You know when sometimes you look in the mirror and you don't recognise the guy starin' back at you? I get that a lot. Like this morning, I woke up and looked in and suddenly I didn't know who the hell was standing in my bathroom. Kind of just stood there and stared for a few seconds, wonderin' when the hell I started looking healthy again. Did y'notice? I've gotten used t'looking in the mirror and seeing some worn out old guy staring back at me. Today I don't look tired, don't look like I haven't shut my eyes in weeks. Did y'notice?
Eh. You tend to think you look worse than you do, hah. You've been fine lately. I mean--year before last you were a complete wreck. You lost weight, you nearly grew a bloody beard, you cut your hair so short you looked like a criminal...you never smiled, either. And you were bitter for God knows how long, did you notice that? You wouldn't let anything go. Last year you were sort of...okay, y'know? But I mean now you're...you look really happy. Why?
I'm a happy sort of guy, in't I? Nothin' to be miserable about no more. It's sort of like--like the curtains have opened or somethin', or like winter's over. I dunno. I feel...bad about being happy, because Tal still hasn't shown up and I feel like we should be out there doin' something 'bout it, but what the hell can we do? The police won't even listen an' we can't risk them finding out about where the hell all three of us disappear off to sometimes. You remember how suspicious they were b'fore.
Stop talking about Taliene, we were actually getting somewhere there. Christ, every time you start talking about yourself and how happy you are you stop, start talking about something depressing. And it's never even something depressing for you, it's something that's fucked up in someone else's life. You're not even selfless! I know how bloody arrogant you are, Fruitcake, now talk. You were saying about feeling like it was over.
...Thanks, mate. You know how to butter a man up, don't y--well you would! Hah! I crack meself up sometimes, butter a man up, what with you bein' a giant poofter and all that...alri', alri', shutting up. Sorry. Right. So me bein' happy. Uh...yeah, it's...like I've been waiting for something else to happen. Something bad. And now I've realised that it's not gon' happen an' it's like a bubble's just exploded in m'lungs, y'know?
You sound kind of pretentious, but okay. So--another question, alright, and I want the truth. You cool with that? Good. You're probably gonna hit me or something because you always do when I ask you about this but--don't look at me like that!--you've been spending a hell of a lot of time with Martisol lately. I tried to call you four times the other day and it just kept going to your voicemail, what the hell were you two doing? I texted you as well and you didn't even text me back. Nice to be ignored.
Hey hey hey, I have a job, y'know! I was probably workin' my ass off at the time, I am capable of givin' a damn y'know. Hmph--okay, no, at four in the mornin' I'm not at work but...well we were sort of swimming together, down at the lake near her place--don't look at me like that, fuckin' hell! We were clothed, man--well mostly. It wasn't like, sexual or nothin'. Just swimmin'. And then it was freezin' so I just went back to her place to get dried off.
And then let me guess, you strutted around in nothing but a towel while your clothes dried? Ha! Correct as usual. Rut, you don't just...do that around your friends. She's not just a friend, is she? You two have known eachother for years now, she's the only one that's stuck by you through everything despite the fact that you're a cocky son of a bitch and well...it doesn't seem right, you not telling her.
There's nothin' t'not tell her! I--oh for Christ's sake, Jared, seriously? Alright, so we're not 'just friends', not in my books at least. But we're not together either, an' we won't be, alright? I'm not fuckin' up what we have. It's not that I don't think I'm good enough for her, or that we're not meant to be together, I mean--honestly everyone I've ever known 'as said we'd end up with eachother in the end--but it's not...what I want. I don't want to be with her, y'know?
Now you're confusing the crap out of me, Rut. You just admitted that you two are more than friends, that you think you might be meant for eachother - but you don't want to be with her? You have a--a chance at being happy with someone! Someone that isn't going to leave you, someone you trust, someone that loves you back. How could you not want that? You used to say all you wanted was someone just like her.
It in't that simple, prettyboy. I don't want to be in a relationship with her because if a relationship finishes, it finishes. Arguements an' mistakes are worse in relationships than they are in...whatever it is we 'ave. I'm not riskin' it. If I lost her--if I lost her I'd do something stupid again, Jared. I'd go back to boozing and making an idiot out of myself. I'd probably try and kill meself. It's not gonna happen. I can love her an' one day I'll tell her I fuckin' love her, but we're not gonna be together. I don't want us to be together.
Sometimes I think you torture yourself on purpose, Rut. It's your choice, I suppose. But doesn't she deserve to know how you feel, at least? I'd want to know, if I was in her shoes. Remember when she got involved with Ashdrau? D'you remember how you felt then? What if that happened again? You can't just keep her waiting forever.
She can be with whoever the hell she likes, she's not waitin' for me. She don't 'ave to. I want her to be happy an' hell, if that means that I have to come over and see the woman I love with some other guy, then so be it. It'll be my own fault an' I'm cool with that. I...you know, sometimes...sometimes she's right there, y'know? She's so close that I could kiss her, and I don't.
Rut...maybe, instead of talking about how much you want to kiss her to me, you should go and see her instead. Maybe you should just do it and see what the hell happens.
Maybe I will.
Written without Jared's
I... I have no words. I
Him and Marti have the most confusing relationship ever.
♥
They have the best
*gush*
-MOPS-
Marti x Rut babies. Hurry up.
QUICK AA START DRAWING
OH GOD WHY. NOW I WILL BE
Although they may not be that hard. Slap some gold on there and voila |:
FU there are coat variations
I actually never have decided on Rut's markings because I can't draw them
all I know is there's this one bit that looks a bit like he's wearing a suit /die
and I like seeing him drawn the way Kaoori did, pale gold with no markings at all
so technically he could have the golden God pelt or the golden butterfly
sfskjfhskljdfhskjdfhsfkjhsjfksdh
DRAW THE BABIES.
I DEMAND BEBES
fine. have a girl. What have
have a girl.
What have we started.
Oh god.
AUGH SHE'S BEAUTIFUL that
that flower dslfkshfj augh
augh
augh
why isn't this real
why
<3
<3
<3
Does Rut even want
|:
|:
|:
Imagine reaction. "Rutilus, I'm pregnant."
:U
yes he does |: |: |: oh my
|:
|:
|:
oh my god
he'd
just
blank
and probably pass out
I thought he was like "oh god
"oh god I'd be a terrible parent."
That's what I was thinking xD