the lurker's rant: my problems with this community

i’ve been watching this community for a while and i have to say you’re all really easily hurt.

note how i didn’t write ’offended’. when someone gets offended, at least they retaliate somehow, in some way. you just get hurt, cry about being hurt, and then leave because you can’t take it. that’s the problem here.

from peace and love to everybody, to handwringing and fleeing the site in less than a month. makes your writing look all the more genuine. : /

[EDIT: lot of assumptions here. sorry about that. The point is: 1) wildrose shouldn't have reacted the way they did 2) your private problems should be kept private and handled privately; don't mention them and don't point at nameless people]

either way, i’m not here to play sherlock with other people’s personal problems. i’m here to speak my mind.

wildrose’s leaving represents only one issue i have with the community. something that has been bothering me ever since ravynn has found a bug and used it, and later on claimed was so hurt about how a single person dared challenge her with a different viewpoint. ravynn’s case ties into the one i mentioned previously, but also represents my other issue.

when somebody cries about the UNBELIEVABLE HARASSMENT they received, and dare
ask people be honestquote: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE POLITE MASK AT THE DOOR AND BE YOURSELF NOW.
, they are met with a flock of people whose purpose is nothing but to comfort and hug and love them and send thoughts and prayers...

and the more such comments i come across, the less genuine they seem. i’m reminded of a certain video that mentions a different community but still applies here. it means nothing. it’s filler. if you don’t care, please don’t pretend you do.

so this is my message to you all: grow a thicker skin, and stop pretending to care.

How about you use your own

How about you use your own name?

Telling those people to grow thicker skin isn't going to make them feel better nor will it teach them how to better cope with their problems. All it does is make them feel bad for ever speaking up. You're basically telling people to shut up and stop crying. How is that healthy?

All the comfort we see in this community (with maybe at the exception of your own based on your cynical assumption) comes from a well meaning place. I'm sorry you were taught that love and support is some kind of reward you get for being perfect, but that's not how it's meant to be.

Well meaning critique aside, people do not thrive beneath a whip, it just fucks them up and causes them to treat others with the same toxic brutality.

e: Personal growth is a process and simply telling someone to grow thicker skin won't make it happen. There's a difference between being supportive, and simply coddling someone, which - as Unplugged has mentioned - isn't doing anyone any favors. I can agree with that part.
Tuo's picture

Quote:i’m here to speak my

Quote:
i’m here to speak my mind.

So were the people you're so eager to generalize and berate for expressing feelings in the first place. ¯\_(?)_/¯
I don't agree with your post at all and feels like you wrote it just for drama's sake. How 'bout you use your own username if you have the thick skin you speak of and can take the comments?

Keepiru's picture

Thank you random user, we're

Thank you random user, we're all feeling better now.
Unplugged's picture

I'm just gonna say i don't

I'm just gonna say i don't care if they use their own username or not. I think the argument should be addressed, not the person. And voicing controversial opinions – regardless of whether i agree with it or not – can get you lynched. Whether you consider it cowardice or not is not an argument.
Also see Online disinhibition effect.

Anyway, a few things. This is a bit of a ramble so.

1) I agree with the others that you're generalizing and assuming that people are dishonest. Obviously this is gonna cause others to assume a defensive position.
2) There is value to both, supportive elements and growing a thicker skin. If you constantly get nothing but support and love and have people constantly agree with you you're gonna end up oversensitive and unable to handle any contrarian positions. On the other hand, if every issue you have gets dismissed by everyone around you, you're gonna end up screwed in the head in the long run as well.
3) I believe people should not have to fear voicing their opinions. I do believe when people react overly dramatically to negative opinions or threaten leaving because they didn't get mentioned in a thread once, it puts people off from actually saying what they think and effectively creates an echo chamber. There is a healthy balance to this.
4) A lot of people on this community have anxiety and worry about people seeing them in a negative way. I understand this position, I'm in it myself, and I understand that being criticized can absolutely kill your confidence and motivation. It happens to me all the time.
However, I believe that part of defeating this mental illness is attempting to understand that disagreement doesn't mean you're worthless or hated, and exposing oneself to criticism in a slow and gradual fashion helps this process. As I said in a previous thread, I don't think it's the community's job to accommodate everyone's personal problems. On a personal level, sure, but not an entire community of hundreds of people. That's what therapists are for.
5) We can't be friends with everyone. If there's someone you dislike, avoid them. If there's someone you disagree with, either try to work it out or avoid them. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

