April 12, 2010 - 11:35pm — Tolvia
I know this is a kind of personal thing, but I can't find anyone that knows how to help me or give me the confidence to do it. No, im not asking anyone out. I have a boyfriend. No, im not about to ask that boyfriend to do something radical, I just need help with my sexuality. I know what I am, I know im bisexual, I just need to know how to tell my mum.
Mummy is a homophobe. Drunk words are sober thoughts, right? I asked her at a party once what she would do if I was gay and she said; "Kick you out, go and live with your damn father if you wanna be gay." She said go and live with 'your damn father' because I hate my dads wife, not so much the kids he has produced with her, but the wife. I asked then what she would do if I was bisexual, and it wasn't go and live with dad, it was; "I'd probably start hitting you and being a bitch more. Why? are you?" I quickly said no.
I wish I hadn't.
Please, help me come clean to my mum. :c All my friends know because I wouldn't feel right lieing to them, and my boyfriend couldn't care less. Though, he is uncomfortable around Gay Men. Though Bisexuals and Lesbians are apparently 'The hottest thing ever!' and that was the reaction of the boyfriend.
Any ideas?
Tips?
Theorys on how she will react better?
I honestly don't know.
From a person who has some
Mmm. I pray for you midear. I
I never told my parents I'm
If you feel like you need to it's almost always best to tell her out-right & not in anything like an email or text. If a parent knows you are serious and not just asking a silly 'what if' question they usually react much more calmly despite their actual feelings about it.
I tried to come out once. It
It went horribly wrong.
I'd suggest *not*. Not until you're out of school, into a paying job, and out of the house.
As much as you might want to shout it from the roof tops, you don't want to make things difficult around the house. I know that my sexuality causes a lot of ension in my house. If anything about gay rights comes on the TV, we all go really quiet and try to change the channel to avoid the topic.
Think of it this way. You've got your boyfriend. You're happy with him. Your sexuality is a moot point as you're not bringing girls home. So there isn't really any reason you should tell her anyway. If your mum wasn't a homophobe, then maybe you could bring it up aned have a heart to heart with her about it. But because she is, and you've got a boyfriend, I'd just not say anything, as there's no real need.
Hope that helps. I know it's hard right now- I mean I really know. But you've got your whole life to be everything you want and feel you should be. It's just this short time where you live at home as a young adult, that you should make life easy on yourself.
Now the shorelines beckon- there is a price for being free.
@Terabetha; You have some
@Nezzaine; Again, some great advice but the awkward-ness of her not knowing is killing me. :c She doesn't know, and my little sister goes to the same school as me now. So she'll find out from chavs, or something.
@AnimaSoul; Thank you for your prayers. c:
@Tally; Aye, that is true. Thank you for the help <3
@Skinner; Yah, but I have had a girlfriend before: I had to hide her. Both close-distance and long-distance relationships with girls, somehow my sister met them all but has never found out. Hmm. Im sorry that your try at telling your parents didn't go right. Mine probably won't go right either.
People, its two years.
Two years of awkward fear that she'll find out. That my mum will hate me because I like girls. Two years of waiting for my eleven year old sister to walk up and say "I hate you." Because she found out her big sister, her protector, was into women as well as guys.
How could I live in that fear for two years?
She will be loved,
Oh she will be loved.
You can do it for two. I did
I did for five.
I've had lots of girlfriends- all of them I've hidden. She found out about each and every one of them one way or another- by intuition or gossip from other people or them going to her and saying so.
Look- You've got a boyfriend. You're not exactly going to go chasing some girl right now, are you? So why the big fuss? You've just got it into your head that you *have* to tell her, when, you don't, because it's not relevant right now. Stay true to who you're with, and calm down. Like I said, you've got all your life. You can wait two measley years. You might have to wait longer than that. So don't make it about waiting- don't think about it at all, really. If you think of it as a problem it will become a problem.
But you could really screw things up for yourself right now if you tell her. So *don't*.
I'm not trying to attack you or anything. I've just seen this happen to so many people where they get kinda fixated on needing to do something when they really, really don't need to. If it ain't broke don't fix it. I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone.
Now the shorelines beckon- there is a price for being free.
I know you're not trying to
You've got some brilliant advice there; I am going to take it and like you said, I got my whole life ahead of me. Like, another 70 years, right? If I can't remember the first 6 years of my life, I can give up another 2 years for the safety of a relationship with my mum.
Thank you all, thank you all very much. c:
She will be loved,
Oh she will be loved.
I'm glad to hear that. I knew
*hugs* It'll be alright. Just focus on your education and your boyfriend. Pour your effort into getting yourself nice and independant, to be a good upstanding member of society. Then you can worry about the details.
I recommend University, really. I'm not sure how old you are or anything, but I'm having a blast right now. I couldn't move out or go into halls but I still feel really happy here- much happier than in high school, that's for sure.
If ever you want to talk, I've got MSN and GTalk. The best of luck to you in all you do, and I promise it'll all get a little easier as time goes on.
Now the shorelines beckon- there is a price for being free.
University is something i've
Lots of work but hey, lots of distraction from problems, right?
Again, thank you all so much. <3 & Chatting to you on MSN would be nice. ^^ Mine is . ...my dad made it for me. |D
She will be loved,
Oh she will be loved.
You're still young, don't
Give it some time, wait until you're older, independant, and more official and certain about your sexuality.