1/13/18

Woke up today to a message: Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.

We all headed into the workroom, turned on the radio and waited - and then: the announcement came that the alarm was sent out by mistake. There were no missiles. Thank goodness but hell, what a way to give people a heart attack.

Other than that - uneventful day.

Oh! I forgot to mention, but we have 3 chickens now. The 2 newbies came to us in much the same condition Peeps did - that being blind and underweight. Now they can all see and they're at a good weight. Blondie, the new hen, is probably going to start laying eggs soon. Kettle turned out to be a rooster so he has his own house separate from the girls, fella's a handsome boy.

We had a scare about our dog during Christmas but fortunately it was fixable and he's back to his normal, excitable, enthusiastic self - almost off the anti-inflammatory meds too.

8/19/17

What am I doing? I'm just....tired. school starts again soon.

2/7/17

Feeling a bit.....separated from everything again. Don't really have an appetite. Schoolwork has piled up and I'm just tired I guess. Still look for the cat even though I know she's not going to be there. I'm stuck.

1/24/17

She's gone. RIP Mustard, you were the best cat for us. Thank you for the eleven and a half years.

1/21/17

Took our cat to the vet the other day because she lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. The news was not good news. She has intestinal cancer and the vet gave her 30 days tops. We''re putting her to sleep this Monday. I found her as a little feral kitten eleven years ago on my grandparent's property. At the time she weighed 7 ounces, had mange, abscesses, an upper respiratory infection and was very malnutrition. The Humane Society was going to put her down if we'd left her with them so with some help from the vet's we nursed her back to health. Mustard grew into a beautiful sassy cat and has been with us through so much - it's going to be really hard saying goodbye. I'm going to miss her so much, everyone's been keeping her company and giving her pets. The vet gave us some specialty cat food because she hadn't been eating and she loves it though she doesn't eat much. This...still hasn't really sunk in yet. I found her when I was eight years old, I'm nineteen now. There's going to be a hole in me were she used to be.

12/27/16

Oh boy, its really close to the new year already! That's crazy, I mean I felt like I just barely made it through the semester and now look - four classes next year. Ive struggled with only 3 classes sooo we'll see I guess! So, not much has happened recently, which is both good and bad in equal measures really. The chicken got mites and stopped laying eggs for awhile, had to use poultry dust to get rid of those pesky buggers She just started laying eggs yesterday! She's a lovely, sassy little thing.

We grew more oyster mushrooms, these were even bigger than the last time! Still haven't soaked them for the bonus crop yet. Recently 'adopted' a bunch of plants that a lady had by the side of the road for free - the most notable being 9 orchids of unknown color and varity. Some had really bad root rot due to the crazy amounts of rain we've been having but now that they've been replanted everyone is doing just fine and looks like they'll make a full recovery. Been watching a cat named Squeak atm and that's about all besides me discovering etsy.

Christmas was nice, even if it was a bit more rushed than normal. The annual Christmas Play Slideshow came around again and spent until 2 am making it and figured out how to configure the new tv and brother's xbox. Got a lot of earrings this year! Not sure why that's the only thing most people get me, I mean I was getting earrings from back when I didn't have my ears pierced! I would love to get necklaces or something too but...usually its just earrings. All most all of them are great except for the threader earrings, my ear can't handle sliding a long chain through it.

So, this year got a new acer touch-screen laptop/tablet! Still need to get used to it not having a mouse and the fact that I can touch the screen. Got several drawing programs installed, gimp, fire alpaca, and krita. Also got the Endless Forest running! Was in forest for about 2 minutes today for the first time in around a year or more! Need to relearn all the controls and slowly get my characters re-introduced to the place, admitting that I am indeed nervous about this! But its also about damn time too. I also received a pair of wireless headphones, which are amazing! I can walk around the entire house and listen to music, no matter where the ipad/laptop are! To go with that I also got a powerpack which I can use to charge my devices without having to find an outlet.

