Its strange, when your used to holding the world at your fingure tips and then suddenly all of that dissapears.

Transformations from a world wide communicater, to praying someone will just...say hello.

my grandmother told me once that computers and internet were a curse, becuase my generation didn't know how to be alone.

She might be right.

I've found more so recently, now that school has actually started again from spring break I feel more alone than I did sitting in

my room durring the week vaccation. I don't understand how that works really...but when I look around at the faces I see, I

still feel like a dirfter in the sea, or a wanderer in the sahera. It may be stress releated from school, who knows. Maybe its me

just feeling sorry for myself having to sneek online just to rant emotions I probably should even be revieling to a community of

words, but you know it helps me. The black lines that create words on a screen provide a comfort, if only for a moment. A

small pool, an oasis, a raft.

It would probably help if I had some kind of work, something to distract my mind from the passing of time and the silance of

those im so used to hearing...reading about. Few of them whom I know in person,friends from school, life, even they have

been quieted by the facts of life. Everyone. Busy.Tired.Away.All of them doing something important, or for a reason they have

weither they actually wish to be there or not. Just the same, I sit there unable to find that work unable to find that one break.

Most of the time I blame the economy and thats true in part, most times I go searching for that rare job opening all I recive is

the same responce "I'm sorry, we need the workers, but we can't afford even temps" and so I move on. Alone it seems

despite the many people in the world sharing my same probloms, my troubles are universal now and yet I drift. And it may

end by tomarrow morning, a good nights rest does wonders...but after three days of near silence, after nearly a year of

constand movement its like a train hit the baracade. Instand hault. Now time to slow down easily these days, everything

speeds up or stops abruptly no matter the situation. Time goes by and we wonder if out problems will end or continue but

there really is no way to tell or not so we just continue to say things will be better tomarrow. Tomarrow. The hope of a dawn

that is never promised to come, only expected. People plan and plan all they want, but who's plans ever really work as they

had ment to? Again...I planned to talk to he or she, or this or about that, but its not to be so. Distant by force. Isolated by no

choice. and still I wonder if I have the right to complain. After all...its not like Im an orphan, or dieing of some horried disease.

I know it could be worse...but its nice to speak to just rant until there is nothing more to say or until your crying so hard

nothing more can be seen until finally your asleep but you don't remember going to bed. Friends. You treasure the momentary

pleasures of enjoying they're compainy, stories, laughs, memories. Then it fades when you find yourself staring at some wall

wondering how you got to that point in your life or actions you never knew you could do. A quiet saint cursing at a child...and

murderer saving life. White, black, yin, yang and so on. Life turns and I suppose I should just suck it up and deal with it. After

all, its not like im homeless or eating out of the trash under a bridge somewhere. Things could be worse and im just down

about the silence...no reason to complain, and now you've wasited your time reading my bull crap complaints and woes when

some one else could use you more. Well, I suppose its mainly for myself then, a way to get what I need said off my mind and

gain some peace for a while as I sit alone in my own world for a while before rejoining the massive world. Always move on and

pick up your feet...

it may be hard..but i can get through it. I just needed a good rant. My apologies to all of you that spent your time to read this.

Disregard it, its just a rant and some release of stress. No worries.


~Zarinthya