(13.4.)



(29.1.2019)
You say you’re still here
But you found a new home
I say that’s a nice way to say I’m alone
(x)

(11.10.) Arrived to rain washing away the traces of the Rut.

(4.10. - Rut, day 7) Took note of Anker at the Pond when entering the Forest, though drifted away to the Ruins. Sat on her own before being approached by Elijah. Spent a good while in the hound's pleasant company, before the Rut activities picked up. Joined Oromë and his group after his spar with Elijah. Grew discontent with how Cadaver was treated when he showed up to lurk among the herd, though placated somewhat by Elijah's attentions. Sided with Akil after his spar with Oromë and joined his herd. However, became fatigued and discontent once more, struggling to keep up with the tussles around the group so took her leave and settled in her spot for a nap. Woke up to Tristan by her side, exchanging some sleepy words.

(3.10 - Rut, day 6) Unimpressed with the Rut activities she witnessed, "took" the hill near the Ruins and stayed there, not really siding with anyone. Got to interact with Lalitha, Tris, Averell, Altijd and Ephiré. Wandered on her own before leaving the Forest for the night.

(2.10. - Rut, day 5) Woke up in the Forest, pleased to find that Tris kept his word once again and didn't abandon her during the night. Relaxed for a while before making the move to get involved in the Rut activities. Watched Tris challenge and spar with Luc, nothing won, nothing lost. Stayed with the piebald and the group he collected (Gaea, Jonah, Raizel, Alchemilla, briefly Dare), listening in on the conversation between him and Jonah, finally putting one and one together. Then Pagan showed up and won everyone over, including Easca and Mirah. Charmed by the masked doe's attentiveness to the group once again. Then things turned blah with Brent's arrival, distressed by his behaviour, grateful that Jonah and Pagan kept him away from the group. Stepped away from the herd when she sensed Tris and Wardell not too far off, intrigued to see how their spar would go. Allowed Pagan to lead her back to the group afterwards, though didn't stay for long, still unsettled by Brent's visit earlier. Headed to the Pond, had Tris check on her before she departed to the lone world.

(1.10. - Rut, day 4) Wandered, not finding Rut action anywhere. As a last resort, called out and got answer from Tristan so followed the call and got invited to his group (Alchemilla, Lilu, Erwen, nameless doe). Nothing was happening and then everything was happening. Very close to chasing Arlo off but luckily Tris helped him get the hang of it. Eyed the approaching creatures (Oromë, Elijah, Shahla) and the spars that happened as a result of the tensions. Won over by Elijah, though the hound seemed to be more interested in Alchemilla, Jovan and the company at the bar. Played hard to get when Tris kept on gravitating towards her since he technically didn't win her favour. Spent the night by the piebald's side when invited to.

(30.9. - Rut, day 3) Returned to the Forest after spending some time in her world. Put herself, very hopefully, between several smaller groups but no one seemed to pay much attention and there were no spars that she could see. Kozan to the rescue! Glad to hop around and join him for a bit. It was short lived though, when Pagan arrived and showed she's more than sweet talk but can also stand her ground. Stayed close to the masked doe through the rest of the night, keeping an eye on the happenings in the herd all the while (awesome fawn, Tris vs. Acturus, Jonah, Tris giving her flowers, Gustiro vs Jonah). Very keen on a particular moment when she had both Pagan and Tris grooming her back, yes pls. Exchanged some words with Pagan, and was introduced to her adopted daughter Nawfar. Left to spend the night in her world not long after that.

(28.9. - Rut, day 1) Paced the Forest way too many times, aware that the event began but too hesitant to dive right in. Made a beeline to Cu when she sensed his presence, goofing off and feeling herself relax and shake off the tension. Parted ways when Cu's friend (ro) joined, glad he had company and she wouldn't have to feel guilty about leaving him to dip her hooves into the event.
Collected by Sabit and very impressed with how he tended to his herd, further impressed when she had the opportunity to watch him show off his skills when challenged (by Tris, and Akil). Jonah won her favour when it seemed he actually chased Sabit off. Followed Jonah to his group and got some grooms so yay. Watched Tris spar with Ingolfr and later Akil, but could tell the piebald had enough so didn't follow when it seemed he was taking the group away to challenge someone else. Didn't want to support that.
Slunk off to her sunspot when the group left, winding down after the eventful day. Was joined by Tris and they spoke about their impressions from the first day. Invited him to stay for the night when he was getting comfortable and made a request, feeling more relaxed when he agreed, drifting off to sleep in the Forest for the first time in months.