Bought two cds from target, haven't really listened to them yet - wonder how I'll like them! Drew things for brother's dnd group, that was a wild ride let me tell you! Reached the end goal of acquiring the Ice Whale on Abysserium's Christmas event - about 60+ fish later, it was insane. Also just got the last event moth for Flutter: Starlight, the Golden Emperor! Wonder how they'll look! 1 butterfly away from a whole event set for the daylight companion of Starlight - Flutter. Working on the Splash! event next. Bought Dragon Age, Dante's Inferno and the complete, all addons included, version of Bioshock Infinite at GameStop all for second hand, Dragon Age was actually free! Have only played a little of Dragon Age so far - just not in the mood for video gaming right now I guess?

List of Music to Acquire:
- Early In The Morning by James Vincent McMorrow
- Pictures/Last Smoke Before The Snow Storm by Benjamin Francis Leftwhich
- Everything (Deluxe) by Ben Howard
- Valtari by Sigur Ros
- Woodland/Young North/States by The Paper Kites
- Through The Valley by The Oh Hellos
- The Lumminers by The Lumminers
- All The Little Lights/Whispers II by Passenger
- Atlas: Year One by Sleeping At Last
- Ceremonials by Florence + Machine

7/21/16

Summer school sucks :y but at least it's making me get out of the house more often. AND this way I don't get rusty on power points/homework. Seems like I have no motivation to do anything right now, I feel drained. Partly because I'm not getting much sleep (thanks Peepers) and for other reasons that are harder to explain.

Everything's going pretty good though! Dad cleaned out some of his library and I inherited a bunch of cool stuff, Chronicles Of The Damned 1-3 and the 3 Thranx commonwealth books, two unrelated books about neraderthal children in today's world, Seed Seeker and The Unlucky Ones which my mom gave to my dad their first anniversary. I've been trying to finally frame some of my artwork! I've got 'I Had A Thought Dear', a self portrait and 'Organs' framed but I can't find anything that'll fit 'Desendents'. That darn thing has weird dimensions, 12 X 16. The Oyster Mushrooms have yet to sprout, been watering them everyday. Super excited.

On another note, the chicken is molting! She's already lost most of her belly feathers, all of her tail feathers and is currently molting her sliver neck feathers. Kid's lookin a 'lil scraggly. She loves grapes, is okay with corn and terrified of beans. There's these two Bebe doves that come into the yard to get food and being the lovable shit that she is, Peepers charges them everytime XD the doves don't care though.

7/16/16

My necklace holder fell off the wall a few weeks ago and because it broke into mostly large peices we decided to fix it instead of trashing it. Between summer school and fixing my room up we haven’t really had enough time to fix her up. Annnd the bottle of gorilla glue we had solidified on itself. But today my brother and I went to town and picked up a bottle! I pieced her back together, which was a bit tricky since she broke into some wonky peices. Touched up the white peices where the gold chipped off and then lightly brushed the rest of the areas since the gold I had was a different color. Wish I could do something with the gaps and the white areas but now you can hardly tell where she broke from far away! (Did manage to get the glue on almost all of my fingers though, goodbye fingerprints rip)

My mom also had this awesome idea and hung up my masks on some pre-existing hooks! And as you can see there’s a little key holder up there and my cd collection got a thorough clean out. No more Mother’s Mozart and other things that my parents stored there! I still have my little unicorn foal though. Found my faveroite hat while cleaning out my closet too! It’s been three years scince I’ve had my own room, it’s great!

I went to Ross a week ago and I found this blue vase that looks like a head. Since he was only 10$ and perfectly matched the color I was looking for I got him. I’ve decided to call him Archelius. He holds the books I’m going to read in the next week. Went back a few days ago and lo and behold! There was another, much smaller head! I bought the fellow and he’s holding my pens/pencils and flash drives now. I’m calling the little guy Thantos. My dad also put up my mirror for me too and we centered the dresser to match it, look how great it looks!

Went to The Home Depot with Zac today for some fertilizer/potting soil and ended up being given this project! These fellows are oyster mushrooms and I’m super excited for these little guys to grow. Here's the block soaking, it’ll take eight hours for them to finish. There’s 5 hours left on the timer! Best part I’ll be able to see sproutlets in a weeks time! Here’s to hoping my room is a decent enough environment to grow these! I’ll keep you updated.

4/2/16

Today in Peepers news: Mom picked out a bunch of beige/white colors for the new room and we were all looking at them outside. My brother and I really have no preference between the colors but we saw the chicken being very curious about what we were doing. Brother decided to let her pick so we put all the colors on the ground and I tapped it to get her started. Peepers responded by grabbing one of her eggshells from a plant and bringing it over. Sure enough it matched colors exactly with one of our samples, Eaglet Beige.

