This morning I woke up near the cemetery, and decided to have a small walk to the Old Oak. On my way I noticed my voice was gone, and got scared. A small fawn was there to cheer me up though, and not too much later I could roar again. No idea what happened there... But the thought of not being able to call scared me to no end...

I wandered to the pond and had a sip to cool my sore throat. I still felt tired, so I fell asleep quickly while listening to the sounds of water dripping and grass waving.

A familiar scent woke me up later. I decided to follow it, only to discover that it was Ayanel, but she wasn't alone. I watched her and Touraga from afar, unsure if I should walk up to them or not. Soon they left, without noticing me. She looked happy back there... And that was fine with me. But I couldn't fool myself like this. Of course I felt saddened by the sight, and hid within the Old Oak again. Its deep, humming noise comforted me, gave me the strenght to not worry all too much.

After wandering the forest for a few hours, I scented her again. This time, her scent was the only one I noticed, so I followed its lead. Ayanel was sleeping, alone, and I sat beside her. She felt cold and shivered a little. So I tried to be as quiet as possible, warming her with all I got.

Then Touraga walked up to us again. I got scared at first, I feared he might be upset because I was with Ayanel. I do get this distinct feeling that he's interested in her... And I know that they've been close friends for a long time. How can I compare to that? I just walked up to her one day and.... I don't know. Maybe I should stop worrying, but how could I...
To my surprise, he acted friendly and goofed with me, until we woke Ayanel up by doing so. I felt a little sorry because she's been sleeping peacefully. But then again, I was happy to see her awake.

We ran around the forest and played for some time, but during all this, I noticed that something wasn't okay with her. Just like yesterday, she kept nuzzling him and me, and for some time, I wished it could stay like this. Then again, all of it was confusing and awkward and made me feel uneasy.

At one point, Ayanel ran off to the forest after giving Touraga and me this sad look of hers. I decided to leave her alone for a bit, but after a while, I couldn't stand it much longer. It seemed like Touraga had felt the same, because he walked up to her again as well.

Ayanel gave us a sign to sit down, so we did... For a brief moment, I got my hopes up. She was staring at us as if she wasn't sure what to think. I begged to the gods that she would finally choose, and maybe even sit down beside me.



But she didn't... Instead, she nuzzled him and apologized to me. I felt something break inside me, a stinging pain out of nowhere. She sat beside him, and then he stood up to bow before me and give me nuzzle. I did the same, but at that time I was already fighting with the tears. I tried to hold myself together as good as I could but... It was impossible to watch them anymore. I knew my heart has been broken, within the course of a few days nontheless.

Is this what being a grown-up is about? I hope not...

So I ran. I ran to my mother, like a little fawn would do. She dried my tears and cheered me up, such a good mom she is... I'm grateful to have her. My pain was gone for the moment, as we enjoyed ourselves and played tricks on others. She's like a really good friend to me.
I was sad when she had to leave. Since I had no desire to stay with the strangers, I walked back. Without noticing what I was doing, I walked up to Ayanel again. She was sleeping in a circle of mushrooms, and I joined her. At this moment, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, even when I got turned into a rabbit.

I look around, but I can't find you
If only I could see your face
Instead of rushing towards the skyline
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl stag ...xD
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice
Florence + The Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise it up)

Ayanel turned me into a small deer before she left...And I fell asleep again, in deep pain. Indeed, I felt small and weak. This won't be a good night, I'm certain of it...

I’d stay in your room until you’re gone
I’d switch to your chair that you sat on
I’d sit there alone again, ’til you find me out
What is the hold up?

Ooooh, I’m not following you
Ooooh, walking this way too
Ooooh, see I've had enough of dreaming
All my dreams are you...

I wish you would notice me
If not now eventually
Then I wouldn’t have to follow you around

Lena - Not Following