Sergey Lazarev: The Eye of the Storm

Do not read this, please. I wish not to harm you with rant-like posts. I believe that you can live without my presence. But thanks to everyone who will read this, I really appreciate that...

This is not a rant, this is like last breath... kinda...

*sigh out* ...But why do you wish so badly to crack my Mask, that only thing which keeps me from oblivion. Just give yourself an answer for the questions: "What do you want?" & "What harmed you?" Can't you see what make the tears keep the colour of blood? It is true... *soft sigh*... There's no such a thing... maybe in whole Universe. However, I possess it. I wonder if all of them is dying from the crack of their masks. Noone of those who can, didn't call my name. They call upon wind, trees, someone else... What do you mean - nobody? In the end even World may be destroyed, to complete the cycle. It doesn't mean that you can't feel happiness today. Where is the edge of game and beginning of the reality? I can live only by memories, because I already know who my friends are, I know who cares about me. In Future your friends may becomes your enemies. To remember that they were your friends once, is the greatest gift. In my honest opinion, of course. I know what love is... sorta... selfish eternal trust... At last I have this guidance, another lesson of Fate. I wish not to fight the Destiny who give me such gifts. But what is the token of trust?

TEH DRAMA. My interest in such game experience is fading out, with each bloody tear I crying out. I'm stress because I'm in "read only" mode. I'm stress from my educational problems. I'm obliged by law, and soon may leave my town for a year, or more (we have strange laws). I feel pain. Pain is the mark. It show that you're alive, show the depth of your heart, sometimes. Though my pain is not sweet. I know it's my fault. So I hate noone but myself more and more with each day I lived. I feel strange guilt. I hate myself for harm I bring to others. It easier to keep silence. I've always fed my Mask with my gore.



But if this will happen... If you LET this to happen... And if you too let this to happen... If this is not a special threat and if you think that I doesn't care... I will make my wish too then... I will not only destroy a physical form. I will destroy the very essen?e of my being. And if there will be some way to salvation, I will refuse it. Each rule have an exception, and when I will exit the game-shell I will ask of Gods not to send me back, then. I reach this point of Angelic being when your OWN life means nothing... But while you're safe I will be safe too, I promise. Oh, how it hurts...

Ok. My heart now is covering itself with ice, to protect itself from stress. Only one type of tears can break this icy armour: Natural. If he can find such a treasure for himself... I can't take each stress close to my heart anymore. It really hurts. I feel physical pain inside a chest. I don't know what to do anymore. If we need something, we always can call it by name no matter what happen next. I heared each word I must to hear. And as a cost, I lose one of my exams, because I can't concentrated. I don't know where reality starts anymore. It is me who is confused...

If you have something to say... If I harmed you somehow too, please forgive me. If you can't forgive... shout at me, attack me in verbal form... something...