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January 23, 2011 - 5:21pm — shimmyshimmy


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Deer
titles. Wordsmith, Riddler, Idiot
name. Silence
actual name. Sebastion Scott
pictogram. the lock.
gender. male
orientation. polysexual
mate. none.
birth date. september 6, 1881
created on. july 12, 2009
voice.




color. #ffa200
set. kabuki mask, nightfall pelt, raven antlers
reference. here
traits. solitary, detached, cheater, liar, trickster, quick tempered, dislikes authority, mischievous, non-aggressive, abstract, independent, loyalty is hard to earn
history. here


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Human
titles. Magician, Lunatic, Trickster
stage name. Silence
actual name. Sebastion Scott
gender. male
birth date. September 6, 1881
color. #ffa200
eye color. Naturally orange, uses dye to change them to brown
appearance. here
lover / fiance. Esperanza Irene Luis : x
birthplace. Bussana Vecchia
last residence. Vienna, Austria
occupation. Magician
transportation. Black Arabian stallion, Hazo



~Worn down after returning to the forest. Creases and wrinkles are now more prominent on his forehead, beneath his eyes, and around his mouth. Eyes have lost their spark.

~Has one living relative outside the forest; his son Robert Scott.

~Appears to have lost much of his vitality and mischievousness.

~Shows very obvious physical quirks when telling lies despite years of practice. When he is about to tell a fib, his mouth usually gives it away, making his mask useless to cover it up. Before he lies, he may bite his lower lip, clench his jaw, or his lips may twitch just slightly.

~Has a history of cheating with his partners in his human life.

~Fur is quite soft and smooth, like a rabbit's, though not quite as long.

~Hides an incredible amount of scars under his fur. It's a surprise his skin hasn't fallen off him yet.

~The ponytail he has hides a suspicious and prominent scar on the back of his neck. He is very careful to keep it hidden and gets temperamental when speaking about it.

~The area beneath his eyes is much darker than the surrounding area on his face for a very specific reason. Ask him about it.

~His 'antlers' are warm to the touch, and burn hotter when he is agitated. They also change to a reddish hue when he is angry, and cool off and turn an ivory color when he begins to lose touch with reality. When fighting, the antlers can burn himself and his opponent, and hurt like a jellyfish sting to a severe burn.

~If one can manage to pull on any of his antlers with enough force, Silence will instantly lose consciousness. (Like unplugging a light.) Due to the nature of his antlers however, none have managed to do so.

~Antlers will create steam upon contact with water. This makes him rather annoyed when it rains, and he will often seek shelter to avoid the cloud of steam that surrounds him in rainy weather. However, it does allow him to boil water with ease and he often chooses to do so before drinking water from the pond.

~Used his antlers to pierce his ears. Currently searching for a way to turn the imperial topaz he has in his possession into an earring/ear cuff. Cannot manipulate the gemstone due to
the heat of his antlers potentially tarnishing the color of the stone. Otherwise occasionally wears gold stud earrings that he hides in an unknown location when not in his ears. Seems to be very attached to the idea of wearing earrings in a high-pressure situation for unsaid reasons. Ask him about it.

~Very competitive. Loves to gamble and place bets. Delights in card games and poker.

~Appears to be getting better at controlling his temper. If triggered though, his temper is very hard to calm and can even cause destruction to himself.

~As a human, he loved the taste of a fine red wine and a good cigar. (Among other things.) This leads him to have a fondness for over-ripened blueberries, certain plants, and mushrooms in the forest.

~If he isn't cooperating, offer him some mushrooms off the nearest tree. You might find him a little less stubborn.

~Enjoys entertaining. May play chasing games, run in the canopy of the forest, or 'disappear' as if playing hide and seek within a magic act.

~Disconnected. Though he loves entertaining, he'd rather be in front of a crowd rater than within it. He prefers sitting a bit farther away from others when in a group setting.

~Prone to brief bouts of maniac depression, episodes in which he will try anything to escape the forest.

~Believes the Twin Gods are two fraudulent magicians whose act has gotten out of control. (He's secretly jealous of their skills and wishes he could be the same.)

~Unable to feel pain, heat, or cold. Because his human body is tied to his mind but not the forest, he cannot feel any of the prior sensations due to the disconnection. Only injuries that are directed to his human body are able to be felt by him. In forest, he often leaves scratches and cuts to become infected because he forgets to tend to them. Because of the way his human body is connected to his mind, he also suffers severe joint pain.

~Extremely fond of riddles and word games.

~Known to have a strange relationship with a man named Taji. He rarely mentions him, but when he does he speaks negatively about him. One would have to ask him about it to learn more, as he hasn't revealed very much.

~Occasional gentleman-like habits. Often stands if he is laying down when a doe approaches or runs by.

~Question him. Ask about him. Spark a curiosity. He will do the same to you to find your motivations.

~His bio only reveals what he has told, not necessarily the truth.












++
Excellent endurance, antlers can create serious burns on contact, uses mind tricks and agility to maneuver around opponent, unable to feel pain/heat/cold, nimble, very good at developing strategies, quick tempered


--
Antlers can burn himself when moving too quickly, unable to block properly, will fight until passing out either from heat exhaustion or blood loss (doesn't know when to stop), overpowered easily, poor at defending against antlers in general, ...quick tempered









March 27, 2015 --
I wonder if my key came with me if this forest would be less wretched. It is a shame that she is gone from me now. I know not how much time has passed, how long its been since she brought me back for one last hurrah.
I dont think I'll ever stop missing her.

Robert is alive, this I'm sure of. My presence here proves his existence. But still.
I know my wife is gone. I've been in this forest far too long for her to continue on with me at this point. I suspect her memory is the only thing left of her...and I suppose I need to come to acceptance with it.

It tortures me to think it but...I suspect....I suspect I need to move onwards. To press forward. Continue. To advance. I can't...I can't let my life with her cloud the world I exist in now. I can't see any opportunity for that world....that wonderful world I once knew....to ever cross over with what exists here.

I must press onwards. Diligently.

I danced through the treetops for awhile, thinking as I did. When I did reconnect with the ground, I resorted to sitting in the birch, lounging quietly among the sun leaking through the leaves.

What would I do now. Here?
I am an outsider in this forest...more so than I was when I first arrived. I cannot return...now. And every time I remind myself of it I feel an ache thrum softly in my chest. Fuck.

Who am I ... to the others here? Truly?

The situation I once thought temporary...now permanent....there isnt a way out. There truly isnt. I can't argue it anymore. Can't deny it.
This is where I must carry onwards. Without my Key. And without my son. This won't change, no matter how much I yowl and protest and scream.

I watched the grass sway as it was tickled by a light breeze, the larger trees creaking in protest to the wind's touch.

I hung my head downwards, humming as the wind too kissed my neck as it carried across the forest.

Onwards. Diligently. I would carry on too.

~

I wandered through the birch, quietly stepping through the tall grass. Eventually I wandered to another deer, and it took me a few moments to realize who it was.

My breath caught, and I felt myself holding onto the air in my lungs, refusing to let out even the slightest sound.

The Ace.

I stood, quiet as I could manage, just staring, refusing to say a word. I never thought I would see the Ace again, and I swallowed a lump in my throat. I walked closer, quietly, not caring if she heard me or not. Even if she did, she'd say something or she wouldnt. I didnt even care for how she may react. I eventually laid in the tall grass, no doubt seeming creepy to her let alone anyone else. I didnt care. It was rude...awfully so...but I didnt...I wasnt phased by it.

She must have heard me. I stood, not saying a word as she turned to look at me. My expression was blank, my head held high and my eyes glowing soft beneath my mask.

I let the silence draw out, refusing to speak a word. A flurry of thoughts rushed through my head, whirling in circles while refusing to cross pressed lips.

I let out a breath, looking down to the earth before looking up once more. Without a word, I turned on my heels, whispering familiar words as I ran.

"Her lively Looks a sprightly Mind disclose,
Quick as her Eyes, and as unfix'd as those:
Favours to none, to all she Smiles extends,
Oft she rejects, but never once offends.
Bright as the Sun, her Eyes the Gazers strike,
And, like the sun, they shine on all alike.
Yet graceful Ease, and Sweetness void of Pride,
Might hide her Faults, if Belles had faults to hide:
If to her share some Female Errors fall,
Look on her Face, and you'll forget 'em all~"

I made my way to the river, repeating various verses of the poem beneath my breath. Ha, funny that such an epic of words would find its verses so oft repeated in this wretched old mind of mine. I soon came across a multitude of deer as I settled beside the water. Even a raven! Lovely thing, that.

I felt the sun beam down from above, and I soon fell into gentle slumber.


March 24, 2015 --
Hm.
Woke up on Red hill. Wandered over to the crying idol for a quick dip in the waterfall before lounging in a sun patch near the water. Ran in the Red Hart and chatted for awhile before we went for a stroll. Eventually made our way to some blueberry patches. He seemed keen on consuming the fresh ones....but there were better pickings in the...over ripe variety. Wandered about with the Red in a bit of a buzzing haze, but it was lovely nonetheless~


March 22, 2015 --
I awoke laying among the tall grasses of the birch; a little less resistance from my sides eliciting a sigh of relief. However, as soon as I stood, I was overwhelmed with the scent of death dancing across the forest wind. I cringed my face, shaking it away. Good god, what happened? This forest has always been flooded with demons wreaking of rotten flesh but this?

There must have been a massacre of some sort...its been so long since I've been reunited with the scent of mass death. Thankfully the smell of burnt flesh didn't accompany this but....
Reckless. The lot of em.

I ended up lounging next to the river of the Idol, content with the sound of the water rushing past and the gentle breeze tickling the red poppies nearby. This forest is always full of surprises, is seems. Full of not only demons but mythical creatures of all sorts. As I sat near the river, a dragon like creature sat across me; with a long scaly body and massive claws. No sooner did it pause for a moment did it move further upriver to eventually sit near a tree.

I wonder what sort of afterlife this is; to be surrounded by so many creatures that in my world are nothing more than mythical legends. What a strange place to end up...overcome by legends in a purgatory saturated with as much life as there is death.
Hm.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Elliot's approach. Ah~! So nice to see familiar company.
We chatted casually for awhile, and he confirmed my suspicions of a massive fight having ripped through the forest. We spoke of hot headed demons for awhile before he told me of his homeland. (I suppose there are far more than I thought not originally from here.) He spoke of a land called Skyrim, and spoke in flourishing detail of the cold, unforgiving mountains that exist there in addition to ruins, cities, and massive, mystical lands. It is a shame I never managed to visit such a place; the closest I can think to match this homeland is perhaps somewhere north of St Petersburg....but I had never visited such a place. The world is so vast....I wish I had the chance to have at least passed through it. But alas.

We were broken out of warm conversation by the sigh of the ram-beast, and my calm demeanor was quickly overcome with nervousness. I was certainly not up to taking another hit for nothing more than looking at the demon the wrong way...so I quickly, and politely as I could, escaped the area, thankful for Elliot's presence for at least deflecting a surprise attack from the beast. I knew I shouldnt have left Elliot so rudely, considering what kind company he kept...but my bruised sides are certainly doing me no favors and I suspect any more hits will knock my ribs right out of me~

I eventually settled on the safety of Red hill and drifted into slumber once more.


March 17, 2015 --
I awoke and the world was...quiet. Blinking away the sleep from my eyes, I looked around, nearly laughing then and there at the sight of sunshine dripping through the canopy above. I stood, wincing as tight muscles made me stumble. My head felt a little off...and if I could feel things properly I have no doubt I'd be in the rage of fever. I suppose whatever blow I suffered was enough to cause a reaction...I'd suspect a cracked rib or two if this is the reaction. Not that there would be anything to be done about that...it isnt like one performs surgery on a cracked rib.

I wandered out from beneath the stone, closing my eyes to let out a breath of relief as the sun fell on my face. Ah....

Not long after I'd awoken, the familiar drum of hoof beats alerted me to the presence of the Red Hart. Goodness, must I look a sight; covered in mud and feverish as can be. We frolicked for awhile, and his fawn companion seemed shy despite it. Still, I had to take my leave quickly; the mud was dry and uncomfortable....I needed to wash it off. I said farewell and slowly made my way over to the Crying Idol, dipping my body underneath the cool stream of water to wash away the excess mud. However I was suddenly broken from the water's spell when Saosin darted over the top of me...give me a heart attack eh King of Thorns. Goodness and in the ~shower~ no less, oh my~!
But I digress. I greeted him briefly, I suppose he was there all along but I had failed to spot him, and I soon returned to the stream of water. Mm.
Not long after I resigned to lay in a patch of sun, in utter bliss as the ray of light dried the troubles away and made my antlers above glow nearly orange like they used to.

