"The forest is a bleaker place when I can smell you, see you, but can't run up to make you pretty as a peahen. I have no one else to bully here, after all."
1/11 - Woke up alone in the Old Oak, one of Krystal's feathers stuck on her fur. Went for a drink at the Crying Idol where she ran into Reed, who seemed of a similar mind. Ended up in an awkward, defensive stare off with the red stag, but kept her distance, allowing him to drink from the stream first before following suit. Left when Pandora arrived to greet him. Saw Levi arguing with 6 over Djinn, or something. Stayed out of the way. Went to the Twin Idols instead to pray and meditate, but was pulled out of her trance a bit too early when she scented Ciel - and Darcy - nearby. Stood and turned to watch them move about in the pond and, unable to bear the sight of them without also approaching, made a break for the hills instead where she curled up against a tree among the tall grass. Stayed there, praying that she would disappear. Found by Levi, and was almost surprised until she remembered that Levi is pretty much super-deer. Spoke with her briefly, then rested with her for the rest of the time. Encouraged her and Brazen to dance while she watched. Joined by Laqueta, whom she welcomed immediately. Was in the process of dozing off when Levi alerted her to the presence of some others. Through a bleary gaze she recognized Darcy...pushing Ciel toward her. Nervous and self-conscious, she was at first unsure of what to do, but eventually found the strength to stand and approach the buck. Invited him to sit with her after an awkward stare off, where they talked and resolved the tension between them. Watched the buck fall asleep after their discussion, and then greeted Syahi when she approached. Sat with her for a while before falling asleep. Relieved to have her friend back, and relieved to know that it is a friendship wherein they can be honest with each other. Feeling stronger already.
"I know I had my scene. I stayed put in the snow and let myself be buried. But females are strong, and that makes me strong on one basic level, so now I put on a strong face even though most days it feels like half my heart is missing."
1/2 - Came out of her nest in the birch to wander the forest and enjoy the rain for once. Stumbled upon Gustiro, whom she hadn't seen in a long time, and Phaios - both wearing ridiculous accessories. Overjoyed to see the Red Stag again, she greeted him with much affection and played with them both. Greeted Dinah when she arrived but kept her distance with Phai so that the lovers could reconnect after such a long separation. Felt an ache in her chest but squashed it for the time being. Glimpsed a strange stag staring at them from a distance and, somewhat offended by his persistent gaze, she went to him and did her best to confuse and frighten him off. Failed, and what ensued was something of a back and forth exchange that went in confusing circles and lots of head-tilting. Learned the stag's name was Marion and that he was the biggest creeper ever. Okay. Decided she could live with that so long as he didn't rub on her and managed to get him to join her with the others. She was amused when Gustiro began intimidating and testing him, but stayed vigilant should she really need to step in. Found Herla wandering in the rain alone and offered to sit with her for a bit. Ended up venting to the doe about many of the things that had been hurting and frustrating her. Said some things to embarrass her at the end. Amused by how easy it was. After thanking the doe and bidding her farewell, she took to the birch, leaving Gustiro and Dinah to their privacy, and found Phaios already sitting at her favorite tree on the Red Hill. Ended her night there.
"Be steady or you'll bring danger to the ones you love the most."
12/28-29 - Another emotional rollercoaster of a day involving moral storytelling by Phaios, the return of Bao, a tense run-in with Vasla, another tense run-in with Darcy (then Reed), a massive herd of friends and friends of friends, the need to protect and revelations. Ended the night on a hill in the first forest exhausted and feeling a bit ill overall. Expects to be over it by morning time.
"I feel like I'm dreaming. A little numb. My chest hurts when I look at you, but you're here. And I love you. Do you know?"
12/27 - Spent some time with Morikiah in the Old Oak. Opened up a conversation about his depression in relation to Brazen. Was glad that he seemed receptive to her thoughts. Followed him out to the pond when his friend, Mariah, coaxed him out from the oak and watched him drink, relieved. Sat in the water with him and Mariah afterward, doing her best to splash water onto his back where the water didn't reach, grateful for the chance to get that retched stink off of him. Went on the defensive when Sianna tried to get in at him, somewhat unsure whether she should be worried or if he and the phoenix doe were still friends, but didn't want to risk it and stayed alert anyway. Attacked when Sianna became violent toward Mariah and did her best to fight her off with the smaller doe. Clumsy and unprepared, she took a bit more damage than a skirmish like that might have caused otherwise. Backed off when Morikiah told her to leave and take Mariah with her, but not without some difficulty. Led the doe to the Crying Idol where they cleaned the worst of their wounds. Had a short conversation with the doe and thanked her for being a good friend to Mori - feeling a bit strange for doing so, but unable to help it. Had dozed off for just a moment afterward when she was awakened by the feeling of someone tending to her wounds; opened her eyes to see Ciel there beside her and Mariah gone. Embarrassed, she did her best to appear nonchalant about the pain. Allowed Herla to finish cleaning her wounds and came to rest for the majority of the afternoon, Ciel at her side. Woke up a bit later with the young buck fast asleep, herself sore and tired but haboring enough energy to move about and join Brazen, Herla and a few others in some play. Greeted Dinah when she approached and ran off with her, leaving Ciel, Herla, Gehirn and Virgil to their rest. Sparred with the doe for a bit, coming to a stop at the playground where Dinah eventually fell asleep. Took to her home in the birch finally and leaned her head against her tree, lost in her thoughts. Feeling less severely depressed than before, though a dark melancholy remains - almost a resignation. Trying to return to her normal activity levels and company - for the most part.
