Am I becoming the real me?

quadraptor's picture
This is more of a personal entry, but you're more than welcome to comment on it.

I think I've been transforming as a person. I cannot say what sparked this sudden new mentality I have, but I've noticed that I seem to be replacing some of my old personality for others that are revolve around nature, natural beauty, symbolism, and so on.

I kind of like it, really. I'm not so concerned with material things as I used to be, but rather what lies ahead of me in life.

You may have noticed some of my posts lately have been looking into the future. I think this may have a big impact on what I've been interested in lately. Knowing that I'll soon be graduating and making a decent living, and then thinking about things I could do to make my life more enjoyable...it's been pretty interesting.

Below is a list of things I've either been thinking about doing, or have incorporated into my life. I'll provide links to topics I've posted or to other sites that are relevant.

- I want to incorporate an energy efficient, recycling lifestyle. I tried this out lately, and it'll take some getting used to, but I think I can adopt this kind of system when I own my own house.

- It might not happen, but I've dreamed about living in a Cabin-style home.

- I plan to shop with local businesses and farmers markets when I move to my own place. I also want to live in a small town.

- I've found myself quoting wise words lately, including Rudyard Kipling's "If" poem.

- I find trips to places of natural beauty to be very enjoyable. I recently went to Bellingrath Gardens again and took a lot of pictures.

- I've written down my life goals, and have decided to donate to charities when I have excess money. I'd like to support a variety of causes, including Cancer and Diabetes research, Poverty, World Hunger, Environmental Protection, Native American rights, and many others. I've also reflected on human nature and what I need to do to save the world.

- I've enjoyed watching live animal webcams lately.

- I've been reflecting on symbolism and how accurately it parallels my personality.

- I've been enjoying the Zenses series on the Nintendo DS. I have the Rainforest ands Ocean versions.

- I try new things when I can. I enjoy drinking Zola Acai drinks as well as Naked Juice smoothies on a regular basis. I try to support companies and brands that help to give back to their communities or otherwise create great and useful products.

- I am interested in working in meditation into my daily routine. I plan to buy a pair of baoding balls when I get the chance. I have much respect for other cultures and am always interested in learning more about their ideas.

If you have any suggestions for other things I may be able to adopt that you enjoy, please let me know. The biggest things I've been working on adopting into my life have been stress-relief practices, reflection, naturalism, supporting small companies, and giving back to the world.

----------------------------------------------------

So I have a little box now that has different things taken from various practices. It is mostly used for meditation and reflection, and I am always interested in new things to add to it. My collection includes:

- A baoding 'chime' ball set
- Two Buddhist wrist malas
- A Native American medicine bag
- A wooden goose figure (my animal totem)
- A birch druid rune set



Items I would like to get for my box include:

- A tarot card deck (I want to get this one)
- A small singing bowl
- A mandala (might make my own)
- A small viewing stone (I want something that looks like the beach or ocean to remind me of home)
- A small potpourri jar (plan to make my own)
- A Jewish dreidel
- A Christian rosary (something from my own religion). I can find a local one at a monastery in my city.
quadraptor's picture

My Bosnian coworker had

My Bosnian coworker had recommended meditation as well as yoga. I've done a little yoga before (Wii Fit), and would like to try meditation but I never can find a quiet place to sit and relax.
IoRez's picture

Sounds like you are becoming

Sounds like you are becoming you who are - i.e. growing up!
Good luck and stick to your guns.
No one can decide who you are but you.

Ooo Quad, that sounds

Ooo Quad, that sounds great!
Have you tried hot teas? They really make me feel natural. Brands I can find at the grocery store like Rishi are all VERY good. You'll need a little strainer so you don't get the leaves in it, but with a little sugar it's awesome.

Meditation is a very good thing to do, and it's not all formal either. Have you ever lost yourself writing or coloring? That's a form of meditation.

I have a few things I can send you that may help you on your way to meditation, if you wouldn't mind a small gift box from me! 8D
quadraptor's picture

IoRez - I believe so too.