I eventually wandered over to the birch, sitting amongst the tall grasses. I'd say hidden but...more often than not...my antlers dancing above me give up all hope of ever remaining undercover. What grass sways in such a way...dances so bright hot to the touch?

As I lounged, I saw the Red Hart and Saosin pass by....carrying on as they do. Sometimes I cannot always understand the feral nature of their actions...perhaps something too simple and too in the moment for me to fully comprehend. I envy them in that way I guess. Living in the moment is something I have far too much trouble doing.
I said hello as they passed by, and watched as they went about their business. Sitting back down, I sat among the birches until I was joined by another stag. A chocolate brown creature...with large, impressive tines that spanned far and wide above him. Ah...I believe we've met before!
I properly introduced myself...soon learning he went by the name of Elliot. He asked to join me and I quickly accepted; after all he'd been quick to allow me company not long ago and I was happy to return the favor.

Incredibly kind fellow...it was nice just lazing about in the sunshine. We chatted here and there, but were mostly content to just bask in the nice weather and enjoy each other's company. It was nice to just sit and relax, listen to the quiet chirping of the birds and the slight breeze tickling the branches above making a symphony of sweet melodies incredibly soft in timbre. However, I soon found myself growing sleepy, and I said my goodbyes to Elliot before drifting off into dreamless slumber once more.


March 13, 2015 --
I finally made it under the slanted rock. Heavens, how sad it may seem that my first preoccupation for the last three days has been getting shelter from this wretched rain.
But I managed it. I took another hit to my side, sure. I may have a cracked rib or two, but the sweet, dry shelter is enough to distract me from it. The ram beast was there, along with the smaller deer and a few others he seemed to keen on protecting. But my persistance, perhaps even moreso my annoying doting, finally payed off in the end. My sides are tight though, I do have quite a bit of trouble moving, but that wretched cloud of steam is gone for now.

As soon as the coast was clear, and with a snort or two from the ram, I felt my lids growing heavy, and I drifted into sweet, dry, unconsciousness beneath the slanted stone.

sweet....sweet....

It has been awhile since my sleep has been dreamless. I treasure it, more so than one probably should. Some things are best left unremembered by the touch of nightmares.

I awoke in a haze....with a bundle of fur next to me. A fawn....delicate young thing...with round features and still sporting spots. Probably taking shelter from the rain...I couldnt blame them. A bleat of a nearby deer fully woke me from my hazy state...hnhm. I resigned to sitting beside the fawn, blinking away the sleep as I watched the rain drizzle from outside the stone.

I sat with the small fawn for awhile, hoping that perhaps my antlers would provide some warmth for their no doubt chilled bones. However, with the endless pitter patter of rain, and my shallowing breaths, I eventually passed into slumber once more.


March 12, 2015 --
I woke up curled around a birch tree with the rain still pouring. I blinked some of the raindrops from my eyes, briefly removing my mask to wipe away some of the drops that snuck past my mask. I attempted to stand but was twarted as my side protested immediately. If only I could actually feel the pain! At least I would know what plagued this wretched body. Instead in its steed were unyielding muscles, stiff movements....and what seemed to be a large bruise forming hidden behind my fur. Had I cracked a rib? I couldnt tell.

I decided to sit against the birch tree instead, sighing in resentment as the cloud of steam hovered around me. What I wouldnt give for a warm fire and some scotch! I was brought out of my stupor with familiar hoof beats, a humming drum of steps nearing closer. The scent of a familiar drifted past the mist of thundering rain... The Red? The Red! I lept to my hooves as my body protested, embracing the stag despite my no doubt haggard appearance and wretched state.

I re-familiarized with him best I could...and the Red, I suppose sensing my discomfort, almost instinctively knew the best step to make me feel at ease. After inspecting my side, he led me over to the blueberry patch, and I nearly laughed with relief as I foraged among the fruit to find the more over ripened sections. I missed the Stag. I truly did. And even if I hesitate sometimes to admit it...his presence was always a comfort...animalistic as it always was. It's nice...not having to lie through pressed lips...instead simply acting in the moment...as he seems to do. It's...nice.

It wasnt long before a warmth washed over me and I felt my whole body relax, the world around me becoming immensely more tolerable with each passing moment. We were eventually rejoined by Saosin, and I greeted him with a forming grin on my face.

The next hour or so was a bit of a blur...I suppose thanks to the warmth creeping back and forth across my body from the blueberries. There was a dance or two I believe....a few deer joining us and leaving shortly after....a fawn or two tagging along....was the Red a fawn at one point? I have a little trouble recalling.

We eventually made it over near red hill, the warmth beginning to ebb a bit as the world around cleared enough for me to get my bearings again. The Red briefly led me over to a tree with a bit of branches providing cover from the rain....I was immensely grateful even at the temporary relief.

After awhile The Red, Saosin, a few fawns and I settled atop red hill, surrounded by the pounding of the rain and the bleats of far off fawns.

It may not be sunshine....but I suppose it was good enough.

It was good enough.


I must have drifted off to sleep. I awoke sometime later alone on the hill. Covered in mud, I slowly walked over to the crying idol to wash away the filth. A flurry of steam erupted from my antlers above, but I was relieved to have the dirt off even if the rain wouldnt ebb.

I had hoped that the leaning rock under the playground would be empty or at least had partial room so that I could take shelter beneath them.
My hopes were very quickly dashed.
Upon walking to the top of the hill I soon spotted the ram beast from yesterday lounging underneath the rock. I felt my body tense, and I suppose I alerted him when a small deer with feathers approached me from his enterouge. I winced when I saw her come near, shaking my head to discourage her before I heard a thunder of hooves once more heading in my direction.
Blindsided and with my side still weak, I was hit by his charge and sent stumbling in the opposite direction, huffing as I went. I felt myself growl through my teeth, annoyed more than anything. I limped away, greeted by a kinder stag not far off. I caught my breath in the company of the stag and their companion before heading off near the pond once away from the ram beast. I suppose he's getting good practice using me as a target of his battering ram.
Battering. Ram. Haha....ugh.

I sat under a willow, feeling the branches above me snap in protest to the heat of my antlers. Willows arent too effective in blocking out the rain....the water just dribbles along their branches to land straight on my mask.

If it wasnt for my fur I'd be sure both my sides would be bruised blue and purple by now.


March 11, 2015 --
Bloody rain. Soaked to the bone...the young ones always seem to understand hospitality more than the elders it seems....not everyone is out to tear you limb to limb.......
...is someone watching me?

Haha! Silly little fawn. Though...quite unique, playful little thing. With wings of glass and lashes made of silk....hahaha. Shame your caretaker seemed so keen on deeming me a threat. The only thing I could injure in my age is their ego, hmmhmm.

I attempted to once again attempt to find shelter beneath the rocks at the playground. The rain was relentless, and I grew tired of the pitiful shelter elsewhere. And bloody hell! It's been some time since I've seen such utterly ridiculous aggression sent in my direction. I encountered the glass winged fawn's keeper it seems....a towering figure with a pelt dark as night and with the horns of a ram. He sat with the fawn underneath the covered rocks at the playground. Apparently hospitality was not in his nature, and my approach was met with shows of teeth and baring of fangs. I once more attempted to approach, cautious, polite as I could manage with the rain pouring past my eyes. I tried in every way I could to show I meant no harm and that shelter from the rain was my only goal. It appeared too much for him; there was simply no room under the stone he was hogging I suppose.

He charged...and I was put off guard as I was hit with his antlers with his sudden burst forward. As soon as we collided... I laughed. I laughed... I laughed...and ran, the wind howling in my ears. A headache threatened to break the surface, but I chortled as the adrenaline caused by his charge fueled my hooves into a gallop. He wanted a fight? Fine! But I made no hesitation in mocking his bullheaded aggression with snickers and mirth as I darted around him.

He continued to charge at me, and I lept over stone and past the birches as he gave chase. As soon as he would near, I'd jump away, kicking up mud behind me with a deep chuckle resonating from my soaked chest. This angered the ram-like beast it seemed, and I lept up onto the high rocks of the stone playground to catch my breath. I tilted my chin upwards, smirking as I filled my lungs with much needed air and caught his gaze below. I continued to catch my breath, shaking off my headache as the ground spun a bit around me. Before I knew it, he had scaled the stone, and in a haze I jumped from it, his charge once more at my heels. This game of chase continued on for some time, before I lost my footing in the mud and felt his fangs nip at my hind legs.

I'd had enough. My head was starting to pound and the bite marks at my heels were starting to ache. I fled for the cover of the birches, breathing heavily until I leaned against a tree a safe distance away. Damn brute.

Soaked to the bone still with no chance of shelter. And now with a headache. Fantastic.

I sat in the rain for awhile after that, my head pounding and rain dribbling into my very bones. My joints ached, and the unyielding rain was deafening. I hate the rain. The steam that rises from my antlers when the rain hits it clouds my vision and blurs my senses. It is miserable. Like walking in a fog with nothing to clear it.

I couldnt stand it any longer. I rose to my feet, wobbling a bit before catching my footing. After taking such a blow from the beast from earlier, a part of me knew I shouldnt attempt to move. But god...the rain. This merciless rain! No more!

I crept quietly over to the playground once again, keeping to the high grasses as best I could. The small fawn and her beast assistant (among others) still sat beneath the large stone that shielded them from the rain. As best I could (with a limp in my step), I snuck behind the stone, attempting to stay out of the beast's line of sight. I would find a way under that blasted rock! Even just for a moment!

I was so close...so close to that enticing shelter. So...incredibly close....but foiled by a small deer that appeared curious of my antlers. Damn them! Like spotlights, and with the inspection of the playful small deer the beast was alerted. Damnit! With my head pounding and my mind foggy, I wasnt quick enough to dodge the charge of the beast and he knocked the wind right from my lungs. I stumbled in the mud, begging with the beast to hold his attacks for just a moment that I may prove my innocence.

Apparently my pleas sounded like taunts to the ram beast. With the rain pounding so loudly against the earth it was no wonder. I could barely hear myself think.

I took a few dashes away but the ram was right at my heels, and charged me again. I stood no chance....he was far too big and I am not built quite like I used to be. I fell into the mud, struggling to get to my hooves as the wounded muscles in my side protested to hold me up. As soon as I stood he charged again, once more knocking the air from my lungs and sending me tumbling into the earth. I swore beneath my breath, a fog of steam and rain limiting my senses and my own antlers stinging my sides in the tumble.

I heaved for breath. You want your damn rock?! Take it! I struggled to my hooves before stumbling away from the ram beast, cursing continuously under my breath. Once I managed to get some distance between us, I turned to look at him straight in the eye. We stared at each other, and I struggled to catch my breath as my sides threatened to unbalance me. With a final curse, I turned on my heels, no longer willing to attempt any form of diplomacy. I stumbled away from the stone, cursing as my legs periodically gave out from under me sending me tumbling into the mud.

Since when has this forest become to hostile? I'm...I'm too old for this.

I retreated to the pond and collapsed in the shallow water, a cloud of steam bursting from around my antlers. Lifting my head from the water I leaned against a log, resting my head as I watched the pond surface ripple and dance.

I tried to keep my mind busy with flashes of distant, treasured memories...but was brought back instantly to the uncomfortable pounding of the rain and the overwhelming steam that gathered around me. In my haze, a familiar name briefly danced past my mind...feeling like it was almost carried on the wind from a distance. Card types suddenly rushed in my mind, and in the shuffle I became stuck on the Ace.

My heart ached suddenly, and I closed my eyes to block out the fog.


October 11th, 2012 --
Oho ho! Hehe! A somber recall of poetry! Ace! Ace!
The Knave of Diamonds now exerts his Arts,

And wins (oh shameful Chance!) the Queen of Hearts.

At this, the Blood the Virgin's Cheek forsook,

A livid Paleness spreads o'er all her Look;

She sees, and trembles at th' approaching Ill,

Just in the Jaws of Ruin, and Codille.

And now, (as oft in some distemper'd State)

On one nice Trick depends the gen'ral Fate.

An Ace of Hearts steps forth: The King unseen

Lurk'd in her Hand, and mourn'd his captive Queen.

