One who will not leave the Birch Forest, nor seek solace in the company of her own kind -- the Sparrows are all that whisper her presence, but even they do not wish attention upon one who is so quick to flit between trees as they.
She is a Doe who suffers silently in the constraints of a weak disposition. A Doe who brings nothing but disappointment to a harem's Prince, unable to bare him a son. A burden, unable to travel, unable to look upon another at a distance and not feel the bitter sting of jealousy -- oh, how fine they all look compared to you, Pure Child. Look, you are limping again - is the cold getting to you?
Kiyoko, you may stay vigilant from afar and not stray from your cover, for you are too frail to risk energy on your shortening days. A rush nearby and off you will bolt! Swift in step, clumsy, limp, then down, strewn about the high grasses. Oh, how you are chased by a non-existent thunder, forever distressed by everything and nothing.
Pray your charred brown and wheat brindled coat cloak your figure, camouflaged against this backdrop so much more beautiful than your thin willowy self... There are some in this forest who wish to hunt, my dear, so they must never hear you or your voice. For they will come, oh yes, they will come.
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[ Fragments ]
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---------- [ Entry 01 September ]
You have walked not two paces and you're already tired... your ears, they're flinching. Are you experiencing a headache? It was dry today, wasn't it. Very little dew in the morning to satisfy your thirst -- but you will not leave your sanctuary to seek the Pond. No, oh no, there are others there. We can't have them seeing you, can we. For now, rest your head. But do not fear Pure Child; those grasses shroud you with their protection. Let your dreams find you, now...
"That Stag tried to take what was mine -- the fact he was your brother has nothing to do with it. Now, get out of my sight -- your eyes look detestably like your father's, and I cannot look at them without wishing you harm. Begone! I do not wish to strike you again!"
"Y-Yes... Sir..."
Wake! For the God's sake wake! Good, now run, can you not hear them? Never mind the fawns -- they are no bother. The herd over the hill, they are the ones who will cause you harm. Hark! Their war cry! Chi-.... Oh, oh dear Child, you have fallen again. Don't get upset, just lay very still. They are leaving, are they not? Return to your slumber and let the moss caress and warm you through your cold, lonely night.
"Your mother bore many fine children. All grew to be fine stags. You were your father's only daughter, the jewel of his legacy. And I took it all... all of it. Your father, nor his sons could match me in battle. But I didn't want this, this... Kingdom. All I wanted was you, Kiyoko, as my Princess. Truly, you are beautiful, but you have brought nothing but shame upon my name..."
---------- [ Entry 15 September ]
The rain yesterday was welcome, was it not? You had to be quick; birch trees are the thirstiest of all. By each puddle you felt stronger, each gulp your feet felt lighter. That limp you carry... a weakness not caused by your own body, correct?
"So it is true, you are with child! Ah, let my Kingdom sing, for all is now well. My Princess Kiyoko, forgive me, the trials of keeping this land safe from tyrants, it has worn on my heart and mind. You were acting to remind myself as to my reputation -- a kind and gentle King, were you not? Let us not dwell on what happened before -- the rut is now over, and my body can rest with you. I will look after you, provide you will the finest grazing grounds, and I will not leave your side until the child is born. Kiyoko, I wish for us to be a family, more so than the other does carrying my legacy. Do you wish it too?"
"...Yes, S-Sire. With all my... heart."
Cry quietly, ever so softly... you don't want the others to hear, do you? Perhaps I am wrong -- there are hero's in this world, the same as the old stag who showed you at a distance the long grasses to keep you safe. Do you remember, the one who did not even attempt to be close to you? How kind he was to stay away. The one in red... yes, he must be a friend of his, knowing to keep you safe. A pity you are afraid of him just like the others who watched your every move today... Now now, deep breaths, everything will be fine. I... I-I-... I'm not s-safe- -Be quiet now, Kiyoko. We are to be silent and wait for your trembles to stop. My dear child, no-where is safe for you. These beasts are curious creatures... I saw you even hide behind a rock to see another sitting up the hill. You must not make the mistake of making yourself known again, do you understand?
"No, you are to stay here today within our thicket. It is not safe for you are almost due. Until you have birthed my precious child, you will not leave here, and I will bring food to you."
"B-But I need to, what a-about w... water-"
"Silence! You dare argue with me!"
---------- [ Entry 10 October ]
Your skin is like birch bark... You can be stripped down, lost to the wind. And you always will be lost. The rain and mist will drag you down further; you cannot remember your way, can you? Don't stray beyond those grasses. Don't.
"My son... my son was never alive. Dispose of the body, quickly; this child was nothing extraordinary. Kiyoko, you must stop weeping and join the herd despite this -- I will not have you show weakness and damn my bloodline further."
Those noises, Kiyoko. Are you worried? No, of course not, why would any stag be interested in you even if you wanted them to be? It's the violence you do not wish to see, those horrid beasts calling their war cry into the dark and cloudy sky. Yet still, rather than damn them all to hell you cower in fear at the mere sight of an antlered face.
"You DARE name him! He was nothing, not one beat ever came from his chest. Do not speak of him in my presence!"
"Sire p-please, surely you can't blame me... I-I didn't mean! I-I couldn't... I... I don't k-know why-AH"
"It doesn't matter why! He was a runt, it was plane to see. If it had lived, I would have cast you and the weakling child out into land beyond my borders. We move now, away from here. I cannot have you dwelling on a child that was never meant to live."
"M-My leg... please... please wait for me."
You cried out! Stupid child! You cried! For your mother no less. They are just noises, Kiyoko, and there was no deer that came after you. The rain and the mist is pure trickery on your mind and you were foolish to not stay beneath the trees. A doe like you cannot have an illness without the risk of death... look, how you shiver.
---------- [ Entry 27 October ]
It is a wonder how you're still alive. Deer like you are not meant to last this long... do you remember what you were told? You were condemned to die like every other deer who weakens the herd.
"... Kiyoko, I can't stay any longer."
"I... I-I know. I know. Thank you for being the only one to stay with me during the night, Yumi. Akane hasn't seen me for days, so I-I know he has no intention of coming back."
"I'm... I'm sorry. But the herd must move, and Leader Akane... well, I don't think he ever cared about you. He only wanted you because of your Father... you were a symbol of what he had conquered."