IoRez - I believe so too. All the suttle changes really help me not be so stressed and also have some aspiration. Thanks for the comment!

CelticMystress - I like hot tea, actually. The brand I normally get is Bigalow tea, and the varieties I really like include vanilla chai, orange, and chamimile.

A friend of mine mentioned that prayer beads are useful in meditation. That's one thing I'm planning on looking into.

You know me, I love surprises, so a gift box would be great! Thank you!
quadraptor's picture

My coworker (who introduced

My coworker (who introduced me to the totem idea) said that baoding balls are among the best items to use to relieve stress and are good for meditation. After my trip, I'm planning on ordering a set - I found one for about $10 that has what looks like geese on it, which would be really cool since the goose is one of my animal totems. The other one I was looking at was a phoenix and dragon set, but I kind of like the geese symbolism a little more.
Alecsander's picture

Watch out for Green Washing

Watch out for Green Washing and do a bit of research before you start investing in products. Some might look like/advertise as being better for the environment when they are not.

Also,
V8 v fusion juice is pretty damn good if you're into fruit/vegetable drinks. I drink the strawberry banana.


Making dream catchers is an old hobby of mine that is pretty nice. It can be really soothing and monotonous. Not to mention the fun of incorporating found objects into a practical piece of art.

probably a more out there one but take a trip someday...

Xcarat, a geological nature park in mexico. I visited when I was young and had a blast. I still remember and love the underground rivers.

quadraptor's picture

Mhmm. I know some of them

Mhmm. I know some of them don't really do anything to help. What I'm really looking into now is more appliances, in particular the ones that have been given the Energy Star tag. I might look into working with solar energy, too.

I love V8 Fusion, it's just a little expensive. But I've had it before, and I totally dig the pomegranate blueberry, acai berry, and mango passionfruit varieties.

As far as hobbies, I always loved making necklaces. Maybe I'll try dreamcatchers sometime and see how that works.

And lastly, I'm taking a trip in about 10 days, so that'll help too. Thanks for the suggestions!
quadraptor's picture

Looking at the baoding balls

Looking at the baoding balls again - the one I thought had geese on it are actually cranes, but that's close enough so I'll still look into it. I also found one that has shrimp on it, which symbolizes happiness (and also is one of my favorite meals), so there's another possibility.

If I can't really find anything that I like, I might go with just a simple yin-yang pattern. All in all, I really want a design that I feel a connection to.
Kaoori's picture

Good luck to you, in whatever

Good luck to you, in whatever you choose. I feel the same way lately. <3
quadraptor's picture

I just bought a small pair on

I just bought a small pair on ebay. It's a phoenix and dragon set, so I thought I'd start small and if I needed a bigger pair, I'll get one with another cool design. They might come as early as today, but I don't know for sure.

My pair looks similar to this:



Laruna showed me a website that explains how to use a mala. She also mentioned about choosing a mantra. I chose mine today, the "So Hum" mantra.

I liked looking at what they said about the Bone beads:

"Bone is a traditional material used in malas in both Nepal and Tibet. Bone represents the earth and our connection to it. Bone is also said to signify strength and to amplify prana (life force energy.)"
quadraptor's picture

The people who I bought the

The people who I bought the baoding balls from put tracking on the package. It has arrived in my city tonight, too bad I can't go and get them from the Post Office. I gotta wait until tomorrow, but I'm glad that they came so quickly. I hope they chime nicely, I really need the meditation right now with the news about my dad today.

Edit - I can't wait to get them today! XD
Sluggs's picture

Dear Quadness, No offence

Dear Quadness,

No offence Quad, my old buddy, but I think you worry too much! I also think you should just take it easy, and not try doing so many things at once. It'll drive you up the wall in the end!

You seem to want to do so many things, but you should concentrate on those that are the most important, like getting that dream job you've always wanted.

You say you want to move out, make a new start, a new life for yourself, but since you like giving away so much money, I can't see how you will achieve this end. You need to think about yourself first, the rest can come later.

