November 3, 2011 - 7:52pm — Sithrim
A story my boyfriend wrote about a friend of his (this is NOT fiction though). I really think more people should actually read about it, as I found it really inspiring... Take the time to read it, I personally think it's worth it.
I'm sorry if you're offended about the fact it's not TEF-related. But I'm certain the community can handle it.
So here it goes.
I'll always be amazed on how much the internet can unite people over large distances, and create friendships just as strong, if not stronger, than those in real life. Among the chaotic highway of websites, forums, blogs all over the web, I have met a lot of people, and many of these have marked me forever. So here I tell a story of one those people, a person who has definitely been one of the highest influences in my mindset towards life.
We were few at first, a group of friends who spoke daily about our everyday life, games, sports, countries, culture, and so on. We were close. It was just me, a Peruvian named Ismael, and Abdullah. Along time, we met other people, who then joined our little group and so it grew. Eventually other small groups joined and we became one big group, a family, with people like Amy, Ana, Tiffany, among others of various other websites and IRL friends of some of our members.
We shared everything, we knew much about each other and we could count on each other for support. United, like a family, and so the group survived for years, ever changing and never dying. But a very curious person was then introduced to us, a person which would change us all.
A person in our group was attending a therapy group for a past trauma, and one individual in that therapy group never shared his story, never said why he was there. He was very enigmatic, and yet, very charming and joyful. Until on the last day of the therapy, he shared his story, and everyone was immensely shocked. So it was that our friend introduced him to our group, in hopes that we would make him feel comfortable. He didn't tell us anything about him, just dropped him there out of nowhere.
Shiloh Moore was his name. We knew nothing about him. He used a picture of a squirrel as his display image and avoided sharing any details about his life. It didn't stop us from getting attached to him however, and so it was that we started speaking to him daily, and he became a part of the family, a part of us.
Another friend inside our group by the name of Leigh then organized a project some time later in hopes of bringing the group together and learning more about one another, and so he created the biography project. The project was simple: We had to write our biography in two pages, send it to a specific email, and at a specific day, people would get the password to that email, and get access to all the biographies.
Many were eager to share their story, others not so much, but eventually everyone agreed. Most of us were thrilled to know that Shiloh was participating as well. We knew nothing of him, and were eager to learn so.
Shiloh seemed a pretty "weird" individual. He puzzled us. He seemed to share a fascination for nature, especially squirrels. He was very random as well. Many were the conversations on msn with him when he would just change the topic randomly, and talk about simple things with a fascination and fanaticism which none of us had ever seen, or could understand. I remember when he stopped a conversation with me and told me he would be right back, because he was going to run around the house for a bit.
This was very strange and it puzzled me. He seemed off, a bit crazy and nonsensical. He told us of his stamp collection, of how he loved squirrels and being outside with them. He told us this with such hyper activeness, pride and fascination that seemed alien to us.
He always seemed afraid to get close to people, as he did not wish to "freak them out", as he described he did with everyone in real life. The only explanation he gave was "because they know the rumors". The curiosity was driving us insane. He was close to us and yet we could not find out what made him act this, and we soon found ourselves counting the days left for the biography sharing, in order to find out the truth, and what was wrong with Shiloh.
And so the day did come when he shared his biography with us. All thrilled and hyper, we all logged in to the email's inbox and clicked his biography. And so we read it, and nothing could have shocked us more, it was very unexpected.
The joyful, hyperactive, innocent Shiloh today was created out of a tragedy.
He wrote of a girl, named Casey, who he fell in love with. He was a prankster, and she found him funny, they developed a friendship and eventually fell in love and got into a relationship. Until one day, when Shiloh returned of vacation, she was gone. She had vanished and was nowhere to be found. A full year she was gone and he just could not seem to find her. Until one day at night she knocked on his door from nowhere. And so I quote his writing:
"A full year passed and I could not get reach of her, last I had heard she was ill and did not want to be bothered. She took the initiative to knock on my door the night before the start of our freshman year in High School, to greet me and seduce me. Ecstatic by her reappearance I took her in, no explanation, and no precaution! She had me in bed like a lioness hunts her prey. Insisting that our love would forever be sealed from that moment on I thought I had finally met my soul mate. The following morning I rushed to see her in school, to the sight of my surprise Casey had once again vanished."