Add* - Spent the evening watching over an injured Ciel - sort of. Tried covering the wounds on his face with various masks, arguing with him about them the entire time. Mostly a lot of back and forth bickering. Had just begun to doze off between him and Ien when Ien bolted off toward the hills. Followed her to see Mori, Graph and Ien greeting Bishop. Felt her heart stop and could not bring herself to get close for the longest time. When she finally did, she was shocked when he seemed to recognize her, despite her growth, the various scars on her body and the mask. Spent the rest of the night watching him play with Mori at a distance. Grew melancholy when he left again after not being able to spend much face time with him, and took refuge against a tree in a quiet part of the forest. Heart aching and experiencing a mixture of happiness, hope, and anxiety, she took off her mask, buried her face in the grass and cried.
"You're not so bad. Just a little full of yourself. Don't worry though, I'll handle that when I'm running this joint."
12/27 - Finally ventured out into the forest after two days of solitude and sleep. Found Dinah asleep in the poppy field and went to wake her. Spent some time playing and being affectionate, trying to let go of some of the residual negative emotion caused by the incident between the doe and Xetkal. Ran into Herla and Ciel along the way and eventually got sidetracked by the young buck, who seemed intent on trolling her and cheating at spell tag. Left the duo for a moment after Ciel ran off to cheat some to find Dinah, intent on spending the rest of the evening with her until Ciel returned armed with another spell. Gave chase, complained about him to Herla, gave more chase, complained some more. Found herself alone with him eventually. A childish argument ensued. Called him fat, got called ugly, went to pout about it, Ciel giving chase. Found herself laughing afterward and struck up a friendly rivalry with the buck. Ran off to gorge herself on blueberries out of frustration when he refused to play fair again, and there was approached by Syahi, who was in the company of Galene. Greeted them both politely, Syahi with a bit more reverence, then invited them to sit with her. Apologized to Syahi for having yelled at her the night she and Xetkal severed ties, then had a heart to heart with her about her feelings toward her. After coming to an understanding with one another, they joined Galene in some games and dancing. Settled in a distance away from the stream where they were joined by Ciel and Herla and another unfamiliar creature. Waited until she thought Ciel had let his guard down before attempting to spell him. Panicked when it backfired and hit Galene instead, while Ciel took advantage of the moment to spell her again, then run off to cheat some more. Another round of chasing and trash talk ensued that eventually led to more personal conversation about taking time and not being serious versus Eraline's own history of diving right in as with Bishop. Invited him to sit with her afterward and letting the comfortable silence fall over them, she watched Herla's son fall asleep. Feeling extremely nostalgic and lonely after skirting the issue of Bishop out loud. Missing him and questioning her need to wait for him. Still, surprised by how easy the day felt, and grateful for Ciel's playful company. Determined to become King of the forest before him - whatever that might mean in the long run.
"..."
12/22 - Spent the majority of the day keeping Morikiah warm in the Old Oak. Ventured out in the evening when she caught a familiar scent nearby. Followed it onto the rocks at the playground and watched from a distance as Darcy interacted with Reed and Talla. Thought that she should turn and walk away after they wandered too far to see from the rocks, but ultimately gave in to a guilty, perhaps somewhat masochistic desire to watch, see and know. Followed them for a bit at quite a distance, comforted by the fact that they seemed to not notice her. Saw that Darcy seemed content in the company of his friends and let that sink in for a long time - at least, until Reed finally noticed her watching and moved in a bit too close for comfort. Was not sure if Darcy noticed her then too - but was too embarrassed and anxious to stick around to find out. Fled to the Old Oak where she curled up beside her former uncle for the rest of the evening, hoping that the orange stag would be lucid enough to talk to in the morning.
"No...no. I can't bear to see them apart like this."
12/21-22 - Woke up still curled around the mushroom tree she'd eaten off of the night before, numb from the cold, a thick layer of snow on her back. Tried to stand as best she could on shaky knees, fighting off the urge to vomit, and shook off the snow. Immediately went in for another mushroom to help keep her even before the hangover really sunk in, and ended up collapsing against the tree when her legs refused to move more than a few steps. Was joined by a curious Ravly, whom she remembered having met a few times - after he'd watched her from a distance. Would have been unnerved by his creeping nature were she sober and healthy. Stayed there for a long while until she felt some of her strength returning, then left when Ravly fell asleep and made her way home to the birch. There, was found by Graph who seemed concerned, but could not muster the energy to interact with her properly as the bitter cold sapped what little energy she had left. Fell asleep against her tree for a long time. Woke up with Jo curled up against her and was, at first, overcome with joy, having not seen her since the incident with Darcy. Quickly tempered her joy with memories of the night before - Syahi's face, Xetkal's decisions, and all the regrets and pain that came with them. Tried in vain to get Jokerman to leave her. Had an emotional and extremely personal conversation with her afterward, hinting at her doubts surrounding her continued existence, but ultimately ended the conversation with words of love for both Jokerman and the absent Henna. Joined by Dinah afterward, whom she greeted more readily this time than last. Realized she loved her as deeply as the others, and could not, despite her terrible behavior toward her former father, turn her away. Knew she would have to truly confront her about her feelings in the future, but for the time being welcomed her to the best of her abilities. Joined by Brazen as well.
Left the birch with Jokerman after Dinah and Brazen had fallen asleep, but kept an ear open for either of them should they awaken, and found Henna at her flower patch. Happy for the first time in days to see them both in one place, despite the hangover and depression, she found it in herself to want to play. Invited Brazen over when she'd heard he'd woken up and spent some time bonding with her young friend, whom she hadn't had a chance to see much of since all the others had gotten bigger. Realized a new fondness for him, and an urge to protect. Followed Jokerman again when she herded them all up - the group joined by Lucamo halfway through the journey - and curled up with them in the Old Oak, relatively warm for the first time in a long time. Got to know Lucamo through off and on bouts of play and spell games while Brazen slept and Jo and Henna kept watch. Noticed that they still seemed distant and had not tried to sit near each other the entire time.