I know you like to help others, but one must look after number one first. Eye

Vaughan
quadraptor's picture

Of course. I'm just throwing

Of course. I'm just throwing this out if I do end up making $80,000 a year. If I'm making $35,000, I won't be able to do as much as I'd like to, but I'll still get stuff done. It'll work.

It's hard not to worry when you have a tough time in school and have things going on at home. It's also hard not to worry when people just don't care what happens to the world. I wish I could be as easy going as you are, but it just doesn't work that way here.
quadraptor's picture

Gotten into some new things

Gotten into some new things to try out. I picked up a bunch of Native American CDs that feature flute music, very soothing and relaxing (I'll put up a list of who I got later, one of the artists is really great and I want to get the rest of his albums). I also got my own native medicine bag now, with five stones chosen by a friend who is part Cherokee:

Amethyst (my totem stone) for focus.
Magnetite for strength.
Howlite for protection.
Sodalite for a clear mind and self esteem
Rose Quartz for the heart.

I would like to get an amethyst mala sometime, maybe for when I find another mantra I like. It looks really pretty and I like that it's my totem.



See, I really like this mixing of ideas from different cultures - try out a Buddhist meditation practice with a mala that's meaningful to me because of the Native American culture.
quadraptor's picture

I know CM's planning on

I know CM's planning on sending me a mala, but I decided to order a cheap wood one while I wait (please take your time, though, I'm not trying to rush you Eye )



I read that you should choose a different mantra for each mala you have. I want to keep the first one I chose, "So Hum", reserved for the mala CM sends, so I'm trying to choose one for this one.

The reason why I decided to order one was because my head's been really restless since I got back from Field Camp. I'm not sure what's going on, but I've been feeling really depressed since returning.

I mean I should be proud of myself. I climbed four miles into the Grand Canyon, and yet instead I feel ashamed of myself, like I'm someone useless. Maybe it was the breathing problem out there, I dunno.

Sigh...well anyway, I'm looking for a mantra other than "So Hum", maybe something for self esteem or clarity. I found a couple of different ones, not sure yet. Maybe I'll go with "Om" as my first one, since that seems to be everyone's favorite.
Bayleen's picture

8D It's great that you are

8D It's great that you are deciding what to do with your life and really finding out who you are. You seem like you are a really down-to-earth person ^U^ That's awesome and cool xD
mainpage
fayne's picture

I really wish there were more

I really wish there were more guys out there like you, Quad. :B
quadraptor's picture

6/19/10 - Went with my

6/19/10 -

Went with my brother and sis-in-law to the flea market today. A friend of ours who worked at my store a long time ago as the sushi chef has a stand there with a bunch of Oriental items she sells. Well, wouldn't you know it, she had some malas.

They're simple wrist malas, and she only had one variety, but they're some kind of red stone (looks a lot like carnelian) with an elastic chord. Very pretty anyway, and I was really surprised to see them sitting there, too. She sold it to me for $1.

When I got home, I had a package waiting for me, too. CelticMystress mentioned a book she liked called Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, and that came today. I read a little of the beginning and skipped ahead to a couple of my animal totems. I was glad that it included not only the deer but also the pronghorn antelope, elk, and goat. I know a few of my totems, but would be really interested to learn more about others and especially what my totems symbolize.
quadraptor's picture

I used the mala last night,

I used the mala last night, silently recited the mantra I chose (So Hum). It was really relaxing, although I was laying down and Brandy was asleep with me. Wasn't quite the right position but I really enjoyed it.
quadraptor's picture

This is kind of nice. I've

This is kind of nice.

I've got Zephyr dancing in the Forest, but with the sound off. Instead I'm listening to Robert Mirabal's album, "Music from a Painted Cave". It's different and relaxing.
quadraptor's picture

Alright so new idea: I found

Alright so new idea:

I found a neat little chest at the thrift store the other day. It's completely woven, almost looks like a wicker chest. I'll post a picture soon.