'stop pretending to

'stop pretending to care'

iiiiiii think most of us care too much.. and it ties into the anxiety thing ben touched upon. we want to support and be there for our people because, yes, we do actually care but half the time we don't know what to say/don't have the words.. so.. yeah.. don't appreciate being told my feelings are fake. /scoots

edit; not gonna touch on anything else/reply again because my stupid ass will just add fuel to what could be a fire lol /srs scoots

to people saying this: i'm

to people saying this: i'm concerned that using 'my own name' would get people i know or interacted with into trouble a'la guilt by association. they've got their own opinions and i've got mine. to me, it makes no difference either way.

@Tuo: in that case i achieved the effect i wanted to. i was a tad worried about that.

@J!in:

"Telling those people to grow thicker skin isn't going to make them feel better nor will it teach them how to better cope with their problems. All it does is make them feel bad for ever speaking up. You're basically telling people to shut up and stop crying. How is that healthy?"

if you have a problem, you have to think of a solution to it. running away from it isn't a solution. if you can't bear to face your issues, then you'll have to learn to do so, otherwise you'll make your own life that much more difficult. hence 'grow a thicker skin': face your problems, don't leave them behind.

"All the comfort we see in this community comes from a well meaning place. I'm sorry you were taught that love and support is some kind of reward you get for being perfect, but that's not how it's meant to be."

no, i just think that free no-reason just-because compliments aren't that great, especially if they're from a stranger. if somebody walked up to you on the street and told you you're great and hugged you, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?

not only that, but wildrose leaving the community not long after praising it so much makes me think their words didn't come from a well-meaning place.

"Well meaning critique aside, people do not thrive beneath a whip, it just fucks them up and causes them to treat others with the same toxic brutality."

i don't recall writing anything like that. i do think, however, that being too soft and frail is a thing and both extremes should be avoided.

@Keepiru: My pleasure. lol

Edit: actually taking my

Edit: actually taking my comment down. Originally commented since I got upset reading this but.. I feel like this post was entirely made for the sake of drama and I'm not going to contribute to it by fueling the fire myself. Best of luck to people who can word things better than me anyways SIGH.

i don't wanna participate in

i don't wanna participate in this but i am upset enough to want to tell you that you seem like a horrible person
LostintheEcho's picture

All I'm going to say

All I'm going to say is;

You're rant is a contradiction. Think about it.
Sigi by Wake

oqu's picture

He who stands on his tiptoes

He who stands on his tiptoes does not stand firm; he who stretches his legs does not walk (easily). (So), he who displays himself does not shine; he who asserts his own views is not distinguished; he who vaunts himself does not find his merit acknowledged; he who is self- conceited has no superiority allowed to him. Such conditions are like remnants of food, or a tumour on the body, which all dislike.

http://ctext.org/dao-de-jing/ens

@Unplugged: thank you for not

@Unplugged: thank you for not being judgmental.

1) re-reading the post i made, i do admit that happened. my mistake.

i've got nothing to say about 2-4) because i completely agree and i can't think of anything else i should add.

5) you've got a point, but just because you don't like a single person in the crowd, doesn't mean you should leave the entire crowd behind.

but yes, other than that, i'm glad somebody gets it.

@SingaReindeer: unfortunately i didn't see your original comment, but if you don't want to participate it's alright.

@forgetmenot: alright, i'll take it.
Aivilo's picture

.

.

I never once had a problem

I never once had a problem with that user. The two on here whom I have an issue with know who they are. They leave me alone, I leave them alone. Basing all of this off one tiny interaction? Seriously? I don't think they left because of me, and if they did then I would contact them to apologize. I do have my own issues to work through, but they had no reason to leave on account of me. I strive for neutrality here, and just when I felt I achieved it, I come on to find this.

