Mind tripped along roughly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Yorisumo, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a seal hopping along, carrying a door in its mouth.
Mind was almost in Narnia when she came across a fluffy cake, lying alone on a sexy plate. "That must be a treat from my gentle bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked old, so she ate it.
It gave her the most fuzzy tingling sensation in her nosehair. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Yorisumo.
When Yorisumo came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Mind cried huskily.
"Your ear! And your toenail!" Yorisumo said. "They're giant! Can't you feel it?"
Mind felt her ear and her toenail. They were indeed quite giant. "Oh, no!" Mind said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that fluffy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Yorisumo said. "I got you a banana. It must have been that big man who lives nearby. He acts a little slowly, ever since he licked a pencil."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Mind sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Yorisumo said dangerously, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your ear is really green like that."
"Really?" Mind dried his tears. Mind kissed Yorisumo and it was an entirely sticky sensation, Life is a like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.
They spent the night having entirely sticky sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Sepp finished packing. Ever since Michi, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sepp had been cool.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing ran him, all was ugly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the bath to become a drunken bed.
Just then, there was a slow knock at the door. Sepp opened it and stood there clumsy for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his mouth.
When Sepp came to, Michi was holding his head and looking beautiful. "My love," Michi said thoughtfully, "I'm sorry for the fast shock. I've been shipwrecked on a happy island for the last ten years, living the sky is crying. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sepp could hardly believe his Michi had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a tree."
They embraced broadly and vowed to never be parted again.
Tuna paced cuttingly back and forth. Tense dread filled her heart. Masque should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my wry love, Tuna thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Masque had been taken hostage by Decaying Hair, a supervillain who had the city in a state of undead terror. Tuna fainted dead away, like a brand new pack of Trident gum.
When she came to, there was a bump on her tummy and the tense dread had returned. "Masque, my spiteful honey bunny," she cried out warmly. "What is Decaying Hair doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing intensely as he punted him in the fingers.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tuna remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 Ring tape TEUUUUUNAHs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Tuna ordered in a supply of Ring tape and set to work, folding TEUUUUUNAHs until her tummy was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last TEUUUUUNAH when Masque walked in the front door.
"Masque!" Tuna screamed and threw herself into Masque's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Ring tape TEUUUUUNAHs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing under a Rutilus. She kissed Masque stupidly on the fingers.
"Actually," Masque said, pulling away nimbly, "I was rescued by the Chocolate Cat. She's a new superhero in town." Masque sighed. "And she's really gorgeous."
The tense dread came back. "But you're tender to be back here with me, right?"
Masque checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Chocolate Cat for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay smiling, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Tuna choked back a sob and started folding another TEUUUUUNAH. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
----
Oh dear jesus. JUST SAYING THAT LAST BIT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN DURHUR.
On a honest and twitchy morning, Redd sat in the forest. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His antler ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Doe to love someone with a fast cheek?
Quickly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a Shy wispy trees, all on a summer's day. I wish my Doe would run me, in her own scared way..."
"Do you?" Doe sat down beside Redd and put her hand on Redd's hoof. "I think that could be arranged."
Redd gasped childishly. "But what about my fast cheek?"
"I like it," Doe said playfully. "I think it's sweet."
They came together and their kiss was Like one of the trees themselves, silently and lonely.
"I love you," Redd said timidly.
"I love you too," Doe replied and ran him.
They bought a raven, moved in together, and lived gracefully ever after.
Copolymer tripped along mockingly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Super Pie, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a platypus hopping along, carrying a pickle in its mouth.
Copolymer was almost on the fridge when he came across a fizzily cake, lying alone on a sausgaely plate. "That must be a treat from my genderly bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked superbly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most duckful tingling sensation in his epidermis. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Super Pie.
When Super Pie came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Copolymer cried fartatiously.
"Your phalanges! And your toe!" Super Pie said. "They're udderish! Can't you feel it?"
Copolymer felt his phalanges and his toe. They were indeed quite udderish. "Oh, no!" Copolymer said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that fizzily cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Super Pie said. "I got you a fart. It must have been that farmish man who lives nearby. He acts a little Jell-oish, ever since he shot a pie."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Copolymer sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Super Pie said stupidly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your phalanges is really floatlationly like that."
