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Vessel Scrapes and bruises, but healthy overall. ∴ Spirit Melancholic, uncertain. On the surface, stoic, and distant. ∴ Note has notably bulked up a bit in the past year, though to those she spends lots of time with it may not be noticeable

9.20.21

though lifted by the events of the rut, has seen the high wear off into a gloom encapsulating her heart in an unmistakable way. trying to find solace in friends, but keeping herself masked in the presence of others. inside, she feels aloft and adrift, lost in questions of her worth and personhood. unsure of where to go, or what to do with the new knowledge of her being and the space it has introduced between herself and her lone, present parent.

finds herself longing for her brother and mortal mom more than ever, especially as her birthday approaches.

9.16.21

it's a long one as i try to summarize like, two weeks of SHIT

with the end of the rut, has found herself settling into a new groove with her life. focusing more on herself and her own happiness rather than pleasing and defending everyone else. working toward strengthening her bonds where she can, and making new ones. over the course of the rut, made new friends and reaffirmed her friendship with old comrades. met a particularly good soul, pyriel, and spent lots of time in his company over the course of the rut, including sparring with him at one point and inviting him to her cabin to get a taste of life outside the concrete jungle he's familiar with.

also spending a great deal of time with ashira, nelida, and eremes as she finds them, with occasional rossamund. checking in on leto and harin where she can upon learning the news regarding the two. offered her help with harin's precarious condition, if she could, and disclosed her lineage to the troll after not being forthcoming with it.

learned an unfortunate truth about her own soul that left her feeling very lost for a dismal week or so. frustration and mistrust has lead her to taking space from her birthgiver and trying to find comfort in solitude away from everything. pulled from it a bit during the rut by attentive, kind judges who observed her battles and ruled her the winner. considering becoming a competitor next year, as she's growing used to the attention and enjoying it on her off days. after a battle with raavas, felt a well-needed lift from the does who surrounded her during a particularly gloomy day, and forever thankful to them for their compassion. thankful to raavas, as the moose proved himself to be an opponent worthy of her respect and admiration.

also grateful heavily to eremes, who proved to be a solid, consistent, and comforting presence through the revelation of her being as it unfolded. regardless of how the sphinx came to learn the truth, ultimately glad that he was there for it.

notably aware of the absence of two particular does she saw quite a lot of last year during the rut. recent events leave her unsure of the duo, and frustrated with the lack of a satisfying resolution in regards to the situation involving a certain raptoress. perfectly content to leave the whole group alone, finds it's not worth the stress it's causing and has caused to both herself and her companions. does feel a certain sense of sorrow, however, for how things have unraveled.

in the area of resolutions, finally approached sadiki and talked to the desert sphinx of what occurred between she, him, and eremes some time ago. acknowledged she doesn't particularly think less of him, and that he was never a bothersome presence when they took company with each other. promised him a spar again, one of these days. did end up sparring later on during one of the last days of the rut with the sphinx, satisfied by the outcome.

saw quite a bit of her sister on cassie's side, and basked quietly in the other hind's company as much as she could. glad to see more of her family from cassiopeia around, but found herself with a stark longing for her twin and mom with the presence of geneva. would never spurn the other doe, however, and welcomed her warmly whenever possible. introduced her to her circle of friends as well, hopeful that the ptarmigan might stick around more.

8.21.21

payback's a bitch ain't it!

8.16.21

may or may not have jumped greitai alongside eremes and favager in retribution for ross's near death at the raptoress' hand.

7.29.21

recently, moved out to her own cabin in the hinterlands of northern sweden. has been enjoying herself and the new solitude from her siblings, though still frequents the temple to oversee them if necessary. however, has lessened her watch over them as they've grown into adolescence. instead, attempting to make more time for herself and her own relationships again, feeling as though they've gone neglected during her extended hiatuses away from the endless. particularly guilty about it, but tries not to let it show.

today, came into the forest to lounge with favager after finding the feline near the creek with a stranger (moloch). found the forest relatively peaceful, though did at one point catch a chase going on between a few creatures she didn't know. later on, watched another being chased by her "stepdad" nix, and presumably a relative. thought about intervening, but ultimately decided against it as it seemed as though nix and the strange male had it handled. did wonder what that was about, but kept her thoughts to herself.

noted that ross came by and scooted a littler closer to the myling to acknowledge his visit before he left. after that, decided to stretch her legs and go wandering when she found bane (jae) by himself. hung around a little, wanting perhaps to chitchat with him or maybe even spar until he saw her. engaged in a play-fight that had her feeling in better spirits by the end of it, before settling down with the godless to groom down her flyaways and scuffs from the bout.