(27.9.) Restless just like the previous day, trotted all around the Forest, settling in places. Lingered near the Old Oak later on, sensing someone's slow approach. Found herself in Wardell's delightful and calm company and remained next to him till it was time for her to leave.

(26.9.) Wandered the Forest restlessly, settling down here and there before returning to her spot. Not impressed when strangers and Tristan crowded the place, the doe removed herself from the situation by walking off, hoping Tristan would understand. Subjected the piebald to high levels of sass when he showed up again and agreed to meet more of his friends. Was led over to a nest and introduced to its owner, Alchemilla; familiar doe whose name she didn't know, Artemis; and Elijah, someone she'd find intimidating if it wasn't for the ease with which everyone treated the hound. Put further at ease as the introductions and conversation flowed, until it didn't when a commotion drew near. On high alert along with the whole group though stayed low, even more so when Zash showed up. Didn't see the Gray in what felt like forever, extremely nostalgic and thinking back to the time years ago when he was the only one she knew. Happy to see him alive and well and comforted by his presence. Kept an eye on everyone when they came back after the fight but didn't intervene except for checking Tris over before she left the Forest.

(22.9.) Returned to the Forest after a night in her world. Paced around the Forest, eventually settling at a spot from which she could watch her sunspot. Approached by someone she was unfamiliar with, Gristalf. Spoke to him when he initiated conversation, somewhat confused and quietly suspicious when he seemed to contradict his own words. Took part in another conversation when Tristan arrived with his friend in tow. Intrigued by Pagan even though her first words sounded so fake to the grey that she immediately called the masked one out. Despite that, couldn't help it but invite Pagan to try again sometime. With Gristalf and Pagan eventually leaving, sat with Tristan in silence for a while before leaving to her own world.

(21.9.) Spent couple of hours settled in her favourite sunspot, tentatively trying to use some of the skills she learned during her absence. The Forest felt rigid though, and not pliable like her lone world. She noted this not with disappointment but merely as a fact serving her to learn more about the true nature of her own world. Was about to leave, marking her trees, when a familiar face showed up. Reunited with Tristan after way too many months. Spoke about the upcoming Rut, gushing about how empowering it is for her to see does take up the roles of Challengers and Competitors. Put a gentle stop to his advances and slipped away to her world.

(11.9. 2018) Back after long absence. Drawn to the promise of the approaching annual spectacle in the Forest.

The doe had spent most of the year experimenting with the very fabric of her lone world. Tristan's visit late last year offered a few interesting insights into the connection between her and the land she occupies. Wasn't previously fully aware just how much she is part of the land and how much her thoughts influence her space. Her exercises were unsuccessful at first, leaving her to believe that perhaps it's more about her simply imprinting her thoughts into the material world around her. After all, that's what Tristan picked up on, her thoughts seeping from every grain of sand. But there was also certain sentience about the world and the way it almost worked as an extension of her. She would settle down at a spot on a remote beach every afternoon, face the sea, and focus her will on reshaping the coast behind her. The results varied from her getting soaked as the tide came in to her falling asleep as the afternoon sun and the sea air lulled her into a nap. The doe had given up few weeks into the experiment, when she couldn't pick up on any tangible changes at which point she also convinced herself she lost her mind.

Returned to the idea when the sea washed up several perfectly shaped pieces of sea glass after she intensely wished to find them as they would exactly fit the sea glass mandala she was making. Revisited the remote beach and instead of trying to reshape the entire shoreline, she focused on a much much smaller goal, devoting herself to the task for weeks once more.