"I r-realize it, now. I just... I-I just wish my son... He... Perhaps it was better he never opened his... eyes. I wouldn't have wanted Akane to f-father him... no... no..."
How relentless! She almost pushed you out of the grass, but you did well to run with my guidance, you did well. Then came another, and another only to waste your voice and your energy. You're trembling even though the sun is high -- calm your breathing, you are safe. I kept you safe, as always.
"B-Bu-... I-I'm n... N-..."
You fail to say just one word when you're this stricken with fear. Did the two males frighten you? Their antlers were sharp, weren't they... and the doe. She was very pretty, Kiyoko. Is that what made you afraid? How beautiful and persistent she was in taking a closer look at the skin and bones of you. Perhaps that is why she gave in; death looks like it will befall you at any moment. H-Hu-.. Hu-rt... Ah yes, your leg... how cruel it was of them to make you run...
---------- [ Entry 5 November ]
You've been thinking about that doe again, haven't you. You dare think of letting her come close again -- she is dangerous, just like everyone else. S-She... only wanted to say h-hello. N-Not... hurt me- It doesn't matter. You had friends once, and they abandoned you, left you to die. I am all you need. I am all you'll ever need.
Y... Yes...
Blood red! Her pelt, it was red with blood! You were right to cling like bark to that tree -- was an omen, sent by the Gods! We must be careful, ever so careful, but you... You were so bold as to show yourself to the other one, one smaller than yourself. She stalked you, a predator, and yet you wondered from the tree. But... she sat down. S-Smaller than me, so, I-I thought- You thought wrong, child. She ran from you in the end, did she not? The only reason they try to see you is because you look nothing like them... the magic of the forest is lost on you. You are unhealthy, flea-ridden; your ribcage exposed under your pelt... They would sooner rid you of this place than befriend you. You sicken them. Why, you are not worthy of a vulture, let alone the one they call... Bylah.
By-...
Yes... These is something in this forest. You shall know its name, and you will fear it. Therefore you will fear every one who comes near you for the possibility of them being the creature... you will fear everyone. I will keep you safe.
---------- [ Entry 6 November ]
Y-You... will. You... You... Yes, I will. Forever, do not worry.
... Who are you?
Why do you stay where they can see you? Why must you disobey me. B-But... he was n-nice to a f... Fawn- Pretense! For all you know, he is the Bylah, baiting his prey. And has done well in baiting you. No... I will protect you, Kiyoko. Get away from her.
..........
W-... I... Asleep? Shh, it's alright. You had a little fall, that's all. I'm here, I'm here, you're safe...
---------- [ Entry 21 November ]
The Gods, Kiyoko... They have created a truly magical place in the heart of your home. Many deer come here now to disguise themselves as different creatures -- we must stay at the other side close to the border. It will be even harder, now, so you must do exactly as I tell you, when I tell you. Noise... S-So many- Hark! The doe, she comes again cast in white. How she shows her purity compared to you... Run.
Do as I say, run!
N...
She comes closer! Move, now! The arrogance! Look, she shakes her head and forces herself into your space. Frozen... You are frozen, terrified are your wide sunken eyes. This cannot be -- you must run! Ngh... N-No Rokujou... She sits, she s-sits for me...
... Taken I am by something beyond your notice. We have seen him before, the one in red -- he waits for her. See his cold stare? It is akin to death. Pure Child, how his tines are murderous! Closer are his features, now, how bright and brilliant his coat! Oh, oh no, how familiar is he! A-A... Ak-ane! She touched you.
She touched you... And only now do you obey me.
The agony of your terror-stricken heart beating the walls of your fragile chest, hooves tearing the soil in your haste to flee from this "attack"... My sweet Kiyoko can scarcely breathe. Convulsing, shrill cries for release... I cannot let you go. You cling to me so tightly.
...
My love, they are gone now, but are replaced by another. A noble silhouette compared to the fiery tyrant... W-Was... he? Impossible, he could not have been Akane. But I fear his frozen eyes are not so different... who do you fear more, now? The Bylah, or the ominous fire? Get out of sight, quickly now -- the striped one comes closer, now with a smaller accomplice. Look, how they mimic him! A slow walk, a rest at a distance... he listens to your boundary -- my boundary. My tolerance. Only to get a glimpse of you... I will not allow them to look into your eyes. I am the only one to care for you. Keep them away...
There are flames... There are flames lapping at his hooves... It is he! Murderous tines! Foul cry! T-Took his f-f... Friend away... ... Yet the striped one does not defend... Does not fight the injustice of them being stolen from his side... He is- S... Sad... H-Hurt... Ngh
He did not fight for what was his. I don't understand.
---------- [ Entry 29 November ]
How did you get this number? I can't get my head 'round you. Of course you're not coming over. S-Snap out of it...You're not making any sense.
You couldn't be more wrong, darling. I never gave out these signs -- you misunderstand all meaning, S-Snap out of it... I-I'm not falling for this one.
If love is surrender... Then whose war is it, anyway?
Do just what I tell you, and no one will get hurt. D-Don't come in any c-closer -- 'C-ause I-I don't how long I can hold my... h-heart in two.
If you think that it's so damn easy, then what do you need me for? Just look at the state of you, babe, snap out of it; you're not listening to this! A-And just for once could you- -Let me finish a sentence?
Do just what I tell you, and no one will get hurt... D-Don't come in any c-closer --'C-ause I-I don't how long I can hold my... h-heart in two
Make no sudden movements, and no one need get hurt. You're making me n-nervous... I-If you know what's good for m- -Why would I be loving you?
Now, I've had it up to here. Don't ever try that again.
Why are you so quiet so suddenly? Go on, have it.
You're just dying to try me.
Do just what I tell you, and no one will get hurt... D-Don't come any c-closer 'C-ause I-I don't how long I can hold my... h-heart in two.
Make no sudden movements, and no one need get hurt. You're making me n-nervous... I-If you know what's good for m- -Why would I be loving you?
... So, what do we do now? S-So w-what do we do n... Now? So, what do we do now? S... So what d-do we do, now...