Like others before you, if there is an issue with me, contact me directly. I have gad enough of people bullying me and others off the site. Won't happen again.

@Valeska: i'm sorry for

@Valeska: i'm sorry for assuming you had anything to do with this. the point wasn't the interaction, but how wildrose handled it incorrectly. i'll go edit my post.
Wendingo's picture

oh my god why did you even

oh my god why did you even have to post this tho...like why was it necessary? what did you accomplish? did this make the community a better place?

nah


made by foxofthestars!

LOL ok

LOL ok

Just as you're well within

Just as you're well within your rights to speak your mind, so is everyone else that you've spoken about. It's human nature to be upset at things and want to speak out. Telling people to "grow a thicker skin" will not solve any problem whatsoever.

Then again, neither does coddling. It's a tricky balance.

However, I know that I mean what I say, so if someone questions whether or not I care, it doesn't really matter how I feel about that question either way. Because I do care, and that's all I need to know.

It'd be preferable for you to not use a mask so as to make interactions more clear; I've learned things about other users in the past that I would have been completely oblivious to had I not been told. Life's just a bit easier when you know who to avoid.

Ohhmygodd

Ohhmygodd
Kaoori's picture

I don't see a reason to not

I don't see a reason to not be positive, help and support people you don't 'know'.

It's called kindness and the world could use a damn lot of it right now.

i don't see anyone being coddled, this is a community and people support one another and share opinions.
hadoukin's picture

Hey, thanks for wasting a

Hey, thanks for wasting a picto! Good to know you really care about the community.

.. ANYWAYS i love everyone on

.. ANYWAYS i love everyone on this community! you guys are the best.
Awentia's picture

Excuse me, but I'm slightly

Excuse me, but I'm slightly confused? What's the point of you posting this and wasting a perfectly good pictogram?

If you don't care, why post this? You want people to grow 'thicker skins' but you're still being petty over things that have happened in the past? One of your examples is from something that happened 7 years ago..

'your private problems should be kept private and handled privately; don't mention them and don't point at nameless people'
Why are you name dropping then? You're just making blind assumptions and bashing players publicly instead of following your own directive?

Your entire post is full of contradictions and completely hypocritical.

If I have you in my Skype or Discord contacts, please remove yourself if you're not going to make your user known. Even better, block me. I don't particularly want anything further to do with someone so malicious and cowardly.
Discord: Tzvii#9954 // Signature by Wake.
Qanat's picture

while i agree that people

while i agree that people (NOT ON THE COMMUNITY IN PARTICULAR, i just mean in life in general) can be massively oversensitive.. i think you care a little too much, and you're one of those people
someone who feels so strongly about other people's opinions that they create a supersecret account, sign on, drag up things from 2009, put time into writing it and then display it are of the exact same ilk- same coin, different side

just the opposite extreme where you're 'triggered' by the fact that people get upset instead and go off on a rant instead of either a) giving legitimate and helpful advice or b) actually not caring and going on with your life. you're doing the exact same thing really, getting upset enough to express your feelings, put people on blast and then 'leave' (though i only say 'leave' because you're not committing with a real username). and you're not doing anything to help and you don't 'really care'

I MEAN NO DISRESPECT, but since we're here to open eyes to people's personal behavior that has no effect on anyone who doesn't actually gaf
i get what you're saying! i'm just seeing the exact same thing that you're complaining about in your own actions and it's a lil.. special

you'll have a better time here if you learn to stop caring about what other people do if it doesn't affect you
Shey's picture

..................what was

..................what was the point

Quote:
September 17, 2017 - 10:27am — Kaoori
I don't see a reason to not be positive, help and support people you don't 'know'.

It's called kindness and the world could use a damn lot of it right now.

i don't see anyone being coddled, this is a community and people support one another and share opinions.
Kamaya's picture

I'm just gonna throw my

I'm just gonna throw my opinions here, because that's what this post is supposed to be, right?