"Really?" Copolymer dried her tears. Copolymer kissed Super Pie and it was an entirely violently sensation, like a magical unicorn that dances on the Lucky Charms dude.
They spent the night having entirely violently sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Faith and Jergens went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Faith hit Jergens in his finger with a big invisible iceball. It hurt a lot, but Faith kissed it huskily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really weak snow man!" Faith said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Jergens said. "That would be more hot and politically correct."
"I know," Faith said. "We can make a snow deer. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up snobbishly and made a simple snow deer. Faith put on a walrus for the wenis. The deer was almost as big as Jergens.
"It looks beautiful," Faith said lovingly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Jergens said and held up a cocky pizza. "I found this on a boat." He put the pizza onto the deer's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the deer, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a a mighty stag who ad' been shot in the wee river.
Jergens screamed tenderly and ran but the snow deer chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow deer sniffed him gultily.
"Nobody does that to my little Flamboyant Pot Roast," Faith screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow deer through the throat. It fell down and Faith kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Jergens said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pizza lay in the yard until a snobby child picked it up and took it home.
---
That was... horrifying... *gigglesnort* Flamboyant pot roast...
Super dude and Amazing gay were out for a vintagly Valentine's walk on a unicorn. As they went, Amazing gay rested his hand on Super dude's nostril. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so goopy, Super dude was filled with super dread.
"Do you suppose it's fartatious here?" he asked gayly.
"You gagful silly," Amazing gay said, tickling Super dude with his condom. "It's completely gaunty."
Just then, a fractured racecar leapt out from behind a door and farted Amazing gay in the armpit hair. "Aaargh!" Amazing gay screamed.
Things looked hideous. But Super dude, although he was unicornful, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed an apple and, like a magical unicorn that farts rainbows and vomits flowers, beat the racecar pickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fart innocent people."
Then he clasped Amazing gay close. Amazing gay was bleeding hidously. "My darling," Super dude said, and pressed his lips to Amazing gay's toenail.
"I love you," Amazing gay said cornfuly, and expired in Super dude's arms.
rotflmao gotta try this
__________________________________________________________________________________
Soko and Loelia
by William Shakespeare
Enter Soko
Loelia appears above at a window
Soko:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the scale, and Loelia is the wolf.
Arise, glowing wolf, and poke the scary potatoe.
See, how she leans her hip upon her thumb!
O, that I were a glove upon that thumb,
That I might touch that hip!
Loelia:
O Soko, Soko! wherefore art thou Soko?
What's in a name? That which we call a foot
By any other name would smell as violent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a feather in a pool of simmering orange juice"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove random.
Soko:
Lady, by yonder scary potatoe I swear
That tips on a cloud the fat flute--
Loelia:
O, swear not by the potatoe, the free potatoe,
That severely changes in its merciful orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise merciful.
Sweet, fluffy night! A thousand times fluffy night!
Parting is such creepy sorrow,
That I shall say fluffy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Soko:
Sleep dwell upon thy hip, peace in thy thumb!
Would I were sleep and peace, so never to rest!
quickly will I to my glowing foot's cell,
Its help to poke, and my violent foot to tell.
Same stuff as my last one, but still funny like shiz! XD
A Gagful Day To Fart
Super dude stepped gayly out into the goopy sunshine, and admired Amazing gay's toenail. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a gaunty sight."
Amazing gay climbed off the apple and walked joyfully across the grass to greet his lover. Super dude patted Amazing gay on the nostril and then tried to fart him cornfuly, but without success.
"That's all right," Amazing gay said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not super," Super dude. "Not as super as the time we farted on a unicorn."
Amazing gay nodded pickly. "We were fractured back in those days."
"Our armpit hairs were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Super dude said. "Everything seems fartatious and unicornful when you're young."
"Of course," Amazing gay said. "But now we're hideous, we can still have fun. If we go about it hidously."
"Hidously?" Super dude said . "But how?"
"With this," Amazing gay said and held out a vintagly condom. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fart."
Super dude swallowed the condom at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fart hidously. They farted like a magical unicorn that farts rainbows and vomits flowers. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Freak hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like creepy old man that gives out unicorn poop. She loathed it.
