Last year I went maskless.

It was painful. I learned a lot. I don't think i'll put others through that again soon. It's unfair to expect the world to conform to what I'd hoped it would be. It's not anyone's fault.

hahaha it is the conundrum. There are words for the inner self (honne) and the outer face (tatemae) in Japanese. A universal idea, maybe.

I am mostly waxing sentimental. Late at night I get stuck in these thoughts.

Ah, my english fails so much at the moment, I wish I could find the right words to encourage you.

Hm, if this can be of any help, when I willingly put efforts into trying to understand the person I interact with, and and bend my own perspective in order to connect better with them, I guess because I am able to get to know what they will be more receptive to, by adapting my own way to communicate with them I end up being more easily understood too.

In the end, what we understand of each other are just tiny fragments, but, gahh, It would be incredibly boring if there wasn't efforts to make anyway. c:

Not everyone is ready to go out of their way to understand another, but you have this quality. Though it is a bit unfair if you are always the one that seems to be reaching out for others, you might find poeple ready to do the same along the way?

I have to agree with shaku on language, I read some work by Bergson a LOOOOONG time ago on the subject, maybe I can find something about it on the net.

Agh! I just want to run over to you and have some gorey fists fight with everything that is giving you pain. Dx

Nayu... You are a beam of sunlight

If I would just push the brakes without having to force myself to. If I would do that I would get much more done, and I would just do and see and learn. But I don't until I reach a dead end, then turn around and go back to find a missed chance. And in the end I'm just back to the same point, didn't do anything didn't see anything didn't learn anything but a little bit heavier now.
If I could push the brakes I could occupy myself with the simple things because I'd feel like they were important enough and worth the time, and I could allow myself to not think about anything else. But I keep piling things up in the back of my head and don't allow myself anything else (you should be doing x, you cannot do y until you do x) until they crash down on me.

Tracking~

Thank you for the romping today.
Feel better, Eye. We're always here.

Feel better, eyestrain. It's such a shame you're under the weather. :/

I feel similarly about the role play, too
Which is why I decide not to use the forum much, in the beginning. Words arent meant for the forest..
But drama and conflict naturally lures you and traps you in at the first millimeter of give in to it... though I dont like to see so many traumatize/emo/sauron-types, I am still curious.

For othere I turn my experience into a tiny story to put on the forum,
but really in the forest.. its just me, wanting to nap or play beside another person. Travel and beautiful scenery is good but its far better if someone is beside you enjoying it

Hrmmm right now I feel very lukewarm towards things so I'm not sure whether I can converse well. I don't think I'll be getting any actual points across.
((some call it balanced or down to earth, I call it lukewarm))

I have often felt very angry with the forest. Or disappointed. I often feel agitated when deer refuse to 'go ooc' when it's clearly a situation that calls for it. I get irritated dealing with IC rejection sometimes.
I've been sensing for a while now a very clear difference in attitudes of people who come to The Forest focusing on roleplaying from very early on, and people who come to The Forest for the forest's sake. It is very much like two different worlds, and the bridge is not always easy to cross. At very strong waves I believed they did "not understand the forest", or that they "miss the point of the forest". I have also felt contempt for when I found I was being pushed aside for IC interaction.
Especially when that happens, that really hurts my ego.

But on the other side of the coin, my interactions in the forest are almost exclusively positive. I do not deal with much rejection (maybe because I am recognized as "OOC" player), neither do I deal with much conflict. I rest and play with many "character" deer. Although I have noticed a trend that these relationships are not nearly as intricate because I feel limited in my freedom, my forest experience is still a peaceful and friendly one. Though momentary, though short-lived, I still share a good time with them.

It is entirely possible to spend time with plenty of other deer and plenty of other players. The drama, the conflict, it takes place mainly on the community site. In the forest, we're all deer. Only on the community site they turn into something else. Your ideal forest may not be the real thing, but it's mainly the community site that turns the forest around this much. Yes, sometimes there's conflict between characters in the forest. But if you're nimble, it is possible to play peacefully. It may force you to wander. It may force you to not be too close to some deer. But there also are plenty of people around who come to the forest for "something else" too.