---------- [ Entry 20 January ]
Such a long, long winter. It is a wonder she did not die, if not for the power of... I. No magic is greater than the mind, no magic is more powerful than the will to remain, and no God can take me away from her. I am not a plague that can be cured... Her obsession to be safeguarded -- to survive -- lies with me. And I will keep her here, keep her mine, for as long as this forest is endless.
My darling, the sun is warm today... you may wake. But oh so quickly the forest is alive and well, and very interested in you today... But we are both weak. Exhausted; though we lived through winter's grip, we today are not so quick.
H-Him... I rem... Remember... Yes, the stag who did not fight the injustice we saw. I wonder his name... A Leader of a herd, he must be -- look how he stands sentinel on the high ground, looking over his, his... Quarry. Kiyoko! You dared bow to him! S... Safe. ... What? I... f-f... Feel- Silence. I watch over you. Do not fall prey to this arrogant fool -- it is a trap, he is a trap -- everything is a trap! He is danger! Look how his presence brings one after the other, look how I'm forcing you to run away. My Kiyoko's heart is all a thunder, and your leg... It has worsened. Such a long time without a full stomach...
Tired... Yes, yes. Shh... Nn...
Such persistence has forced me to wake you... He has come closer. But there is another who waits higher and watches intently... A friend of his, perhaps. We are on the border of the grasslands now, my love, we must be careful. I cannot let you bolt out there where there is no-where to hide.
... Don't speak. Don't surrender your name, don't breathe a word... Nng... Why are you not letting me protect you? Too close! Too close! Oh no... Look at him. That giant creature, stalking you on the other side. Hooves big enough to crush your skull Kiyoko, look, at him. Hard. Those powerful legs, the scars on his neck... A killer. The hairs on your body are prickly to the touch... Good. Fear him. Those glances; the stag who's stayed beside you all this time knows him. Knows the giant. What must happen to make you run from him, hm? Run, or let me remove him from your perimeter. Stop looking at him. R-Red...! Demon! He is here again! Foul... foul! The beast cavorts with the giant, they're in cahoots! You see? There are creatures here who hunt, ravage others like wolves; and there is your proof of a pack. The howl of any wolf will draw others near... Run. Further, further still, and up... Yes. Here, we -- I -- can see the world, and protect you from it. You see? Your trembles have stopped, and you know you are safe with me; me alone.
It smells of him, here...
---------- [ Entry 24 January ]
I said once that my Pure Child was not fit for a vulture... But flies, they'll settle for anything. Your brittle body looks as if it would shatter the moment you stand... But you cannot, not now. I cannot even force you to your feet... Am I failing you? To keep you safe unto death... No, this cannot be, not on this hill where all the noise of these creatures are so far away, so far below us...
"Kiyoko... Before I leave, I must know... Your fawn, what did you name him?"
"Yumi, please, I--"
"We must know, we... The other mothers, they want to pay their respects to the lost before they leave the grounds..."
"He was never lost...
... Kusa. I named him Kusa."
It hasn't rained for weeks. Your miserable, dehydrated coat falls from you in the harsh breeze... And I cannot keep you warm.
But... this creature can.
Does he not think you dead?
Is he not disgusted by your smell?
The way your skin is pulled so tight around your bones? H-He is warm...
GET UP.
Confound your sneezing! You took his warmth, took it, where in your heart I deny you anything other than what I provide... Why are you following him? Fool, fool! He stares at you for far too long, utter disdain on his face.
[=#FFA500"N-No... H-He is... hel... helping m-m-me.[/color] Liar. You think there is another more disgusting site in this forest? All he does is stare! Even the Bylah is finer than you. None have been more wronged, none have been so precious in its deformity... TRICKORY! The water, Kiyoko, he has lead you to this water, unsafe! Powerful magic binds whoever crosses it. Nng, no!
Disobedient child, what have you done? A common crow! Leave the circle lest the Gods condemn you to such a lowly creature! CRACK
Thunder! Lightening! Run, the striped one brings thunder, brings deceit, and I... Your thirst, quenched by a sorcerers water... We may live another day.
But he- P-Please! R-R... Rokuj-jou, no-
"You will not look at her again, you will not touch her again. She doesn't need you, she doesn't need anybody but me! Come near her again and I'll... And... Nng
..."
"Oh, Kiyo, I had no idea you would have named him so..."
"... My son was never anything but... Grass."
---------- [ Entry 31 January ]
You desire love - to be loved - because you don't know what it is. Your past... That was not love, that was just necessity. The herd favours the strong, but you... You couldn't execute the one use you had. But that doesn't matter anymore, you must stop dwelling on it and embrace me. You are too weak to survive this world alone, and your judgment is clouded by your idiocy; look at how gullible you've been. First that frivolous female, and now this sneaky, deviant stag who appears to listen to me in order to get to you. Oh, perhaps it is I who has been gullible, fooled by his careful hoof.
Thump-thump... Thump-thump...
Shh, my darling, I am here.
Get up, quickly now, the red one moves closer! Closer, closer... See his eyes? Venomous, look how he slithers towards you slowly, treacherous snake preying on my fallen sparrow. And now? Ha! Why, there is him, his striking features similar to that of the stag, and... Low, here he is. No... You are surrounded. I-I d... d-don't- -Don't know what to do... There is no-where to run, and now they mock and taunt each other for you. See how your helpful stag writhes and tears up the sky with his antlers... Interesting, you are afraid of him. C-Can't... W- -What if he hurts you? Oh, he most certainly will. That little display caused even the red beast to retreat from him. Violent, despicable creature. You regret listening to him, following him, remembering his damn scent; no good will come of his presence!
N... N-No... Thump-thump... Thump-thump...
Faint...
Another dizzy spell? They are becoming more frequent... The world is just the same as you left it, and the stag is still sitting, sitting, sitting... You feel he is a lot less frightful now.
Thump-thump... Thump-thump... Y... Yes...
... No... No, your heartbeat, it is not all fear anymore. It is... excitement? When he is let close you want him closer, don't you. Don't you. Here I am trying to protect you, dissuade you from this nonsense and you relax into my will with hidden cause! Deceitful doe! A-Ah-I'm... S-S... S-S... Sorry! It is too late, your betrayal of my trust will not be forgiven. We will see how close this stag will get, we will see if he turns his antlers onto you like the tyrant before.