Every December, Freak would feel herself getting all slimy inside. She refused to put up a Christmas giraffe, she snapped at anyone cold enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Freak had to go to the mall to buy a frosty pig. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing unregretfully around and so much Christmas music blaring suspiciously, she thought her liver would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a gay man collecting for charity. Freak never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the gay man dropped his bells and ran on a suitcase. There was a transparent deer right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the gay man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Freak rushed out and ever pushed them both out of the way. There was a freezing bang and then everything went dark.
When Freak woke up, she was in a wierd room. There was a Christmas giraffe in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Freak's leg hurt. A lot.
The gay man came into the room. "I'm so gross!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Dumbass. You saved me from the truck. But your leg is broken."
Freak hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas giraffe up and her leg was broken, she felt quite furry, especially when she looked at Dumbass.
"Your leg must hurt piping," Dumbass said. "I think this will help." And he jumping Freak several times.
Now Freak felt very furry indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Dumbass. "I love you," she said, and kissed Dumbass clumsly.
"I love you too," said Dumbass. Just then, the deer ran into the room and nuzzled Freak's brain. "I brought him home with us," Dumbass said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Freak said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Lolo and Darth Vader were celebrating an uncomfortable Valentine's Day together. Lolo had cooked a sharp dinner and they ate on a plane by candlelight.
"My darling," Darth Vader said, stroking Lolo's gull bladder, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lolo. "It is but an aching token of my soft love."
Lolo opened the box. Inside was a vegitable egg! He gazed at it bright. Then he gazed at Darth Vader bright. "It's hot," Lolo said. "Come here and let me skydive you."
Just then, a furry crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a rat climbing a dolphin. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a fuzzy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Darth Vader read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other Whereupon as the crone cackled some more. Lolo's pancreas began to tremble. Then Darth Vader shrugged, pulled out a fart, and hit the crone on her toe. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Lolo said and kissed Darth Vader Recently. "This is a warm Valentine's Day!"
They Outright burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
^ djfhdkgfhghf
Quickly Tripping
Mind tripped along roughly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Yorisumo, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a seal hopping along, carrying a door in its mouth.
Mind was almost in Narnia when she came across a fluffy cake, lying alone on a sexy plate. "That must be a treat from my gentle bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked old, so she ate it.
It gave her the most fuzzy tingling sensation in her nosehair. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Yorisumo.
When Yorisumo came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Mind cried huskily.
"Your ear! And your toenail!" Yorisumo said. "They're giant! Can't you feel it?"
Mind felt her ear and her toenail. They were indeed quite giant. "Oh, no!" Mind said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that fluffy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Yorisumo said. "I got you a banana. It must have been that big man who lives nearby. He acts a little slowly, ever since he licked a pencil."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Mind sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Yorisumo said dangerously, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your ear is really green like that."
"Really?" Mind dried his tears. Mind kissed Yorisumo and it was an entirely sticky sensation, Life is a like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.
They spent the night having entirely sticky sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
HAHAHA, maybe it's truee ;;
OMG SPIRITUELLE, I JUST DIED.
uahhahahaha Sad Love Sepp
Sad Love
Sepp finished packing. Ever since Michi, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sepp had been cool.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing ran him, all was ugly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the bath to become a drunken bed.
Just then, there was a slow knock at the door. Sepp opened it and stood there clumsy for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his mouth.
When Sepp came to, Michi was holding his head and looking beautiful. "My love," Michi said thoughtfully, "I'm sorry for the fast shock. I've been shipwrecked on a happy island for the last ten years, living the sky is crying. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Sepp could hardly believe his Michi had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a tree."
They embraced broadly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was dazed.
Tuna paced cuttingly back and
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Masque had been taken hostage by Decaying Hair, a supervillain who had the city in a state of undead terror. Tuna fainted dead away, like a brand new pack of Trident gum.
When she came to, there was a bump on her tummy and the tense dread had returned. "Masque, my spiteful honey bunny," she cried out warmly. "What is Decaying Hair doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing intensely as he punted him in the fingers.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Tuna remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 Ring tape TEUUUUUNAHs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Tuna ordered in a supply of Ring tape and set to work, folding TEUUUUUNAHs until her tummy was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last TEUUUUUNAH when Masque walked in the front door.
"Masque!" Tuna screamed and threw herself into Masque's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Ring tape TEUUUUUNAHs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing under a Rutilus. She kissed Masque stupidly on the fingers.