Anyway, I put a few things in it so far - the box with my baoding balls fits perfectly; my native american medicine bag is in there; and the mala I got at the flea market as well. I'll also add the other two malas on the way when they arrive - I ordered a wooden one from China, and the oxbone one CelticMystress made.

So I now have a neat idea where I'm looking into collecting different kinds of prayer or otherwise relaxation 'tools'. I'm trying to think of other things that would be cool, I'm going to do a little more research but if you had any ideas feel free to let me know. Keep in mind that I'm looking for little things - the box is only 7in X 4in.

The only idea I really have at the moment is a rosary, which would be fine since I am Christian. Keep in mind that I am a very open minded person, so I enjoy trying things that are used in other cultures and religions that I feel are helpful. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.
ocean's picture

I do have one suggestion for

I do have one suggestion for 'healing' things: perhaps healing music? I believe it's called 'reiki' music. It's really beautiful music, and is helpful, at least for me.

quadraptor's picture

I'll have to look into that

I'll have to look into that kind of music. I've been listening to a lot of Native American stuff lately - totally love Robert Mirabal and Johhny Whitehorse, also got a few others like Spirit Nation and Burning Sky. That's the great thing about traveling to New Mexico and Arizona - you find all kinds of Native stuff there.

I'm kicking myself for not getting a native rattle, I had found one with a deer on it but was really short of money so I didn't get it. I'll probably order one online eventually.
quadraptor's picture

My mala from China came

My mala from China came today. I'm actually surprised that it's much different than the one from the Flea Market - this one has 15 large beads where my other one has 27 small beads.

Still trying to think of other stuff to get for my box. I thought it would be cool to find (or make) a carved stone in the shape of a goose as one of my totems. Another idea was to make one of those things where you put stuff that smells into a vial or jar. I would totally make one with forest smells.
IoRez's picture

What about incense? I don't

What about incense?
I don't think I could meditate without it.
It totally puts me in the right frame of mind to just be.
quadraptor's picture

I have some, actually, but my

I have some, actually, but my dad is sensitive to smell so it always bothers him when I use it. When I have my own place I'll use some though.
Laruna's picture

I thought of random items

I thought of random items like... singing bowls, mandalas, incense (for the items to smell nice), and maybe a quartz crystal point? What about a rune set? (:

And, I thought of you when I recalled something-- have you heard of viewing stones? I think they may also be called Suiseki. They are sometimes placed with bonsai; the ones I've always seen are rocks that look like mountains. I think it's kind of ridiculous how expensive they can be, but some are very pretty. I have a small rock that looks like a snow-covered mountain that I keep near my desk, I consider it my little viewing stone haha. Anyway I just thought of you since it was sort of an art form for rocks. Eye
quadraptor's picture

Hmm you have my attention! A

Hmm you have my attention! A few questions, though...

The Rune Sets look really neat, but what are they used for, and how do you use them?

I think the singing bowls are neat (wanted something like that), but are there small versions of them or are they fairly large?

What do you use a mandala for?

Also I looked at the viewing stones. That looks pretty neat, would love to get one that represented somewhere special like either the western US or even one that represents the beach, to be like home for me. Will definitely have to look into one.

Thank you for the ideas! I'll start doing some research as soon as I get done with work today.
Laruna's picture

I'm not sure I can explain

I'm not sure I can explain these things very well, but I will try, or at least point you to a (hopefully) good source!<3 Runes can be used for divination, like tarot cards, but they can be used for other things as well. One such way are as bindrunes, which are like talismans (the Runemaker link below has a section about bindrunes). I included some websites below that I think explain runes well, but if you're more of a book person, a good place to start might be with Ralph Blum's book called The Book of Runes. He explains meaning, how to read runes, and different spreads. I found my copy of Blum's book in a used book store and it came with a set of runes (but after about a year or so I decided to make my own set with river rocks I gathered.) Blum uses the Elder Futhark, but I've read you can choose the alphabet you want to use. I've only concentrated on the Elder Futhark since that is the one I chose, but I think you should definitely check out the other runic alphabets if this interests you. (: For meanings and interpretations of individual runes (Elder Futhark), Runemaker and Sunnyway are the sources I like to use.