And we will see the extent of my wrath. KIYOKO! We've been caught off-guard! Angelic, bright white form, he appears!
My love, he is gone now, for we have fallen to the earth again.
---------- [ Entry 03 February ]
Are you still alive?
Yes... You must be, else I would not.
Thump-thump... Thump-thump...
He is here... By Gods, I can smell him. Disgusting. He's brought more of the filthy beasts with him, too.
... Is that...?
Why...
Why are you smiling I can... Smell him...
GET UP.
... This fawn... This fawn is persistent.
It wants to play.
Can you remember how?
... As I look into the child's face, my heart feels heavier than usual. I can't touch it... I... I can't... The little ones cry, the little ones eyes. Big, new eyes... I feel sick -- for what I lost, what I never saw, what I never heard...
Only in my dreams.
Shh...
"It is alright..."
... R... T'was not me who uttered those words. His tongue bites in the dark; sinister whispers in your sleep... Very clever.
Thump-thump... Thump-thump... H... His voice... His is a voice you will never listen to. If he is wise, he will hold his tongue firmly in place lest I tear it from his throat, understand? You will not reply. Ah, more hooves, another fawn... and I will not let you run. N... N-No! R-Rokujou, please, I-I won't listen, I won't listen! It is too late! You defy my warnings, my care for your well-being. Without me, you don't have the strength nor the will to move. Tremble all you like, drive that watchful beast to distraction!
Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I have to move... I can smell the fawn, smell them... all. Too close... I can take no more!
Ah, my love, you may have escaped them, but did you see? Did you see them? Did you see her? You remember, the beautiful doe who charged you so happily before. But your precious stag didn't want any of them near you, not even her, hm? Bah, you see! Selfish, selfish creature wanting to keep your skeletal self all his own. I remember someone who wanted to keep you his, too; Akane- -N-Not his name... Please... N-Not his name... H-He is n-n-not him... They are all the same! All of them. Look, that other stag that frightened you -- he stands watching from afar. Then he will sit. Your sentinel unknowingly teaches all how to overcome your invisible walls, teaches all how to push past the boundaries I set. My patience is feigning, Kiyoko.
Closer... Closer still... P-Please...
Ngh,
Kiyoko, he wants you out of the grasses, he wants you away. Away from safety, out into those clearings where there are few places to hide. Your body cannot keep you hidden against the greens and purples -- you belong here, he will NOT take you away. I-I do not w-want to go... ... Good, he listens.
I can see his eyes... Every detail of his eyes... The scar on his nose... The colours of his fur... Everything. He is so close... Thump-thump... Thump-thump... F-Frozen still... I daren't move. Closer he gets... I-I can hardly b-
"My name is Virgil."
ENOUGH!
Get away from her,
Get away from her!
---------- [ Entry 06 February ]
I'm sleeping... Yes, otherwise this would be different.
I'm running, but not because I have to -- not because I'm scared -- because I want to.
And I'm laughing... I can run really fast, faster than all the others running with me. With me... Not after me.
The sun is warm today... "Mn..."
Wakey wakey... Your wolf is here. W-W... Wol... W! The one named Virgil. Always there, waiting; wolf corralling prey. But... Is he the same Virgil as before? Oh dear, dear dear Kiyoko, he is more distrustful than ever. I don't believe that it is his name at all. Ah... quickly, get up, get a closer look while he sleeps...
I do as she says... I walk closer. Bit by bit, always looking. I smelt him... H-He smelt the same, but his coat was lighter... Maybe it was because of the sun. ... I walk back to the grass just before he wake-
-Clumsy oaf -- what if he had woken moments before? You must be more quiet! But now, you see? He looked at you. Tell me what you saw, what I saw. H-His... eyes... t-they're- -Not the same. He is a lie.
... I-I don't want to believe her. But I saw them, they weren't green anymore... B-But his smell... I'm so confused...
Wait... This voice. It's not Rokujou.
Am I... Can I... Be listening to myself?
Come, Kiyoko; I will show this creature not to lie to us, deceive us. Ngh... Let him realize his mistake to have ever come near you.
... But I don't want her to.
He... Whoever he is... Has never hurt me. N-N... N-N...n.... No. Nn...n-RH, Kiyoko, what are you doing! You dare try to deny my existance! LET ME GO-
I couldn't let her take over... I-I didn't want him to get hurt.
I tried... I-I tried... Did it work?
I-I can't hear her...
Rokujou? R-Rokujou? Rokujou... I am met with silence. This... can't be, s-she can't be gone, I-I don't want her to be gone, she p-protects me... I have to find her. I listen for her, run around in circles because well I-I p-panic -- she can't be gone! She promised she'd never leave... She's just angry because I wouldn't let her hurt him... Yes, s-she'll be back I-I know she will.
But... What we... What do I do now?
V... Virgil...
Maybe I can... Tell him my name. He's sitting there, just.. Just over there. But he's in the open... M-Maybe he'll come to me, like before. I try coming out of the grass... P-Painful, this fear, I just... Want to stay hidden.
Why is it so hard, Rokujou? I... Can't do it without you. Nn... When I sit down, he stands... I'm frozen again, n-not sure what to do. I keep seeing fawns everywhere... I keep thinking...
He sits down again, h-his back to me...
His eyes... Maybe she was right, maybe it isn't... Him. I-It's someone else, someone who doesn't... Want to be here, doesn't want to see me...
I stumble over and into the grass further away... I feel alone. I wasn't alone when Rokujou was here... She's right... She's right about everything.
I curl around myself, and I can't help it... I start to cry quietly until I fall asleep. Rokujou, please be here when I wake up...
... I wake up with a start, he's here, h-he's here standing right... Right in front of me. I can see his eyes so well, s-snared... Y-Yes, they are the same! The colour meant nothing, n-no... T-They are the same... H-He is the same.
I-I'm brave... I-I smell him, again, and h-he does the same. Thump-thump... Thump-thump... Virgil... T-That's his name. Virgil. H-He's not a Bylah, he's not scary, he... He's moving closer. I-I move closer. My breathing is fast, like when I see a deer running towards me, or-or when I'm running away, but it's good somehow, I-I don't know why. Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I gasp, j-just a little... Our noses touched... H-He's gentle, being careful around me...