He springs to Vengeance with an eager pace,

And falls like Thunder on the prostrate Ace.

The Nymph exulting fills with Shouts the Sky,

The Walls, the Woods, and long Canals reply.

Oh thoughtless Mortals! ever blind to Fate,

Too soon dejected, and too soon elate!

Sudden these Honours shall be snatch'd away,

And curs'd for ever this Victorious Day~
Oho!


September 26th, 2012 --
Tick. Tick. TICK. TICK! T I C K !! TICK?! TICK. T I C K !!!
King. King. King! KING! Queen! QUEEN! Jack! JACK? Eleven. Ten. Nine. Eight. SEVEN. Si x. F i v e four three?? Two! One! The Ace! The One!
Her! The Ace of Hearts! Her the Ace of Spades! Which is it? Which? WHICH? SPADE? HEART?


Tick.
Blood. Bloody bloody blood. Red.

Tick.

Tock.

...tick.

--

Back! Back! Back! Tick! Tick!
Shuffle? Burn? Never never never!
Stop stop s t o p s t o p d o n ' t!!!
The A C E Question?? ??? ??? ? ? ? !
TICK!

T I C K

Hahaha~!

September 21st, 2012 --
Blood dripping down my neck. Drip. Drip. Seal the wound with a touch of my antlers. Drip. Cuts along my jawline. Ravines of red cascading across my side.

Smile, smile smile smile. A little grin. Lightheaded. Every pulse a pounding in my head, body shaking and tremoring from the force of each heartbeat. Drip.

Oh, is that my blood? I cannot feel a thing! Haha! Dizzy, dizzy spinning. Oho, red, red, red, red.

Back of head pounding. No pain. Dizzy, dizzy. A bruise? What is it? I cannot tell. Injury of red red red.

But since, alas! frail Beauty must decay,
Curl'd or uncurl'd, since Locks will turn to grey;

Snip snip snip. Just a lock of hair! Just a lock. Locked away. Lock. The magician’s lock. Tear the card? Slice the card? Rip the card! Cut cut cut! The card? The card!

b u r n the card? Oh! OH! Take the antlers burn the card. Cut the card. Paint the roses red and burn burn burn red red drip.

Drip.

d r i p .

--

Oh but it is so hard to shuffle the deck when you cannot cut it! Cut and slice and tear. But I did shuffle. Shuffle shuffle shuffle click clack cards across fingertips. Waterfall of paper and drip.

Cut the deck, cut the deck, cut the deck! If I cannot cut I will burn! And if I cannot burn the deck...well to play the Ace high or low?

Low low low, or high high high?

Ace high!

Ace low!

But an Ace of hearts or Ace of diamonds? Ace of clubs perhaps? Ace of spades at last? The Ace flips from heart to spade. Up and down. High and low! Ha! Cut the deck and see what lies beneath. Burn the cards that will not shuffle.

Drip? Drip! Perhaps I like this new red! A change from the normal suit. Paint the roses red? Paint the cards red! Today a red diamond, the next a black diamond! Red, black! Red, black! The Ace and I have changed suits in the shuffle!

Such variety! Red red red.
Snip snip.

Burn burn.

Feel heat of pure fire dance around your neck.
Given one last chance to shuffle the deck!


September 20th, 2012 --
Something in me h-has snapped.

Creature of the night, beast with the maw of monsters, do you take pride in the desecration of the Ace? Hmm?!
Take satisfaction in taking a blade to such a high card? Why the Ace? Why not the Joker instead? A useless card! Here, I will help you~!

Hahaha…

Haha…

HA! HA!?


The King unseen
Lurk'd in her Hand, and mourn'd his captive Queen… hehe. Heh.

B-but my darling? Oh, those terrible scars, so terrible, terrible terrible.
Canyons cut away by a river of blood.
Bloody bloody rivers. Poor, poor darling.
Hehehe~

He springs to Vengeance with an eager Pace,
And falls like Thunder on the prostrate Ace!

Poor little Ace of hearts. Sha’ll I steal a lock of your hair?
Oh how terrible that would be! Hahaha!
Just a little snip snip snip! SNIP! Hehe.

Going to grandmother’s again hmmm~? Did the wolf frighten you so? Oh but poor grandmother, grandmother does not know does she? That little red riding hood eloped with the wolf?
Bang BANG!
Is it hunting season? Oh..no no no. No not for wolves. Deer, maybe. Yes. Haha.

HAHA.
HA!


July 26th, 2012 --
The flashbacks keep getting worse and worse.

I was in such a haze, so overcome with grief when Taji's men tore me away from Esperanza's cooling corpse. They tightly gripped my upper arms, dragging me over to Him while my knees scraped against the cool stone floor. Pushing my head down, they held me still while I could feel Taji push the hair aside from the back of my neck with the tip of his sword. My heart began pounding, and I could feel the cool kiss of his blade trace the scar- ...the brand that he placed on the nape of my neck. With my head bowed and my strength drained I was forced to kneel there... t-terrified...as he first traced the triangle, then the T placed inside of it...not enough to draw blood but just enough to draw my own panic.

I began thrashing, my heart was racing, fresh tears still warming my face. Y-you killed her! You killed my wife! How could you?

The sword moved away.

The grip on my arms tightened, and one of the men tugged on my hair so that I had no choice but to look into Taji's fiery stare.

That was until I realized that beside Him, with Taji's tight grip on his shoulders, was Robert.

...m-my son.


July 24th, 2012 --
No matter how much I try and tear my mind from it, that scene plays over and over inside my head.
When I first arrived in the forest again, my mind was so numb I couldn't recall it if I tried. But now...now that my mind is slowly melting away from its iced over tomb, every memory is rushing back so harshly that I find myself unable to stand. The pain steals my breath away and is turning me into a pathetic mess of tangled limbs that shakes and quivers like a frightened child.

He destroyed so much of me in so little time...and even though I know I'm safe here in this cursed forest my mind does little to acknowledge it.

I wish I could return to that cold shell that helped stabilize me when I first returned to this damn forest. The numbness...for once...was comforting.

Esperanza...my beautiful, darling wife...
Robert . . . my precious, incredible little boy...
I- I...


July 23rd, 2012 --
Esperanza...you gave yourself a death sentence by rescuing me...and what became of it? Was your sacrifice all for nothing now that I've ended up back here again? In this wretched forest?
There was so much blood...all it took was one bullet...

I will never forget it.

...feeling the life draining out of you, cradling your head in my arms as I kissed away your final breath, holding your spirit between my lips before it too slipped away, just like the rest of you. Having to watch those long, beautiful lashes close over dark, doe eyes for the last time...

I held you so tightly, trying to pull you away from the embrace of death, desperate to try and let the heat of my body warm you so that death's icy grip wouldn't dare draw near. I pressed my ear against your chest; listening, but thought myself deaf when I was unable to hear the gentle pounding of your heart. I kissed you again, a futile attempt to sacrifice my own breath for yours. Over and over, I kissed your forehead, your eyes, your cheek, your neck, any bit of exposed skin I could find as I felt tears ebbing at the corners of my eyes. Clutching your limp body in my arms, the warm fall of tears forced me to hold you closer, and I buried my face in the crook of your neck to nest in a sea of wavy brown hair, hiding my mourning from the very man who took you away from me.

Between sobs, I could feel his fiery stare burn through my skull, but I didn't have the will to face it.

All I knew was that I lost you. No matter how pathetic he thought of me, that was all that mattered.


July 13th, 2012 --
I wonder how these antlers would've felt wrapped tightly around his neck.
Like a scarf made of fire...
The Devil's noose~ Hmhmhmm~

I wandered the forest in a haze, stumbling upon quite a few deer. I don't recall many of their names, I believe I briefly saw Starling...perhaps Seed...I think Rutilus...and many others.
Perhaps it is my frustration that holds me back from proper interaction...

...burning trees does little to release this energy...this madness that overwhelms my mind with smothering haze.
Robert...my son. I worry now, constantly. I can only hope Taji doesn't destroy you like he did me.
If things could have gone differently...
...But I know there is no way to reach you now. My boy...
You made me so proud. So clever at such a young age...so talented...
With the sharp tongue of a serpent, too.

Don't let him break you. Don't ever let him break you.
My boy...my wonderful, clever boy...


July 12th, 2012 --
...V-v-Virgil? The Red? But I thought... You...
I was told you passed on...like everyone else I knew...

Are you an illusion? Or...

...


I can't tell if you are a phantom...or if my mind has finally succumbed to madness.
Is it worrisome that I find comfort either way?

Still...
It was nice being in your company again, red hart. Whether or not you were illusion...matters little now, I suppose.
Until another day, Virgil. Perhaps we'll meet again in a fungi induced meeting, haha~
...If only.


July 11th, 2012 --
The forest in a pleasant, warm haze...it's all that I can take. The fungi...such a strange sensation they give.
I fear.... I may do things I may regret.
Haha~
...my darlings, care for a riddle or two? Hmmm.


July 1t0h, 2012 --
I'm wandering this forest in a haze.
Everything made of riddles and illusions. Tricks and slight of hand.
Perhaps...perhaps I will indulge today. To ease my mind.
If only temporarily.


July 8th, 2012 --
She's gone.

I...

...


?? ??, 19?? --
The man sure knows his torture. I thought I had a high tolerance for pain but ah, he is all too keen on reminding me just how intolerant I am.

My mind constantly drifts in and out of consciousness, even more so than usual.

Usual, hah.

If only.

I drift back gently between that forest and here, brief glimpses where I am simply walking across the landscape only to be thrown back into Taji’s little hell.

I cannot interact with anyone there in that forest, only experience.

And then it is gone. A brief moment of comfort before I’m thrust back into a dark, cold room. Pain. Always a constant pain for one reason or another.

I’m almost certain these wounds wrapping around my arms like snakes will scar just like everything else.

Nothing I cannot hide.

If I ever get the chance to, of course.

...I’m losing hope.

Haha, Esperanza. How ironic...that your name means just that!

Losing hope in more ways than one.


?? ??, 19?? --
The key I managed to steal from Taji didn’t work.

I thought…I thought it would be the key to my cell. Unfortunately that was not the case.

It’s been months now, I’m sure of it. Each night that I lay my head down to try and sleep, Taji barges in to pour some unrecognizable liquid onto the back of my neck that irritates the wound there. It stings terribly, like the substance I use to dye my eyes.

I’m almost certain he is trying to make sure the brand will remain bold even after the passage of time. The bastard.

I am becoming so weak that I’m unable to physically fight against him anymore. Upon standing I’ve realized the cell is too short for me to stand upright, and I’ve run my hands along the perimeter in a feeble attempt to find a loose stone dozens of times. I’ve tried trying to destroy the stone, the chains, to find even the minutest of escape routes to utilize.

Nothing.

With my strength waning, I realize that it may soon become impossible to try and overtake Taji whenever he opens that door.
I’ve concluded that barging past him when the door is open would be my only chance.

That chance is slowly slipping away.

Where did he take them?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WIFE? My SON?!

Take me, for all I care! I have done more wrong in one life than the crimes of fifty men!

But to take Esperanza? She, who only knew of all this from stories and quick glances? Or Robert?! He was innocent! He has nothing to do with any of this between you and I!

If you kill Robert you know what will happen!

As soon as he’s dead I will die as well!

You said it yourself!


?? ??, 19?? --
Damn this sensory deprivation! I’m fighting against my own sanity, sitting here in the dark, contemplating constantly. I cannot tell if I am awake or asleep anymore. This cell, it feels almost like that limbo that my body sat in for so long. It felt temperature, it felt pain, but in that sense of limbo there was nothing to cause either. My mind was free to run rampant, to escape into that forest. My mind sustained damage, yes. But my body always found a way to recover without trouble.

Until the bindings around my wrists began to tear at my joints.

I suppose I should feel lucky that Esperanza came for me when she did. The severe pains were beginning to breach into that forest where they had previously been absent. I wouldn’t have been able to stand it much longer if it wasn’t for her.

I’ll be damned if I let her save me again! Is that not the role of a magician? To kill their assistants just as often as they bring them back to life?!

She and Robert could be dead for all I would know!

…


………


Taji re-did the brand on the back of my neck. I was so absorbed in the fact that the door was opening and light was flooding the room that I didn’t have enough time to react to him. He seized my neck, choking me, and then placed the burning hot cattle rod onto the back of my neck. Like he did so many years ago.