My birthday was back on the 27th of March (Easter), wasn't much of a birthday but was still okay. We spent most of that day cleaning out brother's room to make way for the drywallers. One of his freinds came over and we ended up searching for Easter eggs and held a riddle/bad joke contest in honor of Blaine The Train (from The Dark Tower series). Got to eat my favorite food (linguine and clam sauce) and watched some Hawaii 5-0. Peepers even laid an egg on Easter!

After that it's been a blur of construction clutter, overdue homework and picking out paint colors. Finally got a ENG assignment that I actually like! Essay written in the style of creative non fiction. Started it two days before it was due but ended up getting a 102 degree fever the next day and couldn't finish it. Ended up completing it at 7 in the morning the next day right before class. Today we looked at new paint colors, went to Costco and dropped off some tax form things. Ended up getting this nice dress that's denim colored and this sort of acid green. Haven't got icecream yet but soon! I'll actually get a 'birthday' sometime next week hopefully.

3/22/16

Alright, things have been going okay. Had some hectic weeks in the mix, brother's car caught on fire, Nan went to the hospital, the dog found away onto the roof exct. There's ongoing construction on the house, the plumber is supposed to come today to check out the room addition. Been walking a dog and trying to stay afloat as far as homework goes (I failed lol). Almost caught up in every single class however I got an email from one teacher that says I should think about withdrawing from their class. (I can't get to the actual email though since Gmail is going all screwy on me). The chick I rescued awhile back is a full grown hen now! Her name is Peepers and she's laid 28 eggs so far. Discovered a lot of new music this semester, namely the Discovery Playlist on Spotify. Some of my faveroites are Monsters Calling Home by Run River North, Prostetic Love by Typhoon, Iscariot by Walk The Moon, Be Still by The Killers and Coffins by MisterWives. Just started reading The Dark Tower series by Stephen King and I'm loving it so far, it's a very intriguing world and the creatures! The DoorKeeper! Billy Bumblers! Lobster things!

TV Series to Watch/Finish Watching:
1. Neon Genisis Evangelion - finish watching this
2. Xiaolin Showdown - watch this
3. Gravity Falls - watch this
4. Steven Universe - watch this
5. Teen Titains - finish watching this
6. Avatar - watch this already!
7. Jessica Jones - finish watching this, the new seson is soon!
8. Supernatural - catch up (still on season 2 sigh)
9. Sherlock - catch up
10. Daredevil - finish watching this, the new season already came out!
11. Hawaii 5-o - yesssss
12. One Punch Man - watch yesss


5/23/15
Just because you don't understand why I need something doesn't give you the right to simply take it away and hide it without explanation. I am not 'just playing around' on that Ipad, I am learning, I am creating and finding a way to keep myself sane. There are people that I can only talk to through that device and sadly it feels like they are literally the only people I can currently go to with out fear that they are going to find a way to blame me for my shortcomings or guilt trip me over my grades. I know I'm getting a D in three classes. I have have struggled in those classes since the very beginning of the year, I've tried my absolute hardest and that was not good enough. I know. I do not need you to look up my grades very day and say "YOU HAVE A D IN THIS CLASS??? WHY? DID YOU NOT TURN IN ASSIGNMENTS?" No. I'm just not good in those subjects, AP Euro, Ap English and Algebra 2 are hard classes. I've been trying to get the next plot for Ird up for the past 5 months because you keep interrupting me to go do 'important things' when I have no homework this weekend, no obligations and actually have free time to work on what I want to do. I've been having really bad anxiety these days, maybe even a bit of depression and I can't tell you that because you think my life is perfect and I "just have to try harder" and "not be so lazy". I'm sorry, I feel like this is all my fault but I have tried so hard trying to please you. It never works but I can't stop trying.

5/18/15
Really fragile emotionally lately. Probably the most drained/wiped out I've ever felt. Feels like I'm constantly on the edge of crying all the time. :/ Rhese group projects are wearing me out, I'm either ignored or they blatantly ignore my ideas and me. In one of the current groups I did the most and got told today that it wasn't "how do you say it? Not very good." I worked the entire period to finish that and they weren't even at school that day. It's to "prepare us for the real world" apparently but I hate getting ignored in those groups though. It's like being invisible and inferior.