We move closer... Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I-I feel the side of my face touch the side of his... I-I can hear him breathing. C... Confident, brave. Suddenly our heads are by each others necks, it's surreal, I-I-I... Tremble.
He's real... He feels real. Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I close my eyes and bury myself in his neck, it was safe, he was safe, Rokujou was wrong.
But then others come, t-they scared me, I ran and he stayed. I r-ran and kept away until he came to me.
He... He came to me, once they had gone. He knew not to come while they were there... He knew they would follow.
He... Protected me.
We find each others necks again... H-He didn't say anything. I-I needed to tell him my name- Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I swallow hard to try and stop the shaking, stop my hard breathing. But the more I thought about speaking the more anxious I became, until I couldn't hold it in.
I-I'm not very loud...
"Ki... Kiyoko."
And then blackness... Remember me, my sweetheart?
---------- [ Entry 11 February ]
Rokujou... She's here, thank goodness. But this -- my own thoughts -- will she take these away again? Can she hear them? No, otherwise she would have interrupted by now.
... What is that smell?
What is this? A pine-cone, water plants? Oh-ho, he left these for you did he? Aw, what a sweet gesture. ...? Sarcasm, my dear; you cannot expect me to allow you to eat this. Food from the same stag who lead you to the cursed waters and changed your form? Surely you have learned not to trust anything he brings your way. B-But... I-I'm so hungry... The plant smells nice...
Speak of the Devil and he appears. Making sure you accept his gift... W-What are you doing!
I-I couldn't help it... H-He went through all the trouble to bring it all too me I-- I don't even know how far away the water is where he got the plants from. What if he had traveled a long way? F-For... Me... Y-You can't deny me f-food... I did it. I talked back to her.
Deny you food? Deny!? Ungrateful beast, never have I done such. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead, I'm protecting you from that busy-body stag; what if they were poisonous plants? Hm? You chose to eat them, not the pine-cone!
I don't eat very much... I-I can't eat hard things... It hurts. The water plants... I could have wept with how wonderful they felt in my dry, soar mouth. I had to thank him. "Th... T-Thank you." He bowed and nodded his head... And that's when the deer came. It kept running around us, calling, looking at me a-and... l-laughing... s-sometimes... But then, they were sad... I-I wanted to say I was sorry, I-I don't know how to play a-and I'm still sc-
Why are you not running. ... H- You've told him your name, haven't you... You trust him. That is why you're not running.
She was right, I wasn't running l-like before. I was still hiding b-but behind... Him. Even when a huge stag was walking straight towards us without stopping, I-I stayed behind him. R-Rokujou he knows, h-he understa- -Understands? You think he understands? You should be ashamed, believing such nonsense! Ngh,
Stop following him!
No. I won't, I-I... can't stop. I want to. He's taking me through the grass, not out in the open... "Hmn..." Did I fall asleep? I... That smell... Who... R-Rokujou there's a-a-another-r... H-He let it come h-here- You see? You see? This is what happens when you don't listen, this is what happens when you put your trust into something that is not fit to even know your name. That's it, over here, you can't run far... It is warmer now, surely your leg should feel better? ... A-Antlers... T-The tree... Vicious scoundrel! Tearing up the very trees you rely on, and this, this... Virgil let him be within striking distance of you! Ah, doesn't he look regretful, foolish little stag trying to take my Kiyoko away--
He comes! The violent one comes! After your brief stint of courage can you remember how to run? You'll need your legs now, he is quick!
M-My leg, this... hurts, ever time I collide with the ground, the hard... dry ground. My bones feel like they could shatter at any given moment, w-why... W-why is he chasing me? I... can't... I'm too breathless, I had to stop and hope he wouldn't chase me further... I think Virgil stopped... Vir... Stopped... Him...
Tut-tut, we can't faint yet.
I haven't showed Virgil my gratitude for such protection...
I cannot tolerate your presence; you weaken Kiyoko's acceptance of me. I can't have her forcing me out again... STRIKE Insufferable mule! You dare to turn your back to me! STRIKE S-STOP IT! S-Stop turning away! FACE ME! STRIKE N-No... P-Please... STRIKE Rokujou... e-enough...
---------- [ Entry 15 February ]
I can remember... I was there, I was there watching, in her head, crying out for her to stop. Just how she is in my head, telling me what to do.
In my head...
Rokujou? R-Rokujou?
Has she gone again? H-Has he gone because of her? N-No, he can't be gone, he can't...
Wait...
Where I've slept...
A round yellow flower, more plants from the water, and these soft round things -- they burst in my mouth, cold, sweet... I eat everything, everything except the yellow flower. I like the look of it too much to eat it, even though I know it will soon die from being plucked from where it grew. I'm so naive... I dig a small hole and try to pick it up in my mouth and plant it again, but I'm not gentle enough and can't seem to make it stand in the earth. So I just leave it there and move away.
Vigil hasn't gone. All those things, that pretty flower, he got them just for me.
But why?
I'm nothing! I can't even keep myself alive, and I can't even hold onto the one thing who has; Rokujou. She's gone again because of me, and I can't do anything.
I can't even walk out of these stupid... stupid grasses!
...
I rest my head on a tree, but... I didn't hear the dull thud of my antlers. They were gone, there was nothing left but stubs. I shouldn't have even had antlers in the first place -- they appeared when I came to this place -- and now they're gone, too. Can I not hold onto anything?
They were my influence, Kiyoko... I needed them to protect you. Rokujou... W-Why are you so- -Quiet? Yes, I am much quieter now, aren't I...
I hurt him Kiyoko, I hurt him for you. To keep him away. But he didn't fight back, he just stood there... Unmoved, wouldn't even look at me. Even after I pierced his flesh, he still came back to you.
The antlers are useless now, and so am I. N-No, y-you're not useless! A part of me was glad they had gone, it meant she couldn't hurt anyone anymore... But... I-I needed her. I-I need you, you t-t... Tell me when to run... Every day that stag is in your presence my voice gets quieter. You don't trust me anymore, and soon I will be gone completely, my love. If I can't keep that one puny stag away, all hope is lost...
Look, my darling, it's snowing. Your thirst can be quenched.