I would not let him hear my pain, so I remained in silence. His face showed from what I could determine a growing annoyance as he threw me against the floor and slammed the door behind him.

His appearance has changed, but I couldn’t determine how much by only his silhouette.

The only thing I see now however is darkness, once again. I am surrounded by the horrendous stench of burning skin creeping from the nape of my neck and a radiating, unrelenting pain that pulses through the rest of my body.

I am weak. My muscles ache. He has barely given me the comfort of food, for it is vile and stale. Insomnia constantly taps at my mind, and I rarely sleep, now. How long has it been, now? A month? Two? There is no way of keeping track.

Despite this, I grin.

You were never very good at hiding your keys, Taji.

No sooner spoken than broken, correct~?


?? ??, 1912 --
I write these words in haste. I need to record something, anything.

He has seized me. Taji. Again. The man is still alive.

In the dark of the night he stormed Esperanza’s apartment with his entourage of men and removed me from her. That was what, a week ago? I cannot even remember. There was no way I could have prepared for how suddenly and with such force he removed me from my very home. I tried to fight back, to protect Esperanza and Robert…but he knocked me out cold. What day is it now? My head aches and I am having issues distinguishing night from day in this pitch black room. The bastard even put a blindfold over my eyes, just for good measure.

I just managed to break the locks binding my arms, but my legs are still bound with thick chains that I cannot for the life of me figure out how to pick. I cannot see how they operate in this darkness, making their removal impossible.

Taji took my earrings, my main resource in order to pick most locks. I suppose it was just a spur of sheer luck that the chains binding my hands were a bit loose.

The air in this cell is damp, cold. The walls are of some kind of stone, I cannot make out what type, exactly. There is a steel door somewhere in here, but even then it doesn’t allow for a hint of light.

I write these words into the open air, hoping that somewhere, somehow, they’ll be recorded. I whisper these words as I write out the letters with my fingertips.

I am dizzy, disoriented. My heart is aching, regret, fear, yet still pounds with a constant rush of adrenaline. I don’t know where Robert is. I don’t know where my wife is. I don’t know where I am.

All I know is that Taji finally decided to seize his property once again.

He told me that this was the last time I would dare run away. That I was his, and should only act on his orders. Told me I should have learned my lesson. That he would take away everything just as quickly as he did before. Take away my home, my wife, my son.

Damn it!

I need to get out! I need to leave!
Where are they? What did you do to them?!

Damn you Taji! You will pay for this! I will not let you harm them!

You know how hard it is to lock up a magician! You cannot simply throw away the key!


February 25th, 1912 --
We took a day off from repairs and maintenance today to spend time with Robert.

Esperanza and I decided to take him to the circus that is in town, though he didn’t know how involved with its planning I really was. I blamed it on coincidence and luck, but he doesn’t have to know how ecstatic some of my business partners were to have me return. I used to do a few acts at this particular company’s show when I was younger, so we ended up with fantastic seats and ‘behind the scenes’ access. In all reality I had used this company’s elephants in a number of disappearing acts before, but Robert didn’t seem any the wiser. After the show and a little ‘meet and greet’ with some of the animals, he walked on the curb as if it was a tightrope the entire way home.

He also insisted on taming the ‘lion’ of poor Hazo. That horse seems to hate the boy after whatever he did to him. Whatever he did to that traumatized equine must have been quite the act to say the least.

I can’t wait to see how he reacts to the tigers coming home. Although I will make it a priority to not let him try to tame them the same he did to my horse!

A sharp tongue won’t save you from the teeth of a Siberian tiger.

Later into the night, after Robert and Esperanza trudged off the bed, I sat awake in the study. With the soft crackle of a dying fire as my company, I stared to that familiar mask sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

While it smirked at me with a menacing grin, I merely stared at it, cautious. It was such a fitting facade for a magician, for me. It isn’t any wonder that many took caution when approaching me when I wore it.

But in that forest…its mischievous grin carried nothing to that of a deer’s skull.

Taking a deep breath, I leaned back into the soft sofa, gripping the mask in my hands. Sinking into the soft cushions, I once again placed the mask on my face and gently closed my eyes…


February 24th, 1912 --
Things are beginning to pick up again.

I finished repairs to the stable portion of the theater along with the pen where we keep the tigers. I was fortunate enough to have connections that kept the two felines, Akram and Ashraf respectively, at a local zoo. They were relatively young when I purchased them, but they are trained beasts and even as they age they still remain the most noble of companions. They are both white tigers, Akram having blue eyes while the other feline has brown. Truly beautiful animals, indeed. With their pen restored to its proper elegance I will have them shipped in over the weekend. It will be nice have them back home.

My Arabian horse Hazo also appears overjoyed to once again be here instead of housed in the community stable of Esperanza’s apartment complex. I’ve also taken to hiring a few trusted stable hands so that we can purchase Robert his own horse. I suspect a Morgan horse would fit him rather nicely, as it combines not only the aesthetics but the temperament of breeds I’ve adored. But it also reminds me that I should really get to purchasing a horseless, self powered car so that, if anything else, the horses could be used for show while the car remains for transportation. Call me old fashioned, haha!

Sadly, Esperanza wasn’t able to locate any of my prized doves after I had set them free before the fire. I will miss those beautiful creatures; I had spent ages breeding them so that they would be all black save for the white circles on their heads. Ah well, I suppose Robert could have fun trying to train a flock of white doves instead. It could end up being a learning experience for us both.

I was finally able to remove the bandages around my head as well. It is a relief to not have to tend to that stupid head wound as much anymore, though I have to constantly remind myself for fear of infection. Esperanza would have my head if I ignored it as I tend to do. (Not if the infection doesn’t get it first!)

My mind keeps returning to the moment of unconsciousness I had when I fell, though.

It was so strange, so surreal. Even if I was floating through a mere haze, it still felts as if I had returned, if only for a fleeting moment, to that bloody forest once again.
My curiosity keeps pecking away at me to try placing it on my face again, but I’ve nudged those nagging thoughts away with repairs and business calls.

I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if I tried it on a second time. . .

Perhaps tomorrow.
Yes.
Tomorrow.

I need to know if it was simply a lapse of consciousness…or something more.


February 23rd, 1912 --
I finally managed to find some new assistants. After I contacted a few business partners of mine, I managed to hire some very talented young ladies to help assist in future shows. Esperanza grumbled something about being too old for wearing those skimpy little outfits anymore, for which I responded by hiring those that could. She knows how important it is to distract an audience, but I suppose it didn’t cross her mind when she slapped me across the face.

I’m willing to admit it was worth it though, as she knows it I was merely poking fun and wouldn’t trade her for anyone in this world. While she grumbles about it, I think the outfits would suit her just fine!

We have been working on some acts that would allow Robert to join us should he decide to. A bit of a gravity-defying act of course, with him as the star. I would have him fall asleep on one arm, propped up by two canes as he stands, slowly removing each support until he is balanced, horizontally in the air by one cane. He of course would give the appearance of being asleep, but it would certainly give a whole new spin on ‘light as a feather stiff as a board.’

Board, bored, boar…I’ll need to see how well Esperanza has taught him about riddles, haha!

Knowing how...sharp Esperanza’s tongue is when she gets a bit sassy, I suspect he may have picked up at least on some debilitating comebacks.

Not that I’d support him talking back to his mother. Although…it is hard not to when I do it myself! With my return I’m sure she’s exhausted at the end of the day with my sharp wit alone, let alone Robert’s antics from what I have observed.

He is a little trouble maker, that one. Much more clever than one would anticipate. He is so overwhelmingly mischievous at times I am unsure what to do with him!

…sometimes it is like looking in a mirror!


February 22nd, 1912 --
Esperanza has kept me under close watch the last few days. I suffered a mild concussion from the fall, but it isn’t the fall that troubles me as much as what caused it. I still cannot find any particular reason why I suddenly had lost consciousness. Why had it only occurred when I had raised the mask to my face? It isn’t like I hadn’t done that thousands of times before.

And why had my mind try to bring me back to that forest? I thought I was free of that place. Though it makes me wonder if an eternity fighting death would be worth it lingering in that domain. Sometimes I wonder if staying in limbo would have been a better choice than remaining in that agonizing forest.

Testing my faithfulness, my mind, my will. Offering every temptation I could possibly imagine and waving it in front of my eyes.

Gods? Hah. Those magicians just got a bit too good at their little game. If only that forest had given me hands! Then I could deal them a card they wouldn’t-

A card.

The ace.

…My head hurts.

I will have to have Esperanza purchase some morphine for me. It is unfortunate the apothecary is so far away, but in the meantime I’ll probably pick up some cigars from the tobacco shop across the street. A little morphine and a cigar is absolutely what I need right now. But Esperanza is what I need most of all.

She always knows how to cheer me up.


February 21st, 1912 --
I was lucky Esperanza was able to wake me yesterday.

As soon as I placed the mask on my face, I felt strange, floating. Even as I tried to open my eyes, I felt as if they were in a haze stuck between dreaming and consciousness. I knew my eyes were closed and yet, they felt open, casting my gaze over that familiar forest landscape.

But that was all it was…floating. I felt as if I had the limbs of a human, but at the same time they felt just like an animal’s. Hooves…no…fingers. I kept on floating. Above, always above those that lingered below. My body soon disappeared from my immediate senses and it was nothing but just raw consciousness, floating through that damned forest I thought I had finally left behind.

And then I fell. Fell deep below the soft ground of that dreamscape of woodland. There was no pain. There was never any pain inside that place. But I tried, with every ounce of what little strength I contained in my haze, to pull myself upward and out again. Yet my attempts were for naught. My mind wandered through the landscape once again, below everything and everyone. Familiar scents and sounds flooded my senses, keeping me immersed, yet my mind wasn’t processing a flicker of it. Endlessly drifting, constantly pulled downwards. Foggy images floated past me, begging me to remember what my mind could not recall. Even as I forced my mind to focus, it rebelled and tossed out any recollection of what I knew to be familiar faces. I was home! I was h-home! I was-

Esperanza brought my back to consciousness with a splash of water and a smack to my forehead.

I had hit the corner of my desk when I had passed out after placing the mask on my face. Luckily the mask didn’t retain any damage as I had managed to clutch it safely despite my fall. However, the back of my head is still bleeding just a tad and I’m almost positive there will be a bruise there tomorrow morning.

I’m not sure what came over me.

Certainly a medical reason I’m sure, but even though I knew I lost consciousness, the world I was immersed in felt all too real. It made my stomach twist like a serpent and still gives me the chills.

A man does not belong in the realm of the beast!

I will have to put off the physical labor until I give my head a bit more time to recover.
Perhaps it will give me a chance to teach Robert a thing or two about electric wiring.


February 20th, 1912 --
We finally managed to open the lock to my private bedroom and study hidden deep within the belly of the theater. It wasn’t easy gaining access to the door; the rafters leading up to the tunnel were unstable and the mechanism that shifts the spiral staircase at the end of the final corridor was jammed. A little bit of elbow grease on both of our parts luckily did the trick. I was grateful my earrings were still able to be used as a key to access the area. (All the good reason to keep a skeleton key tucked right behind your ears.)

When we finally entered the chamber, I was utterly shocked at how . . . untouched the entire area was. Though a thin layer of dust had settled upon much of the room, the fire damage hadn’t even dared touch this place.

I took to idly spinning the globe next to my bed, watching as the golden tones of lands far away spun past my gaze.

Casting a rather sheepish grin to Esperanza who lingered near the entryway, I began to rummage through my desk that sat beneath a small, but beautiful stained glass window. I always loved how it cast an even more warm tone to the red-painted room, the colors always easy on my eyes and a comfort to be once again surrounded by. Realizing the darkness, I lit an oil lamp that sat on the desk, surprised it still contained enough fuel to keep it lit. I had meant to bring electricity to this room, but I suspect it would be an easy way to directly find the hidden chamber.

Shuffling aside the mountain of papers filled with diagrams and various riddles, I uncovered a small, rather humble looking box. I smiled as my gaze softened, Esperanza approaching not far behind me. She crept around my arm as I opened the box, unearthing a gorgeous, shimmering mask made of only the finest gold I could afford. It grinned right back at Esperanza and I, the kabuki-inspired mask’s mouth lined with a bold red hue. I ran my hand over it, sighing as I tugged at the red ribbon which was used to attach it to my face. It was silky between my fingers, the mask smooth and extremely well crafted.

Only the best disguise for a world-renowned, master magician.

