"...."
....
M ??? | P ??? | E ???

[24|10|2020]
I haven't forgotten you. I love you still. You are a ghost, but a piece of you lives here forever, suspended in time. You and the forest are part of my heart.

Happy 10th birthday, Ryff.

[23|05|17]

Just the usual. Couldn't find Matthias upon returning to the home thicket (little shit likes to wander) but he was escorted home by Rossamund before she could be worked into a panic. Thanked the buck and invited him to stay with her and her fawns for the evening.

----

[24|04|17]
on today's episode of 'ryff tries to be there for people who dont fuckin want it'

After not hearing of or seeing Saosin in the months after The Red's death, verrry carefully went to investigate him. In general, doesn't know how to feel about him; still angry about some of the shit he's done recently but also very much concerned for her old friend. Most importantly realises that he's sick in his own way and because she's a big bleeding heart, wanted to try and help him too. But carefully, especially after the run-in with Ma'ao days prior.

Was rejected at every turn and threatened with violence, which she's unused to from the giant. Was anxious but tried to appear steely, attempting to talk him out of it, share his pain -- he never budged. Was finally driven off when he explicitly threatened to kill her if she stayed, deeming him a lost cause for now. Unsure if he'll ever come to his senses and return to the world of the living, but hopes he does. Furiously wandered back to the thicket and throttled a nearby tree until she was too exhausted to be angry anymore.

----

[22|04|17]
For a really good summary of this, check out Ma'ao's updates, cause ka is way better at updates than me.

BASICALLY woke up at the glade to find that her kids had wandered off, and in looking for them, stumbled across a revived Ma'ao with Hälla at the pond. Didn't even think to drink water, she was so stunned (not that she should be because everyone comes back to life here) and just. Gawped at him for a few minutes. Figured he probably didn't want to talk but approached anyway and was told that he apparently had tried to kill Accendare, which she sort of assumed because she knew he'd fought with Esll but not that he was after Dare. Kept a straight face and tried to talk to him about it, but ended up escalating and enraging the Darkling. Tried to stay stoic through it; didn't want to show anger or weakness in front of him or take it out on him even though she was starting to get fed up with him just... being an angry sadsack from the moment she met him. NOT THAT SHE BLAMED HIM AT ALL just. boi.

Eventually was overcome and bit back at him, mostly unintentionally, never intended to hurt him but simply call it as she saw it whether it hurt him or not. Asked why he bothered coming to the forest anymore at all when he clearly hated it, and why he made himself the victim when he never tried to make connections and merely expected others to rescue him. That's how she perceived it, anyway, having never been sought out by him in his youth or now. Expressed remorse at the circumstances, because she's probably too much of a bleeding heart for her own good and really wanted him to just be happy, but was equally annoyed that he seemed to just be choosing to be miserable. Was finally told that burning bridges would make him happy, and thus acquiesced. If he would be pleased with never seeing her again, she would do it. Not before leaving a rather harsh comment, though.

"You think I'm just sitting around and crying? Like I'm not doing anything- is that what you did? When you were left, did you just wallow- that's sick, I hope you didn't."
"No, that isn't what I did. But I didn't turn into you, either."

Which seemed to stun him into a thoughtful silence, which she thought was good; he needed to think about that. Not that she was the pinnacle of success by any means, but. u kno. Hated that it came to this, though, and lingered for a moment while thinking of something to say -- came up with nothing, and so she left, casting a backward glance before returning to the search for her fawns.

Ultimately found Penny and Matthias curled up with a stranger (insert mom sigh here) and joined them, putting on a happy face for their sake, not that they'd understand enough to do anything if she didn't. Was at least genuinely warmed to see them. For now, very quiet and distant.

----

[15|04|17]
apparently a murder happened on top of her babies last night but she didn't know cause she was out feeding.......... oh......

After scouting out the environment to make sure it was safe, brought her babies out of their thicket and decided to show them around. Matthias immediately proved to be a handful as he insisted that he had to investigate and greet everyone. Even the feline cub (Froamis) that Ryff was incredibly leery of, fearing that an angry mother could be called in at any moment and kill them all. But the play went without a hitch and Matthias was eventually coaxed away from the cub. Then showed all three children the joys of nodding, and is happy to have taught them this bit of communication... even though they have no idea how to use it. They took to nodding at a nearby tree. ok kids

Scraped some bark off the tree and very pointedly showed them that birch bark is edible, and although they're too young for solid food, figured they would at least enjoy teething on the minty bark. They did not. SIGHS. Nepenthe quickly noticed the Twin Statues in the background and made a break for them, followed by her brothers, and Ryff was slightly mortified because they were liCKING THEM. Reminded herself that her babies are too young to know better and just tried to show them how to properly pray. Was laughed at. Oh.

