How do I begin? You all know me. I am Vessel, the Dream Watcher. You have heard my thoughts before, and you have seen myself change before you. I have come from being a hardened recluse to a... softened socialite. My heart has become heavy. My mind has gained so much more. The early wisdom of my youth has given me a different view of life. Many find my words cryptic. Many find them simple. Some are wiser than I. Some are not.

I do not know how I obtained this power. Some say the Twin Gods had granted me with it. Some say they cursed me. They never did tell me. I remember seeing a bright light, with two god-like figures in the distance. That was in my early youth. What they said is a mere whisper to me now. Their image, a blur. My fawnhood is not entirely clear to me. Reasons as to why are unknown.

I am writing this to you, because I have held my thoughts for quite some time now. Many of you might be curious as to what has been going through my head. In all the wisdom I can muster, I cannot begin to describe how I feel. Or rather, how I don't feel. I am numb. I do not know what to think.

'Tis a strange thing to endure. But so many things have happened at once. I've seen one of my dearest friends leave. I've felt a painful knife in my heart as I look upon a certain doe. I've had a flood of memories come to me all at once. Too many emotions to sort through now... I cannot feel one or the other.

Anger? Sadness? Joy? Regret? No... When I see his tracks or smell his scent, a twinge of sadness fills my breath. It makes the warm air cold within my breast. It makes my stride slower, and droops my colorless eyes to the ground. Ahh, but when I catch sight of her... My ears are suddenly perked. My heart pounds within, and I feel my face burn as she turns her eyes to my direction. It fills my stomach with revolting slugs, their ooze causing it to turn inside me and to leak onto my legs, forever freezing them to the ground. And when I see the grave, my legs give out, and I fall to the ground. My eyes burn and overflow with the painful memory of that horrid stag. The hereditary blue jewels forever embedded to my sides. An eternal reminder.

Too many emotions to sort through, as I said before. I know of my friends. I know of my heart. I know of my father. What of my mother? I bare her antlers, do I not? I often see visions of a beatifully warm face, giving a gentle smile to me, and telling me it will all be well. Her antlers, the same shape as mine, shining in the sunlight. And her chocolate pelt, marked with glorious golden stripes. She was truly a beautiful doe, or at least... I think she was. I have these visions when I am awake, of course. You should know... I cannot have my own dreams.

Oh, to have only a single dream. What I would do to have a single dream. I see the dreams of others. I hate them for their blessing. For they do not know how to miss something until they don't have it anymore. I never had dreams. I remember from my earliest days, I could not dream. To have beautiful, haunting, sorrowful images flow through my mind as I slept, and to have the agonizing knowlege that I will never remember the entire experience.

I do wish to have a dream some day... If the Gods were willing to give me one moment of voice, why couldn't they give me one night of dream? How overjoyed I was to hear my own voice. A haunting, sorrowful echo shifting through the trees for all to hear. A shout that told everyone "Vessel has grown today". Is that not what you heard, dear friend? What did the shout say to you?...

Oh nameless Twin Gods, how I wish for this one blessed night. One night, where I can just forget all the troubles plaguing my heart, if only for one night. A night where I do not have to roam the forest, in search of other dreams. Am I to forever be a spectator of sleep? Never to have my own night, and leave the Dream Realm at peace?

And yet... If you cannot grant me that... I ask of you to bring her back to me... I never thought such a creature could mean so much to me. She was always there to greet me when awake, and to bid me a good sleep, and a blessed Dream Run. She sat upon my sleek antlers all the day long, only leaving once and a while to eat. Her white feathers still flood my memory. Her beautiful dream of us, still plaguing my soul. She has left a permanent mark on my mind. And now that she has left, I feel like part of my mind has gone missing.

How pathetic am I, to speak of such an attachment? Has one creature meant so much to anyone else? I do not care. I miss the top-heavy weight on my antlers. I miss the one day where she shooed away all of those mosquitoes from my face with her wings. I miss the day I named her.

Her name still resounds within my mind, like a bell ringing into a giant cavern. The name of which I can barely remember. Her image is but a blur to me now. And I know, if she ever came back to me, I would recognize her once again, and instantly remember that name. I would know, from the way she would perch herself upon my left antler. I would know from her soft little coo, that seems so different from the others. I would know from the remarkable scar on her delicate leg. The scar she got from accidentally flying into a tree, and falling to one of the stones of the Playground.

In fact... That was the first time I had seen her.

I dwell on these thoughts. The thoughts of my friends, my heart, my mind, my parents, and my dearest, truest, closest friend. The one who seemed more intelligent than the rest. I dwell upon these throughts as I walk passed the familiar places of my past. These memories that rush to me, leaving me to stand in one spot while I have my flashback. I cannot dream, so I must have visions. And some are not pleasent... Some would say... Nightmares?

Yes... I do remember things of my early fawnhood. Bits and pieces of what my parents were like. I know how they looked. I know my father hated me for my silence. I vaguely remember my mother not wanting to leave me. And I remember one side of the Twin Gods statue shaking violently. These terrible things of my past, which I do not wish to remember, are coming in to tear me apart. They come to take the wisdom I have gained and take it away. They have come to leave me without Dream Watching, to only have silence and darkness in sleep. They strip me of my features... They return me to my original form... Weak... Defensless... Ignorant... And alone...

If it were not for the ones I have met... This would have happened long ago... Maybe I can still prevent it from happening...

The ones I have met could keep me sane...

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yeah... a lot of this stuff has some hidden ties to myself and whats going on with me right now... im not telling you where they are though...

Vessel hasnt written something in a while. well, not a HUGE while, but a while. i think he needed a little ramble XD

geez, one week of school, and THIS is what i squeeze out? >_<