It was only when Esperanza placed her hand on my shoulder did I close my eyes, a strange tug pulling at my mind. What once was darkness beneath heavy lids exploded into an untouched paradise with eternal flora the extended beyond the horizon. Tall, almost endless trees towered above, soft grasses flourishing below.

Shaking my head, I opened my eyes, sweat beading on my brow. No. N-no. Not that place.

Esperanza with a worried look on her face stroked my cheek, bringing me back to reality. This mask . . . it seemed all too foreign. Even though I had worn it for years at my shows, now. . . now it took on an entirely new focus. It felt strange in my hands, clutched between my fingers.

A strange feeling of curiosity suddenly overcame me, and I gripped the mask with both hands and placed it on my face. . .


February 19th, 1912 --
I went out riding around the city in the early hours of the morning.
It is amazing, really, how fast the horse-less cart has overtaken the city. I suspect I should take to putting aside some funds in order to purchase one given their popularity and potential. It is amazing how in those few short years, such a marvel erupted throughout the entire world and managed to transform the landscape so dramatically. However, I have yet to see a single one of those Model Ts beat Hazo in a test of speed an agility. Sure he takes a little longer to saddle up compared to a vehicle, but his Arabian bloodline outlasts and other car I've stumbled upon. Franco really did give me one of his best stallions!

Esperanza has been acting stranger than I remembered her to.
Whenever I approach her, it is almost as if I am physically startling her. This isn't unheard of as a reaction, really. I know my footsteps to be quiet. . .but so does she. Her reaction is odd, as in the past she seemed to know where I was before even I did. She has never been this jumpy.
I wonder if it is merely a case of her adjusting to my presence again. I can only hope.

Robert surprised us during breakfast this morning. Between my sips of black coffee he announced he was going to put on a little magic show of his own for Esperanza and I during supper. I couldn't help but grin ear to ear, and the softness in Esperanza's gaze filled my heart with enough pride as there was joy.

It made my mind wander to the harsh realities he would eventually have to learn.

Giving him the dye for his bright orange eyes can wait, I think. Instead of using the brown concoction I am forced to use myself, I think I will offer him a gentler dye that merely changes the orange to a light hazel. It wouldn't match Esperanza's eyes exactly, but I am hesitant to give him the more powerful, and painful dye as quickly as Taji introduced it to me.
I can only hope Esperanza has told him to avert his eyes to strangers so that the city doesn't suspect us of being some sort of clan of demons.


The boy has learned more than I thought.


Shortly after supper he performed a myriad of card tricks much to Esperanza and my amusement. His mother really has taught him quite a bit despite his age, and while I was familiar to each little slight of hand he elicited, I am willing to admit his technique is sharp and his hands precise. Of course, he does need a little bit of work, but it isn’t anything that cannot be corrected with a bit of practice. I have no intention of beating the technique into the boy’s hands. After all, it would be a shame to render them useless using physical force if it would prevent practice in the first place. Esperanza almost cried a wink of protest until I noticed her understanding through my own admitted personal experience. I suspect she may have smacked him a few times in my absence, but by modern standards he’s probably had it easy. Esperanza has always had a bit of an attitude but it certainly cannot match my own temper. Yet even then, I doubt she would resort to physical retaliation if she had the chance. She has always been much more passive than I.

We switch between working on the theater by day, to returning to Esperanza’s apartment at night. It isn’t far from the crumbling structure that is our theater, but from what she has explained she has lived rather humbly these past six years. She insisted on leaving our private quarters untouched and locked away should something unexpected happen. I am glad for it, really. Only she and I know the location to my private bedroom and study, so I suspect if she managed to pry it open the contents inside would be a gold mine for thieves and squatters.

We will try to get to them tomorrow morning. I more than anyone want to check the state of my possessions, as there are a few particular mementos that I wish to retrieve at the earliest opportunity. My eyes are beginning to fade back into their bright orange hue again, and I suspect I will be a walking target for unfamiliar . . . and familiar faces.

I still don’t know if he survived the fire.
Better to not take any chances.


February 18th, 1912 --
We began attempting to repair the theater today.

There is an almost insurmountable amount of fire damage to the building. I suspect it would have collapsed if I hadn't returned when I did to begin repairs on it.
We will need to replace all of the velvet seats, unfortunately. Money is no object, as I had been careful to supply Esperanza with plenty of funds to last her and our son for decades. I have begun work on designing some of the seats and ordering the wood to create the backings for them.
The stage however has been largely untouched save for the front edge where I had placed explosives to ward off Taji.
We will need to replace some of the floor boards there along with some electric wiring that ran along the front.
The curtains are gone, however. I had taken to ordering a few Chinese fabrics in various colors, though I suspect the quality velvet I ordered will take some time to arrive.

I have learned that Esperanza has named our son Robert. Or Roberto, if I had anything to say. Haha, I suppose it would have been nice to add a bit of an Italian touch but ah, Esperanza and her English customs. Luckily she gave him a hint of my side of the family in his middle name.
Robert Vito Scott.
Bright fame and light.
How fitting.

You were my hope after all, Esperanza.

Damn it, when did wine become so expensive? I'll have to contact Franco to see if he can import something from Tuscany. Perhaps he can offer me a discount from his family's vineyard.


...It is strange.
I know now, that this is home. This is where I belong. I should feel nothing but contentment.
Yet.
Something is wrong. It is a gentle, but persistent tug at my mind that reminds that this, my presence here, isn't right.
It is too perfect. Too much like a happy ending in a fairy tale. Robert is a healthy, brilliant boy. Esperanza, while age tugs on her face a little more with each passing day, hasn't held even the slightest disdain for anything.
She has never been this happy. It makes me suspicious.
How can I be so sure she waited for my return as irresponsibly as I did for hers?
Hm.

Just another passing thought, though. Perhaps I'll put together a 'wand' of sorts for Robert out of some mahogany planks we have that survived the fire. I'm sure he would adore it, considering how well he reacted to the deck of cards I gave him.
Such a bright lad.
Haha.


December 20th, 2011 --
Hmhmhm~
Interesting how the fates twist and turn.

Peculiar, how when I should be thrown into the shadows of regret I am left with no more than a bitter taste on my toungue and anger curling past my lips.

Nothing matters, now.
You were simply...nothing...to me.
All of you.
Every. Last. One.
Filthy sluts not fit to stand on the dirt beneath you.


December 19th, 2011 --
You little rat! You knew all along, didn't you? Knew you could trick a magician into believing whatever charade you intended to put on?! Nothing but a harlot, it seems!
You knew I would give you everything! Empty my pockets to keep you happy. Give you a roof over your head and a job away from the streets?!
Daddy's little girl? Hah! You both must've known how wealthy I was. Came so close to tying the knot, didn't we?! Slut!

I never should have expected so much as a passing glance out of you.
You were clearly an incompetent rat that cannot perform even the most simple of tasks.
An incompetent, whore of a rat.

I should have known you would fool me. Is this some sort of retribution for my profession?!
Do you think I hadn't experienced being misled myself?! HM?! Did you think that I should experience what my audience felt?! As if I had never felt it?!

Haha! You are ignorant. Ignorant as I am naive.

Perhaps I lied to you this entire time? What if my entire life was a mere lie to you?!

To equate what you have done to me! Foolish, mangled, rump-fed, blind...worm! Lie to a liar and 'truth' you sha'll receive!

Mangled, hideous, lecherous beast of a woman...to think I expected so much of you. To think that I thought so damned highly of you until you persistently failed to meet my expectations!

I gave you everything, Esperanza.

You can't expect me to fulfill promises when you yourself cannot even do so.

Whore.

-

Of course she would be nearby. Who else would it be? Another soul to drive me mad, to give me choices that I never wish to make.
Go ahead, darling little Accendare. Tempt me! I insist!

-

It was that rat's fault. I could have done so much, denied myself far little if it weren't for that wretched harlot. I could have had so much more. Damn it, Esperanza.

You did this! You intended for this to happen!

Petty siren. Forcing me to spit venom from my tongue.

Vile, wretched creature. Singing songs of illusion being cleared away like a mist by the sun.
The sun. Haha~
Our son.


...


What sort of idiot do you take me for? Time was running short!
I KNEW what had to be done. Funny, how things worked out so perfectly.
Thought I had finally found my last, the one to carry on my blood and bring forth this realm of eternity.
If only I had known what a mistake I had made by choosing an eternity with you!

-

Oh, of course. Pretty little Shyla, how nice of you to join me?
Haha, funny insignificant thing, aren't we now? Just as wretched as the rest of them?
Can I gain your trust so quickly? Can you really trust a deer...no...a man, who makes a living off of tricking those like you?

Do you really know who you are following into the darkness, silly thing?

-

Fools! Damn fools!


December 18th, 2011 --
Upon awakening, I inspected the wound on my neck after shaking away what was left of the ice I had placed on it the day before.
Peering into my reflection at the pond's edge, I visibly cringed. A thin, horizontal, red line could be seen beneath the fur right at the junction between my jawline and the base of the front of my neck. Ah.

I always seem to cross back and forth between wishing to be able to feel pain and cowering at the thought.

After mindlessly gazing at the pond from the shore for awhile, I briefly acknowledged Ravynn before heading off to the birch. Perhaps the Playground would harbor less snow and a bit more shelter...
My mind is restless now, it seems.

I promised not to betray her, yet it is happening again. Damn it! AGAIN.
When did my mind conjure that promising her such a priceless truth was a legitimate promise to keep?!

If I had known...If I h-had known that t-this entire world lied beyond our own. If I was able to find a way to bring her with me...without putting so much reliance on her...

Why hasn't she freed me, yet?!
I gave her the damned key! She knew!
No illusion! Only truth!

And yet here I remain, longing for freedom and receiving only enslavement.

Did I ask too much of you, Esperanza?
Did I expect too much of you?

Or did you never intend to free me in the first place?!

Finally, haha! A trap he cannot escape from!

...I...I cannot...


...I cannot breathe.


December 17th, 2011 --
The steel was burning hot against my neck, the tip of the sword only pressing against my skin enough to draw a drop of blood. Fire surrounded both of us, heating the steel. With the choking smoke and sword at my throat, I had begun to give up on taking another breath.

I watched, stunned as Taji moved closer while keeping the sword at my neck, a triumphant grin overwhelming his expression. He nodded off to his right before an overwhelming amount of faceless men came over to seize my arms. The soldiers he commanded seemed to become more brutal and aggressive than what I had remembered.

But it was fitting, given what they knew I could do. Once you've killed once, it doesn't take much to kill again.

Taji seemed just as aware of this fact.

I awoke with sweat beading down my face, my heart racing and my blood pounding. One of my antlers had been wrapped around my throat, warming and burning the flesh in some areas. Startled, I arose, shaking the melted snow off my back to hurry over to the pond. Breaking off a chunk of ice that lay undisturbed in its waters, I balanced it between my hooves and kicked it over to the shore. Laying down, I placed the ice against the burns, shaking despite myself.

If the insanity doesn't kill me, my antlers will.



December 16th, 2011 --

Beautiful, welcoming snow. It was a lovely sight to see as I awoke from my slumber, although quite a nuisance after realizing how wet my fur had become after my antlers melted any snowflakes that came near me.

I remember when Esperanza and I would take evening strolls in the heart of winter. Vienna was beautiful when it was lightly frosted with a layer of snow.
Though I'm willing to admit Esperanza certainly rose above the city in terms of appearance. Her face would always change to a flush pink whenever she became chilled. The red extended from ear to ear across her face, causing her nose to also turn red on the end. Haha, she was adorable. Hm.

It wasn't another moment before I ended up falling right back into a deep slumber. I swear I am taking on a form of narcolepsy considering the amount I've been sleeping lately.

After resting for awhile, I heard a hushed shuffle of hooves creep out from behind a tree. The crunch of snow was very quiet, subtle in its approach, but I knew none other than Shyla to make such hesitant steps. I kept my eyes closed even as she stood next to me, eventually laying down on my right side. I wouldn't wake, at least for the moment anyhow.

Though it is just this once that I will provide my antlers as a personal fireplace. Haha~

I only urged my eyes open when she got up and wandered away, watching her linger on the border between the Birch and First Forest. It was then when I rose to my hooves, shaking away the water and snow that once lingered on my back.She turned around, spotting me and despite her surprise came leaping back over to where I stood. It appeared the snow made her giddy, from the way she was leaping around the forest. Haha~
I joined her, though I melted more snow as a result than I would care to admit.