5/1/15
Been sick this past week, sore throat, low fever, over sensitive skin - all the usual stuff. One of the worst headaches I've ever had. Bad sinus pressure, so much so that my eyes feel swollen. Missed two days of school, a paper and not one but three tests. Burned my knuckle and finger trying to get some chicken out of the oven today. Probably going to be late responding to things during next week, playing crazy catch up. SCHOOL ENDS SO SOON! There can be no more failures, no more mistakes because I'm dropping out of school if I need to repeat one more year of this.

4/25/15
I want to make something. I want to matter. I want to create something that will wow, that'll take away the breath of those who see it. I want them to feel, to cry and to question the world around them. But, if I put something up and they laugh or worse ignore it, what then? So I'll wait and scabble around my small skills and look for the perfect stone to throw. And never throw it.

4/18/15
Woah it's been a long time since I've done anything on here! I had plans but, well the black hole of school came into existance. I intended to get Ird's next 2 plot posts up and I'm really sorry for Its absence and how that might be effecting characters (sorry Kettu!). Trying my best to wrangle this mess of code into something presentable but that's taking awhile. And then finding out how to do the other things + images to draw. Had an essay, DBQ, 2 art peices, a sample AP test and two units of Algerbra due last week. And that's not counting the art protfolio I'm compiling and the greeting cards.

2/23/15
Okay, so I finished my math in record time. Everything made sense. Mom corrected it and told me i did everything wrong, even erasing some of the answers without my permission. i rechecked it and ALL THE FUCKING ANSWERS WERE RIGHT. All of them, now after feeling like a failure I now have to redo all the things she erased. They don't know why i'm now crying. I fucking hate this.

2/22/15
Sorry for dropping off of here for a few days, parents took away the Ipad and my computer's currently barricaded by a bookshelf. Currently on Mom's comp. but that's taboo and I won't be able to do very much on here.

1/6/15
Nan's getting taken to Oahu hospital via helecopter/small plane and mom's going with her. There's a blockage of somesort somewhere. Both of my main characters don't want to be active, Lil's basically given up on the forest untill further notice and Ird is back to being horribly indesicive/worried and doesn't want to come back either. :I The little thing is currently annoying the Twins and they'll probabbly kick him out of their world eventually. I want to try rping/playing my other characters but I don't have enough time or skill to get them all bios. Urgh. If anyone is up for rp though, shoot a message. Skype or not skype, just pick a name I guess and I'll tell you their little blurb things.

1/4/15
Well....grandma got taken to the hospital early this moring, she's doing fine right now. Doctors think it might have been a small stroke but they aren't certain. Just got back home a little while ago, working on a group Macbeth project. I might be distracted.

1/3/15
What do I do? I don't know....but I would like helping. I haven't been active in the forest or even really on the Com lately, just flicking through and checking up on things. I've been feeling tired lately and haven't had the desire or time to boot up my computer or draw. Seems like all I do these days is homework, read, homework, flightrising, homework and sleep. Seems like I'm stuck having all my usual hobbies desert me. I'm sorry if my absence has caused trouble/affected anyone, I'm always avalibe on Skype if you need to contact me or just talk. Passed the COMPASS test, failed Spainish tests and went to the first graduation meeting.

12/16/14

Parent's still haven't figured me out and it's been 17 years. For me self pressure is the worst right now, because after this....it's life and I can't afford to fail out there. Now it's just like, where are you going to colloge, what's your major going to be, what job are you getting, are you going to get a lisence? You better raise your grade or you'll have to repeat the grade - I CAN NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. Right now, I'll be happy with a passing C or even a D, A's and B's would be nice but aren't easy to get with two AP classes and Algebra 2.

Haven't got a license yet, still a bit freaked out about driving. I know I'll be going to the college here since I don't want to leave the island but that does limit my options.....I don't think that they offer majors in the fields I'm interested in and as for a job? I don't know. I just want a year break before college and that's not happening. Everyone around me seems to have everything figured out about their life and I don't and now time's running out for me to find out what I want to do.