Led by Henna to her flower patch where a couple of her friends were sitting, and was just about to greet them when a terrified Herla ran past with Sianna and an unknown deer in tow. Flew into action instinctively, allowing the older deer to chase Sianna first while she pulled Herla aside and provided cover. Joined by Lucamo and Ciel. Proceeded to block Sianna aside Jo, Henna, Ciel and others until it was just herself, Jo and Sianna facing off. A scene that went nowhere save for a few fake charges. Eventually returned to Herla and Lucamo and snuck the medicine doe away, nudging her into the Old Oak for safety under the care of the young blue stag. Was relieved when Herla appeared grateful, rather than upset that she had nearly fought again. Returned to her group to make sure everything was okay. Found Jokerman sitting alone near a tree and Henna and her friend staring at Sianna and one of her companions. Decided she would hold herself back this time so as to not force her protectors into anymore fighting and took a spot against the tree beside Jokerman. Relieved again when Henna and her friend joined them, unnerved by Sianna's continued stare. Tried to stay alert for as long as possible, but after spending a night in snow as well as most of the morning, coupled with the mental and emotional exhaustion, as well as the effects of the mushroom hangover, she eventually passed out.
Woke up much later to find Jokerman and Henna sleeping, but very far apart, and Lucamo there watching over her. Was deeply confused to see it, but realized there was something wrong between two of the most important females in her life. Was pained to see it, as well as their injuries, unsure of what had transpired while she'd been unconscious. Forgot to ask Lucamo before she fell asleep again. Suspects most of it had to do with Sianna. Unaware as of right now that Darcy had tried to approach while she'd been asleep. Extremely worried, exhausted, and battling a mixture of conflicting emotions and desires.
"I thought we would be a real family."
12/21 - Found Morikiah sleeping between several of his friends near the Crying Idol. Kept her distance for a while, though she was concerned about the things she'd heard surrounding his depression and seeing him so unresponsive there. Waited until one of his friends had left before settling in beside him, giving what little warmth she had to offer in place of any real emotional comfort. Left her uncle in the company of another of his concerned friends after a while and sought out Brazen, whom she scented somewhere near the birch. Found him huddled next to Ravly, looking more depressed and cold than she had ever seen him. Decided to stay for a while and pulled him into herself, allowing him to use her as a blanket of sorts against the bitterly cold weather. Fell asleep beside him. Awoke very late into the evening, unsurprisingly alone, and followed her father's scent to the playground, intent on confronting him about what she'd gleaned from Syahi several days before. Greeted Syahi warmly, but could not find it in herself to do the same for Xetkal, who seemed of a similar mind. Invited him to sit with her on a nearby rock where they could talk. Listened to Xetkal tell her that he would no longer seek her out of his own accord, nor would she be allowed to come to him or Syahi with any of her friends. Could not bear the idea that he did not want to be a part of her life, nor could she handle the knowledge that she would be solely responsible for keeping them together under his "plan." Blew up at him in a crescendo of angry and bitter words that ultimately ended with her running away, severing what weak bond they'd formed as father and daughter.
Found her favorite mushroom tree near the pond and gorged herself on the bitter fungus. Ate entirely too many of them and had just begun to feel the effects of them when Syahi approached her. Refused the shifter's request that she stay with her and begged her to go home to Xetkal, whom she had asked her to promise she would choose before herself, should a situation like theirs ever arise. When the doe refused to leave, despite her pleas, Eraline ran, consumed by the effects of the mushrooms and falling into despair. Ran until her lungs hurt from the cold and exercise. Saw all kinds of shapes and colors and hallucinations. Came to a stop at what she recognized as Rook's tree and sat there for a while, hallucinating and crying. Was approached by Graph and Ien, whom she greeted as politely as she could in her state of mind, then found herself within their huddle before she knew what was happening. Returned to her mushroom tree after they fell asleep, where she sat and ate more mushrooms - far more than she should have. Fell comatose after a particularly frightening hallucination. Suicidal for the long haul.
"I lost my herd, Big H..."
12/19 - Met a very big stag named Oskar, who defied his imposing stature when he cowered before her greetings. Eventually got him to warm up to her and spent some time running, spell spamming, and playing in the pond. Led him to Levi and Tieff later and was just in the process of getting them acquainted when Sianna showed up and spooked the large stag, chasing him clear across the forest. Followed as quickly as she could and ended up near the playground, trying to drive Sianna away from her new scared friend. Was surprised when Oskar chased Sianna down when the doe lowered her antlers at her. Briefly greeted Ciel, who emerged from beneath the rock looking concerned about Sianna's presence. A cluster of all kinds of deer gathered, including Levi, Walter, Tieff, Graph, Sonne, and eventually Henna. Saw Ciel coming closer to the mess of deer with Herla following behind and flew into something of a panic; nudged the tiny doe back underneath the rocks to keep her out of dodge of Sianna.
