~~~ <3






...I wish time stood still. In the moments you loved most. I wish you could feel the memory come back to you as you stand in the same place, read the same words... I wish you could bring yourself back to innocence and wonder. I wish my excitement would renew itself for places I once loved most...

I wish ideas I had given people would never die. I wish memories were stone, never to be taken up in a strong wind in time, to be washed away. I wish people would not hurt eachother.... I hope one day 'my motivation' to make a point, will diminish and die like a cold ember in what once was a roaring fire, to which only the memory remains.

I will pray. I will hope.
Things that once brought me joy, are now faded.
I wish I enjoyed what I enjoyed most-- more.
It's gone now...
Help me remember...
It seems everyone has so many hateful feelings towards others, for no reason at all-- I don't want to be a part of it, but I am. Help me remember what it was like to wonder, and find. I have dug up all treasures, I feel like a lingering dead leaf on a cold branch... all others have moved on.

Help me remember what it was like to not judge someone one what they've said, and assume it was only for attention even when it was not. Help me remember what it was like to roam free as a human-faced creature full of wonder and awe. Help me remember what it was like, to not think I was a stereotypical oldie.

Who can I blame?
Should I point fingers? Surely so! .... deep inside I know it is only me who has become numb. Unwilling to change for a community that has outgrown a member. A community who is focused on the spotlight... if it is so, then let me diminish.

Help me remember how creativity was not shunned, or something to be ashamed of. Help me remember what a family is. I want to help...

I felt like I needed to fight, to defend... I promised I'd never leave... but deep inside it feels like spring, and cleaning needs to be done. Yet when I turn, I am afraid... breaks have become shockingly long, and I never missed a moment of being away. My god. My home... I need help to go on.

Sincerely,
Mystress



Fledermaus's picture

(No subject)

<3<3<3 Love ya, babe.
ocean's picture

Hm. There isn't all bad

Hm. There isn't all bad around here. There is some. There will always be upheaval.
But...There will always be peace, as well. I have made some very awesome friends here. There is still a lot of creativity, a lot of the things that you miss. It may not be prominent right now, but it is there.
There may be hatred, but there is also forgiveness. <3
I have found one way, perhaps.
Playing as a nameless lets you sort of...rediscover the forest. Maybe that would help?

The more things change, the

The more things change, the more they stay the same.
There are still things here you love and that I know you enjoy, and there are still people who enjoy you and your company. I know I do.

I understand if you don't feel the connection to TEF anymore, how could I not? But know that you've been a huge part of my time here, and for that I thank you, Queze thanks you. Smiling
fayne's picture

Me too.

Me too.

<3
Kaoori's picture

You know I'll miss the crap

You know I'll miss the crap out of you, lady.
Seed's picture

*hug* Don't lose hope.

*hug* Don't lose hope. There's really a lot less bad from here than there is from where you're standing right now. Really.

Losing sight of that peace and wonder is easy, and I won't pretend it's just as easy to fix. The trick, for me, is to not fight it: the peace is there. The wonder is there. Resist the urge to make it complicated. Resist the urge to make it personal. It's hard, but doable. You just have to ask "Is there something in what this person is doing/saying that will ever really matter to me outside this moment? Is this moment really, objectively, so bad? Is the sun less bright, inside the game and out it? Do the leaves not fall paradoxically, perfectly green in this world? Does anything actually change at all, outside of my own mind?"

I know that sounds really dumb, but it works for me. I was bullied a lot as a child, sometimes very personally. And nothing I did did any good until I realized that none of them even mattered, not even a little bit. They had their reasons that being that way made them feel good, and why not let them? Why even let considering it slow me down? When they call me a freak or a wierdo, why not laugh? Why not say 'Thank you'? No one knows what to do when you smile when they're cruel to you, or when you just start ignoring it. I still get made fun of, I think. But a long time ago, I stopped hearing it. After a while, laughing at it becomes accepting it, and accepting it becomes just letting it slide by as if it weren't there. I think most hurt may work on the same principles.
IoRez's picture

We miss ya, kiddo. I'm

We miss ya, kiddo.
I'm writing a story, you know, right know, that CM plays a big part in.
I'd love your input.

I'm going to miss you so

I'm going to miss you so much, CM...I always thought of you as a very important member of this community. I'll miss knowing that you were here. You were a light, of sorts, to me...

I love you, as do we all 8c <3
Aegle's picture

I'll miss you CM. You will

I'll miss you CM. You will always be such a large part of this community and I thank you for being my friend.
I can't say that I don't feel the same way.
<3

Oh geez you guys, it wasn't a

Oh geez you guys, it wasn't a leaving post-- it sort of was a fading out post. I might still be fading out, but I've thrown some deer in the forest today, so I'm still around. I love you guys so much, thank you. <3