...Mmmn, I wish I could feel temperature as I once did. That little Eskimo kiss would probably have been more...lovely~

I don't mind Shyla resting her head on my back as much as I did in the past. It's becoming much more natural to allow my antlers to dodge her as she rests against me. Though I've burnt myself quite a few times in the process of attempting to avoid burning her, I certainly won't be the one to let it become an issue. It has been a...long time since I've allowed another to linger so close. I feel as if I may regret it if I let her company fade too quickly.

Reminding myself of her behavior before, I offered her a choice to join me on a little adventure through the First Forest. I recalled my wish to bring her to the pond, even if only for a little while, and was finally given a opportunity to do so. I led her through the forest, sticking to the light patches. Her reluctance to go into the darker forest appears to be waning just a tad.

We eventually made it to the edge of the pond, peeking over the sharp drop that distanced us from the water's surface. Grinning with a slight wish for mischief, I jumped in, promptly transforming into a frog on contact. I instantly regretted it as soon as I surfaced and climbed my way out. Though I couldn't feel the bitter cold, my body thought otherwise and was overcome by an unrelenting case of the shivers. It only took a little bit of coaxing from my antlers to get it to stop, though. Shyla also helped a bit more than she realized. But I won't admit she did. Haha~

Mm~

I felt my body becoming heavy, and reluctantly led Shyla back over to the birch and bid my farewell.

These new cuts will certainly become infected by tomorrow. A price to pay, I suppose.


December 10th, 2011 --
I slept in a deep dreamy state, occasionally switching to brief moments of awakening. It didn't take much to usher my mind back into slumber.

I have been dreaming of her, lately.
It feels that when I sleep, it's almost as if I've returned back to her. Back home. Not just her, but both of them. Esperanza and our son. I wonder what she named him?

Surely he would be a brilliant child, mischievous no doubt, and perhaps with a bit of an attitude like his mother.

Would he have learned how to count cards by now?
Esperanza wouldn't have taught him. Rather...
...no. Certainly he'd have taught himself. It came so naturally to me I would be shocked if it wasn't the same for him.
Hm.


December 3rd, 2011 --
I drifted once more between shallow sleep and blurry consciousness. I was only awoken after a doe, Liange if I recall correctly, came close to my sleeping body to investigate.
Only, once I arose, she took off, leaving me chuckling to myself in her absence.

Let sleeping magicians lie~


November 30th, 2011 --
Sleep is a wonderful thing. Instead of waking from my slumber promptly as I usually do, I remained among the grasses of the Birch, lazily resting and watch my antlers dance above me like the Northern Lights. I drifted in and out of consciousness, my mind deep in thought and recalling memories that I sought to refresh, no matter how bitter. The worst thing I could do is forget what once was.

I rose from my sort of day dreaming after hearing a thunder of hooves slowly traveling in my direction. Lifting my head, I spotted Saosin after he sat down a short distance away. Shaking the sleep from my eyes, I greeted him with a slight hesitation. Such an endless sea of tines atop his head, haha~ It is like he wears some sort of morbid crown and I... I am a glow in the dark jellyfish of some sort. It is such an overwhelming aspect of his appearance, I suppose I can't help but notice it.
Hmph.

We then sat for awhile, yet once again my mind drifted to far away lands and places. Always elsewhere. Always.

I felt my mind once again being tugged towards sleep, and I rose to quickly say my farewell.
Until we meet again, sir.

As I drifted out of consciousness, I could see the Northern Lights beckon and astound, my antlers not needed as a substitute.
Always.


November 27th, 2011 --
A sip of water from the pond. Some blueberries here and there. Certainly not enough to intoxicate by any means, but nourishment nonetheless.
Nourishment. Haha~
I miss the exotic spices and luxurious wines that came with traveling. A shame I'll never experience such things again. Hm.

I walked aimlessly through the birch, eventually settling on one of the rocks of the playground. Out of the corner of the eye, I spotted Shyla a good distance away, peering from behind a birch tree. I continued to watch her, bowing to her despite the distance separating us, inviting her to join me should she wish to. However, she was startled by a nameless that went sprinting past her and quickly darted away.
I suppose one could say I'm rather curious as to what could catalyze such a reaction. Her behavior is strangely consistent, but truly befitting of her name.

She was later approached by a fawn, eager to play. Though much to my amusement, as soon as they began to frolic together the fawn took off in a burst of energy, leaving Shyla alone. I'll admit to chuckling as, well, it was quite a sight. Still, as quick as the fawn left, another deer approached and Shyla once again bolted.

The Playground gathered far too many crowds for her taste, it seemed.

I later managed to greet her not far from the Playground, making an effort to stick to lighter patches of ground when asking her to join me. We then sat among the grasses, my mind drifting and abuzz with thoughts.

She then later moved a bit closer, shifting so that our bodies still touched even though we faced opposite directions. I was a bit off put by this, a bit confused as to why she didn't seem to mind the antlers that swirled around my back. I had to keep a conscious effort not to allow them to burn her, occasionally glancing backwards as the warm rays of light danced around us both.

She didn't mind the warmth, it seemed.
Actually...
Though, while nonreactive to temperature itself, I do understand a few things about physics. Perhaps...perhaps she is drawn to warmth. Avoiding cooler dark patches, sticking instead to rays of light. It would explain a few of her behaviors...but not all, certainly.

I quickly shifted my antlers as I noticed them nearly burning the fur on her back. A close call.

Soon, I felt a familiar pull tugging at my mind as I rose to bid farewell. A shame to leave pleasant company.


November 25th, 2011 --

I sit by myself most days. A statement of fact rather than a reflection of thought.

I encountered Saosin this evening. I'll admit his appearance is rather intimidating, his reputation surely fueling my opinion. We briefly greeted each other before I ran off, busy with little and occupied by nothing. Later, we encountered each other once more, and I instigated on a more proper greeting. I was surprised as not long after, while seeming a bit more lively than I had assumed him to be, he reached towards the mushrooms on the tree. He soon removed his mask and began to consume the fungi. I watched, resisting feebly and soon indulging in the mushrooms as well.

It was then I felt a familiar haze fall over my senses. A warm, foggy feeling that surrounds and blankets you. I adore it. It's presence is a delicious, alluring form of consciousness. The passing of time began to shift and fold upon itself, my limbs moving on their own volition. I believe Darcy also joined us at one point, but my recollection is poor, haha.

As soon as the blanket had surrounded me, it was pulled away, and my mind began to emerge from its fungi-induced fog. With haste, I clumsily bid farewell to Saosin and Darcy, heading to the Crying Idol to help lure the fog (and mushroom scent) away.
Beneath the refreshing waters I noticed a few red marks dotting my skin.
When did I receive these new cuts? Interesting, haha~

Darcy later also made his way over to the Idol, also washing off before later joining me to dry beneath a ray of sunlight.
Water never washed away this word smith's fog, though. Hahaha~



November 12th, 2011 --
I miss her so much.
Our lives together were just about to begin.
...and fate just snatched it away.

I ran into many familiar faces this evening, much to my surprise. Ourania, Oisin, Seed, Kivalo, and a fawn I didn't quite recognize.
Lovely company, truly. It has been awhile since I have been able to sit among familiars without the temptation of distracting forces...among other things.
Still, my mind seems to drift elsewhere. I suppose it is a challenge to not linger in the past as it appears ingrained in my character.
...haha. Fawns need to stop being so clingy. My antlers are amusing, yes. But there is a reason too why they just so happen to singe everything they touch~

October 8th, 2011 -- [Rut]
I lightly touched two of my gloved fingertips together, testing the flammability of the material. It lightly sparked. Perfect. A snap of my fingers and everything would burst into flames.
Tempt me, Taji. I insist!

I awoke with a grin on my face. The dreams I’ve been having recently are almost always imposing their emotions onto me as I awake. Though, were they even dreams? I could have sworn they had occurred once before…
After awakening, I ran into Virgil briefly. I’ll be outright honest, sir. You smell. Bad. Please bathe after this rut fiasco is over if you get the chance. Hmhmhm~

I later rested near the idol after a brief wash, occasionally touching the streams of water with my antlers as I dried off to watch the steam it created. To say there has been a lot on my mind recently would be an understatement.

Why can I not I just return to her? Damn it Esperanza! Why did this scheme have such unrelenting, torturous permanence?!
I promised everything to her! For once, for once in my life I decided to stop with the games, the tricks. She did not deserve a cheater. My devotion was the most draining, but valuable gift I could give. Only her. No one else. She would be the last.
But why is it so damned hard to keep that promise? I thought I was done with that life! The cheating, the broken hearts. She knew my loyalty was hard to earn, but she was by far the most deserving of it. And she earned it. Yet I cannot even uphold that! She would be the last!

My anger was interrupted by two familiar pictograms dancing across the wind. She ran by as my mind was boiling and temper lashing like a snake. I watched her as she dashed by, later settling somewhere in the birch grasses. She would be the last.

Not a second after, I could hear ghostly hoof beats approach from behind. My mind was still alight with frustration the flame never easy to calm. My breaths were labored as I cast a glance towards Shyla, trying to mask the fire raging within. There was no need to cast my animosity in her direction. More deep breaths and I finally turned to greet her, inviting her to sit with me. It was a lucky chance that she decided not to run off despite the inferno blazing in my eyes. We remained for awhile, before I insisted we move closer to the first forest. Her presence not far off was certainly not helping the insistent fire, so it turned out all the better to take a few steps in the opposite direction. Shyla and I settled in the long grasses right along the border of the two sections of forest, watching various deer pass by. (Much to Shyla’s dismay at times, I assumed.)
Recalling our interactions the last time we had met, I rose, suggesting we move over to the other forest. A change in view was always nice, and from what I could tell she seemed to really enjoy prancing amongst the flowers. We made our way past the purple patch of flora the last time we had met, and I managed to coax her to the large patch of red flowers that grew not far from them. (I made a mental note to perhaps see if she would join me near the pond someday. Certainly from her reactions she would benefit from the amount of light that surrounded that area.)
After leaping through the flora, she somehow made her way closer to me, similar to what she had done in the past. Once more, she settled her head onto my back. And once again, I allowed it. Ribbons of light danced around her, leading me a bit confused as to why she felt so comfortable being so close to my antlers. They still give me burns, even though I know how to control them.
But her presence was…comforting, setting me into a state of calm that finally seemed to put out the sudden firestorm within me.

We remained like that for awhile, before I could feel the pull in my mind urging my departure. I apologized, then lead her back into the birch. Saying our goodbyes, we briefly nuzzled each other before I fell into a deep, hazy sleep. The last. She would be the last.


…Damn it all!


October 7th, 2011 -- [Rut]
Tenderly allowing our lips to kiss, our embrace tightened before I gently pulled her away. She sniffled, fiddling with her hands as we escaped each other’s grasps, my eyes shooting a glare towards the pounding door.
“Esperanza,” I glanced back to her, watching as she tentatively began to step away. “There is a key. I have hidden it somewhere I know you’ll find it. Do not search the theater though; its location is not so obvious.” My tone increased in urgency, my glance switching between her and the door as I pulled my gloves from my pocket and began to put them back on. “You probably do not remember where I have placed it, but I’ve shown you its location in the past.”
I took my place in center stage, folding my hands behind my back. I refused to look back to her. She would hear me. She could be trusted on her own intuition.
“Set me free, Esperanza. A magician is nothing without his assistant.”
And with that I knew she was gone, disappearing into the haze that settled over the interior of the theater. Finding safely blanketed in smoke.

…It was time to set fire to my shadow.

I need to speak with her. Unsaid words need to be articulated.
My own silence is starting to poison me.

October 6th, 2011 -- [Rut]
She shuttered and fell into my arms. Her body was shaking as she finally allowed the tears to fall, burying her face into my chest. I held her like that for awhile, trying to keep my composure as I felt the mob grow closer. Chanted words saturated with hate and blood-lust echoed outside the walls. I held Esperanza even closer, resting my chin on her head. Her window of escape was closing fast, so I gently pulled her away from my body, softly holding her chin between my thumb and forefinger as I forced her to look into my eyes.
“This is the finale,” I said, wiping away salty tears that streamed down her face. She was always so well composed, rarely ever letting her guard down like this…especially in front of me. It was painful to witness. I sighed, “The greatest trick man has ever known.”
Esperanza leaned into my touch, blinking away more tears. It wouldn’t be enough to douse this flame, but she didn’t seem to care.
…but I would not allow him to take her with me.

