h-hewwo??

fam

Woah, it's been a while.

I realized recently from a DM that others even thought of me in the first place, so in the event anyone wondered--I did get cured, I did unfortunately lose my partner to his own illness, but I am still here, I'm still doing my best, and according to my doctor I am one of the best recovery stories he has. Not to toot my own horn. I'm just proud I've managed despite it all. If you grow up perceiving yourself as weak, illnesses like cancer or the pain death of a loved one brings, can swiftly remind you to reconsider. You will weep, but continue. Not only yourself, but them.

Regardless of the outcome, you're a fighter, you were built to be one. By every count of your bone and sinew, your body was built to at least try to fight. Even when it fails, and you have to have an immune system injected back into you, your flesh and soul tries very hard to make it work. I have so much humility at my own mortality, and so much pride at my ability to persevere. It's a unique combo, but it fills me with gratitude to have both. Too many are not as lucky as me to have the "best possible" outcome from an autoimmune disorder. It made me feel like anything could be accomplished, if I really tried. And a sober reminder, that trying is often time-sensitive. It's only a luxury in the best case scenario, and even more of a luxury if it happens to work.

I don't anticipate myself coming back onto TEF much, but I remember this game and community for how much it nourished me at a time I simply could not do so for myself. I grew up in a terrible, abusive living situation. This place was a solace for me. Thank you very much, TEF. Bones, frills, and all, I miss what you inspired in my dearly--I miss the rhythm of coming here, being inspired. Sure, I am in a different place, but I come back here ritualistically, if only to remember the parts that got me to where I am.

I am writing, quite more often than I did then...but who knows if I would be writing, if not for then. Many of you completely changed the way I thought about writing. How intimate and real it could be--and if not real, how surreal, and still poignant. So many of the people I met here were more talented than they ever might know.

I really understood how being in-tune with my own character's emotions, trying to feel them real-time, had given me an ability to intuit my character's feelings that I would've never developed otherwise. Writing became much more instinctive the moment I understood "who" exactly a character was. Quite honestly, I don't know where my writing capabilities would be if not for here.

I first joined TEF around when I was 10 and had some rather embarassing early roleplay (I was...very young.) I came back as a teenager, and had a BLAST knowing no matter how horrid my home life was, I had this space to come back to and cultivate something new. I love you dearly for that, TEF. I hope that never changes. I'm 25 now. So much is different. But here has a special home in my heart. Always.

Thank you for being here when I really needed it. I'm sorry I'm no longer here after I did not. Maybe one day I'll come back, maybe not. But in the distant future, if by some miracle you ever recognize a character, a story, in something you are reading--even if not, if you only want to chat--feel free to send me a message like we're old friends. Please.

discord: weirdfreak

YOU!! YOU, I remember you!! I missed you, it’s been so long, holy shit. It’s such a pleasant surprise to see your name pop up omg

I’m so sorry for your loss, I wish I had more comforting words to give. I truly hope only the best for you <3