February 10, 2009
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Chenaniah woke with a sharp gasp, a tight knot in his chest. It was so hard to breathe…



The memories began to flood his head. Greeting (or attempting to greet) Lemon and her friends… and then running. Running for dear life. From what? A plaguish memory? Oh, Chenaniah, you pathetic stag…

But the memory had never been so clear until now. It was as if he was there again. A fawn. A screaming, bleating, unheard fawn. Why now? Why was it coming back so clearly now?

Some flowers hovered above Chen’s head. He then realized was still hiding beneath the tall grass. He breathed a long, sobbing sigh. His chest was still tight. As if he was too nervous about something…

He stood wearily to his feet, and glanced nervously around.

OH GODS, THE POND.

The crying idol was a few feet away. He had been hiding here that long? Oh, why did the Birch Forest have to stretch so close to it?!

Not only was the pond a few feet away, but there was a large party of deer just on the other side. He broke into a sprint.



The pond. The deer. What did the gods want with him?

They were forcing all of this on him too fast. He had once been content to run and laugh with the birds; to walk; to sing… all alone. It had been okay. He hadn’t grown tired of it.

Had he? Had they placed this desire in him all of a sudden? This desire to socialize? Or had he always been this way? He had been born a friendly, loving, sociable fawn. Had all this time been spent pushing his anger and sadness out of the way? Fighting it back. Blocking it out. Adopting the cheery, ignorant ways of the birds.

Ignorance is bliss.

Or it was.



There was a fawn sleeping in the Birch Forest. Chenaniah didn’t want to disturb it... but…

It was just…

It was…

It reminded him of himself. Again.

Another fawn. Another scared, hiding fawn. Pushing itself to seclusion among the birds and birch trees.

Chenaniah looked at the fawn for quite some time, just thinking. Letting his mind wander… hoping it would untangle itself… or maybe just move on to happier thoughts.

Eventually his gaze drifted down the hill, to a place where the birch trees faded into gnarled oaks and the warm ground faded into blackened soil.

He trotted around the fawn, careful not to arouse it. He looked out into the darker forest.



Sunrays shone through patches of trees onto the purple flowers and flitting butterflies. Come now, Chenaniah, was it really so bad out there?

He cocked his head. No… no it really wasn’t. Was it?

He stepped forward. Then stopped. Then forward again. It reminded him of first meeting Grim…
She had led him out here before… and it really wasn’t so bad.

He had joined Ialu on a trip to the ruins. That… hadn’t been terrible either. Besides… it seemed like a good day for trying.

No. No, it would be okay. Just avoid the pond… and it’ll be okay.



How many times had he done this now? How many times had he made this decision… only to turn and run for his life? How long could he keep this up?

Oh, shut up, Chenaniah. Shut up and learn to live.



Chenaniah strode calmly out of the Birch Forest, glancing warily around for traces of other deer. He stopped in the midst of purple flowers and flitting butterflies, sighing and breathing in their woodsy scent.



A butterfly brushed past his cheek. He smiled. He knew how much his brother loved butterflies. With their big wings and carefree and clumsy ways. But they could never compare to birds.

He stood amidst the butterflies for a while. The sun shone through the thick branches above and danced on the forest floor. Why be so afraid? It was a beautiful day.

Chenaniah trotted on, now with more confidence in his step. In was a nice day… warm and sunny. A soft breeze blowing through the trees… no deer in sight.

A few blocky shapes appeared in the distance. Chenaniah squinted and then realized that it was the ruins. My, he hadn’t been here in a while.



He walked slowly, ambling among the crumbled stone graves. When he was young, he had liked the ruins. It was a bit sad and lonely, but it always made one think. There were no birds, save for the big, billowy, white doves. The ruins were a strange place. A haunting song. Lively poppies grew on the crumbling graves. Squirrels hopped through the cracked walls. Life and Death. A symphony. The neverending rhapsody of life.



Chenaniah stepped lightly atop a flat stone and looked around. No one in sight. He wasn’t sure whether to be glad or frightened. It wasn’t normal that the forest was this empty. And where had that big party of deer at the pond gone?

Chenan stood awkwardly, listening to the overpowering silence. He shifted and began to hum softly to himself. This place needed a little music.

Suddenly, a twig snapped behind him and he whirled around, heart beating wildly. A stag with a metallic starling pelt stepped closer, “Hello?’

Chenaniah bolted.



The deer began to chase him. Oh, he should have never come here. The other deer loved the ruins! Why had he even thought to-

The deer was gaining on him. Chenan began to run in zigzags and around trees. But what worked for a fleeing squirrel would certainly not work for a stag of his size.

There! The Birch Forest!



He crossed the border. He was home! But not safe… the deer was still chasing him.

When he was a fawn, this place had seemed like a haven. An impenetrable wall fencing the world out. Now that he was grown he knew that the Birch Forest could never keep other deer out. It was as much a part of their forest as it was his.

