For a day or two. Going back to the homeland for a job interview for a couple days. I'm really attached to The Endless Forest already after being here for only a week :[ Just running around and talking to everyone (sometimes without words!) has been surprisingly therapeutic - I'm a little stress bucket. So I'm going to try to stay on the forums on my dinky netbook while I travel.
Bus ride is about 4 hours...does anyone want their character drawn?

They will probably look something like this: http://endlessforest.org/community/paperfang-81711

Abseilen (coloring still)
Carina
Foxglove
Beren
Steve
Juniper
Brooklyn
Sorrel
Evania

Repost from responding to Quad's blog on complaints and venting

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran


I am old. I have failed many times. I have watched friends die quickly before their time, and others who died by pieces. I have seen the living dead, who are only a body but who they were is gone and what is left is so dark and strange. I have had money and been unhappy, and I have had to rob Peter to pay Paul, and been happy and visa versa. I have lost a child by physical death, and lost a piece of me with her. I have lost a child who is off in the "far country" and will not speak to me for unknown reasons, and part of me is slowly dying, and watching for him to enter my front door. I have been betrayed by the love of my life, and would rather die than go through that again. That time I lost part of me, and even my sanity for a while. I have lost a job, and suffered humiliation, and loss of reputation because I could not be who I was and had to become what I am now.

Each time it is ashes, a type of death, chaos, and darkness. I struggle through, and I pray that today is the day I cease to exist in this life. And then a friend stops by, a stranger helps me on my way when I am wandering in this world, an unexpected gift arrives. a family member realizes what is going on with out me having to tell them, and I draw, sing, write, play games, and visit the endless forest. Sometimes there is no answer, no way to alleviate the pain you feel or are watching some one you love go through. Sometimes there is so many answers that you can not even hear them because of the roar they make. On a good day I live life to the fullest and enjoy the pleasure and joy that it brings, and on a bad day I accept and look to see if there is anything I can do to fix it, and if not I have learned to learn from it and just let it go. You cannot stop someone from dying.

Have you ever felt as if you have a bit of your freedom taken away?

I'm not talking grounded, or denied TV cell phone, etc. (Besides, I'm to old for that now anyway)
I Mean in a more literal sense.

I used to live, up until a few days ago, in a neighborhood where I could wander aimlessly into the wee hours of the morning, without fear, without any trouble. IT was utter freedom, able to wander the yards, fields, woods, and streets in the silence. It was the place I could be to gather my thoughts, to calm down, or to just be one with nature.

But now, I've moved off to a dormitory in the city. I can't go out past 8 alone for fear of getting harassed, or worse. There is constant cars, and sirens, and men shouting and wandering in the dark.
Now, I can't go out to think, and the whole situation is so stressful and new.

I know I'll adapt, (Im very social, and consider myself likable) but still.
At least I can still roam the Endless Forest, yet its not the same. (Me and my fawn are relaxing by De drinkplatts)
Anyone else feel like they are sometimes stuck in a place where they cant get out much?

I'm sorry to bring this up again, especially here. But I really wanted to ask a question from someone other than my therapist, and you guys are my best friends...so here it goes.

Shimmyshimmy wrote me an e-mail the other day pointing out characteristics I have. It's difficult for me to grasp these because, well...being recently diagnosed with several things including high anxiety and depression, you have a hard time accepting the truth. I've gotten better at this, and am really starting to feel pride, confidence, and better self-esteem.

These things I've just been diagnosed with - ADHD, learning disabilities, a personality disorder or two, anxiety, depression...I'm making a commitment now to not let these defeat me. I've told myself many things that should have never been said -- that I was a failure, that I was weak, that I was flawed...that I should have never been born.

Those thoughts, they're going to end now. I'm tired of them, I'm tired of these feelings of worthlessness.

Shimmy's e-mail used words to describe me such as "fantastic", "selfless", "caring", and a "triumph". To read these words from someone else, that they actually think this of me despite the things I have written on this site about myself...it really digs deep into my soul.

I want to ask this then. I know this is my life and I have the right to do whatever I want with it, but I wanted to ask you all - if you were in my shoes, at this very moment of being ready to move out and live your life...if you knew that you will be living your dream job and that you really don't care about how much money you make...if you already had an idea for things you want to do for yourself later on, but had money to give away or use toward helping others...what would you do to better the world?

I already know I want to donate to charity. That's a dream I will be fulfilling once I have money to spare. But I feel like that's not good enough.

Hey everyone!
This is Lexi and I'm new here.
I made my profile and downloading the game and read some things about the game and I wanted to try it out.
I named my deer StarLightFireBlame but please call her StarLight (or Star)...
Why I have a long name?
Well I belong in a game called Wizard101 and I always play it and trade things with my friends and chatting with them and stuff like that... Anyways the game usually can let you have long names and I got used of it and well I named my deer StarLightFireBlame... (If anyone wants to know)
This is my newest time to play this kind of game, like a 3D animal game.
So I wanted to give a shot with that too.
Soo yeah I'm really excited
TTYL?
BYE

If you see a deer or fawn with the symbol the fawn on the left in this photo has, please be kind. His name is Juju and he is a little boy IRL. He tries to get along, but doesn't know all of the body language yet. He tries very hard, but gets confused sometimes.

Cheers!
~Lolalilu


The site isn't letting me "reply" so I wanted to include this edit to say thank you all for being understanding. He loves Endless Forest so much.

Starting Tuesday August 23, I will be on this site very little to not at all, probably only in the EST evenings or late at night. I am going to college, which is five hours away from home. Move-in is Wednesday, Entrance Exam is Thursday, Monday school starts, and I have a bunch of busy to do to begin college life. >.< Rough, but fun.

This inactivity will last until I get settled, so give it a couple weeks, maybe up to a month. I am going to miss you all so so much! But I promise to check in and everything.

Freshman year, here I come!


UPDATE:
Made it to my college town. Everything seems wonderful so far! Hotel is kinda funny, the Whirlpool tub is in the middle of the living room... but I guess in a King suite they only think a couple is staying, not a family of 3? Whatever though, at least it is more comfy and cleaner than the previous hotel! ANd it is pet-friendly so I got to see a lovely Catahoula Leopard Dog, one of my favourite breeds, and he is so sweeeeet!

Update2:
IN my room, parents are gone, and I am now a college student! This is crazy.