9/30/14
She's always been a shifer
A faceless creature lurking behind the scenes
A thousand guises to paint over the
Grey canvas of colors adorning

In the web she's spun, she's no spider
Only a dancer on the strings she's strung
Oh many know her where the forest dwells
Though no one sees her

A flick of a hand brings new features
She speaks through many throats and tounges
There's many hands that claim to match
But only one fingerprint remains

Who's to really know the looker?
Not the characters she plays nor those who think they're closer
A secert not worth knowing but always kept
A deviation that's all she is

9/16/14
Another one's gone, another one's gone
Maybe sometime, something will give
But until then I'll see you when I see you
Nothing more.

8/26/14
WELL...the van down the street that hasn't moved in months just caught fire. Firetruck and police just left, this is at 7:42 pm. Earlier today I signed up for MAG Club and Book club. Unfortunately I think that this'll be book club's last year, all the current 7 members are seniors so there won't be enough people.

8/14/14
Aunt's power is still out at the big island. Hurricane Julio is still hovering somewhere out there in the ocean and is sucking up all our tradewinds. That means 81° weather and lots of humidity. And two more hurricanes are out there, Anna and Karena if I'm correct. -_- Because of the el nino weather storm/hurricane season is going to be a lot busier than normal.

8/9/14
If I was a frog I would be a voracious Labyrinth Frog. Just because of those markings <3
Hurricane was uneventful, a few power outages but thats it. It missed us. BUT now there's another one coming. Hulio and another one. Ack.

8/5/14
Two Hurricanes are heading towards the islands, hopefully they won't hit like the last ones haven't but right now it looks like this is going to be serious. Hurricane Iselle is a category 3 and the other is Tropical Storm Julio. They'll hit sometime on Thursday....keep your fingers crossed for me please!
If I'm not on here on that day you'll know why.

8/4/14
School happened and now summer is gone. Draining away the sunlight and sending shadows to take us into the houses, backs bent over paper starts and signatures. Farewell to freedom. I'll send one last goodbye to the races. One more year and future will be mine to chart.

Got lost trying to find a class as usual, you'd think I'd know where everything is now that I'm a senior but nope. Day was otherwise uneventful. Good and bad to be back, hello back pain.

7/27/14
Silence lingers here,
Between the branches and sunlight.
Peace will always be.

How did they come here?
The bright orbs of molten gold
Resting on our crowns.

We will figure out
Through the growth of deer abound
The secret of life.

7/24/14
Not everyone can be saved it seems. One more's gone and many more have followed, perhaps a return will come in time. Perhaps not. Sometimes time won't heal wounds. If i could be braver...stronger in the face of eddies and tides perhaps this would end different. But I've always been a coward. Too high and mighty to let this place get under my skin. But that doesn't mean I don't care. I do. A lot. I just don't say it, won't say it for everyone to hear. I'm sorry it had to end this way.

7/23/14
Hip problems I'm having might be from the medication I'm taking. Got some xrays today, got the okay to stop taking one of my pills. Unfortunately it wasn't the one that tasted gross. Otherwise uneventful. If I had to pick artists/bands that represented my characters, Ird would be Benjamin Francis Leftwich, The Paperkites and surprisingly Radical Face. Lilith would be...idk.

7/??/14 :I
Had art classes from 9 to 12 and then again from 2 to 4. Got fustrated with messy, messy charcoal and bad weather. Ate a baked potato and got home at....late. Bought a new dress! Very bright green XD
(What day is this?)

7/12/14
Earned $60 dollars babystiting yesterday! More money for the Germany trip who-op! Got a nice little necklace from a garage sale today, big brother is gonna have to fix it for me before I can wear it though. Spent all day shoveling lots and lots of mulch. (Two truck loads) I'm so darn dusty! *Coughs* Dropped a flipp'n heavy metal thing on my feets and bruised half of my toes. >< We're going to go see the new Planet Of The Apes movie after this and mom promised to make smoothies. *cheers*

7/8/14

Possible hip necrosis? Pls no.

6/24/14
My god this week has been...stressful. Got quite a few blood tests, the doctors thought it might be a rare type of herpies or some other real rare disease that I forget the name of. Anyway, all these bad possibliities and a few painful sores in a private place and now, they are pretty sure now that it's -guess what- canker sores. That's it. EXTREMLY RELIEVED about this! On another note, the bunny that we've had for 5 years recently died ;-; Still not sure if we'll be getting another one.

