliated, never raised my voice, never argued or started a fight through this whole months long ordeal, I've always calmly talked my way through it.

And I continued as normal when I got up, I went upstairs to fix coffee and get food, talked to him a bit about what game he was playing and being friendly and he eventually leaves for work. Then not long after he leaves, the texts start. Just out of left field just AT me and it basically said that "I'm too hard to deal with so he's not going to bother anymore" and while I was trying to process what was just thrown at me I get another one saying "not trying to be rude just saying where I'm coming from"
and then that made me mad.

You don't just tell someone they're "too moody and I don't want to play guessing games about when it's ok to interact with you" and then go "no offense though". No that's not how this goes.

Now because this is already long enough and this texting back and forth has been going on for ohhhh about 4 or 5 hours, I'm going to sum up what basically happened because it was a pretty circular conversation. I say conversation as if he listened to anything I said hah. But essentially after he kept saying that he couldn't figure me out and he wasn't going to bother playing games to do so, which wow how am I not supposed to be offended at being accused of being that manipulative, I told him that that is not what was happening I've set very reasonable boundaries that normal people have and I don't have to justify that he then acts like I'm being unreasonable, telling me to "let my guard down "to see his side" and jesus why would I NOT put up my guard at this moment? Of course I'm going to fight back if you push me I'm not a doormat, and I of course see his side I just see it as INSANE because I said "no" to being hugged. I told him he was being very butthurt about being told no and he immediately got offended "oh I'm not butthurt"

Really?
YOU SURE?
YOU came to me being passive aggressive even if you thought you weren't, YOU came to me to make this a problem. Someone who isn't butthurt does't do that.

Then this is where it gets better.

I told him he was being silly, so I then get accused of
-having no empathy
-being unreasonable
-being too angry
- "I just want you to see my side, which you seem incapable of"
- can't get close to anyone
- hurting my best friend (which later turned out to be a lie)
-basically being a big ol mean person who snubs people

I was more baffled than angry before, but now I am LIVID. He tried to justify himself by saying that I gave hugs before ad I'm like are you nuts that has nothing to do with anything, someone could give a million hugs and then one day decide to say no, that's not unreasonable.

So after I'm all good and worked up he leads into how I don't think about how my actions have consequences and it's not just how I don't always want to play games or give hugs I'm just always stand-offish and that hurts people and I refuse to see that. And then condescends to me.

"Do you understand so we can move on?"
"Do you understand?"

NO you can absolutely fuck right the hell off. You do not get to talk to me like I'm a misbehaving child.

Let me reiterate, this all started because I said I didn't want to be touched and that I sometimes need to hang out by myself, then because I refused a hug. He started this nonsense today because I REFUSED A HUG, and then talks to me like I'm a child.

No that is not happening.

He also told me that I made my best friend, his girlfriend, upset because the other day while we were playing a game I got sick to my stomach and had to leave and I just didn't come back up because I wanted to be near my bathroom in case I got sick again, he said that because I didn't come back my best friend of 14 years who's known what I'm like for forever, told him she felt "used"

So after that I had to give up and I was frantically texting my other friend at her work to ask if when she had a break she could call me because I'm a mess and I need help and she said yes, but you NEED to call your parents first, which I've been reluctant to do because I'm trying hard to put on a brave face and not worry them but enough was enough. So I went, crying my heart out and I called my dad and turns out both of my parents were in the same room to talk to me. I explained everything to them and they reassured me that I was upset because I worry so much about hurting other people and I hate for anyone to be upset with me because I try so hard to be nice to everyone and fix my mistakes and that it wasn't me it was him and that they were there to help me and I don't ever have to feel like I'm trapped somewhere and it made me feel so much better, I felt more encouraged to confront my best friend when she got home.

Which I did, and when I told her that I apparently hurt her too she was like "What? I NEVER said that" so THAT'S interesting.
I also showed her all the texts and she told me he had no idea that any of this was going on and that she'd talk to him. Which she did. But he just told her the same things he'd been saying all day.



So what I've learned is that he is very determined to be the victim here and act like he's in the right and doesn't like that I have boundaries. I will probably have to talk to him when he gets back home in a bit but now I'm going to hold my ground. If he doesn't want to budge and still insists that I'm a terrible person for having problems then it's just going to be his problem. I have too much to deal with in my life, that I'm trying to fix, and this petty nonsense doesn't help.


I'm really sorry to ramble on about all this I just...I have NEVER ever in my life come across this problem, no one else has had a problem with who I am as a person, no one has ever felt so entitled to my attention and gotten upset at me for it, and I have no clue how to deal with it beyond what I've already done. Like yes I'm a private person, but I explained that, nicely. I've said I like my space and don't like touching. I've been nice and friendly and I do actually consciously make an effort to talk semi-regularly and hang out, I have never raised my voice or physically retaliated. I jut defended my boundaries when they were crossed, that's all I'm guilty of.

I'm exhausted.





_{(again, all this...over a HUG, WHAT?)}