June 17, 2012 - 9:53am — Krusis
Well... I'll start this off by saying: It's 3:27 AM and I'm pretty mixed up.
I'm almost regretting the deactivation of my deviantArt and tumblr accounts, but I remember I never had any fans on either of the two, so making new ones would probably make me feel even worse-- starting from scratch again. I want to draw, but each time I look at the pencil and paper I remember how bad I am at it....
I am lonely. I'm pretty certain now that the remainder of my Summer vacation will be spent on my own, which... doesn't bother me TOO bad. I'll be doing one or two things/activities which are too vomit-worthy and boring to mention, so I guess I'll get to something more... eh~ interesting:
I am gay. I am quite gay, actually. And it sucks to, 1. have to keep 80% of my important thoughts and feelings from all humans in my physical world, and 2. be THAT much farther from the hope of finding love/company. Things are just... confusing right now. But I do know that I want to wait a year or two before mentioning anything to my family. I am now fourteen (I think).
You know what I hate? Grammatical errors. Like... ERROR'S. Were people just fuck there English up the ass. I just hate it. It proves that the human race has become, on average, stupid enough to see something done right every time one opens a book and still not applied the information to their horridly-composed minds. It's so annoying and embarrassing. I sometimes wish I wasn't a member of the human species because of this kind of shit. (ALL RIGHT YOU DUMBFUCKS, THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS ONE MOTHERFUCKING PARAGRAPH WERE ADDED ON PURPOSE AS EXAMPLES. I EVEN USED THE CORRECT WORDS AND CIRCUMSTANCES TO EACH EXAMPLE IN THIS FUCKING WRITING IF NOT THE SAME GODDAMN PARAGRAPH. YOU'RE NOT SMART SHIT FOR PICKING THAT OUT BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY CANNOT PICK OUT THE OTHER HINTS SHAT ALL AROUND THE INTENTIONAL FLAWS. "Like... ERROR'S. Were people just fuck there English up the ass." THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY GODDAMN SENTENCE WITH THE ERRORS I PUT IN, YOU CUNTS.)
Yeah, I think my brain is trying to fall asleep. I should probably go.
It's 4:00 AM, and I am still pretty mixed up.
Homosexuality. Ugh. Don't say a fucking thing about this if you have a problem with my venting. I honestly don't give a shit.
Quote:You know what I hate?
I wasn't going to comment at first, but it's a bit hypocritical to go on about grammatical errors and how stupid the human race is when you have grammatical errors all over your post. Like 'error's' should be 'errors', were should be 'where', there should be 'their'. Meh. And I hope you realize that not everyone speaks English fluently or has it as their 1st language.
Sorry that you feel lonely, though.
I had deleted this because it
For one, don't complain about people making spelling errors when your own post is so clearly lacking in proper syntax, it's far more annoying to see someone complaining about something whilst doing it at the same time than it is to just see someone making mistakes, English is far far away from being my first language but I like to think that I do my best and I pray it shows.
Second, my apologies if you're lonely, trust me I know the feeling I only have one person I see outside the internet and I see her once a year in the middle of winter, it sucks being lonely and hopefully you find some friends.
Onwards. Making such a large point of your sexuality doesn't make you a special snowflake, it just looks like you want attention, and it won't get you much if any because so many people here are LGBTQ as well, it's like going to a cake convention and getting up on the grandstand to tell everyone that you too, have a cake, only with way less delicious cake and way more not-delicious-cake. Not that telling people is bad, my own information is on my personal blog, but that's just it, it's in my personal blog, where I put personal things.
It isn't our fault if you gave up on being social, I'm certain that if you posted your tumblr and DA here you would find most of us would follow, reblog, our followers would follow, etc, but as it is you're complaining to us about something that we can now not do anything to help you with which is a shame because I am certain so many of us would like to.
I'm certain I'll regret posting this later because I told myself I was going to avoid confrontation from now on, and I'm not trying to imply that I dislike you, I'm sure you're a pretty awesome person, I just can't not-post, apparently my mind to keyboard censor is broken so excuse me.
alcinda, they also said it
anyway, you can always reactivate your dA and tumblr accounts!! i'm pretty sure, at least. i know you can on tumblr.
do you have msn? c:
Haha, I know right? That's
Thank you.