Right now though, the most serious thing that I've had to deal with today is an infected hangnail. A nice break considering what's been going on.

6/20/14
This is me right now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S73swRzxs8Y
Not a good day/few weeks
RP is now on pause

6/11/14
Clicked on my profile and ACTUALLY saw my picto


6/7/14
Internet decided to stick with 0% for two entire days there! The cable guys came and fixed it so now the internet is not only working but is the fastest it has ever been for months! Sincere apologies for all the wonderful people that I'm rping with. Please don't be cross with me <3

On another note a health issue has come up. Not sure exactly what it is yet, the lab results will come back next week. D: Could be serious, hopefully it isn't though. One possibility isn't....very good. Hurts a lot but not life threatening. I could be irritable and snappish for this reason.

I drew fanart for a few people a long time ago but....lack the confidence to post it or show people ><

5/13/14
Okay.....when the thing you're downloading says it has 33 minutes left to finish and then you look at it five minutes later and it says 74 minutes left then that means good luck. Don't think this thing is going to get done anytime soon. And internet connection issues....

4/28/14
Currently rather pissed. Not happy that the director lady thought that one of the key elements of the art piece I've been working on for about a year now looked like it was "just stuck on" and that it was "unimportant to the rest of piece". She wants me to wrap it in cloth. Cloth! Really lady? That is unnecessarily cluttering and covers up all the damn detail I put on the back of it. Just cause you can't tell what it says doesn't mean its ugly.

And since when did group work become single work eh? Nearly finished the entire presentation by my self. Did a grand total of 7 out of 9 slides. Them? Half a slid. There are four people in my group including me. They can at least do the last slide thank-you. They probably won't though.

I feel like punching something.
Reallyreallyreallypissedoffandtiredrightnow.

4/22/14
I wander in the sunspots
On the bank of the river
Visit the place where I felt sure
The green one sat last night

Wanted to go to her then
Forest had other plans then
So I learned solitude
Separated it from loneliness
Uncrowded all alone

Clear your head some for going home

(In other words, connection issues)

3/30/14
Prom was pretty good. Music was alright if not listened to too carefully. Food was really good. Got back home after 12. Woke up before 6 today and participated in the Color Run. Been busy, had a birthday and a few other things. I apologize to everyone I'm rping with, I'll reply asap but it might be a while. Currently only on a ipod with means limited posts and no forest. I'm real tired right now and will be semi absent and distracted for at least a week. School's tomorrow.

3/17/14

Time changes around and around
Now every sound is feet hitting the ground
Over the mountain and over sea

Trace the pavement curves to age old destinations
To the ducks, up the road
No telling where we go
Three hearts beat the same as one

They be dogs and I be man
Everything, Everything
Honi-Honi the sleek and the dark
Relentless as a hurricane and the height of a jump
Noni the old and the brown
Strong as a a tank with the spirit of a lion

All the theories and words
All the ideas and verse
Pounding my head
Going where my feet have tread
Everything, everything that I am
Fades when the walking ends
When the walking ends.

3/10/14

And then I was rendered useless, all C's average. What's happening to me? AP student, smart student, good student, excelled student. What's happening? Stupid kid, not good enough kid, little girl who won't go far. The not going to prom girl cause I gotta get my grades up. What's happening? I'm so tired, wish it was the weekend but the weekend's not long enough for me. Nothing is anymore. What'll happen next year? All D's average? All F's? Will I walk next year?

I don't know what went wrong, I'm sorry I'm not good enough for this.
Useless. Unremarkable.

3/5/14



It's 4 a.m. and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
A flickering of all of my mistakes
And as the light starts creeping in
I slowly feel
The day I'm missing
But I wouldn't even know where to begin

Do I push to hard?
Or fall to fast?
The moment never seems to last
Will I stop long enough to know

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Your words circle in my head
Weigh so heavy on my chest
And I'm crushed by your expectation
I only want to do some good
Too dumb to know if I could
And I just wanna feel the days I'm in

Do I go to far,
Not far enough?
Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?
And do we lead the life that we should?

