A Hoarder [For Nayu]

Writing under the cut~

For Nayu, from this.

Also, this was all so I can practise my writing skills, therefore critique is welcome.
If there's any spelling, grammar and typos - of which I'm sure there's many xD - I'd like to correct it, so if you notice it, please drop a comment ^^

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A fawn, resting. An oak tree, hollow, rotting and full of holes. However, it was the closest thing to a home the fawn had in the endless forest.

Sunlight streamed in, showing the pollen that floated lazily through the air. They danced slowly in and out of the beams of gold allowing Nayu to fall into a trance as he watched them. The background noise of the forest - animals scurrying, trees rustling and the occasional thunder of hoofbeats, seemed to become subdued as his eyes glazed over. A breeze flowed through the tree bringing both farmiliar and unfarmiliar scents to him.

The voice is soft, for once, but Nayu doesn't hear it. He is looking at a piece of gold, twisted into a cricle. And, attached to it a doe. She was slender and dainty, but with strands of blue hair falling like a mane from her neck, spilling over her lighter blue pelt.

Nayu could see her. A single mum with her two fawns. Twin boys. They had their hearts in the right places, but were often getting scolded. Their father had been killed by humans, but none of the family knew that. The doe had always just assumed that he abandoned them even though she had loved him. All she felt now was resentment towards him, and often sneaked away while her fawns where asleep to run. Running was good to relieve tension.

His eyes flicked to another object, another piece of his collection. This time it was a ruby, shiny and red. Polished just to the right level to reflect light. It wasn't a massive ruby, just enough to fit into the eye socket of a skull - for, that is where it was to go in exactly that place.

This guy was old, at least sixty. His black fur was now streaked with grey and the red highlights had almost gone. The one thing that had remained since his young days was the glittering gem where his left eye should have been. Nayu supposed it matched his right eye; that eye was red too, but it didn't quite seem to "wink" as the ruby did. He used to be a thief before he was stabbed in the gut by an angry stag's antlers. It still gave him pain until the day he died.

The voice was ever so slightly sharper, but it still did not get through the barrier Nayu had built. His gaze turned to the next object. A mask.

It was quite shapeless really, no eye holes, no mouth hole - the only distinguishing feature an extremely hooked nose carved from the worn wood. The wood was smooth, not revealing anything. Yet a cold chill seemed to radiate from this creature.

This deer was neither male or female, but more often refered to as a He. This one's movements were unbalanced, due to the hind legs of wood. Wood like its mask.

Antlers fit for a king rested between large, alert ears. And yet, they were too frail after years of use. Aggressive, this one was, jumping into fights without reason - creating fights without reason.

This one was not old, barely out of adolescence, but still death took it after creating another fight. This fight was too much, the predator in question finally becoming the prey, as it bled beneath sharp teeth and claws. Nayu merely overlooked this fact as he continued to explore this creature.

It had many quirks, often snapping off its own back legs, just to replace them. It had never found a material it was happy with. Never happy, never.
It had so much anger, directed towards so many things. Reasons for this were unknown, though many guessed. A dead loved one? Injuries? Waiting for revenge? But the only answer was a hooked nose of carved wood.

It really was sharp this time, enough to cut through his thoughts like a nightmare when it wakes a peaceful dreamer.



Here, ya go, Nayu! It's finally done, I hope it's okay~

And, as promised:
Nayu's picture

Cheese cookie!

Cheese cookie! <3 I just saw your post, will now read it.

Siggy by Butterbrot <3
Unplugged's picture

Since you asked for it,

Since you asked for it, here's what I found regarding spelling mistakes Smiling

"the occasionally thunder of hoofbeats"
I think you got something mixed up there. :b Either you meant "the occasional thunder", or "occasionally the thunder"
"He is looking at a a piece of gold"
accidental double-a there.
lost the "e" in resentment.
"THe one thing "
"used to be a theif "
a thief
"quite shapless"
"dustinguishing feature"
"like it's mask."
"snapping off it's own back legs"
it's -- short for "it is"
its -- possessive
"to frail"
to - particle
too - adverb
...unless you ould use "frail" as a verb (which doesn't exist afaik), then you'd have a future tense here Sticking out tongue
"Aggresive, this one was"
"over looked"
overlooked, to overlook
"It had never found a material it happy with"
"it was happy with", I suppose?
"Reasons were this were unknown"
Nayu's picture

So lovely Blu, thanks a lot

So lovely Blu, thanks a lot for giving it a go! I particularly appreciated how you set the general ambiance and the mask's story, I'm itching to write moarrrr now. < ohhhhh, oh, haven't felt like this for weeks.
You shouldn't hesitate in insisting more on little details, sounds, how the light change the surrounding etc, I'm such a sucker for strong atmosphere with a very visual feel., if that makes any sense.

I hope you had fun doing this, I certainly had while reading it ( can't get that smile off my face), that is perfect medecine since I'm stuck in bed busy being a sick person and all.

Thankkkk you Blu, you did great! <3

PS: Cheese cookie taste like feet, I luv...


Ninja'ed by Unplugged, I wuz about to switch On my grammar/spelling/blah mistakes radar and search for them. Less work for meh!

Siggy by Butterbrot <3

Unplugged - Thank you, I'm

Unplugged - Thank you, I'm really glad you noticed them. I'll get to work changing it now Smiling
Nayu - I did have fun doing it, I'm really glad you like it~

Edit: I fixed everything that you noticed, Unplugged. Thanks again ^^
Nayu's picture

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Siggy by Butterbrot <3