The deer was still chasing him.

No! No, just leave me alone!

The stag followed for a while, but soon slowed to stop. He cocked his head curiously, but Chenaniah continued to sprint into the woods.



He must have circled the Birch Forest 3 times before stopping in some tall grasses. He stooped, catching his breath. He didn’t even think to chide himself this time. It was just all too natural. To try and then run. To run and run and run and hide. To wonder why. Why hadn’t he gotten over this by now?

A rustle in the grass.

Chenaniah turned, ready to sprint away again. But it was only a fawn, peaking over the grass, staring at him.





He breathed a sigh of relief and walked slowly toward the fawn, still a bit out of breath. The fawn, who had been walking slowly toward him, stopped and seemed a bit shocked. Chenaniah gave him a small nuzzle. The fawn looked at him strangely, and then nuzzled back.



Had the fawn been expecting him to run away? Who had told… how had he known? How many knew of Chenaniah? Chenaniah the coward.

“My name’s Mar Sart.” The fawn smiled.

“I’m… I’m Chenaniah.” Chenan’s voice cracked. He rarely found himself conversing with other deer, and hence wasn’t too good at talking.



Chenaniah glanced over towards the cool colors of the darker forest. It was a reminder. Always a reminder.

Before long, the fawn had distracted him from his thoughts and he found himself laughing and bounding through the grass. Fawns always had that effect on him. Even sad fawns, for he often tried to cheer them up.

Mar Sart was a good fawn. He was mature, and maybe that scared Chenan a little bit. Mar knew the ways of the forest; he knew how to deal with other deer. Chenaniah didn’t. For all it was worth, he was a younger fawn than the little boy dancing before him.



The two began to slow walk through the Birch Forest. It really was a good day. Birds flit from tree to tree, often landing on Chenan’s bobbing antlers. The sunrays danced across their backs and a warm breeze blew through the trees.

In the distance, he heard faint laughter. Probably the party of deer that had been at the pond. Chenan began to turn, when, for a brief moment, one voice rose above the rest. He cocked his head. It was a doe… Lemon.

Lemon. One of the only adult deer in the forest he could get close to. Lemon and of course, Grimmer.

Wow, did he really have two friends? Well, I guess he couldn’t really call them friends, more like-

The fawn was staring at him curiously. Right. He had got lost in thought again. He picked up his hooves and continued their walk.



Mar Sart seemed content to take this long walk. Odd, usually fawns would get impatient with this kind of slow movement. Or maybe he was just trying to make Chenaniah feel good. Little fawn, I don’t want your pity…

Before long, they had crossed the Birch Forest. Chenan was quite near the pond again, and was about to turn around, when…



A doe watched him from behind some grass. He stopped and stared, brow furrowed. The doe bowed softly, still hiding behind the grasses… but obviously trying to communicate with him. Just… just like Grimmer.

AGH. Is this now the forest game? Has it become everyone’s goal to get close to Chenaniah the coward?!

“I am not…” Chenaniah began to shout out loud, then clamped his mouth shut. He had almost yelled at her!

Mar Sart looked at him and cocked his head. He nudged his side.

I am not a coward. Chenaniah stepped forward… and continued walking. When he was well within seven feet, he bowed. The doe bowed back. Then he realized the doe was one of the twins. The Twins of Dance. She was… Quince? Or Uno… he could never tell.

Somehow… somehow… they began to dance. Mar Sart, the twin, and Chenaniah. Three dancers in an oddly shaped triangle (for Chenaniah wouldn’t move any closer.)



Chenaniah laughed. It wasn’t so bad, really…

He was dancing with one of the Twins of Dance!

Then again, was he setting himself up for pain?



He glanced to the side, and noticed a fawn walking curiously towards their little group. He stopped dancing, bowed to his partners, and went to greet the fawn.

As he turned, he saw some motion in the corner of his eye. He looked. Lemon, and her mate, Seth. For a minute, his mind completely left the fawn in front of him…





He unconsciously stepped towards the pair off in the distance. A little fawn came bounding toward them, prancing around her parents. They exchanged nuzzles. They laughed. They danced and played.

Chenaniah watched, breathless. They were a family. A perfect family.

Mar Sart crept up behind him, “Chenaniah?”

Chenan shook his head, breaking out of his trance. He turned, smiling softly. But the other fawn was gone. So was the twin. How… how long had he been standing there?

Mar Sart followed his gaze toward the family, now laughing and running around each other in circles.

“You wanna’ go play with them?”

Chenaniah bit his lip. “No…”

Yet… he was walking. He was walking towards them.

Chenan stopped and leaned against a tree.



Mar Sart watched him curiously. Chen slumped against the tree and then lowered slowly toward the ground. He curled his legs beneath him and lay there. Mar Sart looked at him, then plopped down next to him. Chenan smiled at the fawn’s loyalty.