When things had mostly calmed down, she left with Henna, trailed by Brazen and Oskar, and ended up somewhere near the idol where, after turning her back for just one second to tend to Brazen, she lost Henna for a bit. Enjoyed the company of her gentle giant friend, her little golden mischief maker, and a playful little fawn for a bit until Sianna, now in the company of Sonne and Nagendre, gathered nearby to watch. Ended up spending a good part of the evening trying to keep her friends (her 'herd') out of danger, blocking Sianna again and again when she tried to get too close. A long game of chicken that ended when Nagendre did not indulge Sianna's damsel-in-distress routine. By then, though, she had been so caught up in protecting her herd that it had scattered, save for little Brazen who remained by her side. Joined by Graph and Ien somewhere down the line, and, as Bishop's fawnhood friends, she was pleased - despite her edgy mood - to see them and get a chance to make another impression. Settled in with the three to cool down for a bit, then left to check on Herla and Ciel, whom she found cuddled with a crowd of other deer - some familiar, some not - inside the Old Oak. Greeted Ciel, then Herla and Lucamo, when he acknowledged her, but quickly grew tense again when she spotted Nagendre staring down the group from behind some trees nearby. Tried to stand guard along with Ciel, but her patience thinning, she could not keep steady and ultimately ended up facing a frustrated Ciel who seemed intent on not letting her get too close. Was slightly offended by this, but could not be sure why, save for the ache in her pride. Decided to leave when Henna found her again. Tried to engage her in some spell games but could not really get her heart into it. Finally decided just to rest, and fell asleep with her head on Henna's back, mumbling a half-coherent story about how she'd lost her 'herd.' Has not seen or heard from her father.
"Crazy bitch."
12/18 - Took a dip in the pond to wash off the negativity of the last two nights until she heard a familiar call from the other side of the pond. Dinah. Watched the white doe sprint across the water, herself frozen and at a loss for how to react to her. Placed some distance between them, nervous and still hurt by her behavior toward her family the last time they'd seen each other. Allowed the doe to nuzzle her but remained, for the longest time, unsure of how to respond. Finally gave in after a bit and led Dinah back to her favorite willow where she invited her to sit. Kept a bit of distance between them but stayed there for the better part of the afternoon. Joined by Phaios for a while. Eventually fell asleep beside her longtime companion. Woke up to find her gone. Went for a run through the forest before scenting Amelia in the distance, or so she thought. Went to investigate, only to run into Sianna, who did not even give her a chance to walk away before she became aggressive and began attacking. Refused to back down until the phoenix doe had first and so engaged her in a kind of clumsy skirmish for a bit. When the doe finally backed off she left feeling nothing but a mixture of annoyance and fury. Went to blow off some steam by the idol and came upon a very naked Tieff. Obliged him when he asked for her help sorting out the forest magic on his pelt, then played with him for a bit before parting ways. Settled into Henna's hyacinth patch after nibbling on a few mushrooms and fell into another fitful sleep. Dreamed dreams that were mostly memories.
"I believed him. I shouldn't have believed him."
12/16 - Returned to the forest with Mateo in the dead of the night. Spent one last night with him in his favorite hyacinth patch. Awoke to the first snowfall the forest has had in a long time, and bid her grandfather goodbye with a kiss. Spent the morning wandering in a haze, overwhelmed by the bittersweet nostalgia brought on by the snow. Had just begun to settle in near the pond when Herla approached, looking pleased to see her after her absence. The two were joined by Ciel and together they sat for a long while, watching the snowflakes melt into the pond. Teased Ciel with a bit of spell play when he zoned out for what felt like forever, then ultimately ended up in a spell war with the him and Herla both. Came to a rest after a while, then bid them farewell when Herla went to tend to other business.
Took to her home in the birch for the first time since the incident with Dinah and fell into a fitful sleep, still exhausted from the journey home. Woke up to find herself transformed into a peahen, with Amelia and a strange stag standing over her. Shook off the garish outfit and greeted her charge, pleased to see her healthy and happy. Saw Krystal conferring with Herla, greeted her too, but left when she realized whatever conversation she was having with Herla was personal. Spent the afternoon running through the forest, enjoying having the ability to move freely without the constraint of injuries. Settled down at a tree near the crying idol when she was through, and was joined by Krystal not too long after. Then Phaios, whom she pelt-dueled with until they were both sporting the frightful peacock colors. Followed Krystal through the forest after Phaios fell asleep, came upon Herla along the way. Cuddled her beloved Red Hare and the medicine doe when she realized they were both freezing. Left only briefly to retrieve Syahi when she scented her in the air and was surprised, though relieved, when Syahi did not seem angry at her absence. Curled up with the three does for a long time, the two smallest squished in the middle for warmth.
Had a conversation with Syahi. Was not surprised when the doe confirmed that she was now an expectant mother - and at first met the news with warmth and joy. Her fight with Dinah still festering in her mind like an infected wound, and still dwelling on her inability to locate her father the entire day, she asked Syahi to tell her if there was anything she needed to know; if she, somehow, had done something to upset her father. When Syahi would not answer, she confessed her fear of losing him and her suspicions that he was trying to push her away for good. Though Syahi refused to say anything on the matter, Eraline read the cues and felt that Syahi's anxiety over her questions were answer enough. Realized that she was losing her father, and this knowledge coupled with the unborn fawn growing in Syahi's belly, turned the conversation for the bitter. Feeling incredibly insecure, sense of self-worth diminishing, defeated, and at a loss from where to go from here or how even to approach her father about the matter. Regretting having returned to the forest.
"I don't want this anymore."
12/8 - Sought out Darcy in the morning, determined and ready to talk about what had transpired between him and her father the other day. When she could not find him, she resigned herself and went instead to visit Herla, who was sitting with her son, Gehirn and Virgil. Greeted them individually then settled in with them, keeping some distance between herself and the rest of the group out of politeness. Was shocked by Virgil's audacity when he took it upon himself to stand over her after some sniffing, and made her displeasure known by spelling him. Ended up in a spell war with him, which she "won" when she managed to color him green like herself. Well done. Whatever mirth the group had managed to pull out of her was short lived when Sianna emerged from the top of a hill nearby, trailed by Nagendre. Wary of the strange stag's lack of distance and intensity of his stare, she attempted to engage him, test him, which upset Herla. Did not follow the group immediately when they headed for the hills; attempted to run Sianna down in hopes of distracting her from them. Ended up in what was first a rather amusing stare down between herself and the phoenix doe, and took immense pleasure to watching her get riled up over her initial lack of hostility. Refused Virgil's orders to come away with him, unwilling to turn her back on the doe while she was taunting at her. Things got a bit more serious when Sianna began lowering her antlers. Engaged her very briefly until Nagendre stepped in.