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Did I say to much again?
I'm just a girl in a panic
If I tell you my truth
Am I getting through?
It just seems I should confess
Who am I to pretend
This is more than I can carry

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I hold my head up high
I know I'll be alright
This time
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away
This time
This time,
This time
This time,
This time

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
It's times like these I see your face

3/2/14

You know what? Good fucking riddance. Didn't want you staying under my roof to begin with, that was mom's idea. Cause that's what family does, takes care of each other. No one held you here again your will. We bought you clothes helped you recover from surgery. We tolerated all your shit, irritating crap, every single damn insult. Now you up and leave acting high and mighty, company in the house, yell at me when I try and get you all to shut up. I make fricken noise in the morning?!!?? Well no shit, getting lunch and breakfast at six in the damn morning everyday in near darkness??? What about all those times you could hear the tv blasting at midnight in every room in the house?

But I'm sick and tired of your poisonous ways
Your toxin wasting perfectly good space
And I say what I think
'Cause it's more economic than drugs or a drink

Good riddance.

2/26/14

I'm going to break be it sooner or later. Probably sooner.

2/25/14

Essay + Stress + Parents + Self = 0 Creativity + Tiredness + Late Replies
AP English might have been a mistake.

2/24/14

"You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and your mass is proportionally reduced so as to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?"

Freak out, start screaming, try to hid under the blades or climb the sides. Probably die. Nope, no applying to google.

2/23/14

Discovered the Pooto bird. jsjfjgjsjgfofg.... just Google it.

2/21/14

OH GOD MY EAR IS BLEEDING! WHAT HAVE I DONE?
It stopped now, geez it's been EIGHT weeks since I got these....well guess they're gonna stay in there for at least one more week. That ear was really really bugging me earlier today.

One of the dogs I walk got loose at the golf course of all places. Scared the crap out of 5 ducks and nearly CAUGHT one of them before I manged to grab her. The poor older dog had a tough time trying to keep up with us. Nearly lost my cell in the chase.

2/18/14
Stay silent or speak, glide past everything or get stuck with stigma over originality, keep silent and observe or jump in and get stuck in a fire storm. Two friends, past arguments and stress I don't need. Maybe I'm a coward but I see both possible sides and I'm always surprised how vicious people get over simple things. Make changes, compromise and behave like adults, don't ruin this for more people please. Not jumping in the tide, will not acknowledge these things, probably never will. Do not comment here in response to this post.

2/13/14
Day quatro of my dog walking gig. Visited the ducks, walked down a few streets and up a few streets.
Found the missing Cat! It's pictures were all over the street and I got really excited that maybe I'd be the one to take him back to his home. The dogs chased him into the bushes. jajdjfioejiorhjk dogs!

2/7/14
Wet on the outside with glory to the rain
Sky is grey and foggy with the moutains gone again
I still breathe it in
Exalt the puff of air and the sound of rain on high
Stay sitting in the inside while the rain goes on outside
The rain will pass us by
In the forest it rains too
Mushroom's are god's umbrellas
Deer are staying dry
But not I
Outside in the thick of it
The world will pass me by
But this moment is mine

On another note, there is a bug on my computer screen. I tried to get rid of it with my cursor. Xl

1/29/14
That feeling when it's raining the hardest it has been in the past 2 years and I'm still at school. And will be for the next hour doing math homework. I'm on a teacher computer so I can't go in forest but I want to. Gragh....won't be home until like 7 or 8 and I need to start writing an essay on perfection and prepare for an interview. I hate public speaking. Yay Wednesday.

Actually got home early! Even with visiting grandma at the hospital and having to go through Costco. Got a delicious sandwich and an entire pizza for my lunches. And I actually really do enjoy the rain, it's been too long since we had it last. This island certainly needs it and I'm hoping we will get that thunderstorm (a small one hopefully). Can't wait for it to stop being so darn cold over here though.

And thank-you so much for those beautiful words and music HolyMaria! I've been listening to one of them per day, you really are such a bright light here sweet.

1/10/14
Sometimes I get glimpses of who my characters really are. What struggles they've had and what has impacted them so much that it is still written on them.
I came across this song: After the Storm by Mumford and Sons
It instantly fit with Ird. Whatever Ird has been through is still with it. It makes me sad that this song fits him. I wish that he didn't have to carry around that much baggage.