For singing bowls, they do come in different sizes, but I'm not sure how small they come, or how that would affect the sound they make. I've never been able to find one here in town to buy and experiment with. D:

Mandalas are art that aid in meditation. This website explains a way to use them for meditation. I've not personally used a mandala because I'm stubborn and enjoy making the tool myself if I can.... but I haven't gotten around to making one. 8D;

Hopefully that answers some of the questions you had!<3
quadraptor's picture

Hey thanks! I'm definitely

Hey thanks! I'm definitely interested, gonna have to look for those when I can afford them (Field Camp really cleaned out my bank).

Something else I thought would be neat to have, although it's more of a festive thing rather than a meditative thing, would be a Jewish dreidel. I bet I could find one that will fit into my chest.

I also forgot I have some holy water and balm a friend of mine gave me from his visit to Russia, I was thinking about putting those in (if they'll fit) since they're from my religion.

Oooh I really like the Algiz rune! They think it translates to "elk" XD

Alright so I'm looking at...

- Singing Bowl
- Mandala
- Rune Set
- Viewing Stone
- Quartz Crystal
- Incense or something that makes a nice smell
- A totem stone
- A dreidel

Edit #2 -

I found a nice rune set on ebay for $10 that is made out of birch wood. I really badly want to order it but like I mentioned I don't have any money right now. Maybe later I'll get it, if it sells out I'll get one of the river rock varieties. The glass ones are alright but it's something I could make, so I'd rather have one of the other styles that are more earthy.

Edit #3 -

Looks like I will be getting that rune set made from birch. My brother will get it for me and I'll pay him back when i can. I don't think it comes with a bag but I can always make one here.

I didn't realize it is used in druid and wiccan practices. Nothing wrong with that, I actually have a friend who is druid and I respect their beliefs. Would be interesting to see where this leads.
quadraptor's picture

Hey the rune set came today!

Hey the rune set came today! It didn't come with a bag but I made my own, so I'll try out a reading and see how it works. Thanks for the suggestion!

I thought it was interesting - I was pulling each rune out and setting them off to the side until I had two runes left...well technically one. The last two in the bag were the blank rune and the Algiz rune.

Now, remember which one I said I liked in my previous comments? I wonder if that was coincidental or if it has some kind of meaning.
Laruna's picture

Ooh congrats! Birch runes

Ooh congrats! Smiling Birch runes sound amazing... I would love to make a wooden set someday. Were you able to find the book I recommended? It has different spreads for reading runes. If not, I can try to find a website for spreads if you'd like (or perhaps write out some of the instructions from my copy of Blum's book). Of course, you don't actually have to use spreads-- I think you can use or read runes pretty much however you want, even as talismans. =) (I'm still learning myself...)

I've seen Algiz translated several different ways but, it's usually said to be a rune of protection. =)
quadraptor's picture

I didn't get a book yet,

I didn't get a book yet, might look for one when I'm a little better off financially. I made a bag for the runes and tried just drawing one out and using one of the links you provided for meanings.

Kind of interesting which one I drew, too. I drew Berkano, which it seems both the positive and negative traits are affecting me: I have been growing personally by trying out new things, but more importantly (the negative traits), we have family problems going on and I'm anxious about two people who are close to me.

This is some pretty powerful stuff already.

I'd be interested in the spreads, but I really wanted to use them like I just did, pull one out of my bag and see what it says.
Laruna's picture

Sounds good. =) You should

Sounds good. =) You should definitely use them how you're comfortable. And you may not even need the book, I just suggest it since it was what I started with. I'm sure there are plenty of resources online to use if you want to. <3 It sounds like you're thinking over some things about the runes already. I see them as a tool for introspection more than anything. =)
quadraptor's picture

Here's what they look

Here's what they look like:

KWUAD
LRUNA

I love the feel of them. Might get a river-stone set sometime just to have another one to play around with.
quadraptor's picture

I've tried different readings

I've tried different readings since I've gotten them, though I keep coming up with some of the same runes. Mostly keep getting Nauthiz, Dagaz, and Othala. Maybe I need to shuffle the bag a little more. Is there a technique when drawing a rune? I usually pull the first one that touches my hand, but I guess what I could do is dig in and draw near the middle/bottom.