Attempted to retreat to the playground only to find the phoenix doe and her "bodyguard" trailing her. Had a tense few moments with Nagendre before Henna arrived. Grew more and more furious as time wore on and the stag continued to merely toy with them. Finally retreated when Henna did and watched, humiliated, as Nagendre and Sianna celebrated gleely in the distance. Blew off some steam with Henna afterward via some rough play and a few nibbles on some mushrooms, then led her to where Herla and her group were resting near the Drinkplaats in order to apologize to the black doe. Ended up getting scolded some more and so, feeling more stubborn and justified than usual, made her apology quick and left even more quickly.
Headed down to the pond later after Henna fell asleep. Found Ciel and Sonne there, the young buck in the middle of some sort of altercation with another large antlered stag. Watched from a distance, assessing, and afraid to step in on Ciel's moment - already more familiar with that feeling than ever. Did not involve herself until she saw that the stag was being relentless despite Ciel's desire to distance himself. Managed after a while to divert the stag's attention, only for Ciel to pretty much knock her out of the way in order to get at him. Her pride wounded, she stepped back and watched until he and Sonne had "vanquished" their foe, then left immediately to avoid acting out on her bad mood. Found Idelle in the poppy field and proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon babysitting, "assisted" by Brazen for some time, and trying to dodge Sianna and Nagendre who came a bit close too comfort more than once. Led the fawn away in a very strict manner and encouraged her to play with Jokerman and Henna. Watched, playing off and on but mostly remaining vigilant and somewhat stressed. Eventually joined by Xetkal.
Add* - Woke up to find her father in a rage and fighting a stag she'd never met before. Followed him afterward to check on him and try to figure out what had happened, only for him to attack her, still in his maddened state. Retreated with a fawn who'd been following her and took refuge in Jo's presence, keeping Xetkal's attack to herself. Tried to distract herself with the twin dancers, and engaged the fawn in a bit of play. Eventually scented Darcy in the wind and decided it was time to confront him. Left Jo in the company of several fawns, but did not notice the fawn from earlier trailing her until it was already too late. Found Darcy sleeping in the birch and tried to wake up. Was taken aback when he attacked her, but did not back off immediately and tried to talk some sense into him. Briefly left him to try to drop the fawn off with Jokerman when his strange behavior persisted and returned. Managed to get through to him for a moment, but was left to watch him fall back into a personality called 'Dash,' who threatened her and warned him away from Darcy. Had some words with 'Dash,' then went to leave only to have Darcy attack her again. Fought him very briefly until Jokerman interceded, but led her away. The two were met on the other side of the hill by Henna who, upon hearing about what had happened, ran off to fight Darcy. Went into a desperate panic, attempting to stop Henna, the thought of Darcy hurt by any of them when he wasn't even himself too painful to bear. Failed. Watched anxiously from the sidelines and only approached Henna once she backed off. Yelled at her, made her anger known, then ran off away from the birch, and Darcy, and her family. Was headed to the pond when she came upon Herla, who prompted her to sit and rest. Tried to explain what had happened but could not do a very good job of it. Eventually left her in the company of her son and returned to her father and Henna. Left the group during a lull to peek on Darcy from behind the tall grass in the birch; found him sitting calmly in the company of Talla and Reed. Felt deeply betrayed by this, though she could not be sure why, and left, feeling like a failure.
Add II* - Took up her spot against her favorite tree in the birch and was approached by her father. Argued with him again over the same old thing. Became so weary that she subtly confessed her desire to die. Dropped it when her father misunderstood her; decided to keep it to herself.
Depression hit full force. Likely to remain withdrawn. Injured all over again. Angry with Henna. Unsure of what to do about Darcy. Wary of her father's sudden shift in philosophy. Regretful. Unhappy.
"I want to sleep forever."
12/5 - Settled in at her home in the birch in the afternoon. Had intended on keeping to herself for most of the day, but was pulled away from her plans by the sound of a very loud and clustered scuffle nearby. Went to investigate and found Amelia, as well as several others, watching a fight between Krystal, Sianna, Jokerman, Leviathann and Illrose. Was torn between wanting to keep Krystal safe and wanting to repay her debt to Levi and ultimately stayed on the sidelines, trying to interfere only toward the end in hopes of getting Levi to back down before she hurt herself, as well as try to pull Krystal out of the fray. Failed. Saw that Krystal was upset with her and was not sure why, then became increasingly frustrated and hurt to see how closely she was guarding Sianna. Joined by Djinn, Henna, and Morikiah, as well as Xetkal. Was able to bond with Xetkal and her uncle through furious bouts of play, and used the time to blow off steam and push Krystal to the back of her mind. Enjoyed playing dress up with him.
Later scented Rook in the distance and took off toward it immediately. Came upon him sleeping between his tree and log, as expected, and woke up him via a pelt spell. Played with him for much of the evening, chatting off and on and felt her spirits rising and strength returning, excessive movement be damned. Decided she would try to introduce him to her father, hoping to slowly integrate him into her circle so that he would feel more comfortable visiting more often. Got them to greet one another, but the arrival of Darcy turned everything around. Chased after Rook when he left upon her greeting the monarch stag and tried to coax him back to the group. After repeated refusals, she relented and watched him go away, heavy of heart. Returned to Darcy and Xetkal and tried to get Darcy to sit with them, only to have him begin taunting at her (and her father) and refusing to sit anywhere near Xetkal.