6.1.21

the past few months, has been busy with the care of her siblings alongside her rather absent parent and the siblings' sire, nix. at the moment, has been more or less the sole caretaker while nix deals with his own immediate family problems and kerosene does god things. left in a rather anxious state after kyoyuu returned from the forest sporting a nasty wound and a story about how he got it from kerosene.

tasked with accompanying the siblings to the forest as kero has forbade them to go alone for the time being. mostly sticks beside kyo the most as she trusts the others to take decent care of themselves as long as they have each other, but would definitely do the same for them as well. in her spare time, she's also been teaching a couple of her siblings the art of hand-to-hand combat on the promise they will never use their power for anything other than helping others.

when in the forest, trying to find old company and rekindle some of her bonds with familiar faces after her absence with family. longs to shed her responsibilities for a time, if only for a day.

12.20.20

been decently absent from the forest to prepare for the yule holiday since it was likely that her new siblings would be born around that time. her hunch was correct, as they arrived today after a rocky and stunted labor on the part of her own former birthgiver. watched with anxious eyes as each little life was brought into the world and surprised by the final one that wasn't originally accounted for in her mother's premonition. intrigued by the soulless little husk that acted like any other fawn, and filled with love and fierce guardianship for her other smaller siblings.

overjoyed when her brother managed to make it to the birth, and greeted her same stone with as much love as her worrywart state could offer. she'd missed him greatly, it was hard to contain every feeling she'd experienced. later on, would cry while laying against the familiar warmth of her twin just to release all the feelies. all in all, a fairly good day that could've easily gone worse. basking in the care and excitement of her new family members and their father all while keeping an eye on her mother and those that might seek to break their tentative happiness.

11.22.20

the bad day part 2. :^(

11.20.20

had an enlightening conversation with leto and harin after seeking them out for advice on her situation with ashira. thinks she may understand the point of contention between herself and the amalgam, and will be seeking to correct it or at least, give a better ending to what transpired a few days ago. has been eaten up by the entire incident, but now finds herself more at ease due to being armed with a better idea of what might have happened. has been ruminating on how to approach, her insecurities swallowed for the sake of amends.

in the meantime, has seemingly brightened a tiny bit and has been spending time with friends. finds herself treasuring the idle hours more, if only because she's become aware of how quickly they might end. still feeling a sense of displacement since the talk with ashira, however, but has been quietly trying to overcome it.

11.16.20

finally confronted ashira after noticing the amalgam going out of her way to avoid her, held a conversation that brought some unpleasant revelations and insecurities out. left the conversation feeling with a sense of acute failure, uncertain how to rectify the situation.

left off to cry in favager's fur after the fire cat discovered her in her usual sulking spot.

11.9.20

a cool fun day where everything is fine and no one got hurt by giant ghostly equines seeking prey part 2 electric boogaloo

11.3.20

a cool fun day where everything is fine and no one got hurt by giant ghostly equines seeking prey.

10.31.20

been a bit scarce in the forest (due to her player getting a bite injury and needing rabies shots :^) haha) but otherwise has been going about her time pretty normally. still learning on her bo staff, spending lots of time with eremes, and visiting various friends. lately, having fun seeing her 'big death uncle' around and reminded fondly of her childhood.

today, spent a lot of time roaming with eremes to soak in the festiveness of the season. didn't remember how the forest looked quite when she was younger and encountered this type of weather for the first time, so was intrigued at the falling flowers, darkness, and tombstones. though, did find herself a tad repulsed by the reddened waters and resolving not to need a drink at any one point during her visit.

witnessed a couple of newborns with their parents, and had the feeling they were... very fresh. joked about having children later to eremes, who didn't seem to receive the joke well. admitted it was highly unlikely she would ever have kids but had made peace with the fact, and relieved with the sphinx held a similar opinion on the idea of offspring.

later, had a spar with godless and learned his name (though chose the less ominous sounding one of bane to call him by). thoroughly enjoyed herself but was aware of some bystanders watching her (including a concerned eremes at some point) and so, high-tailed it back to the ruin to sit with neli, the no(h)-face, and eremes once again.

otherwise, simply enjoyed the atmosphere of the forest.

10.10.20.

had fun with the twin god statues yesterday alongside eremes, leto, and a new face that was introduced to her as leto's sibling, verve.

ended the day as a sandwich consisting of herself, eremes, and favager. all in all, a much better time than she's been having.

10.8.20

spoke with eremes again after a period of sorrow due to their fraught conversation the other day. mended things properly with the sphinx after revelations on both sides with regards to respective feelings towards each other; gave him a promise based on his confessions, and received something significant from eremes in return. in slightly better spirits since the conversation, but finds herself strangely drained by both the emotional energy expended and her physical injuries.

spent the majority of the day resting with the sphinx and watching goings-on with frigid eyes.