This rut is turning sinister all too quickly.
I sense things are spiraling out of control...

A realization accompanied my thoughts. Sudden. Heavy.
I will never hold a child of my own blood.
Hm.

October 5th, 2011 -- [Rut]
The last of the flammable chemical now lay dormant on the floor, a grin creeping across my face. Tossing the bag aside, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I did so. The air smelled of fire, smoke creeping in through the windows. Chuckling as I let out my breath, I began to stride towards center stage, pulling my now flammable gloves from my pocket.
“There’s no turning back after this,” a quiet voice said, Esperanza stepping out from beside the opened curtains. Hesitance, “Will I lose you?”
My smirk disappeared as I climbed the stairs and walked to her, taking her hands in my own as I briefly put my gloves away. Her eyes fell onto my scarred hands and wrists, the wound from my lion’s ring irritating the skin as it followed my bending joints. A trickle of blood. I caught her eyes flash a tinge of panic before they looked up to me. Beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. The gaze of a doe.
A long, torturous pause. Our hushed breaths. Shouting growing nearer. Chants of an angry army loyal to the most ardent of foes. Swords, guns, any and all weapons being drawn. My theater was surrounded.
I laughed, sighing as I brought our foreheads together to allow them to rest against one another as we continued to hold hands.
“This time,” I choked, opening my eyes to once again meet her gaze.
Her eyes were now glossy, her hands slightly shaking in my grip.
“I will truly disappear.”


I was awoken to dirt in my eyes and the thundering of nearby hooves nearly running me over. Hrm. Little, rude, wouldn’t you think?
The delicious red twilight made up for it, though. Such a deep crimson red has always been one of my favorite colors, found in red wine and blood alike. Hm hm hm~


October 4th, 2011 -- [Rut]
And with a snap of his fingers, it would begin just as fast as it would end.

Hahaha. Let's see what trouble I can stir up this year. Hmmm~
It started off with a battle between a stag dubbed Virgo and another I did not recognize. Every year, I seem to realize how blatantly flawed this little rut event is. No doubt, if I were a stag who was devoted towards this sort of activity, I would steal away the does while a fight was occurring. How simple it would be! While the brutes are distracted, a mere push and shove later, all that they were fighting for in the first place would be lost from beneath their noses!
Oh, perhaps I should try such a feat. My curiosity and intrigue will overcome me if I don’t! Haha!
Such a fight! I wonder if they were aware that with every battle begets more damage to the mind! Silly brutes. I cheered them on in their foolishness, naturally. With such poor tactics such as that, it is no surprise the battle lasted on forever! No strategy! No plan! If only I had a means of blocking their blows instead of constantly dodging such annoyances, it would make for quite a show~

Oh, how I do love this time of year. Just the perfect weather to indulge on the most ripened of berries. Hmhmhmmm~
I felt her presence nearby, but somehow managed to ignore it. Perhaps it is with the knowledge, or rather a bit of wild card intuition, that she would seek out stronger stags rather than this mischievous magician.


October 3rd, 2011 -- [Rut]
I could hear the shouting now. Smell the thick smoke and taste their power on my tongue. It wouldn’t be long until they would arrive, breaking down my theater’s doors in their haste to seize me. Trails of flammable powder now lined the aisles as I finished a section, leveling the bag to stop the flow of the chemical. Moving towards the stage, I continued my tedious work of creating a maze of flammable powder along my building’s floor. If they wanted fire, fire they would receive. It would be a shame to disappoint such a dedicated audience.

I spent the day dreaming, preparing, plotting. The fire is ready to burn.

October 1st, 2011 -- [Pre-Rut]
The cloth did little to remove the grime from my hands. The flammable, slightly oily substance was reluctant to separate from my skin and began to creep into the wound beneath the ring I wore. I wiped it away, knowing that despite the material’s high toxicity, it would simply not have the time to effect me. Hopefully. I glanced to my leather gloves, now soaked thoroughly in the black substance and drying next to the emptied container of the substance. There was no turning back after this. Enough friction and the gloves would light a spark so brilliant; it could be mistaken for a firework.
Perfect.
Enough to send both him and I into the pits of hell.


I awoke with sweat beading from my forehead, my body half inside of the pond’s waters. Confused, I arose, only to be further startled by Virgil’s powerful bellow.
Not yet, sir!
I laughed, darting away. He tried to round me up, and I fled as quickly as my tired body would allow. There will be plenty of time to try and herd me, haha! But not yet!
…not yet~

Eventually, I wandered back into the birch. It always seemed a bit quieter there, and as a result I promptly fell asleep again. (I do wonder if I am becoming slightly narcoleptic with all this lazy napping. Hmph.) Within my dreamless sleep, I was stirred by familiar steps. Certainly Virgil hadn’t followed me all the way here…?
Of course not. I was awoken by that shy doe, in which I profusely apologized for my lack of acknowledgement and rudeness. I cannot help but sleep lately, for whatever the reason.
We then sat down as we had in the past, enjoying the view and exchanging a few choice words.

Ah, so your name is Shyla.

Not sure it would be possible to have a more fitting name.
We continued to relax, though my mind suddenly became rather tense when I felt her presence not far away on the Red Hill. I promptly tried to ignore it, coaxing my legs to stay put as they were. Nothing needed to be said. She would be fine. The deck had been shuffled and all was well again. But the lingering ace of hearts still rested not far from the deck, tempting to alter it. No. Leave it be.
After awhile, Shyla and I both stood as an unknown deer hurried past. Eventually, she wandered over near the edge of the birch forest, and I followed her out of slight curiosity. She reluctantly avoided a dark patch of earth, jumping over it as if some sort of fear of the change in ground prompted her to evade it. Bewildered, I prodded at the spot, even walking through the darker ground to assure her nothing would come of it. Shadows may be a trick of the light, but they certainly pose no ongoing threat. Though, from what I could assume, her body language spoke otherwise.
We somehow ended up on the very edge between the first forest and the birch. Shyla once again showed her reluctance to step into the area, and a passing idea slipped into my mind. Don’t look down. Follow me.
After watching her panic briefly and allowing her to calm down, I somehow managed to get her to follow me across the darker patch, stopping as we stepped into a ray of light.
Her face seemed to read an equal amount of elation and anxiety much to my amusement, and I ended up smirking despite myself. Whether she was playing games or not, I felt slightly accomplished with her success.
We continued to wander through the first forest, sticking to the light patches and hurrying over the dark. Sooner or later we arrived at a patch of flowers, which promptly set Shyla into a bout of playfulness and jumping. I chuckled, a grin remaining on my face as she leapt through the flowers, butterflies occasionally perching on her antlers even as she shook them off. I was relieved the insects decided to go for her antlers, as I doubted they would survive a rest on mine. Somehow, we ended up nuzzling each other from what I took as a gesture of gratitude if she was being sincere. Whatever the case was, she soon circled around me in a rather feline motion, resting her head on my back not long after. I let her be, finding no reason remove her. Though in my attempt to read her eyes, I found difficulty in trying to conjure her motivations. Perhaps I am falling out of practice.

Feeling a pull in the back of my mind, I led her back into the birch, not wanting to strand her in an area she may find uncomfortable. We said our goodbyes, and I fell back into a comfortable, familiar sleep.


September 30th, 2011 -- [Pre-Rut]
Her touch lingered on my skin, the small amount shown between the cuff of my shirt and gloved hand. I paused in my writing, closing my eyes as I felt her concerned gaze pierce me.
“This will end up killing you,” She said, kneeling beside me at my cluttered desk.
“I know,” I grumbled, opening my eyes as I placed my pen onto the table. “You must understand there isn’t another way it can be done. It is between dying a free man, or…” My voice faded, my hands curling into closed fists.
“Sebastion, I-I…” She stuttered, wearily placing her hands onto my shoulder. “I trust you.”


I was brought from my sleep in a hazy state, struggling as I managed to stand. It didn’t take long before a fawn decided to follow me, despite my rather off-put appearance. Naïve thing. It followed me around for awhile, and I attempted to the best of my ability to be kind to it, though trying to trick it into staying at the Twin gods statue was an effort much in vain. Eventually though, it did wander off, and I sat in the birch in a half-conscious state.
I ended up drifting into a light sleep again not soon after. However a presence next to me caused me to stir, a light panic sweeping through me. I half consciously darted away from the nearby creature, trying to collect my thoughts as I stood puzzled within the grasses.
Once my head had cleared, it was soon bought to light what…or rather who was standing before me. It was a doe, yes. But they seemed familiar in the way they acted and the sound of their voice. The red cloak…then the fog cleared, and I realized it was a not so little Red. Had it really been that long? She had grown so much since I had encountered her! I apologized briefly, laughing at my poor memory. We then sat on the hill not long after, catching up a bit and enjoying the view.
…Though I did feel a brief bout of tension when a particular doe sprinted past.



September 29th, 2011 -- [Pre-Rut]
Take the fire in my eyes and use it to alight the rain. Hahaha~

I sat for awhile within the birch, and later was joined by Sinker. A brief chat, but good company nonetheless. I do not mind a quiet presence. If anything, I have lately been enjoying such a bit more than I would have in the past. Perhaps it has something to do with my need to have some sort of audience…or rather just another to simply sit close by.
We were later joined by two rather rambunctious fawns. I am unsure of each of their names, but from their pictograms I made one out to be titled ‘Restarter’. Hmm.
After awhile, another group of deer joined us. I did not catch one of their names, but there was an extremely timid mini deer that went by the name of Ida Rose. She appeared to be scared of the other deer, from what I could presume anyhow. Now that I think of it, I believe the other deer was called Hooran…?
I began to feel a bit crowded, and after Sinker fell asleep I quietly took my leave.

After resting for awhile within the first forest, I later returned to the birch. It wasn’t until later that I heard a rather familiar set of hoof beats tiptoe through the grass. I knew without looking that it was that timid doe I had met not long ago. Though, it was peculiar, really. Every time I had turned to try and spot her, she vanished out of sight! Strange to be on the other side of it, I suppose~
She circled me for awhile, ducking behind trees each time I tried to look at her directly. I offered her to join me, though I knew it was a lost effort. After circling for quite some time, she decided to approach me. I remained where I was, reluctant to stand. She got close enough to sniff me, before retreating as I attempted to stand and greet her. The doe once again hid behind the trees, before eventually bolting all together.
Dumbfounded, I shrugged my shoulders, bidding her farewell though I knew she wouldn’t see it. Sitting back down, I dove back into my own thoughts, trying to evaluate that which lacked a proper explanation. That was until I heard a rustle in the grass not far off. It appeared a rabbit decided to join me, from what I could conjure. Of course, I thought it was a rabbit, until it transformed suddenly into the same shy doe that had run off before! Clever trick! I chuckled, amused with her efforts. I nodded, a slight grin showing from beneath my mask. To say I could appreciate such a transformation would be a rather shallow understatement, even if it was done through the aid of forest magic.
I once again offered for her to join me, assuming from her skittish nature she probably rested little. I was quite shocked when she did decide to sit nearby, though nonetheless grateful. Quiet company is always lovely. No matter how shy that company is.
Eventually, she and I both stood. And again she sniffed me as I did the same.

What is your name, shy doe?

Once again, after studying each other for awhile, she bolted behind a tree, seemingly almost to disappear within it. Haha~! She eventually darted behind another tree, and we stood far apart listening to the constant noise ringing through the air. It was unfortunate that I had to take my leave, but the pull tugging on my mind was becoming a bit too strong.
What a mysterious doe…


September 28th, 2011 -- [Pre-Rut]
I indulged in an absurd amount of fungi and ripened blueberries today…traveling to a far away place. Nearly forgotten. Fluttering eyelashes that tickle her cheek like butterflies. Chocolate brown eyes hidden behind endless waves of brown hair. Skin not as pale as vanilla, but rather a dusty almost caramel color. A mix of the two. Roses and cherries danced along her cheek bones when she became flustered. When content, her voice smooth as silk, though when in scorn, bitter and rather sour. Always curious and intrigued by innovation. Fingertips brushed against in-progress diagrams, though the ink sometimes lingered on her skin when I hadn’t managed to finalize a blueprint. Not that it bothered me; though she did find humor in her distractions.
Even if I never cared much for sweets, she was certainly the exception.