Also I think Perthro will be another one of my 'favorites'. I like that it talks about determining your future, kind of what I am doing now. I also kind of like Nauthiz, despite it's kind of a double-edged sword. It talks about there being delays or problems with something but you're to overcome them, and mentions patience and survivalism.

You know what, I think I understand why I kept getting Nauthiz, now. I have been financially screwed since Field Camp, but just paid off my debt today. So I have been living the past few weeks only spending whatever pocket change I had, not being able to buy anything or go anywhere because of lack of money. Interesting...
Laruna's picture

They look lovely! I bet they

They look lovely! I bet they do have a nice texture. =)
For drawing runes, I just go by what I feel really. And it sounds like you're doing that already. I may or may not shake the bag (to sort of "shuffle" the runes). When I draw, sometimes I take the first rune I touch or feel around until one feels "right." I'm not sure there is a technique, except to "feel" for one. =)
quadraptor's picture

I think I came up with

I think I came up with something else I want to add to my collection - I've always wanted to have a deck of tarot cards. I don't plan to use it for readings or anything, but really more like how I am using the runes where I pull one out and see what it means.

I found a deck I really want to get, too. It has some really beautiful artworks of animals, although it doesn't really tell you which cards are which. In fact...maybe this deck will be good for me so that I don't dwell too deeply in any hidden messages and rather use it for looking at the artwork.

I just found a website that explains what each animal means, so it is very similar to the runes and how they are used. It features animals I really like, including a stag, ram, goose, otter (Iugulare), and even some dragons.

*nodnodnod* alright, I'm determined to get this deck now. I found another one i like that actually has the tarot cards but has a funny superhero theme.

Also:



Check out this sexy guy! Smiling
quadraptor's picture

Here is everything I have so

Here is everything I have so far:



1 - The box everything sits in (aside from the runes because the bag is big).
2 - A bag I made for the rune set (#3). It is hand-sewn and the button in the center is a deer.
3 - Some of my birch runes. The rest of them are inside the bag. Two of my favorite runes (Algiz and Nauthiz) are present in the picture.
4 - My Chinese baoding balls. The set I got is a phoenix and dragon set.
5 - My two wrist malas. The one on the right is wooden and the one on the left is stone.
6 - My Native American medicine bag and the stones I use in them.
7 - A wooden goose figure, representing one of my animal totems.

Here is the same picture without the numbers.
quadraptor's picture

I looked for the Druid Animal

I looked for the Druid Animal Oracle deck at my local Books-A-Million. Didn't find it, but I found a different one so I went ahead and picked it up. Haven't really played around with it yet, but I'll let you know what I think.

One of my favorite cards from this deck is the Humpback Whale, which talks about how important music is in your life. This fits very well with me because I am a spaz over music and use it for all kinds of things such as emotional healing, reflection, and even inspiration for my writing.
quadraptor's picture

I went and fed some geese at

I went and fed some geese at the cemetery that my Dad is buried at, and just realized, I've been feeding these guys for a while now and never knew that they were my totem. Isn't that crazy?

I didn't bring enough bread for them all but next time I go to see Dad I'll take a few extra loaves. I really enjoyed feeding them and making their morning good.
quadraptor's picture

So my meditation box has

So my meditation box has gotten a few more odds and ends - i got a Chinese zodiac ox medallion (my zodiac animal) and some autumn-themed candles to make my box smell like autumn yearround.

I also am planning on going to Books-A-Million later today to see if they have either a Chicken Soup for the Soul or a Zen Teachings/Poetry/Writing pocketbook to add.

I also sent my aunt her own meditation box, which has a variety of things for her that I enjoy using such as a mala, baoding balls, totem stone, and more. So I'd get her a copy of whatever I find.