So, I'm gonna just say what I think is true:

There is a difference between this community and most of others I've seen or been part of.
Most of those communities have hypocrites, liars and so on. Not all of them are, but quite a lot from what I've seen and lived.

You show a video about Tumblr, but it's one of those communities.

Why is TEFc any different? Because this is a community of kind people. Here, we stay true, we are honest. If we care about someone or something, we say it. If we don't, we go on our way and just not comment at all.

The Endless Forest community is different because it's one of the rare (if not the) communities where I've seen drama being that scarce. From my knowledge of psychology (which may not be accurate and will be probably lacking but whatever), I think it's because this game does not inspire violence and brutality in any way. It's way more common to be insulted by other people when you play some other games like Call of Duty, Battlefield, Warcraft, S4 League etc... I'm not gonna go explain why violence draws those people, it's obvious.

TEF, however, does not contain any violence in-game. No weapons, no HP, no possibility to hurt another player. It does not have any story either, it's just a game that was made to help you relax by chilling with your friends or random deers you meet. And these are ones of the reasons why the community around this game is so supportive and kind. Because this game draws people who are kind and shy by nature, people who does not want any unwanted drama, people who understand others' opinions and share their own.

We are like a family. At least, that's how I always felt here. That's why I feel so good in this community. But I'm not a hypocrite. If I don't care about something or someone, I just don't comment at all. Because I'm not gonna go and say "hey, i dont give a sh*t". That would be rude and kinda out of place.
But the truth is, I care about everyone, even if they are people I don't like and even if I don't always comment. Sometimes I just go on Skype or Discord and tell them that I'm here for them if they need someone to talk to or to help them out and I always mean it.


Aside from that, what was your point here? Yes, many things here had me upset too, but I'm not gonna write a entire post just to tell people to stop being pretending when in reality (at least in most cases) they're not. Yes, we may be oversensitive. For me, personally, it's because I'm scared to live the nightmares I've lived in other communities and at school. But it also depends on the people themselves, I've seen some whom a single emotional thing or drama happening can make them cry because that's how they are. Some events in their life made them this way.

But when it happens, they need help, support, and understanding. There is nothing wrong about speaking your mind, but there are different (and better) ways to do so. Your post was pointless. I understand that (maybe) you just want to make things right and the community a better place, but that's not how it should be done.

If you truly care about this community, then just remain yourself and do something really helping.

Now, please, don't take this the wrong way. I might be clumsily expressing my thoughts, but if you cannot understand people and make a whole thing about it, then maybe (and it's just a suggestion, okay?) you should do some research about psychology. Perhaps, if you try to be in Wildrose's place and imagine what they had gone through that make them react this way, you'll see things more clearly.

You are just making unecessary drama here, so please stop.

(And to others: you are free to tell me if I said something the wrong way, because I really feel like I misspoke.)

(No subject)

Jacklo's picture

Bruh the fact that you



Bruh the fact that you brought up a thread from seven years ago when literally no one cares about that issue anymore and ignoring the many dramafests we'd had in the past years kinda sounds like a massive grudgewank against Ravynn in particular.

Jacklo's Characters/Hub
Discord: Daddy#4977

I would respect this if there

I would respect this if there was any hint that you actually have the community's well being at heart rather than just being personally bothered.

Did you know that society already tells us that we're not allowed to feel and express ourselves? #triggered #snowflake #attentionwhore
Did you know that insecure and anxious people beat themselves up more than necessary without your help?
Did you know that feeling like shit makes everything appear more shit than it actually is which seriously affects how we function and how we treat people?
Did you know that feeling good, even from the shallow compliments coming from a kind stranger, does more for our growth than a comment basically saying 'man up'?

There is nothing wrong with having a friend or a stranger show their love and support even as you mess up - that alone won't make anyone think they don't have problems to work on - and - contrary to what you may think - it doesn't mean we can't bring up issues with consideration in mind.

This is CydaLuva83. Posting

This is CydaLuva83. Posting on this account bc I don't want this thread in my main tracklist.
I don't have anything constructive to add, but this song always makes me crack up and feels relevant.