My voice is very small... But I called for him.
Like I needed help, only... I didn't, well... I-I am unsure.
I don't know how to... console her, Rokujou. I-I still need her... B-But this time, I need to help her, because...
S-She doesn't think she can help me, not anymore.
I'm... Unsure how to feel.
"V... Virgil?" Yes, it's him... But his antlers are gone... It reminded me of home.
Was it that time of year already?
This snow... My leg is hurting, but I am... Glad for that moment. Something normal I can cling on to.
He used to be so far away, but now even when he knows he can come closer, to me... I-I don't know, he still seems out of reach.
He bowed, like he always does.
I feel like I know him, just because of that.
My greetings are still shaky... O-Or maybe I am cold. I did just sneeze.
When he was close enough, I could see what Rokujou did to him. "Oh... I... She... I-I'm..." I-I wanted to say I was sorry, b-but I can't seem to... Speak very well. I want to show him that i-it wasn't me...
We touch noses, just like before, and I find his neck... Just like before. It was becoming familiar.
In every one of these moments, you forget about me... I wonder if we will die, soon.
He was keeping me warm... Grooming me. My fur... I-It's not healthy, i-it's rough and uneven... I felt ashamed... B-But at the same time I didn't want him to stop.
But he did, and he started walking... I-I followed him to the edge, where the grass cover...
... S-Stopped.
"Do you trust me?"
He whispered... Q-Quiet, like me. "Y... Yes." I said eventually... R-Rokujou is quiet... I-I'm trusting... Myself.
I could see where he wanted to go... T-There's blueberries, over there, l-lots of them...
"A-Ahn... V-Virgil!"
Even my cries are quiet... A-A deer came out of no-where and I ran behind a tree. T-They seemed to know him, h-happy to see him... But when they saw me cowering behind the tree, I-I made them sad...
I don't... I-I don't... Mean to.
I just... Can't...
R-Rukojou, this hurts... T-Thank goodness they left. Virgil made them understand... A-And he's standing close to me s-so I can be okay.
I-I'm okay... I'm okay...
So we start walking again, back to the edge.
I'm frightened... But I can't hear Rokujou... So... I-I follow.
Step by step we start walking... O-One hoof after the other... I stare at the cover ahead. Virgil keeps stopping now and again to watch...
H-He's so careful...
Then suddenly I bolt, but not back to the grass -- into the blueberries.
I-It's beautiful. They're beautiful. But I-I'm unsure of what to do next... I... Feel foolish. I-I didn't know how to eat them... T-They look different from the ones he gave to me. But then he shows me; he ate some first and I copied him. T-The taste of them... I can feel tears in my eyes...
I ate my fill, w-which wasn't much... I-I'm not used to eating very much.
...
I'm not in the grass anymore.
I... He... Virgil... H-He got me out of the grass.
I shakily brush the side of my head up his neck to his ear, burrowing my nose into his fur. H-He caressed me back...
I didn't know how else to thank him.
Because of him, I fell asleep with a full stomach.
---------- [ Entry 19 February ]
It is ever so cold... Today is the fourth day it has snowed?
My love, you are shivering.
... Kiyoko?
...
... Kiyoko, get up. Get.Up.
I-I don't think I've ever felt this cold.
But then suddenly... warm. S-Smell... comfort. "... Virgil." M-My voice is a harsh, almost an unnoticeable whisper... I-I want to get up, but I'm just too weak... My legs won't listen anymore.
We must leave this place, now. Kiyoko, t-the fire, can you not smell it?
The Bylah... It is in this forest today, and it is moving, and it is here.
I open my eyes, I can see her, that doe... I-It seems a long time ago now... A-And there's others... The one with scars... Why, why are they here, I-I ran from them... "V-Virgil... I-Is the forest on fire? I-I smell... smoke."
Useless child. Can you not hear me anymore? You must listen to me! Now, GET UP.
"We must move."
He looked so frightened...
I followed him... T-Terror... A-Absolute terror... I-I couldn't run, it was all I could do to just move back from it inch by inch when it came and sat closer. I-It... T-The Bylah... I-I feel sick...
Every time it moved, the deer around us moved, h-hurriedly... B-Blocking its path...
H-How are they so brave?
The fires...
H-His eyes were ready to draw out my insides...
I cough, splutter...
For a time I am frozen there, looking at it, w-whimpering... Panicked calls spewing from my tiny mouth now and again...
But they? They sit directly in front of the beast, and it does not look at them.
Only at me.
"Their names were Sir Ephiré and Lady Poltergeist. And they are very dear friends."
Mn, he is well trained... Virgil moves you on while his friends willingly guard the two of you from the creature. The Bylah is clever... Very clever. Only moving when an opportunity may arise... But it doesn't, he cannot get to you.
Ah, my antlers, they're back again.
How right it is for you to be so frightened. I warned you many times of the Bylah, and although Virgil may have not have been the beast after all, interest in you brought interest to it. ... Rokujou, everything was alright... E-Everything was... W-Working. My poor sweet Kiyoko, how wrong I was to let you fall so far away from me. I never left you -- I cannot leave you -- rest assured that when I said forever, I meant it.
Ah, it leaves... To wait for a time when you are alone, perhaps. We'll go back to the grasses, it never found you there before.
... Kiyoko?
Your eyes are half closed, we can't go to the ground again, not yet -- let's get you back to the grasses first. We are safe there, remember? ... I don't... I-I can't... I can taste the smoke. "... V-Virgil... I don't feel... well..."
I didn't wait for him to lead... I-I didn't know how long I'd be able to stay on my feet. I felt dizzy... So, ignoring everything else around me, I limped back in the direction of the birch forest. This forest has been frozen for days... I-I'm in so much pain, I cry and clench my jaw with each step until I find one of the grass patches that has never failed to keep me hidden. R-Rokujou... T-This is one of them, isn't it. Shh, yes, this is home.
T-The shaking was uncontrollable, now. The Bylah... It was burned into my memory. I-I can see it when I close my eyes.
Hysterical, I paw the ground and lower my head. I wanted him to chase it all away, but all that came out of my mouth was a spluttering plea for him to be close to me. "P-Please?" I bury my head in his chest, and then I give in.
Goodnight, now.