@Mr.Sanguine Like I've
Like I've replied with in another comment, I was obviously making fun of people with bad grammar in that one paragraph where obvious flaws existed. I even purposely put the words with their correct usages in the same paragraph only several sentences away from the examples.
Before I start talking about the next half of your comment I would like to remind you that this post is a DIARY ENTRY, and it seems, to say the least, rude of you to so closely saw at the edges of this piece of writing.
I hadn't mentioned my sexuality on this website before this post so I realized to set it out there along with my current feelings on the fact. NO WHERE in this post implies I want to a "special snowflake" or whatever the FUCK you tried to call me. It's really fucking insulting that you can dance around that subject when you have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER what my feelings for it may be, though I tried to tell the readers I am feeling uneasy about it.
By spreading my thoughts on things that have happened not too long ago-- I'm doing just that, really. Not asking for anyone's last goddamn unicorn tears they own in their frilly-flower-magical-emotional-support-rainbow sacs. I chose to wipe everything clean. The end. Not fucking asking you to say SHIT AT ALL about it, really. I mean, I'd love if you had wanted to talk about it, but apparently people just get 5-hour long wood from being total dicksacks about everything.
The cursing in this is about the equivalent to the amount of insult you gave me with what you've just said.
If you don't like what I'm saying I'd really like for you to fuck off. If there's anything wrong with the way I live I'm sure I can correct it soon enough on my own.
Thank you.
@parler Eh~ I do not have
Eh~ I do not have MSN, but I do have Skype if you would be willing to share those details, if any are at this time existent.
I want to wait a few more weeks before I go to the homepages of dA or tumblr to think it over one last time, but thank you for sharing what you know.
A place like TEFc, not many
I would request you tone it down but that would do no good? I'll just follow the usual don't like don't look rule from now on with things you post. Intend to look the other way after I post and then apply total avoidance. I have a hard time accepting such behavior. :c
Hope things start looking up for you though, and you attract some friends.
Have a good one.
Yeah, whatever, fuck you. I
TEF or not, people act the same. I know this.
Gotta get my asshattery out somewhere, so why not on a peaceful forum?
Something like that. Who cares?
Sianna wrote:Hope things
Classy.
Yes, you are 100% entitled to your thoughts and opinions.
So are they.
No one has cussed you out for your writing. I'm sorry you feel the need to be so volatile in response.
If you don't like the responses you are getting, I might recommend keeping everything on one personal blog rather than creating new ones periodically. That way those with similar interests can track everything in one place, and those with dissimilar interests have fewer blogs to heckle you about.
I hope one day you no longer feel the need to assume everything is an attack when someone is calmly stating their own opinion. Best wishes.
Yeah, I am going to post here
The reason some people don't seem to like you is because of your attitude. Accepting criticisms and using them to your advantage is one way of making yourself seem more approachable to others instead of cussing and insulting others who critique you. I would like to reiterate from a previous post of yours: swearing is not "cool" and does not make people "like you more." It may be the thing that turns you into such an unapproachable, lonely, bitter person. Instead of taking the critiques as insults, why not use them to your advantage? Maybe you will get some friends. The whole "nice thing" works especially well here, where people usually want to be polite to others and those who are not polite wind up getting a bunch of comments like you received.
And to the cussing and upset words that will surely be the comment you reply with if you remain predictable: Thanks for the colorful language. I hope that in the future you learn to be mature. You seem to have quite a few years ahead of you to do so and I hope you put them to good use.
You have no idea who I am, so
You honestly, seriously think I'm trying to be "cool"? Hardly. I really just fucking hate people, and that's all there is to it. I could be liked by everyone if I felt like it, which I really don't. That facade doesn't seem very interesting at the moment.
If you were to judge one's maturity on the plot of their words and not the perspective or taste they are laid out in perhaps you would be more accurate in your immediate, morally wrong judgments.
The feeling I get from your speech is: condescension. You make yourself seem omniscient and superior. But we're all just players.
Your association with cursing and "coolness" makes me think someone "cool" may have cussed you out several times in the past.
But who gives a shit? I'm always wrong and from the person you've thus far portrayed yourself to be, I really don't want to try to give you understanding or sympathy.
Quote:I am now fourteen (I
Certainly explains a lot.