Did not realize Xetkal had left to make the situation less awkward until he was quite a distance away and felt her sadness return all over again, having hoped that the breakthrough with her father would mean things would be easier. Had an argument with Darcy, in which he accused her and her father of not welcoming him, and she in turn accused him of being childish and in the wrong. Fed up with the entire situation, she let him leave to fetch her father and clung to her uncle, who sat stoic and cool through it all, feeling her mood disintegrating into nothing. Listened to lots of yelling in the distance - the shouting of her father, Darcy and Jokerman, then retreated to her home in the birch feeling as if she wanted to disappear forever. Was fetched by Jokerman who led her to Xetkal, then had a firm discussion with her father in which he 'banned' Darcy from the family. Greeted Syahi as best she could despite her mood and sat down to watch Henna and Jokerman spar, crying silently behind her mask. Could not last more than a few minutes before she realized she needed to be alone and bid her family a good night in order to return to the birch. Slumped up against her tree and ugly cried for a long time, aching, and feeling like a failure.
Disillusioned; still angry at Dinah over the humiliation she endured; at a loss for how to go about speaking to Darcy, feeling as if she has lost his friendship for good; roll-over emotions that have built up over the past few days; heartache; has fallen into a deep depression and will be secluding herself for a while.
"Of course you choose her. Of course. You have no idea the things she threatened."
12/4 - Was making her way to her home in the birch for an afternoon of peace when she was intercepted by Idelle in the company of Jack. Anxiety over Sianna's threats toward the fawn the other night still heavy in her mind, she decided to forego solitude in the name of helping Jack keep watch over the girl. Played with the three for a while, then followed the fawn over to Dinah, who seemed to have just awoken from her slumber. Kept them company near the pond, becoming increasingly agitated as Sianna's scent drew closer. Went on the defensive as soon as Sianna approached, making it a point to stand over Idelle. Watched as Dinah forgave and accepted Sianna immediately, dismayed, tried to keep Idelle from wandering over for as long as possible. Failed. Tried to coax Dinah and Idelle away from Sianna until Sianna became possessive over them and began to try to drive her away. Had a few minor blows with the phoenix doe as a last resort, but backed off, hurt and humiliated when Dinah told her to stop and then refused to leave the phoenix doe's side. Finally retreated when Leviathann blocked her from making anymore attempts at Sianna and led her ally away from the scene. Sought out Jokerman in a bid for comfort and stability. Later joined by Darcy, who seemed even more tense than the day before, then Henna. Fled to the Drinkplaats to try to blow off some steam, tried again a bit later by spelling her friends in hopes that they would provide playful distraction. Failed again, and ultimately came to rest among the small group, her heart heavy with guilt and frustration. Furious at Dinah Moon, demoralized.
"How do you know when someone is the love of your life?"
12/3 - Searched for Rook in the morning after she'd bathed and grazed, hoping to have an opportunity to catch up and enjoy some lighthearted play. Became a bit disheartened when she could not find him and settled in between the log and tree she remembered him using as a resting place last. Went a little mopey-kins for a while. Found by Krystal, who made the mopeys go away with her loving and playful mood, then cuddled with her for a long while, making idle chit chat every so often. Watched her leave in search of Geography and was pulled back into the discussion she'd had with Henna over the Red Hare's relationship with the fool-hardy stag. Hoped she had been right in butting in and making her opinions known. Was surprised when the two (soon joined by Tieff) approached her, the red stag looking strangely curious of her. Thought that perhaps he did not recognize or remember her despite all the time she'd insisted on spending near him as a fawn. Attempted to coax the two males into playing with her and Krystal, only for Geography to bow out of their company, trailed by Tieff - leaving Krystal behind. Was overcome with fury and heartache for Krystal, who seemed, though sad, resigned to his whims. Spent a long time afterward offering what little comfort she could provide.
When Darcy joined them later on, the fun and games came to a stop, for the most part, with Darcy in overprotective mood due to her injured state. Repeatedly rebelled against his orders for her to sit still and rest, egged on by Krystal, and got scolded several times because of it. Watched Darcy leave in a huff to sit some distance away when she stopped him from driving away a playful fawn. Was in the middle of trying to coax him back to them when she noticed Krystal posturing before a rather intrusive/aggressive stag. Went to her and the fawn's aid, attempting to drive the male away through intimidation. The situation quickly escalated to a near-fight which Darcy and Krystal put a stop to, but not without some difficulty. Was yelled at by Darcy afterward for her impulsive and thoughtless behavior while Krystal watched from the side, amused by the monarch stag's agitation. Settled in with them after he'd calmed down. Watched Krystal fall asleep against her side, then engaged Darcy in pleasant conversation. Listened to him talk about the love of his life, and fell asleep for the first time in a day and a half, dreaming of romance and missing Bishop.
Add* - Woke up later in the evening. Found Phai sitting along under a willow. Joined her and had a very long conversation about love, peace, fighting, and other important issues. Learned some things in the process. Joined by Henna, Xetkal, Krystal, Herla, and Darcy one by one throughout the night. Fell asleep among the cozy group of loved ones, at peace.
"Go on. Do it. It won't change anything."