---------- [ Entry 21 February ]
There's something here again...
More water plants, clovers, thick green grass and... A-A Poppy.
A... Poppy.
That last time I had seen one was... Rokujou? Y-Your antlers have gone again. W-Why? We are safer in rain, safer in darkness. There are less travelers in such bleak weather... You can drink.
Something's happened to her... She doesn't say anything while I eat the various things Virgil left me.
M-My mouth... I-I can still taste smoke, even after I've eaten. I drink from a puddle to wash the taste away, but it hasn't worked. Rokujou? ... ...I want you to eat today, even if those things are brought by that stag. If it weren't for him and his friends, the beast would have killed you. You could not run at all.
... I understood.
She was protecting me, without her antlers.
"H-Hello..." He's always there... I-I am always happy to see him, now.
I d-don't think Rokujou is, but... S-She's letting me have a day that's mine. She's... shouldering the distress of the B... By...- Thump-thump... Thump-thump... "...-" Virgil came close straight away and nuzzled me... I-I didn't expect it and I gasped a little, b-but I nuzzled him too because I felt... L-Like I should, but because I... Wanted to? I-It was like I wasn't thinking, like I didn't have to?
Nn... My heart is beating fast, b-but it's not because I'm scared. I just...
Closeness, to want to be close...
I close my eyes as we rest our heads on each others shoulders for a while. Thump-thump... Thump-thump... But then he moves, looking back at me so I'd follow...
We walk over to a large tree -- he brought me to shelter -- but... I can see, up on the hill, o-others...
Why am I so frightened... I-I nervously tilt my head and sit down behind the tree, so I'm hidden from them. He understands and sits next to me, only getting up to bow to his friend Ephiré who is sitting far away... I-I think... I'm okay...
H-He was one of his friends who defended us from i-it.
"... V-Virgil... W-Where did you get the pop-py f-from?" I had to ask... My voice is still so meek and quiet. "I-I like it, v-very much... T-Thank you... I see Ephiré moving closer to the next tree... H-He is good at hiding t-too.
"Someday, you shall see... But only if you let me take you there..."
What is he up to, Kiyoko. I don't like such ambiguous answers. I-I... He... Wants to show me someday, b-but maybe it's far- Away from here? He took you out of the grass and The Bylah came for you, have you learned nothing?! N-No! I-I mean, y-yes, he has friends -- l-lots of them -- a-and he didn't let me go, a-and he always makes sure I'm okay, a-and- Such a nuisance...
I-I will get better.
I want... to be able to rely on him.
The grass... doesn't care if I'm here or not. B-But he does... I-I think...
A-And I want to see the poppies. "..." I don't say anything... I just... move closer... And before I know it, my head is on the ground and I'm drifting in an out of sleep. But i-it's... difficult, t-to sleep, because he curls himself around me and rests his head on the ground next to mine.
He's so w-warm...
"Mn..." I stir, for his warmth has gone. When I sit up, Virgil is standing so I do the same and look to where he's watching and listening, alert. M-My eyes fall upon that doe, but she's different than when I saw her before... C-Calmer, not telling me to do anything... N-Not walking toward me...
S-She's so beautiful, standing up there so close... I-It's strange, like she doesn't... quite... belong here. You don't quite belong here. That's why she's come to take a good hard look, hm? She chased us before, teasing us -- teasing you -- baiting your skin and bones to move. Ah, you're still just as jealous as the first time you saw her. S-She can hide in shadows, h-her fur is so dark.... They're not sunken, but, her eyes are just as large as yours... haunting. No wonder she fancied having a close look at you, the shriveled thing hiding behind an antler-less stag. R-Rokujou is... cruel, s-shes the one who's jealous, y-yes...
Then... W-Why am I listening to her, fighting back tears...
I... I-I'm not... I don't look... Healthy, p-pretty, like her...
I swallow hard as she turns to leave, like I want to say something, b-be brave enough to say anything to keep her there, I-I want to know what she wants... W-Why she stared, and why I was scared enough to only stand still and not run...
"..." I step forward, listening to where she's going before I let my ears drop. When I seek Virgil's neck I let a tear fall... H-He doesn't notice from the rain. I-I don't want him to notice, t-there isn't time to notice. "!" The thundering hooves are too quick, I don't make a noise, I-I just run clear of whoever it was. Only when I stopped did I call out for Virgil. He found me quickly; they didn't want anything of him, j-just passing through...
I-I can't distinguish between... I-I just... Panic... You have learned to listen to me even when I'm silent... I... Instinct...
"... I-I'm sorry, i-it... I-I wasn't running from y-you, i-it was-" The shock is what hits me most... T-The trembling... My shoulders shudder and contract and I've never been able to do anything about it... But he starts... G-Grooming them.
And ever so slowly,
It stops, and I'm calm again.
Calm enough to stand still in his affections... Thump-thump... Thump-thump... Calm enough to be touched...
But he stops, and we walk again to another tree out of the rain. We caress each other... I-I like the smell of rain, i-it changes the smell of other things, b-but... For some reason, h-his stays the same t-to me, despite how sodden his coat is...
I start to feel tired, but I-I want to do something brave, before I go to sleep. J-Just something small.
I can feel my voice would be horse is I tried to speak loudly, so instead I slowly lead my cheek up to his and whisper in his ear, w-without... faltering, no stuttering, no held breath... I-I can do it.
"Thank you."
---------- [ Entry 27 February ]
I wake up to sparrow song, with more gifts by my side.
It's strange...
They are for me to eat, yet, because he brought them to me... I want to keep them.
He took time in finding the greenest blades of grass,
The most tender water plants,
The largest blueberries,
The... Perfectly symmetrical, undamaged oak leaves.
Is it childish for me to notice?
How here, where the prickly grass grows uphill, the earth is perfectly shaded to help me weave myself into the ground.
I-I wish I could slide through days, like drinking water...
The plants from the water make your eyes brighter, and your nose is purple from the berries... I am glad.
"Would you like to go for a walk?" He came to me so quickly... "... Yes." It is very warm today, my leg feels so much better from being in the sun. We walk together, and I watch the birds fly past and above our heads. I never really looked at them before... I-I find myself looking up to the sky, instead of watching the trees, o-or the specks of others in the distance. For a moment it was like we were the only two...