10.6.20

the bad day. :^(

10.5.20

uh well, entered the forest and was having a perfectly fine time learning neli's name and being introduced to taveer until she noticed alina getting chased down by greitai and decided to shove her nose into it.

now, she remembers what eremes told her, but at the same time she also didn't care much for the raptor after she messed with her sister geneva sometime during the rut and decided that perhaps grei was deserving of a smack for causing chaos and chasing what yasu perceived to be an innocent doe. so, that happened. mostly just tried to draw the raptoress' attention from alina as they ran. vaguely aware of bystanders and passersby but was more concerned on trying to get grei away from the doe.

succeeded, only to have the raptor's ire turn on her and held her ground as grei snapped and jumped at her. took a few good bites from grei as a result, but dealt a few mighty blows in return. positioned herself strategically between grei and alina so that the raptor wouldn't circle back around to target the smaller doe again. didn't want to seriously hurt the raptor, but definitely refused to sit there and take it as she kicked and shoved right back at every bite. eventually greitai eased off with both looking worse for wear before she finally left after some posturing that yasu wasn't interested in returning.

tfw u get tired of defending people and just want the perpetrator to LEAVE!!!

noticed, once grei was gone, a distant uy and neli. disregarded both for but a moment so she could check on alina, who had sheltered behind a tree along with munkwon. said hi to both, sniffed, and left, deciding that alina looked fearful enough and didn't want to push it by stressing her out further. joined neli, who appeared very receptive to her as she joined her in a flower patch with taveer. set chose the worst time to rove by while they settled, but yasu simply glowered at the wolf until he seemed to realize it was better not to approach.

conversed with both and offered help for her injuries. refused even though she was bleeding all over the poor flowers and simply tried to ignore her wounds to engage in conversation again. appreciated both's company and that neither seemed put off by the show of violence she'd just engaged in (okay shizuo heiwajima!). relieved by neli's comments in particular.

would take care of her wounds once she got home, but was going to have indra take a look at her mangled ear. fearing eremes' reaction once she manages to see the sphinx again, but missed his comforting presence all the same in the aftermath. hopes her project comes to fruition properly just because of it.

10.3.20

has been laying low since her return from her trip to Athu. enjoyed a night with eremes not long after, but plagued with an awful dream the same night, putting her more on edge than usual. on top of that, keeping a close eye on her parent due to their pregnancy. realizes it's probably silly to be protective of a god but has her own reasons for doing so. missing her twin horribly, beneath it all.

trying hard to concentrate on a project to put her portal skills to the test. attempting to give attention to anything but the strange vividness and premonistic nature of the nightmare she experienced. wanting things to turn out well with her current undertaking, despite everything. has high hopes for the plan.

9.22.20

whisked away to athu by harin with eremes at her side. planning on celebrating her birthday there with the two trolls (leto, harin) and the sphinx.

given a chocolate spice cake by indra, and a bo staff by kero as gifts before her departure. somewhat melancholy not to see her twin brother or morsa before she left, but attempting to bury the feelings deep and enjoy her trip.

9.16.20

ended her rut festivities with a trip to another world alongside her teacher. had a nice time, despite almost getting robbed by trouble-making wizards. ended up getting slammed in the arm by one of the escaping muggers, but otherwise fine.

given a pair of earrings that she had ogled in a shop by her teacher, who stole them. of course. enamored with a few staff weapons she saw in a marketplace, made various sketches of some of the more exotic looking weaponry and notes of the material they appeared to be made out of. taking avid interest in bo staff type weapons.

returned to the forest by her lonesome with her satchel and the earrings. gifted the pair to eremes as they reminded her of him when she was staring at them in the shop. in a strange and pleasant turn, given one half of the pair to keep for herself while the sphinx kept the other.

later on, had an Encounter with dupin, who she recognized from her past after getting a good sniff. realizing who she was and what she represented, found a bit of joy in needling the moth with mostly good natured and harmless remarks. found the tables turned when the other reduced her to simmering embarrassment, though. hm.

LATER LATER ON, managed to come by pao and have a fortune told by way of tarot in exchange for a small shiny geode. though she doesn't put a lot of stock into such things, found herself thinking over the answers that she got regardless. made a bit worried by some of the cards' revelations but otherwise realizes she's more or less in control of what she wants to ultimately happen.

eventually went home with eremes and brought him to Kerosene's temple for a date.