Later walked them over to the pond, which Penny decided she hated at first but after some encouragement, everyone seemed to be having fun. Showed them how to drink and splash. While they were playing, put her head down to eat some pond plants only to look up and see that Braithe was in too deep and she had to run over and scoop him out of the water. No more pond today kids.... which Matthias did not obey as he immediately ran for the edge of the deeper water. Followed him and scolded him from the edge of the willows, attempting to get him to come back, and was sassed. Which put her over the edge a bit so she marched down the bank and shoved his butt back up to the treeline. u lil shit. Repeated this a few times so that the message would really sink in, aided by Braithe who was jeering at his brother from the shore. Was fine with it when Mattie gave him a good headbutt in return.

AND THEN STRANGER DANGER. Someone noticed the two individuals sitting nearby (Róta and Tynan) and simply had to say hello. Almost flipped her lid when she realised that one of them was a large very huge feline, on top of her preexisting panic that her kids might be bothering these two, and was apologising profusely as she nudged her children to a respectful distance away from the strangers since Matthias was trying to eat Ty's ear. Fear. But did allow her children to meet and greet the two, this time with manners, before Matthias was turned into a frog by a passing fawn. Everyone found this amusing except for him. Said a gracious farewell to Róta and Tynan and led her children away when the spell wore off, breaking up some petty squabbling on the way, and made it safely home to the glade.

----

[13|04|17]
After hearing a scuffle in the night, became exceptionally protective over her fawns and was for once unswayed, choosing to avoid the conflict. Later heard that it had been between Ma'ao, Esll, Rossamund, and possibly some others, and consequently discovered that Ma'ao was nowhere to be found and likely dead. Hoping that he merely left for one of his other realms even if she knows she's likely in denial. Can't help but feel at fault, having known he was nearby when her fawns were born. Stiffly avoids the topic for now and allows herself to focus on her newborns, even if this inspires a shred of guilt as well. In any case, rested well with Mateo and their children for the majority of the day, leaving in shifts to eat and drink as needed. Enjoying the antics of the fawns in between their long bouts of sleep.

----

[11|4|17]
Watched over by Mateo, went into labor and delivered three fawns -- named one for his father, one for her joy, and one for his frailness. The first two, Matthias and Nepenthe, were born healthy twins, and Ryff thought that she had only two fawns when a third, tiny fawn was delivered. Incredibly protective over all three of her newborns, but Braithe is especially doted on in his weakened state. Terribly afraid that her inexperience with raising fawns will prevent him from thriving, or worse. But overall, happy to finally meet her babies and look upon their beautiful faces. Exhausted and in pain, but feeling... somehow complete. Determined to make the best life she can for them.

Rested with her fawns, aware of Ma'ao, Tieff, and Accendare close by. Later left the fawns in her thicket to eat and drink after the tiresome day.

----

[31|3|17]
Heavily pregnant, and as such is seldom seen. Aware at this point that she is bearing multiple fawns and fretting over the implications, being only a first-time mother. Engaging in 'nesting' behaviours, seeking a suitable place to have her fawns away from others and becoming increasingly moody. Will ward off even close friends if they get too close for comfort, and is more apt to hide away than socialise. Was visited and watched over by Tieff in the night.

----

[6|2|17]
Visited with The Red and company earlier in the day. Knew immediately that his time was very, very limited... was thus somber throughout her visit and allowed others to do the talking. Her elevated hormones did nothing for her mood, of course, and she found herself in stunned silence beside the stag. Knew when he and the Inferno stood to depart, it was time. Stood with them and offered Virgil one last farewell kiss, then watched the stags move to the Glade.

Turned the opposite direction and didn't look back.

----

[27|1|17]
Has emerged from several months of secrecy upon news of The Red's unexpected return to the forest. Heavy with fawn at this point, despite her disappearance being relatively brief. Determined to spend as much time with Virgil as she can now, knowing that his health is incredibly poor and he likely doesn't have long. Those fears were confirmed upon arriving at his hiding place, full of solemn faces and the scent of blood and sickness. Completely shocked by the Hart's appearance, but put on a brave face and greeted him as affectionately as ever. In truth, just happy to see him again and spend the last of his days at his side. Regretful that he almost certainly won't make it to meet her fawn. Still, she's doing her best to remain positive and comforting to her old friend.

Watching Saosin all the while, dreading how the end of his mate's life so soon after Rhona's demise might affect him. Despite everything, hoping he can heal and pull through.