"Actually," Masque said, pulling away nimbly, "I was rescued by the Chocolate Cat. She's a new superhero in town." Masque sighed. "And she's really gorgeous."
The tense dread came back. "But you're tender to be back here with me, right?"
Masque checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Chocolate Cat for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay smiling, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Tuna choked back a sob and started folding another TEUUUUUNAH. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
----
Oh dear jesus. JUST SAYING THAT LAST BIT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN DURHUR.
Forest FAQ
^ ROFL awwwwwww XDDDDD
ROFL awwwwwww XDDDDD
Holy crap, this was way too
A Pond In Time
On a honest and twitchy morning, Redd sat in the forest. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His antler ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Doe to love someone with a fast cheek?
Quickly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a Shy wispy trees, all on a summer's day. I wish my Doe would run me, in her own scared way..."
"Do you?" Doe sat down beside Redd and put her hand on Redd's hoof. "I think that could be arranged."
Redd gasped childishly. "But what about my fast cheek?"
"I like it," Doe said playfully. "I think it's sweet."
They came together and their kiss was Like one of the trees themselves, silently and lonely.
"I love you," Redd said timidly.
"I love you too," Doe replied and ran him.
They bought a raven, moved in together, and lived gracefully ever after.
-dieing-
I MUST do this
Sensationish Tripping
Copolymer tripped along mockingly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Super Pie, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a platypus hopping along, carrying a pickle in its mouth.
Copolymer was almost on the fridge when he came across a fizzily cake, lying alone on a sausgaely plate. "That must be a treat from my genderly bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked superbly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most duckful tingling sensation in his epidermis. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Super Pie.
When Super Pie came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Copolymer cried fartatiously.
"Your phalanges! And your toe!" Super Pie said. "They're udderish! Can't you feel it?"
Copolymer felt his phalanges and his toe. They were indeed quite udderish. "Oh, no!" Copolymer said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that fizzily cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Super Pie said. "I got you a fart. It must have been that farmish man who lives nearby. He acts a little Jell-oish, ever since he shot a pie."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Copolymer sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Super Pie said stupidly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your phalanges is really floatlationly like that."
"Really?" Copolymer dried her tears. Copolymer kissed Super Pie and it was an entirely violently sensation, like a magical unicorn that dances on the Lucky Charms dude.
They spent the night having entirely violently sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Oh dear god, I'm sorry... I
*Looks above* FFFFF... duckful tingling sensation x3
---
The Sickly Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Faith and Jergens went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Faith hit Jergens in his finger with a big invisible iceball. It hurt a lot, but Faith kissed it huskily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really weak snow man!" Faith said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Jergens said. "That would be more hot and politically correct."
"I know," Faith said. "We can make a snow deer. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up snobbishly and made a simple snow deer. Faith put on a walrus for the wenis. The deer was almost as big as Jergens.
"It looks beautiful," Faith said lovingly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Jergens said and held up a cocky pizza. "I found this on a boat." He put the pizza onto the deer's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the deer, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a a mighty stag who ad' been shot in the wee river.
Jergens screamed tenderly and ran but the snow deer chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow deer sniffed him gultily.
"Nobody does that to my little Flamboyant Pot Roast," Faith screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow deer through the throat. It fell down and Faith kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Jergens said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pizza lay in the yard until a snobby child picked it up and took it home.
---
That was... horrifying... *gigglesnort* Flamboyant pot roast...
This is sinfully fun xD The
The Adventure Of The Racecar
Super dude and Amazing gay were out for a vintagly Valentine's walk on a unicorn. As they went, Amazing gay rested his hand on Super dude's nostril. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so goopy, Super dude was filled with super dread.
"Do you suppose it's fartatious here?" he asked gayly.
"You gagful silly," Amazing gay said, tickling Super dude with his condom. "It's completely gaunty."
Just then, a fractured racecar leapt out from behind a door and farted Amazing gay in the armpit hair. "Aaargh!" Amazing gay screamed.
Things looked hideous. But Super dude, although he was unicornful, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed an apple and, like a magical unicorn that farts rainbows and vomits flowers, beat the racecar pickly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fart innocent people."
Then he clasped Amazing gay close. Amazing gay was bleeding hidously. "My darling," Super dude said, and pressed his lips to Amazing gay's toenail.
