"It's been a long day...."

Yesterday was rather awkward. I wandered the forest, confused, not knowing what to do, what to think. I tried to find someone who'd keep my mind off things. But in the end, I napped may too much and ended up with a huge headache... And I just kept sleeping. Not that it helped, but at least I could escape my own mind. Or could I...?
Sometimes it makes me wish that I couldn't dream. But then again, what would I do without my dreams?

I felt like I've been beaten when I woke up this morning. My legs felt sore, my head was throbbing. I took a shower under the Crying Idol, and it helped a bit. So I strolled the forest again, till a good friend joined me. I was casting spells on him, when Ayanel walked up to us. She was scared at first, and I told her it was okay, that he was my friend.

I can't take it when she's scared. But sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough to protect her. I've never had a fight, since I just grew up... I don't feel like I can protect anyone at this point. This weakness showed a few days ago when the two of us were playing at the pond and suddenly got surrounded by stags. I tried my best... but then we ran off and hid in the Old Oak. I felt terribly weak and ashamed of myself. In fact, I still feel like that. But let's not think about it too much...

So, today we were with my friend. And it was fun, really. We used magic on him till he felt comfortable with his appearance. It was his first time, and he even changed his mind later on. Soon he left, which left me with mixed feelings. Somehow I felt sad and grateful at the same time.

After my friend had left us, we continued to walk around the forest and play together. I felt great, much better than yesterday. Well... until she walked up to this other stag, Touraga, who was a stranger to me. But since she was fine with him, I felt like it was ok to tag along.

There was a point when my confusion returned. She kept nuzzling him, then nuzzling me again. I didn't understand, I couldn't. It's hard to describe what I felt.
But nontheless, I tried to play cool. That's what a grown-up does, right?
I completely ignored the fact that it was very awkward how Touraga and me protected her when others walked up to us. Not that I was able to do anything, because this situation reminded me too much of the one that happened a few days ago. I felt paralyzed, and once again, weak.

Later on, I couldn't help but feel dizzy. My memory fails me at this point, but I think I napped more than once. I really can't recall anymore... The only thing I know is that I woke up alone.

I sat by the pond after another session of dancing and playing with strangers. Usually, this keeps my mind busy, but as soon as I sat down, I pondered. My thoughts went everywhere and nowhere, and soon, I fell asleep again.

Not too long ago, I wished to be more responsible. But what am I doing now? It's like I'm not ready for this grown-up life... even if I want to be.