They rested there for a while, Chenaniah constantly glancing over towards the frolicking family.



After a while, the fawn, Peppa, had to leave. Lemon and her mate bid her farewell, and then continued to play by themselves… just as rambunctious as their daughter.

Eventually, the couple noticed him… and began to call him closer.



Chenaniah didn’t want to be rude, but…

He stood, or wobbled, to his feet.

Mar Sart urged him on, and so he took a step towards them. Another fawn came running up to the two deer, and they greeted it warmly.



Chenaniah smiled… he knew Lemon. Her mate, Seth, was probably just as good.

He continued on, walking quite close to Mar Sart. He wasn’t quite sure whether Mar was clinging to his side or… if he was clinging to the fawn’s.

For a minute, the fawn seemed scared, but then he trotted on up to greet Seth and Lemon.

Chenaniah waited awkwardly next to a tree.



Another deer joined the group. Now there were 3 grown deer frolicking about… enough to make Chenaniah’s heartbeat pick up. He stood by the tree… as if he could hide behind it. Ha.



Glancing over towards a large stone not a long distance away, he realized how close he still was to the pond. He began to back away slowly.

“Chenaniah…”



He jerked. Lemon was standing in front of him.

“It’s okay. We… we won’t bite.” She smiled.

Chenaniah returned the smile as Lemon turned around, urging him on with a nod of the head.

Chen took a few steps forward, and looked over towards Seth and the peltless deer. They were laying down… so for some reason Chenaniah felt a little more comfortable. Maybe because they didn’t look so big now. Maybe because they didn’t move around so much.



Chenan inched his way into the center of their little group. He swallowed, and stood there. He shifted awkwardly. Now what?

Seth and the other deer stood up, and suddenly Chenaniah felt nervous again. He walked a short distance away, beneath a little sun patch. He tried to catch his breath.

Why, gods, why? Was it really that bad?

As the beat of his heart returned to normal, he glanced over his shoulder. Seth, Lemon, and Mar Sart were happily playing. Why disturb them with his awkward ways and flighty feet? He was no help to them.

Chenaniah trotted away, towards a large birch, a lay against it, breathing roughly. His large antlers tapped against the papery wood. He sighed. Why.



Mar Sart turned and left the group to join him by the tree.



Chenaniah smiled and nuzzled the fawn warmly. Mar was a good friend. A fawn unlike the rest.
After a while, they decided to get up and walk through the forest again. Not slow this time, but just… to explore.

Before long, they ran into a group of deer. The fawn cowered… and Chenaniah agreed. They moved a short distance away and began to play.

A nameless fawn arrived and Chenaniah warmly greeted the newcomer. They began to dance.



Time passed as the stag laughed and danced with the fawns.

Suddenly, there came the familiar sense that someone was watching him. He glanced around quickly, and his eyes rested on the doe laying next to a tree. Lemon.



He wondered for a minute. Why would she, of all deer, be watching him? Especially since, earlier, he had been watching her and her family. Was that it? Was it an odd little joke of revenge? Or maybe she just liked watching deer…

Time went on. The fawns giggled as they danced. Eventually, the nameless got tired and lay down. Chenaniah plopped down next to it. Mar Sart followed suit. Chen glanced over at Lemon. It appeared she, too, had curled up against the tree and fallen asleep.



Suddenly, a stag wearing nothing but a Kirin pelt rushed towards Chen and slid to a stop. He scrambled frantically to his feet. Flashing lights and singing magic burst around him. Chen darted into the forest.

He rushed off mindlessly, then turned in a flurry of dust when he realized how close he was to running straight toward the pond.



He ran. And ran. And ran.

Past a fawn and a peltless stag.

Deep into the Birch Forest.

Chenaniah found a place where a few large rocks jutted from the ground. He stepped behind one, and peaked over his shoulder.

Another fawn and stag!



They weaved their way closer until he realized that he could do nothing but lay down, curl up, and escape to the land of dreams.

Chenaniah the Coward.

Hah.

Of course you’re not a coward.

Of course.


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LOL, LATE MUCH?

Yeaaaaahhh I began writing this blog like a month ago and then… school happened. And then of course I forgot and blahblahblah. But I didn’t want to just delete what I had started so… I finished it.

NOW I CAN FINALLY GO IN THE FOREST AGAIN LOL.

Oh and yeah it’s long. Sorry ‘bout that. Cookies if you read it all.


Also, I think I’ve finally gotten over my fear of making other deer talk. I’m always afraid I’ll make them say something out of character. :/ So if I made you’re deer say something odd… tell me plz.



(My word. This is, what, like 50 pictures?)






(ALSO. For some reason Imageshack has been making my pictures REALLY small recently. Can you guys see that, or is it just my computer?)