12/1-2 - Awoke in the early afternoon to the sound of a scuffle of sorts between Sianna and Leviathann. Watched cautiously from her home in the birch and did not move to leave when it was all over and done with, in too much pain and far too sore to bother. Ended up having to force herself anyway when Amelia - much taller than she was the last time she'd seen her - fetched her and led her to Levi, Harley and Umay. Was shocked to see that Harley too had grown substantially. Settled in with the group with Levi keeping close watch, worried, and was grateful and more than a bit touched by the attentions. Felt a surge of love for the otherwise intimidating doe. The group was joined by Darcy, who approached her with caution and something else she could not place. Became extremely stressed and agitated when Sianna tried to get at the group several times; did her best to keep Amelia from jumping head first into a fight that would undoubtedly be way over her head, while Darcy did his best to keep
her from hurting herself further. Ultimately settled for watching Levi handle the phoenix doe with Darcy at her side.
Eventually left when Sianna used Jorogumo as protection to remain within their vicinity, too furious by her presence alone to tolerate any more of it. Left with Darcy trailing her and settled into the pond to soak her wounds and clear her head. After drying off near the Crying Idol, she tried to make her way back home in the birch only to have Darcy insist they not go up there. Did not question him or his reasons, though she could see something about the place distressed him. Settled for Henna's flower patch, where they rested until she finally asked him to fetch Herla, in need of something to soothe the pain in her ribs. Spent the rest of the evening getting tended to by Herla and discussing many things with her. Was pleased when Dinah approached, but quickly lost her smile when she saw how sad her longtime friend looked. Invited her to settle in with them and continued her discussion with Herla. Turned in for the night when they were through, bidding everyone a warm farewell and reassuring Darcy that she was well. Fell asleep against her favorite tree, spent by the events of the day and completely at a loss for energy. Recovering slowly but surely.
Add* - Was awoken by a furious Sianna demanding she confirm Dinah had become a mother in her absence, threatening murder. Battled fear as she proceeded to, in a very indirect way, admit the doe now had a fawn, and spat cruelty at her in a bid for control and self-defense. Watched her collapse from exhaustion right in her own space, and unable to tolerate even the idea of sitting near her unconscious body, left the phoenix doe in favor of a more secluded, faraway area of the forest. Shaken, mildly victorious, but still worried for Idelle's life, she spent the rest of the night sleepless despite Herla's herbal prescription.
"I'm sorry you had to see that, little one...oh...Gods, it hurts."
11/30 - tl;dr, here's a bullet summary:
-Afternoon: found badmood!Jo. Got snapped at. Took it easy with her afterward.
-Found by Henna. Played with her, Jo, Krystal, and Darcy, much to her surprise and delight.
-Got in Sianna's face when Sianna started sniffing around their joint. Had a brief stare off.
-Tried with Jo to keep Henna from fighting with Geography when he showed up with Krystal.
-Tried to keep Sianna away from Krystal.
-Tried a lot of things.
-Looked up at one point to find Darcy gone.
Well that's nice.
-Found by little Trae. Flew into a rage when Sianna got too close to it, looking as if she wanted to steal it. Had her first adult fight alongside Henna, Jo, several others. A chaotic mess.
-Because she is still an inexperienced and clumsy fighter, she took a large amount of damage.
-Settled in with Trae and Henna when it was all over. Saddened by the distance between them and Jo, but did not push.
-Spoke to Henna. Fell asleep beside her, Trae curled up between them.
An eventful day to say the least.
"I don't know if I should admit how attached to you I really am, little one."
11/27 - Visited Mateo in the evening. Found him snoozing beside an unresponsive Ciel. Feeling awkward, she nibbled on a few mushrooms to ease her shyness and then sat a distance away. Eventually made the acquaintance of Rire, who seemed intent on shenanigans and nothing but shenanigans. Enjoyed that. Chased butterflies for a while. Played with her grandfather, Rire the Jokester, Krystal, Tieff, and several others after the lazy ones awoke. Met a young buck who reminded her of Bishop. Tried not to delve too deeply into the association.
Retreated to the pond after Mateo and Rire fell asleep. Was found by Atuuru, who was sporting brand new stubby little antlers and quite taller than when she last saw her. Splashed about with the adolescent until Henna joined them. Nearly gave Henna a heart attack when she kept walking on water 'against orders.' Enjoyed making her sweat, but wished she'd take a swim with her.
Scaredy cat. Settled down at the edge of the pond with Atuuru and Henna for a nap. Woke up later to find Sorrel had joined them while Atuuru had gone. It took her a moment before she noticed a familiar little body curled up into her side. Trae, the fawn who'd stayed by her side during a very dark time. Was overcome with joy to see it again and spent the rest of the evening frolicking with it and Sorrel, trying desperately to keep the little fawn from drowning. Extremely attached.
"If 'friends' is what we really are, then welcome back, my friend."
11/23 - Spent the morning with Levi, Amelia and Harley. Helped them fight off a rather annoyingly persistent deer. Was surprised, but pleased, when Harley cuddled up beside her after the commotion, having always assumed he didn't much care for her company. Fell asleep with the soon-to-be buck beside her. Awoke some time later with Harley at a distance; assumed he'd moved to his mother's side at some point. Got up for a stretch and was midway through a rather satisfying scratch against a nearby tree when she spotted a familiar figure in the distance. Caught its scent in the wind and realized it was Rook, whom she hadn't seen or heard from since their last argument. Made her presence known from a distance and offered him a stiff and cautious bow, which he returned after what looked like some hesitation before walking off. Checked on a still sleeping Harley one last time before taking her leave, intending on spending the rest of her evening at her home base in the birch. Had nearly reached her destination when she saw Rook again, sitting alone in the poppy field. Kept herself at a distance but offered another greeting, then engaged him in a tense stare-off, unwilling to be the first to offer any friendly affections after the things he'd said to her last time. When he walked away for the second time that day, she perceived it as a complete rejection of whatever friendship they'd shared before, and resigned herself to it with a heavy heart. Took to her spot in the birch to stew in the failure, and had just begun to lose herself in heavy thoughts when she heard someone approaching from behind.
