May 8, 2010 - 9:05pm — Rutilus
She's walking again. She doesn't know where she's going, but she's going somewhere, and it's not a place she's been before.
Written from Rutilus' point of view.
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The curtains are closed, just like they have been for the past six days. I'm looking at her, she's in her armchair again, and I'm looking at her and trying to figure out what I'm meant to say. She knows I'm there; I can tell because she's turned her face away a little, still immersed in her book. But she hasn't turned a page for five minutes, and I know she reads way faster than that.
There's a dark feeling in the air.
I look at the curtains again and there's a gold light shining through them, light from the sunrise because yeah, it's only dawn and she's been up for three days because she can't sleep. She has nightmares when she sleeps, and I know it, Jared knows it, we all know it. He's already told me that he's heard her shrieking and crying in the middle of the night, up until three days ago. I've been sleeping in this house for two out of six days. I should've come over earlier, but I'm unreliable, y'know, really unreliable. I'm never there when you need me.
At least that's how it feels.
The golden, kinda orange light keeps shining, but it won't reach into the livingroom. Like it can't. Like there's an invisible barrier stopping it. Like Taliene's utter misery blocks all happiness. I'm surprised the people around her aren't slitting their wrists. I can feel her depression wherever I am, and it sickens me.
She slapped me, when I told her I'd attacked Gehirn. She broke down, crying, telling me that I shouldn't have done that because she'd already hit him. I know she hates violence. I know it pains her when she hurts someone. But what he did is killing her, tearing her up from the inside out.
I wish I knew who the other doe was. Taliene told me I didn't know her, but I don't think she knows either.
Taliene hasn't been in the Forest again for four days. She doesn't want to go back and face seeing all of those deer, happy and bouncing around her. Noone came to comfort her when she was sitting there alone.
Noone.
It pisses me off, it does, that noone came to comfort her. She gives everything she's got when people need her. She'd do anything to help someone. She might have her selfish moments, but that damn girl has a heart of gold and now it's broken in two.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how Gehirn feels. I know what it's like to love or like two girls at once.
But I know what it's like to be hurt. To find out that the person you've loved for what, a year? Yeah, a year, the person you thought loved you back, actually loves someone else too.
Apparently Gehirn said that he didn't 'love her like he loves Taliene'.
Yeah, that makes it better. Totally.
But yeah, like I said, I know how it feels. I know he must be feeling pretty shit too. I wish I could go and comfort him too, y'know? But Tali needs me right now. She's trying to hide it and push me away, but she needs me. She needs Jared, too. I've never seen him as...strong as he is now. Dunno where he is now, actually, but he'll be back.
I jolt a bit when she speaks.
"What are you doing here?"
It should sound like a question, but her voice is so dull and worn and cracked that it's completely flat. I shrug a little, walking over to sit on the arm of the chair.
"Don't," she chokes, looking away from me, and I frown. Fuck that, I'm not letting her don't me and push me away like she did before.
"Taliene," I'm somewhat annoyed to find that my voice is kind of croaky. I can't remember the last time I spoke. "You're gonna come with me, and you're gonna get a drink of water and then you're bloody sleeping." I don't do emotional situations. I can't comfort people.
"No," she replies dully, standing up and walking out of the room. I stay where I am, looking at the doorway. She's gone. The front door slams.
If I didn't know her so well, I might worry that she'll do something stupid. But no, Taliene's not like that. She loves life. She knows that, no matter how depressing life might seem, she can get through it. I need her. Jared needs her. Gehirn fucking needs her, and so do their kids, even if they're adopted. Gehirn needs her and I'm not letting her let him go. They can get through it. I don't give a damn if she thinks they can't.
But it'll take a long time for her to trust him again. All the pain, the anger, the sorrow, the hurt, it'll have to fade before she's stable enough to make a decision. I won't let her make the wrong one. I can't. She isn't made to live her life alone. I am, but she's not.
I know where Taliene's gone, disappeared to in the middle of the--...well, in the early morning. She's gone to our field, taken Jared's car. I love that field too, but it takes twenty minutes to drive there and forever to walk. She'll be allright there. I know it's safe. And if anything happens, she'll just let herself fade into the Forest, and she'll be fine. She can fade back.
I hope to the Gods all this crap ends soon, because I don't like seeing my little sister so miserable.
I walk over and pull the curtains open with both hands, creating a sort of dramatic scene. The light hits me hard, assaulting my eyes.
In our front garden, there's always been roses. Red roses.
They're dying, and the sun's rays are trying to heal them.
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SO there you go :U Ya. Also the end is symbolism C: Rutilus = the sun, and Taliene = red roses.
How awesome, we were both
But dang this gave me chills! Really, really well written dear. Rutilus is an awesome brother pff although he might not realise. Mah, I feel really bad for Taliene yknow ._. But argkk everything you wrote down here amazed me.
"The golden, kinda orange light keeps shining, but it won't reach into the livingroom. Like it can't. Like there's an invisible barrier stopping it. Like Taliene's utter misery blocks all happiness. I'm surprised the people around her aren't slitting their wrists. I can feel her depression wherever I am, and it sickens me."
I really loved that part so I had to repeat it. You're amazing.
Thanks, dear c:
=(
lovely midear!
Thankyou both