Lung, even at fourteen I
I'm sure they don't act like this in RL, they can spout this stupid nonsense at nameless faces.
This is hilarious though, keep going, honestly.
I literally cannot even think
No offense, but um, if you
I'm sure you'll shoot me down too, but some people -were- trying to be nice and polite to you. Think about that.
I'm sure your life isn't easy, no one does have it easy. And I'm sorry. I do wish you the best.
Take that as condescending if you want. Shit isn't easy, no, and we here on this form always listen to others here as much as we can and help as much as we can, but when we're met with hostility, we stop after a while. This is a diary, yes, but it's also public on a public forum, so people are going to look, and most likely comment.
I was not going to post here,
I'm finding your nonstop
^ Also, going to wait to receive one big fat, "Fuck you", or something stupid like that, for simply posting.
To Vauss and Jinxyness, I
Yes, I had a tumblr too. It's
And just because "you tried"
Fuck you.
That was the most futile piece of pointless garbage I've ever read in my entire existence. If only I had one though, right? Let me repeat that so you fucktards don't miss it. If only I had one though, right?
Someone very close to me gave
He said, "Here's how you define yourself, consider a pie chart - you define 80% of who you are by your sexuality, while you define 20% as the rest of you, blood donor, Alabama fan, geologist, nature enthusiast, Christian Buddhist, and so on. Here's how I define you - 10% blood donor, 30% Alabama fan, 20% geologist, 19% nature enthusiast, 20% Christian Buddhist....1% sexual orientation."
The point of what he said is that you've gotta stop defining yourself by labels and stereotypes, and really just be your own person. And besides, people all over are going to see you differently. The Red Cross sees me as a hero. Auburn fans see me as a rival. My manager defined me as a very dependable and trustworthy person.
*nuzzles* Just be the person you'd like to be and don't care what anyone else thinks about you. They're not you, and their opinion doesn't matter. You have a right to be yourself.
My judgements come from how
I may sound condescending here, though all I am doing is using the proper words and injecting my experiences into my responses. Sure, I'm only 18, but I do actually carry experience. I don't really carry morals, though, but live according to what makes life easier for me. I respond with whatever is applicable in any particular situation and whatever fits into the particular society I am in. Sadly enough, we do need some form of society to function. It really sucks, in my opinion. In this situation I don't think I even need to be responding to someone that is acting akin to a brick wall when met with any kind of wording, but I am indulging a little. Who knows, maybe I can wind up helping or even becoming a way for you to vent all this frustration you seem to be carrying? I don't see anyone as "cool," really, so your assumption is wrong. "Cool" does not exist outside the world of school and celebrities. It makes me giggle that you are trying to analyze a psychology student, even though I don't need any classes to understand you. I would like to throw that out there.
You are right and I do not know you, but I would like to get to know the side of you that doesn't take everything anyone says in an attempt to help you as a personal attack and retort the way you have been.
If you find yourself in need of help I do have an email address: PaleRedCoyote @ yahoo . com. Feel free to either vent with hate-mail whenever you feel upset or take a breather and write me a less-than-venomous email if it so suits you. I am sure you will find me a little bit more inclined to be friendly if greeted with said friendliness. A little bit of give goes a long way. Feel free to write me whenever there is something you may need to talk about or vent about.
Keeping it classy, I
No, it was not obvious. It's very easy to make grammatical errors early in the morning even if you've used it correctly in other places.
You've posted this diary entry on a public forum, so no shit you're going to get comments.
Alright, now that I have had
You need to stop reacting so angrily to everyone. We're not all out here to attack and dog you like a hungry pack of wild wolves. You're not sitting with your back against a tree while vicious predators start to tear you apart. You know why it seems like that to you now? You met calm, helpful posts with anger and cursing, which resulted in most of us losing any respect we even had for you.
You can't hope to be met with kindness and caring when all you do is spit hatred and defense. "Fuck you" "You're all dumbshits" "Cunts". You know what those words make you sound like? A child. They do not strengthen your vocabulary or make you seem helpless, like YOU'RE the one being attacked. No. They make you sound like you're putting yourself higher then all of US. You're too good for OUR HELP because it doesn't agree with you 100%. This is a forum. There are PEOPLE on a forum. If you do not like people, you should not be on a forum full of people.