----

[17|10|16]
Several days prior, met and hit it off with Mateo. (details later because the rp is ongoing)
Yesterday, found and rested with Ma'ao, aware of Accendare in the distance but choosing, for now, to support and socialise with the Darkling. Still felt a pang of guilt when the black doe moved away.
Today, woke where she had fallen asleep at Ma'ao's side and went to the pond, as usual. Encountered a strange winged being called Rakil. Wow, pretty. Investigated the peryton and found her to be pleasant company and fun to chase while she flew around until her leg got too sore to run and moved off into the forest with her to get a bit more acquainted. Obviously doesn't know about Rakil's less savory side and only knows that she's interesting and wow, weird, pretty bird deer.
And now the player is sleepy as ever and afking and not paying attention, rip.

----

[--|10|16]
Caught and spoke to The Red on his last journey out of the forest. Learned of the nature of Rhona's death and Saosin's involvement during the emotional exchange... caught between feelings of empathy for her broken friend and revulsion and vengeance. Evaporated when she had to let Virgil go, gave in and cried into his shoulder and kissed his cheek for the last time. Bid him a loving farewell, and committed his retreating shadow to memory.

Slunk into the Birch and has remained reclusive since. Considering the implications of what she intends to do, and fighting back painful memories of those who have left before.

----

[30|09|16]
tfw dinner gets here literally right as you open tef
Judging today, by which we mean 'Tieff and Saosin better lavish me in affection or else.' Also got the chance to meet up with Accendare again. Generally relaxing, intending to take the day quietly and socialise with other Judges.

----

[27|09|16]
Started the day by opting to avoid the massive crowds and instead sought out Ma'ao, whom she'd scented about the day prior. Very curious to see how he's doing considering he poofed for a while and she kinda thought he was dead, was delighted to discover that he's actually big and fat and very much alive. Disheartened again because while his physical health seemed nearly perfect, he was still melancholic as ever. Tried her best to cheer him up a little pls little brother-charge-thing don't be sad i want you to liVE

----

[26|09|16]
Made a strong start this year, in fine physical shape and demonstrating years of experience. Spotted Anja at the pond's side and made herself keen on following her, just to see where she went. Was led to Czar's small harem (Lilu, Anja, Mo) and was immediately ready to fight him for all those pretty girls, even if the bull was a substantial degree larger than her. Engaged in quite a pushing match, which seemed quite even, and was ultimately declared the victor by all but one doe. Swelled with pride but did her best to keep her ego in check and exert the energy by loving on her new harem. Startled when Anja then ran off, chased her down and tried to separate her from what she initially thought might be another Competitor or Challenger cause lord she can only fight so much -- surprised to find it was another pair of pretty Judges (Orbit and Mirah) and happily welcomed them into her bunch.

After a brief period of rest, got her ass handed to her by Varg. After her previous spar with Czar, she simply didn't have it in her to wrestle with such a large creature. Did the best she could, though, and wound up keeping her harem -- omg you guys are gonna make her cry -- except for Anja, who was pulled away by the giant. Needed to rest after that as she was already feeling quite sore and winded anD THEN JYOTI SHOWED UP. Got back up and chased the kudu around, sparring with him in between and generally trying to keep him away from her harem. Succeeded on experience alone, deterring the younger bull for long enough to get moving to somewhere more peaceful. And then Kerze minimised the game like a complete jackass. Stopped to rest again along the way after picking up Idelle, fell into a microsleep, woke up to Jyoti hovering and chased him around a bit more but refused to spar. Content to let Idelle leave with him since she's cute and deserves a fierce challenger to keep her entertained, and not her dad's boring old friend with a limp.

As such, lost Idelle and Mirah when they went to go investigate other participants, and didn't stop them. Doesn't really have a problem with Judges leaving if they wish. Very glad for Lilu and Orbit's continued company, and was content to rest with them in a cool berry patch.

----

3|21|16
“He’s gone now. Let go.”

Winter’s rolling over into spring, frost turning to green grass, fresh buds, and singing birds. Her eyes alight on a sandy hill, upon which dandelions sit like little yellow stars. Her stomach aches.

“Not coming back.”

She knows, too. Knows the fallen god has gone, is gone, and ever will be. She likes to think that, perhaps, he regained his stripes through her. He returned to where he belonged with honor and welcome, and no longer needed to worry himself with her mortal affairs. A mourning dove coos overhead. The sun shines.

“Let go.”

She thinks she will. But she never can. Not completely.

Consuming more birch bark than usual. Smells heavily of it. Difficult to track otherwise, as if hiding.

----

12|30|15
That time of year again. A sour mood and poor health compounded by the wet, foggy weather. Basically just feels like shit and wants to hide in the brush. Feeling old.

Heard some scuttling earlier and inched in its direction, curious. Found it to be some young dogs harassing some giant males. Considered getting involved because one of the males wasn't looking too good but it seemed like the other one had it pretty well locked down. Cool. Moved past, found some berries, nibbled a bit and plonked down. Concealing herself well.

THEN a wild Virgil appeared, and that lifted her spirits a bit. Glad for the company at least. Didn't bother to say much, just scooted into his side to show her appreciation.