There may be people who share the same thoughts as you.

If you want to enjoy The Forest, it may be necessary to distance yourself from some of your thoughts about the people and their intentions.


((You may not share this with me, but one of many fun aspects for me is acting together with someone. Though by far not as elaborate as roleplaying. But I like messing around when in the end we both know it's just a play.))

I saw your post when you said you, no matter how original the design were of a deer, would always get slightly disappointed. I thought it was because of you thought the world doubts too much by appearance instead of personality, and hah, guessed right...

Well, that wasn't what I planned to respond to this. So.

I understand you, and I get an image inside my head of deer resting, playing and snuggling calmly together in sunshine, keeping even closer when it rains. You must be a beautiful person, only trying to focus on the positive things instead of laying traps of drama on your path. In your world, deer don't think so human and so much on things, no? It's appealing.
But some live another life here, as a person they don't usually are and can't become. Letting creativity grow, freedom. Isn't that kind of nice, too?

Okay, cut ramble. Thing I just want to make clear, I respect and understand you and your behaviour, though I don't really talk much with you, and it's a really nice thought.

And shaku, two forests would be awesome.

I came here with both. I read through the forest's description and I still hold that description very dear. I see the forest as a lot of things, which is why I have so many characters. xD They're all another way for me to view the forest.

Priest was what resulted from my first character-ooc dichotomy. He combines a lot of forest mythos with a strong personality.

Now, I play an ooc and a bunch of characters, plus some that blur that line. I love both ways of seeing things. I love the forest for its own sake and for the character aspect of things. It's amazing both ways! Maybe seeing the forest in both these ways has helped me be able to incorporate aspects into my characters that accommodate oocs as well. c:

Random tip: try turning off pictograms. Even if it doesn't help, it's a very interesting experience.

(it's pretty cool reading people's responses here)

I think it was before you came here, that I roleplayed here with a character. I created them with the intentions of him helping me gain more recognition (yes I know), as well as something that I percieved to be an ideal of the "fascinating mysterious stranger". (an ideal that I have discarded by now.)
I thought this character had helped me gain what I wanted. I connected with them as being a "successful" extension of myself and it made me feel good about myself. At that point I regarded them as a seperate character, but looking back I now know that they were just my thoughts projected onto a deer.

Anyway, at some point, and I'm still not sure completely why, things got out of hand and their "loner" ideal grew into something bigger as I shoved all of my bad habits and stronger emotions onto them. This character had turned into a projection of all those faces I didn't like to show. (still am defensive of.) It was influencing me deeply and each habit I had given them, and everything that happened to them, I saw as a parallel to myself and my own attitudes.

As I recognized this pattern, I let go because it simply didn't do me well. I had poured myself completely into the aspects of this character whilst repressing all of my other facets, thus not allowing me to grow.

"I push others away and feel lonely. But I am really good at making myself alone again, and so easily disappointed or disinterested with others. Why is being with others so difficult?"

I understand this feeling... I think it's simply a type of introversion, where your focus can switch at any given moment so disinterest in anything can come suddenly if only for small reasons. Making yourself alone comes easy because you're probably a bit like me in that you're protective of yourself, and don't really like it when people see too much of you. Being with people is mentally exhausting, and it's okay to want a break and be alone for however long you want. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

Thank you so much, Inaurdagnire, Onyx... I wasn't really expecting that kind of encouragement in response. I trust and respect your wisdom, even if it contradicts my self-critical thoughts.

I feel like I'm just doing badly and making a lot of mistakes when it comes to relationships. Even this community is an example of how I can have everything and for some reason run away from it. Lately I've run from so much and pushed so many people away that I find myself alone. It's hard to even remember how to meet new people, and when I do, I immediately feel as if building and maintaining a relationship with them is a great deal of work. I know part of it at least is the depression. I guess I'm just wondering why I shy away from finishing projects, beating games, etc. And socially, I have always done this- found a place for myself among others and then left it without any real reason. It feels wasteful, and I am ashamed.