9.4.20

has been resting and training in anticipation to test her mettle in the Rut this year.

decked out in her helm which has been painted with glowing light blue moons down the middle in the order of crescent, half, gibbous, and full. also has her usual necklaces. however, notably wearing her mother's tine charm around her back leg with the mismatched hoof.

NOT using her earthen armor for the duration of the Rut (in regards to fights contained solely against other competitors/wildcards. will don it if a serious fight breaks out).

8.31.20

day started out just fine, played in the mud with eremes and had a nice little nap by the pond.

later, got agitated by some activity in the pond, though was pretty unscathed from the whole ordeal. unhappy, but nothing major.

tried to dry off in a sun spot and calm down when ruuvik and belphegor came barreling their way. fell into a fight that seemed to last forever, making the hind even angrier at the needless violence and the fact eremes was involved against his will. did her best to shove herself between the offenders and eremes. at one point, summoned her powers in a heated moment and began to rain sharp stones on the two creatures.

after a while, managed to fight the duo off. unaware of onlookers as she'd entered a sort of battle state, focused only on the fight and the best way to win, or drive the others off. when the two creatures left, stood defiantly for a time beside eremes before eventually folding beside him and pressing against him. lost in her own thoughts for the time afterwards, assessing the damage to herself. appeared to be in a sort of trance. cold, both mentally and physically.

came down after some time, thanks to eremes' presence snapping her out of it (and ashira's to a minor extent). ended up crying to release all the emotions she'd bitten back in the fight, appreciating eremes' gentle grooming. apologized to him, though for what she wasn't sure. had a bit of a weird bonding experience with ashira, but enjoyed it despite her deflated mood.

tangled herself with eremes and slept until favager came by. told the warcat what had happened, and noticed, surprisingly, he was outwardly angry. mostly just curled up against him and tried to rest.

8.29.20

trying to grow more accustomed to bigger groups with the upcoming rut. spent a good portion of her morning with leto, harin, and others. given a honey biscuit by the former and talked of visits and gifts with both trolls, excited for the idea of seeing their world. visited by her parent later on, and also thais and ross.

eventually parted with the little group that'd formed and sniffed out favager by his tree. rested with him happily until!

she caught wind of a familiar scent in the forest... and found one of her sisters! doesn't... really see family much besides her parent so was very happy to find her one of her half siblings from cassie's side. was worried at first that the other didn't recognize her (though admittedly yasu's only indicator was scent when it came to recognizing geneva) but was happy when she was.

8.21.20

accompanied eremes during a fairly significant moment, and snuggled with favager. also snuffed set rather blatantly because of having to intervene between the stag and sadiki's fight the other day. other than that, has been laying somewhat low lately.

8.20.20

had an interesting discussion with her parent this morning, told of their plans and currently unsure of what to make of it. on the one hand, happy for her parent. on the other, worries a little bit for various reasons. mulling it over in her head as she spends time in the forest today.

8.19.20

came into the forest to find snow, which improved whatever mood she had by ten times. frolicked a little happily then decided to go sniffing about. found harin and mischief, eventually severon, hrokr, and a stranger (heligan) and engaged in a romp. surprisingly okay with it, the snow and likely a little bit of rut anticipation making her more open than usual. did have to back off eventually. shared just a teensy bit of affection with hrokr, but soon decided she'd had enough messing about and went to sit after taking a drink.

joined by everyone previously, and just kept accumulating more faces as time went on until a large group had formed. notably among that group was leto, xxabrielle, neli, rossamund, and eremes eventually.

given a gift by leto! and touched to no end by the gesture as she's unused to getting gifts. adored the necklace and basically put the thing on right away where it sat comfortably below her magatama one. promised in her head to make a bento for him, or find some way to return the favor, as she's not the type to let gifts go unthanked. mulled on that during the quietness of the group.

did find herself getting a tad overwhelmed by all the people at some point, and skittered to sit next to eremes instead. comforted greatly by his presence. the group shrunk, after some time, prompting the sphinx to ask her if she wanted to go elsewhere. nodded, said goodbye, and followed along at a run until they came upon a bright spot in a flower bed.

settled to enjoy some alone time with eremes.

8.17.20

has mostly just been socializing with the same few faces and being gross with eremes. had a bit of a weird moment the other day wherein she cried about getting overwhelmed, but got over it fairly quickly.

however, is feeling a strange sense of unease and chaos in the forest as the rut approaches. noticing tempers flaring a little more than usual, including her own, and wondering if, despite her roots, she's affected by the upcoming season. all the same, looking forward to the free combat that the rut will provide for her to test all her years of training.

also, thinking about quite a few things that aren't related at all to the event, and keeping them very quietly to herself.