Was shocked to find Rook there, watching her. Acknowledged his presence but, clinging stubbornly to her frustration, waited for him to break the tension first, ready to let it go once and for all if he didn't. Was relieved when he finally seemed to relax and initiated a playful spar. Spent a good portion of the afternoon romping about the forest with him and trying to evade his mischievous teasing to no avail. Led him to the Drinkplaats for some nostalgic fun and games, then settled down with him in the birch after some more shenanigans. Watched him doze off to the white noise from the Drinkplaats, feeling light of heart for the first time in many days. Left him to his rest once he'd fallen asleep and returned to her favorite tree. Had not settled in for longer than a minute when Dmitri stopped in for a rare but more than welcome visit. Rested with him in her home for a long while, then followed him about the forest, playing and sparring. Made the acquaintence of his friend Ryuu. After much more play, fell asleep with Dmitri sandwiched between herself and Ryuu. Exhausted by the emotional toll making up with Rook took on her, but now somewhat more at ease.
"I thought I had left this part of me behind, right there next to the corpse of my fawnhood. But I feel it burning inside of me. I feel you...burning inside of me."
11/20 - Met up with Gustiro and Idelle in the afternoon and spent some time playing with the curious little fawn until Gustiro led them to the outskirts of Illrose's birthing spot. Babysat Idelle while the Red Stag hovered at the edge of the crowd, looking stoic but radiating sadness and worry. Showered him with affection when he settled in beside them, hoping he would understand that he did not have to feel badly alone. Watched Brazen play with Idelle and eventually fell asleep at Gustiro's side.
Woke up several hours later groggy, heavy, and somehow still tired. Wandered over to the pond for a drink, but caught sight of Darcy playing with Idelle and decided to stop over to say hello and check in with the fawn. Found Dinah snoozing away by the edge of the pond. Accepted Darcy's invitation to join him and the newborn in their play, attempted to teach her how to dance. Was relieved to see that even at her young age she was already a better dancer than her father. Eventually grew uncharacteristically exhausted, her mood steadily declining beneath a sudden torrent of unhealthy thoughts. Settled down to watch the others play and frolic in hopes that the mood would pass only to find herself growing more and more detached as time wore on. Eventually was overcome with overwhelming bitterness and an intense anger that she had to fight to suppress in order not to alarm the others, especially Idelle and the other little ones who visited them throughout the evening. Was more than a little grateful when Darcy offered his side and quiet company to her. Invited Darcy to stay with her when Henna showed up; pressed herself into her friend's side with Darcy's heat keeping her warm on the other side.
The night took a heavier turn when Syahi approached them after a very long, unannounced absence. Approached her slowly and cautiously up to a point, then waited until the shapeshifter closed the space between them, unwilling to be the first to do so. Invited her to sit beneath a willow a ways from Darcy and Henna so that they could talk; a tense conversation ensued. Helped Syahi come to terms with her pregnancy. After they were through, she bid them all a good night and made her way to her home in the birch where she finally allowed herself to succumb to the dark mood raging inside of her. Tore up the foliage in her favorite spot, cursing and shouting into the evening like a madwoman. Finally collapsed against her favorite tree, fighting tears and the urge to pull the fur off her legs.
"Keep us in your heavenly thoughts. Remember that we are all your children."
11/13 - Spent the a good part of the evening keeping a heavily pregnant Dinah company. Was happy to see her healthy and glowing, despite the obvious exhaustion. Briefly visited by young Brazen, with whom she sparred and pestered with forest magic. Took to the birch for some rest after Dinah fell asleep and was soon joined by Darcy, then Sorrel. Played with them off and on, and spent the rest of that time trying to make Darcy comfortable - as well as reassure herself. Took to the first forest when a strangely accessorized Herla found them in need of assistance. Helped her put her face back on. Spent some quiet time with her and Darcy by the pond, then enticed Darcy into a swim - something she hadn't done for quite a long time but had been missing and very much in need of. Splashed around in the pond with him, walked on water, then ended the play session drying off by the Crying Idol. Was found by Henna who led her to Jo, and felt something very important click inside of her: the three of them together again; harmony. Engaged them in a half-hearted spar, attempting to bully Henna whose laughter at their expense bummed her out so much that she eventually turned to Jo as the archetypal Bad Guy again. Met Darcy outside of the blue bowl when he called for them; soon realized that he had dug himself into a hole by drugging Herla, who seemed to be undergoing a bad mushroom trip. Could not help but be amused, and peaced out, wishing him - and Herla - the best. No babysitting high deer for her tonight! Made her way to the playground with her protectors and attempted to get Jo to dance for the millionth time since she's known her. Failed, and became so frustrated that it led her to pouting at some distance away.
Ended the night with her two sisters on either side of her - Jo a cautious distance away, damn straight - and her breathing prayers into the tiny twin idols hanging around her neck. Prayed for the health of Dinah's unborn fawn, for Herla's speedy recovery after what was undoubtedly a really bad trip, for Darcy's overall happiness; thanked the Gods as well for having blessed her with Henna and Jokerman, without whom she would not be able to function properly. Finally, and somewhat begrudgingly, prayed for the safety of Bishop, whom she was beginning to miss, though keeping faith that he would return eventually, happy and strong.
*SO.* *HAPPY.*
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Hooray for archives. ^^
Oh, I'm sorry! I was playing
I was playing the feathered deer in the peacock mask, pelt and magpie antlers. See, on my screen it looked like you had my set and picto- same for my friend (for some reason). This has never happened to me before and I assumed someone was playing on my account. Sorry for bothering you.