E: also, what do you care how Wildrose reacted? What's it to you?
Qanat's picture

i was going to add in a

i was going to add in a belated thought considering what jin had brought up but TBH
i feel a little bad criticizing you when it seems you're in that same anxious, paranoid bit where you think 'nobody is genuine' and 'everyone pretends to care'. that's some unhealthy thinking! like jacklo said, you've kept tabs on things that have bothered you for nearly 8 years while everyone in the community willing to be vocal, sans one individual, has stopped caring themselves
you seem really, deeply troubled by it all and unable to let it go

maybe it's some sorta cry for help or somethin..
i genuinely hope you feel better eventually man
Chromai's picture

Perhaps we should let this go

Perhaps we should let this go now. This guy's had their fun. Nothing was achieved by posting this in the first place and nothing will be achieved by replying to it anymore. If they really don't like the community, they'll have enough sense to leave.
Mahj's picture

> 2009 If you were truly a

> 2009 If you were truly a lurker, you wouldn't be afraid of using your real name

umm

umm

Wildrose's picture

( I am very sorry to be

( I am very sorry to be bumping this thread back up to the main page again, my intentions are not to bring drama up at all but only pinpoint some useful things to this user.)

First thing is first "Willowmask." you should NOT be telling people how to act or feel especially if they have mental health issues, most people in this community pride them selfs upon being able to REACH out to people with their problems ( Even having the strength to talk about it.) WHAT you are doing is illegal IN many ways as this is LINKED to cyberbullying ( I couldn't care less if you were sharing your opinion, as some things are best kept in your mouth for reasons.)

Going back to having the strength to share problems, It takes a lot of mental capability especially if people are not in a GOOD place of mind in the first place but seek comfort from people HERE in TEF. A mind is a fragile place and YOU have no RIGHT to tell people how to control their problems or feelings, You HAVE no right to speak your mind about mental health or anything related to it unless your specialist THAT is TRAINED in mental health.

"so this is my message to you all: grow a thicker skin, and stop pretending to care." Do you really think your message is going to work? I'm sorry but what you said here is total bullshit. I have MET many people in this community who do care about others if no one cared would this community still be the TIGHT KNIT place it is today? Not really. so rethink about everything you have posted on this THREAD.

Okay what really disappoints me here is that your PICKING on users that were active from 2009, they have NO clue that you're posting such savage stuff about them at all. Could you be any less scummy with your tactical approach? THEY have the freedom to post whatever they want as long as it doesn't harm anyone in the community WHICH hadn't until you decided to make it your personal problem ( blowing old dust up into the air is not appreciated by people here.) Your a very sneaky user creating an alt account to attack people meaninglessly, attitudes like that are not welcomed in such a nice place as TEF. Sorry to be savage but thats the truth.

You say you have been watching TEF threads for a while now? Here is my opinion on what you have kindly shared with us. Why don't you just keep watching, because I'm sure the community will make you hate more players because they are gonna care about other people which actually makes me laugh because that must be such TORTURE to you.

" makes your writing look all the more genuine. : /" Who the hell do you actually think you are? you have no right to comment about my writing especially LINKing posts from my user thread with out my permission. I have contacted A/M by email about your user account, I'm hoping they can do something about this horrible thread or even this lovely picto going to waste.

I originally planned to leave the community but thanks to my friend coming across this post while I was at hers, I'm back and I am sharing my opinion with you as well. I will not allow you to brate players on this community or attack them because you're just being a spiteful person.
So in the same fashion, you so kindly graced us with

Here is my message to you: Grow the fuck up and accept the fact that this is a caring community. Also learn to grow some manners.

>you’re all really easily

>you’re all really easily hurt
>brings up and complains about a post from 2009

let it go man
Reyy's picture

You're so full of shit. If

You're so full of shit. If your intentions were truly wanting to help build the community up, you would've come from a stance of neutrality, without mentioning names, to present the idea to the rest of us to work on together—not projecting a personal issue/ paranoia onto everyone else, that you've been apparently harboring since 2009.