October 10, 2009 - 4:26am — ocean
The Fawn
Why does it have to be so complicated?
Why can't it just be black and white, plain and simple?
Why can't my enemies...stay my enemies?
And why can't they all just leave me alone to die in peace?
No, I'm not dying. I won't...won't believe that just yet. I'll just keep struggling. I won't give in to them yet.
Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe that other stuff didn't happen, and things can go back to the way they should be. That would be much better...
I miss Darkweaver. I saw him for so little time today...My first friend. How will I tell you the news? How will I break it to you that...
I saw her too. I remember disliking her, but I don't remember why. So I let her sit by me. I'm sure it was a mistake. Then...again...
I left the group soon after Darkweaver disappeared. He didn't even say goodbye...
I'm glad the group didn't follow me. Or maybe I'm not. After I left, he came. He wore those frightening white antlers like tree branches...The symbol above his head even matched mine. Or close to it. He came over so quickly, kept coming, coming...
He didn't listen! I kept telling him to go away...but he kept coming. I tried to kick at him, but he wouldn't go away even then. He just kept following me and following me...
He stopped once. I went to the Gods, to give them punishment, show that I was still alive despite that fright of a deer. But then, she was behind me. Blue doe, followed by two others...and him. I ran.
I remember a blur of other deer trying to help me. One of them was her. He just wouldn't stop...I had to leave, to run, which only ended in a coughing fit. It went on and on, finally stopping only when I was hardly able to walk. I limped to the pond, but another deer lay in wait for me.
I can't understand why he'd do this. I can't understand why he'd come at me aggressively, rearing and lowering his antlers. He wouldn't stop either...He just kept forcing me to back up, kept forcing me away from where I needed to be...
And I couldn't face him. I couldn't do anything but back away in a panic. I know why I'm afraid, now. Orange deer with the ram horns...mask that cries blood...do you even remember me? Do you remember that day so long ago, where your hooves came crashing down on my head? Do you remember that day that you brought me out of my fantasy world, revealing reality? Do you remember the day you cursed me forever?
You probably don't. Maybe you remember the day I forgave you. I didn't know why at the time, but I guess I know why I forgave you now. I am drawn to you. I can't understand why, but I am. Maybe you can get me out of here. Or maybe it's because you're something like my father. After all, you practically changed what I was. You brought me into this world, awakened me to reality. I still forgive you. I'd still follow you anywhere. God, how much I hate that.
Anyway, that blue doe stopped that scary stag at the last minute. I ran...only to come back. That blue doe confused, still confuses me. She defended me, but seemed so shocked at my hatred of the idols.
'I'll test her,' I thought. 'I'll go up to those statues and see what that blue doe does.'
But she didn't really come. She just waited for me, motioning me over when I came down the hill. I came, curious. I know her scent now, though. I can't mistake her for anyone else.
Too confusing. I left to sit at the bottom of the hill, closed my eyes for a minute.
The day got worse. I didn't know it was possible. That nightmare was there, bellowing away with his giant curving white antlers. The one who came back from the dead.
I tried to get away, but of course, I can't run. I backed up and he followed...telling me...no when I cowered? What was he trying to do...? Lure me in...?
He left me alone after awhile. I finally made it to the pond, staring out at the water. I wonder...if I die here, do I go back home? Do I live again somewhere else? Or do I just...end? God, how many deer I would miss...Odd, isn't it, that I'd miss something from the very forest I despise.
If I don't get to say goodbye...All of you who got so close to me, I'll miss you, dearly. My peacock friend, my gray friend with the skull mask, Darkweaver, my orca-doe friend, so many more...I hope you somehow know, that if I don't get to say goodbye to you personally....that I did say goodbye.
I got up to ask the Gods about my sickness, demand that they stop. I walked straight up that hill to them, asked them...for no answer. They delight in my torture.
And then the deer with the bones pelt and antlers too tall was circling, running around, tormenting me.
But no, of course that's not all he was doing. He was battling the Gods. Of course...he has to hate the Gods too. He has to turn out to be my ally. He has to turn out to be not just my enemy, but my friend as well.
I walked away then. I pray to God that this was just a hallucination....
I know it wasn't.
...Why...does it all have to fall apart...?
((Mentioned: Darkweaver, Kaoori, Baal, Wesker, Sqish, an unknown deer
As for her talk of dying, she's afraid because her cough has only gotten worse and weakened her.))
oh my. <3
fff, I <3 The
@ Tally: *waves* She has a
@ Sable: D'aww. x3 Unfortunately, I think she'd be scared of your <3. xDDD
*pats*
Would she be scared of
*COUGH* ...maybenotasmuch?
...maybenotasmuch?
FRIEND <3! GAWD. silly
silly you.
xD
Oh. Oh good. |D xD
xD
You guys crack me up. XD
Gyaaaah. DX I'm sorry I
(Yeh, usually if I don't say bye, that's what happened. ^^;)
Gah. Poor fawn. Kaoori is
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I'm a little wolf inside a girl.
Lightbringer-apprentice to Yorres
Oisin and Scape were trying
Who is "her"? Kaoori?
And you don't know the deer that attacked at the pond?
(it occurs to me to wonder what she'd think of Melinoe, but I'm not even sure what Mel would think of the Fawn ^^; )
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
@ Tally: We have a habit of
@Zerg: I had the feeling that you crashed or something. It's fine. x3
@Kaoori: And The Fawn is exceedingly perplexed by her. xD
@Paz: Duly noted. |3 Yes, that is indeed Kaoori. And no, I don't. 'Twas a gray deer with purple flowers.
(...Hrm. Probably wouldn't mind. She might just ignore her. |D))
Ah, I saw that gray deer.
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
@Paz: Well, that's odd. o.O
I don't think the fawn would
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I'm a little wolf inside a girl.
Lightbringer-apprentice to Yorres
Weeeell...She's kinda on the
If The Fawn hated Tally for
That depends on whether she