I know this is harsh, and I apologize, but you're being extremely immature and it's getting insane. They have blog websites you can create for things like this. You just need to calm down and take a step away from the computer, and stop spitting insults and childish words at nice people who tried to help you, and only turned mean because you turned on them first.
That's all I have to say on this anymore.
You're snapping because you
And it sucks to feel cornered.
On a completely different note
Dude, if you need someone to talk to, just take a deep breath, I'm sorry if I offended you, I'm a lot like you, I snap at people really easily without thinking about it because I usually don't care but I don't want you to feel negative or anything, feeling lonely or angry or sad sucks, trust me.
And yeah I probably over-reacted in my first post, I do that a lot, my emotions tend to be either 'Not a single care was given that day' or 'All the feelings ever felt', there's very little middle ground for me a lot of the time.
please don't be upset, it's not going to hurt anyone but yourself, I learned that the hard way, I acted just like you when I first joined this site and I regret it all the time.
C'mon, let's settle down, if you want someone to talk to or rant to or anything almost anyone here, including me, is usually willing to listen.
Agreed with Mr. Sanguine !
Everyone is over-reacting a little .
I have a great place to go
Anxiety Tribe and Depression Tribe
Guys, instead of fighting a
I don't know why it's so
I have to apologize for the clusterfuck you've experienced so far which is Krusis. I think there's seriously something wrong with my brain because every few days I switch to an entirely different person. BUT BLAH BLAH WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVEN TAKE WHAT I SAY INTO CONSIDERATION. That's absolutely retarded! I'm just a child trying to get attention, right? That may be true, in all fucking honesty. No one has ever paid attention to me no matter what I did: written, drawn, talked, reached out. Everyone's so damned busy with themselves and their "better people". The company which is far greater and more successful than I! Oh mighty functional ones, if only I could learn your ways.
I've basically said: fuck it. I'm not going to get anyone to agree with me or like me, so why even try? Why not be hated by everyone and have some fun while doing it?
I'll probably off myself before I become a fully-jaded adult. It's probably going to be for the best.
If you think I'm just some dumbtard rambling about how they want your attention, leave. You're only giving me what I want by presenting your resentment to me.
I'm just not feeling sociable at all. I'm mad at the world. Blah blah blah, it's what anyone could say and does say. But everyone gets past it and lives on with the little buddies they pick up along the way. Whatever. What I'm saying probably makes no sense since my thought-process is fucked beyond any possible repair.
I'm not trying at all, really.
And yeah, that looks like a wild dog to me.
I'm sorry you feel this way.
Quote:And yeah, that looks
Thanks boo, I'm sure the artist who was nice enough to make that for me would appreciate your comment.
we could be friends if you're
is my MSN
is my YIM and Email.
Sweet-Mephistopheles is my main tumblr
Gimme a poke sometime if you feel like it, I love listening to people ramble.
♥
Feel better okay?
Dragging the artist who made
this community can't handle
Hilarious. Poor motherfucking
Poor motherfucking grimdark person who requested/commissioned it.
And people may wonder why I
I was getting a bad vibe from you from the beginning. Now you've really shown yourself to be exactly what I thought of you. /pointless 'I told you so'
-flicker out-
Wow, who got your panties in
Wow. Just fucking wow. Least
Least I know to never give a damn about you. Not that I did in the first place, just simply putting that out there so you know.
Especially not in my world.
After reading the
You're a miserable, vomitous mass.
Come on dude enough is
The thing is I actually sent
I haven't said a damn thing. I'm not even doing anything right now.
I was gone for a long time
*headtilt* Whoa wow, I got
Cool~
As someone else said, this community has quite a bit of negativity and few who can deal with it. I encourage everyone to take that to heart. As they say, "Don't feed the trolls." It truly does work wonders.
Alright, I think Krus has had
Just, don't curse at us again. We want to help you.
Look, I'm lesbian/gay or whatever too. Send me an email at if you need to talk or vent. Don't care how much shit you say, once it's not against me or something.
Get better. ♥
I have been reading through
e: What HolographMoon said. ^
Well said, Lur. Krusis, if
Krusis, if you ever need somebody to talk to/yell at/engage conversation with, I'm your gal. My Skype is CydaLuva83 and my email is (Though I RARELY use my email).
I'm here for you.