1/2/14
Finally, finally got my ears pierced on New Years Eve. It took me four years but I finally did it. Didn't like the idea of getting my ears basically stapled. Thank-goodness that's over now. My right ear is still hurting me though, the kind of small grating pain that kind of makes me want to rip it right out. Kinda like my retainer, the source of the new big sore on the inside of my mouth. Ears still feel a lot better then they did on the first day though.

12/27/13

Stepped on a thumbtack. -_-

12/24/13

The forest is snowing! It's so beautiful! And what does Lilith do? She flips out. Dang it! I want to enjoy the snow Lil quit freaking out, look at the candles. And Ird is semi terrified. Wow my characters .... hopefully Ird will calm down and enjoy it eventually. If he doesn't I'm going to haul my ooc in game so I can enjoy the snow. Lol.

12/8/13

There's a roach in the dish washer. Oh god, nope not touching. Halp.

11/25/13

I have found out recently just how much I've been learning both from and about my characters. Lilith has shown me quite a lot about life and what I believe in. She has helped me solidify religious views, shown me some of the importance of life and what I have to been grateful for. I have been taught just how important the presence of friends is; even if you just sit with them for hours and how much having a support system to fall back on is critical. Lilith has few friends to speak of and a nearly non-existent support group instead she chooses to protect the few relationships she holds dear and often acts as a bulwark for them. I can see how much this has cost her and I am reminded to take as well as give and maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving. I am also reminded that I will grow old and die one day and it doesn't necessarily have to be some mournful thing. Lilith has shown me what regret and bitterness can do to a being and reminds me to forgive and forget. Holding grudges is not worth the emotional drain. Silence can speak volumes and can be a great weapon. I must take steps to make sure I do not live in vain and I am thankful that none of us will ever have to live forever.

11/20/13
Got sick yesterday, sensitive skin, sore eyes, sore throat the whole bit. Stayed home from school today and got a lot better. Slept for about 13 hours straight. Still don't feel good, not very high emotional state right now. I go back tomorrow. Sigh. Ap English is not forgiving when major projects and tests must be made up. Wish I could stay home again tomorrow, but that would only be prolonging the matter and making me accumulate more late work. Still have a sore throat and a headache. I'll be up late tonight. ><

10/20/13
Grades seem to have more importance then me. I chose to leave those questions blank for f's sake.

5/11/13

I think I have a new Favorite animal!

The Human
Ali

-Female
-Older Teen
-Short4' 11'' or 5', petite, tiny, skinnyReally healthy type skinny. Never have hit 100 lbs despite loving food
-Email:
-Tumblr: Simple Things
-Skype: simple.thing
-Hello Poetry Account: Something Simple

-ISFP ( 67% Introvert, 25% Sensing, 50% Feeling, 33% Perceiving)

-Appearance: A Noppera-bo, faceless-featureless, mouth (like that of a whisperer) only appears while talking, slightly longer than usual neck, smooth grayish skin, hairless. May or may not posses antlers. When pelt spells are cast will acquire the markings and colors of that pelt, even face markings though without the face to go with it. May also appear as a snail
or a mix between the two.

-Music: Of Monsters And Men, Ben Howard, Gabrielle Aplin, The Paper Kites, The Oh Hello's, Benjamin Francis Leftwich, Sara Bareilles, Florence+The Machine, Vanessa Carlton, Radical Face, Jon Foreman, Sigur Ros, The Open Sea, Celtic Woman, Within Temptation, Metallica, Rammstein, DragonForce, Daughter, The Civil Wars, Bastille, Dr. Dog

-Likes: Books, reading, drawing, painting, interesting words, odd animals, animals, nature, cats, skulls, music, writing, alone time, comfort, chocolate, tea, nice people, personal space, talking

-Dislikes: Bothering, invasions of space, constant supervision, irritating people, repeating things, unexpected loud noises, surprises, promising anything not known about, not sleeping, CANE SPIDERS

Positive	In between	Negative
Friendly	Unique	Creepy
Approachable	Quiet	Slightly Paranoid
Good Natured	Avoids Conflict	Tired
Creative	Talker	Grumbler
Optimistic	Empathetic	Self-Critical