"I love you," Amazing gay said cornfuly, and expired in Super dude's arms.
Super dude never loved again.
rotflmao gotta try
__________________________________________________________________________________
Soko and Loelia
by William Shakespeare
Enter Soko
Loelia appears above at a window
Soko:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the scale, and Loelia is the wolf.
Arise, glowing wolf, and poke the scary potatoe.
See, how she leans her hip upon her thumb!
O, that I were a glove upon that thumb,
That I might touch that hip!
Loelia:
O Soko, Soko! wherefore art thou Soko?
What's in a name? That which we call a foot
By any other name would smell as violent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a feather in a pool of simmering orange juice"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove random.
Soko:
Lady, by yonder scary potatoe I swear
That tips on a cloud the fat flute--
Loelia:
O, swear not by the potatoe, the free potatoe,
That severely changes in its merciful orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise merciful.
Sweet, fluffy night! A thousand times fluffy night!
Parting is such creepy sorrow,
That I shall say fluffy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Soko:
Sleep dwell upon thy hip, peace in thy thumb!
Would I were sleep and peace, so never to rest!
quickly will I to my glowing foot's cell,
Its help to poke, and my violent foot to tell.
Same stuff as my last one,
A Gagful Day To Fart
Super dude stepped gayly out into the goopy sunshine, and admired Amazing gay's toenail. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a gaunty sight."
Amazing gay climbed off the apple and walked joyfully across the grass to greet his lover. Super dude patted Amazing gay on the nostril and then tried to fart him cornfuly, but without success.
"That's all right," Amazing gay said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not super," Super dude. "Not as super as the time we farted on a unicorn."
Amazing gay nodded pickly. "We were fractured back in those days."
"Our armpit hairs were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Super dude said. "Everything seems fartatious and unicornful when you're young."
"Of course," Amazing gay said. "But now we're hideous, we can still have fun. If we go about it hidously."
"Hidously?" Super dude said . "But how?"
"With this," Amazing gay said and held out a vintagly condom. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fart."
Super dude swallowed the condom at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fart hidously. They farted like a magical unicorn that farts rainbows and vomits flowers. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Miracle Of The
Freak hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like creepy old man that gives out unicorn poop. She loathed it.
Every December, Freak would feel herself getting all slimy inside. She refused to put up a Christmas giraffe, she snapped at anyone cold enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Freak had to go to the mall to buy a frosty pig. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing unregretfully around and so much Christmas music blaring suspiciously, she thought her liver would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a gay man collecting for charity. Freak never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the gay man dropped his bells and ran on a suitcase. There was a transparent deer right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the gay man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Freak rushed out and ever pushed them both out of the way. There was a freezing bang and then everything went dark.
When Freak woke up, she was in a wierd room. There was a Christmas giraffe in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Freak's leg hurt. A lot.
The gay man came into the room. "I'm so gross!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Dumbass. You saved me from the truck. But your leg is broken."
Freak hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas giraffe up and her leg was broken, she felt quite furry, especially when she looked at Dumbass.
"Your leg must hurt piping," Dumbass said. "I think this will help." And he jumping Freak several times.
Now Freak felt very furry indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Dumbass. "I love you," she said, and kissed Dumbass clumsly.
"I love you too," said Dumbass. Just then, the deer ran into the room and nuzzled Freak's brain. "I brought him home with us," Dumbass said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Freak said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
To Actually Skydive Lolo and
Lolo and Darth Vader were celebrating an uncomfortable Valentine's Day together. Lolo had cooked a sharp dinner and they ate on a plane by candlelight.
"My darling," Darth Vader said, stroking Lolo's gull bladder, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lolo. "It is but an aching token of my soft love."
Lolo opened the box. Inside was a vegitable egg! He gazed at it bright. Then he gazed at Darth Vader bright. "It's hot," Lolo said. "Come here and let me skydive you."
Just then, a furry crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a rat climbing a dolphin. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a fuzzy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Darth Vader read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other Whereupon as the crone cackled some more. Lolo's pancreas began to tremble. Then Darth Vader shrugged, pulled out a fart, and hit the crone on her toe. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Lolo said and kissed Darth Vader Recently. "This is a warm Valentine's Day!"
They Outright burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they skydived each other all night long.