It seemed like a spooky tale we only read in books and watch in movies. Not long after, Shiloh got a cold but it was different. This cold seemed to be deep and not go away, and so his mother insisted he got checked at his local clinic. Not long after on a "beautiful afternoon", as he described, the phone rang louder than ever. And so he was told that he, Shiloh Moore, had come to contact Aids.
"In overall shock of my shame this burden I’ve brought upon my family stabbed me profoundly where it hurts the most. The court hearings to follow for the crime Casey committed were of no satisfaction because it’s by virtue of what I’ve taken away from my family that she will always pay the price for. My nostalgia takes me back to Sligo, the purity of my little sister’s Besley’s childhood and the innocence I rid myself from. Now at 18 years old my guilt is very much part of my persona because I can never forgive myself from taking away what god graced my mother and father with, the sensibility of parenthood. My dreams of being a fire fighter rest in my treasure box along with the carved wooden models my father sculpted of squirrels and along with every naïve emotion I felt during my upbringing. " - He wrote - "In all sensibility I might never get the opportunity to watch my sisters walk down the aisle on the day of their wedding, live to celebrate my 21st birthday and I will never know what it’s like to bear a son or daughter because I am restricted from giving life. I have accepted my fate and long to keep the sanity within my household, because I will never take away from the people I love what Casey has taken from me, the gift of life in all of its fragility."
Tears were shed by almost every reader in the group. We just couldn't believe it. There was nothing we could say to comfort him, and so we did what little we could do, accept Shiloh with open arms and try to make what time he had left enjoyable.
Shiloh had every right to be bitter and angry at life, and yet, he was quite the opposite. He was the most enthusiastic and positive person I've ever met. Every single day, he was always smiling, always "happy", always energetic and always lively.
When one of us had a problem, he was one of the best people you could count on support from. He was always optimistic, and his words and persona were like a fresh, relaxing breeze in our heart. He was very jokeful, and very innocent. He taught us to love simple things, and how we can be happy with just being alive. He was a storm, a tornado; A tornado of good hope that washed away every sorrow in our hearts. He simply was amazing, in an indescribable way.
The day came when he announced that he had been sentenced to less than six months. The news hit us hard and made us all depressed, but we stuck together nonetheless and smiled, for him and everyone.
Everyday Shiloh grew weaker. We could feel and see it, that he was slowly breaking down. His memory started to fail, his system started failing as well, and he started getting sick more often than we could count. Even in his sickened state, his positiveness and optimism pressed on. He was never negative and always hopeful.
5 months have passed since he was sentenced, and on the 2nd of November of 2011, Shiloh Moore passed away. As the news hit, every single one us broke down and was tore up. I still myself cannot believe he is gone, and as I try not to break down while writing this, I remember all our chats, all the fun we both and everyone had together. He was so close to us that our life is simply not the same with him gone.
But even mourning, we won't be unhappy, but happy. We will smile, because as he taught us, happiness is within our reach. Life is precious, and shouldn't be wasted. It's a shame most only realize it when they lose it.
Since he got infected, Shiloh grew weaker every day. Even if everyday his life grew weaker, I have never met anyone more alive, than Shiloh Moore.
We miss you friend. Rest in peace. Sleep well. Sleep forever.
This was incredible to read,
thank you.
ForTwoLifetimes, Moonsoverwater, PandaXiongMao, MissButterflyCaught, FaunGrae, All the same, a friend with many names.
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Thank you for posting this.
I'm glad you felt it as
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What a sad story...
Very sad but impressive.. I'm
Oh wow... This is...thank
This is...thank you for posting this.
It's been tough for John (the
#4b5160
Thank you for posting this,
And it's true, the bonds that we form over the internat are so...strong, it's hard to let someone go when they've made such an impact on your life...
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That was such an interesting
Thank you both, and you're
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