It was unfortunate once I returned from my haze.
I slept for quite awhile, before being awoken by Oisin’s nearby hoof beats. We greeted each other, and for whatever reason consistently just tilted our heads. We were confused. I knew that. Though I am still unsure of what, exactly. Maybe wondering about our confusion is what makes us confused in the first place…
…these mushrooms make my head spin! Hahaha~



September 27th, 2011 -- [Pre-Rut]
The familiar hum of an endless set of roars arose me from my slumber. The air was crisp, sharp, the tines of antlers crackling and snapping. Everything is suddenly becoming familiar, repetitive.
I wonder if I sha’ll even attempt to gather or win over does this year. My antlers aren’t solid, though I do know they sting and burn. But they do not block me from gouging blows, and with the recent creak in my joints I am unsure if I will be able to be as nimble as I once was. I have no doubt that if I was able to perceive pain, my entire body would be sore. It would explain my rather weakened state, no doubt.
I briefly enjoyed a dance of sorts with a previously met deer. I am terrible at catching names, but they were a smaller size and had a lovely set of candles on. Ha! It seems my memory appears to be waning a little as well. I suppose it isn’t too problematic for the time being.
I was later joined by a doe named Maia. We sat for quite awhile, enough to the point where I began to dose off once or twice. I insist it wasn’t out of spite or ignorance! My sincerest apologies, truly. I suppose I just haven’t been able to relax for quite awhile. I do hope we may meet each other once again, though.



September 24th, 2011 --
It feels as if my mind is in two different places. Separate, but the same.
I've been having terrible headaches. My body feels weak and rather feverish, and it feels as if there isn't enough blood traveling to my brain. I do hope it ends soon, as it's rather unbearable.

There was a bit of tension in the forest. A shy doe in the birch forest caught my interest and intense curiosity. She seemed rather shy, hiding well in their autumn-tinted fur that matched the birch. I watched her as she sat not far off, then later as she frolicked through a patch of blueberries and later attempted to cross into darker grass. I presume there is some sort of lingering fear for those darker patches. I tried to show her that such patches of land did no harm, but I suppose it would be best not to push her unless she does so on her own.
Though I am quite curious. No fear is made without reason.
It was unfortunate that I did not catch her name. But her shyness was no doubt a recognizable trait.

I also felt her presence in the air, lingering in the wind as it rustled the branches far above. I was reminded, and felt my mind drift to a time not long ago. Warmth... no. No!
I shook it off and carried onwards. I would not break my promise and betray that which I dedicated my life to.

But something has got to give. I cannot carry on like this forever, denying myself for so long.


August 5th, 2011 --
A-a-ahh. M-my ankles... Damn it, w-what is going on?!


July 30th, 2011 --
W-where did you r-run off to...Virgil? Hmmm..

...a-aah. My a-ankles...w-where has the fur g-gone? It h-hurts.

O-oh! Virgil! You've returned! W-w-where did you go, anyways? Ahaha, w-who cares! You're b-back!
T-there have been r-rumors that you w-went..well..you know. W-what was it l-like...out there?
We p-played for quite s-some time, V-virgil and I. Even performing a b-bit of a b-balancing act on Sluggs, haha!
Oh, a-and sorry about turning the p-pond a bit redder, I'm n-note sure w-what happened, really. We a-also found I-Iaurdagnire later on, w-which we helped with his set and p-played with as well. W-why of course I'll help you w-with your mask, hahaha! H-happily!
A d-dance followed not long after. S-sorry I had to depart so soon. Hmm~


July 29th, 2011 --
A-a-ack! M-m-my ankles...damnit! I h-h-h-haven't...there is no ring of f-fire around them...but the skin s-stings and is scorched as if there were! B-b-blood...a-ack! W-when?! P-p-painn...I..ahh... ...


July 23rd, 2011 --
There always seems to be something when I awake, hmph. It was strange, really, my ankles looked almost...reddish underneath the fur. Only the front ones, though.
It isn't going to deter me from indulging in certain fungi, haha! Maybe I just don't remember doing it...
Admittedly I'm not sure how one manages to acquire...itchy knee joints either. Just another nuisance I'll have to tend to. Haha~


July 22nd, 2011 --
I could barely stand today. My legs gave out from under me. Whatever the nuisance, I managed to stand, enjoying the cool waters of the pond when I finally reached it.
Such an annoyance. I suppose I'll just lay back down for awhile...
I later witnessed a fight between Jax and Demon. Petty little battles. Silly attempts at settling quarrels which could be easily be solved through diplomatic means. All it seemed they were doing was spilling blood on the ground. A new form of painting?
Well, it did make for some interesting entertainment.


July 21st, 2011 --
My knee joints have been bothering me lately. They don't...hurt. No. I haven't felt pain in...a very long time.
But they itch. Almost like an imitation of the previous sensation, yet not quite. Still, an unbearable itch, the joints not functioning as well as they should. Another annoyance, I suppose.
I ran into a sort of twin today. Nice mask, I must say. I later encountered Iaurdagnire briefly. Or rather...I think it was briefly. It is hard to recall, as we consumed some rather...delicious local cuisine, if I may say. Hahaha!


July 19th, 2011 --
Virgil told me Terrant had passed. Odd, really.
I briefly encountered him today. If his pictogram matches what I've been told, of course.
Am I really seeing the dead? Perhaps it may be time to ease up on the mushrooms.
Still, he was a lovely fellow.
I later sat in the pond's cool waters. There has been quite a bit on my mind lately.
And, to be frank, it is a challenge to keep up.
I was later joined by...rather I stand corrected, a bit startled by Reed. Though it quickly passed and we ended up sitting on the pond's banks.


June 19th, 2011 --
There is something rather...addicting, in this case of lacking a proper adjective, which describes twilight weather. Such alluring deep reds and pinks can only remind me of the most delicious red wine in the way they light up the forest. Addicting. Purely addicting.
Shortly after waking I watched Aleit and a few others I couldn't recognize play some sort of game. It appeared as if they were...what is the word for it, poking each other?
I joined in.
Can't say to be honest if I knew what happened even now! Haha~
Later after another nap, (such a sloth, ah well~) I observed Leviathann and Saanra among others in a group near a flower patch. Amused, I took a seat, watching them from not far off. I wouldn't mind a bit of amusement to pull myself away from my thoughts, and I sat patiently awaiting at least some sort of response from the larger deer.
I was shocked when she appeared to ask me to join them. Nonsense. My strength does not particularly shine in fighting, so naturally I declined. It did not keep me from sitting close by however. It isn't to say that I don't like causing mischief and a little turmoil.
Continuing to follow the group, I again sat quite a distance away from them as they changed locations. Waiting, though for what I remain unsure.
Leviathann finally departed, and that was when the group finally seemed to acknowledge me. I laughed, surely a twinkle it my eye as I turned on my heels in an outburst of amusement. Oh? Now you see me? Pah, nonsense! Besides, I am not allowed near you, silly thing!

...it appears the twilight is making me rather intoxicated. Or perhaps it was the blueberries I ate earlier, I am not sure~


June 17th, 2011 --
I sat on the bridge for the first half of the morning. Watching idle, I eventually wandered and dozed off at the foot of the structure.
Apparently when I awoke, I frightened some deer that also sat there. My apologies! If only I could have introduced myself more properly! Quite a horrid first impression.
Earlier, I had also encountered a seemingly depressed Phion. No need to sulk like that. I have a few recipes involving fungi which could easily cheer you up~ Haha!
I later cast a simple mask spell on some sleeping deer at the ruins. I must admit, they had quite the fast reflexes, for they woke in a mere instant!

June 14th, 2011 --
Rain?
D***it. I am in no mood to be anyone's sauna. Hrm.

June 13th, 2011 --
A visit to the birch, a decline of invitations, a welcoming breeze sweeping through an endless sky...all resulting in a terribly dull morning. Perhaps I sha'll treat myself to some over-ripened blueberries today. Not to alter my mind, but simply to enjoy the taste.
I later found what I presumed a gift, a bit of food and a poppy close beside it.
Where are you going now, Virgil?
I truly wish for your safe return.

June 12th, 2011 --
I'd mention the weather, but to be honest it'd be futile and an annoying array of small talk. I couldn't care less for the temperature anyways.
Phion turned me into a bird almost immediately upon my awakening. Such a sneaky creature, haha! Needless to say I tried in vain to terrify her with my birdish antics, as the dove isn't the most terrifying of an avian. I tried later to scare other deer nearby, though my efforts were irrefutably horrendous. Why couldn't I have been turned into a spider? To my knowledge far more fear those rather than a dove.
I rested for awhile, though I'll admit my mind never seems to take advantage of it. Buzzing with constant words, ideas, fragmented thoughts and peculiarities. It was then, after breaking from my thoughts briefly, I noticed that she appeared on the horizon once again, across the river. She wandered up along the bank, finally stopping about parallel to where I sat. I waited, for awhile, before standing to acknowledge her. It wasn't until I finally turned to look did my thoughts catch up with me and reminded me of the promise I ordered myself to keep.
Turning on my heels, I ran.
This forest isn't large enough.
I was later visited briefly by Amadahy, in which we acted silly for awhile and later enjoyed the view.

June 11th, 2011 --
Another foolish battle of nonsense. I feel as if these little petty quarrels happen out of mere whim, for it is very little I witness an actual reason for such fighting. Roaring, scuffling, scraping of dirt. Every time I watch these silly things, nothing appears to be accomplished. Every time a battle erupts, a battle will follow the prior event. An endless, bloody cycle. And, ultimately, I find it quite boring, haha~
Perhaps this forest should substitute their fighting for a taste of the local fungi! Oh, it would solve everything~
It was a breath of fresh air to spot Kaoori and Saanra. We played for awhile, and said our farewells to Kaoori not long after. My condolences to you, today.
Saanra and I continued to mess about, having quite a merry time. It was in the middle that I knew she was nearby, somewhere. No. I told myself to leave her be, that nothing would come of approaching her...that she didn't need to be deceived again.
So I sat with Saanra and enjoyed the view. And, much to my amusement, it appeared that Ravyn was leading a parade of small forest animals. How peculiar, haha! Though, she could have been chased by them, but who am I to say?
Later Leviathann approached Saanra and I. She was...sniffing and then taunting me...goodness! I just bathed yesterday, haha~ I must apologize, perhaps you don't like my cologne? (If only I had any, haha!)
It turned out that I had angered Leviathann for being in the presence of Saanra. Peculiar. Possessiveness suits so few. I suppose I will not be allowed to linger with Saanra any longer, ah...well. I haven't been in the mood for fighting lately and the creak in my joints as of late seems to finally be getting its voice heard.
So be it, then.
...I later visited Saanra in the absence of Leviathann. Although she was sleeping, I did offer my sincerest apologies and then proceeded on my way. If it were in my power this foolishness would have never happened. Such drama, made out of nothing!


June 7th, 2011 --
Met a few deer this afternoon, Ciel and Saanra. Ciel was quite an adorable little thing, I must admit. I had thought he had vanished for a moment, until I realized he was standing under me! Such a small creature! Saanra was also wonderful company, and I felt inclined to join her as she was laying all alone. Still, she was good company after she did awake.
We later indulged in some frolicking of sorts, and Ciel somehow managed to form a bit of a deer tower. Silly young fawn, haha~!
I was also entertained by the largest squirrel...crow...creature-- Well to be honest I'm not sure what it was, it changed so rapidly! If only I possessed such an ability!
Later, we indulged on some delicious fungi, surely to the dismay of some. Such lovely little things, ahaaa~! Though, I'm afraid I don't remember much after that, haha.






"Hmm~"
Three cracked ribs from blunt force trauma to the side; was hit by a charge of antlers multiple times. Breathing is shallow making his voice breathy and quiet. Sides are bruised. Muscles also still stiff from injury; but healing.





If you wish to contact me, my email is
My skype name is ShimmyDance. Feel free to add me!

All actions and thoughts are in-character and do not represent the thoughts/opinions of his player.
However, Shimmy takes full responsibility for his actions.
You are more than welcome to role-play with him here.

Feel free to do whatever you wish to him. Fight/attack/stalk/whatever.
I only ask that you contact me in advanced if you plan on severely disabling him or killing him.
Thank you so much!





3.12.2015 -- It's been awhile, eh? Updated reference sheet, human images, top bar and just did some general clean up. Added voice player.


January 23, 2011 - 5:22pm — shimmyshimmy

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January 23, 2011 - 5:22pm — shimmyshimmy

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