Kiyoko... You must not let your guard down so willingly for this stag... C-Can you speak up? Rokujou, y-you're so quiet... I can't, because you're not listening.
"Oh... V-Virgil... I-is that?" I can see them... Poppies. Not a field of them, like back home, but... T-They were more beautiful, somehow.
I stared...
They seemed so close. "... I-I... want to-!"
You see... First just one, and you're shocked into running. Then another, and another... You are late in noticing... Late in reacting. No... no... I-I wanted to see the poppies, I was so close a-a-and- And now you're back where you belong. Curled up, hidden. I-It's not fair...
N-Not fair...
I curl around myself and cry... a-a little. I do that a lot...
I feel so helpless... B-But he's still with me.
Why? Perhaps he likes being burdened.
Oh look, poppies. Not in the ground where they should be, though.
I'd seen them before...
He has poppies, i-in his antlers...
Flowers... T-They make things less... scary. B-But skulls are s-scary... I-I don't like them...
H-He confuses me...
I look at him for a while. H-He was sitting close, when I was sat down, a-and then he moved away when I put myself behind the tree.
Virgil didn't seem bothered by him, either... I-I felt comfortable.
There are very many here today... too many.
Virgil and I walk some more. I-I'm okay, walking with him. C-Can't walk on my own...
B-But t-... then lots... They... I-I...
Some will run, others will walk. The one who's walking - stalking - is after you. I-I d-don't like it... I can't run anywhere... J-just the trees... I-I'll stay here, V-Virgil will help. The one with poppies in his antlers... He follows you both on the higher ground. They're all wolves, even if their intent is not to cause harm- -RUN.
I-I can't breathe, w-why are they chasing me,
T-There's too many!
I-I can't, there's no-where
Deer-e-everywherenots-safe
Ca-n'tthink
H-Hurt
W-Where-i-i-i...Is heplease- "Virgil!" S-Scream...
P-Poppies run by,
A-And it stops.
R-R... Where were you? I-I needed you to make them s-stop. My name is not the one that was called.
"I saw you running this morning, from a stag. He was chasing you all over the forest..."
"... O-Oh, we were only playing."
"Liar! He knew about the failed birth, he was trying to take you away. Our lack of children does not relinquish you of me -- nothing will -- I will always protect you from such jealous males... He won't be bothering you anymore."
"B-But Akane we're friends, we were fawns togeth--... W-What?"
"I killed him."
These memories... I-I want them to leave, t-to fade a-a-a... Away.
M-Maybe I can f-fade away, i-if they can. ... Do you wish my antlers to return?
I'll make them fade away.
I-It's like e-everything is a monster... A-A Bylah...
I-I want it all to just go away, b-but then Virgil...
I-It makes no sense, w-why should he be different, w-why does he stay.
B-Being with someone else i-isn't easy, i-is it... T-They break rules.
H-He breaks Rokujou, h-how?
It makes no sense!
I stand, h-here, h-he brought me back to my favourite g-grass, and all I want to do is feel his embraces, t-that's all, i-it's better -- I'm better -- h-here, somehow.
Why can't this just s-stay? L-Like this? "... I-I... d-don't know w-what to do. I-I just... Y-You... W-Why are you..." I-I don't know how to finish.
---------- [ Entry 04 March ]
He has brought you too many things.
You will be ill if you eat them all.
But, to not go hungry...
S-She was right, I-I was eating them too fast. Not the flowers, though. N-Never the flowers. I never see flowers here... T-Too dry.
... Everything, l-look... Everything is pink.
It's beautiful...
He isn't here today... Don't call for him. B-But... We don't want to attract unnecessary attention... Stop looking for him, he would have come by now if he were here. Wait, why did you bow to her? I-I know them... T-They were taken from Virgil, o-once. Ah yes, stol'n by flames.
I looked everywhere... I-I even went to the edge, where we stood and looked at the poppies. I thought he might be there waiting for me... But he wasn't.
This place is like a dream... It's so colourful...
Like a dream, b-but... V-Virgil's not in it.
I want him to see this with me.
Don't be so stupid. He's probably seen an evening like this many, many times, and has probably witnessed them with better company. We will sit together and watch this wonder pass by.
It's so quiet... I-I feel so... At home.
I wish it could stay like th- "-!" He was bright red, how could you not see him coming! E-Everything is r- It doesn't matter -- you've run far enough. He is leaving... Oh? The little deer shot up to help?
She knows why I ran...
I-I like her,
She's smaller than me.
... R-Rokujou, Yes, dear? ... W... Why do I miss... Him? You miss him? He is not dead. She laughs at me...
I-I miss that he's not... Right here, now.
I... w-w... wish he was.
You see, he's not dead. Stop talking nonsense. What is she talking about?
I was watching the floor, but I look up, and my ears feel like they were going to tear themselves away from me the way they sprang forward.
He's here!
I jump up and nuzzle him... F-Feeling embarrassed afterward... "T-Thank you for... T-The grass a-and..." I-It really does feel like home, n-now.
We sat for a while... I-I liked it.
Both of us, hidden in the grass.
Hiding is never lonely for me... I-I have Rokujou.
But this was different.
We stand and he motions me to follow, and I do... It was such a nice walk...
I-I was looking, at everything, I don't even know how to describe it for myself...
Beautiful...
Yes...
You shouldn't spend so long out of the grass. You might spoil it for those on the hill who can see you... Where is he taking you. I don't k- - We stopped in a wonderful view on top of a hill... H-He nuzzles me before taking me somewhere else... Thump-thump... Thump-thump... I feel... Happy.
I-I think?
Oh, a-... I-I don't know.
He's taken me to the view of the poppies, w-where I had been before he came... There are deer playing.
I sit and watch.
"D... D-Do you think we could... be like that, o-one day...?" I was curious... L-Like I couldn't remember how to be... Like that.
You are ahead of yourself, you'll never be like that.
Shh, you're tired...
---------- [ Entry 06 March ]
"Yes... one day..." I-I couldn't tell if he believed it... O-Or was just saying it, to make me feel better.
I was very tired...
He left me more things to eat, I-I always expect them, now... B-But I'm trying not to rely on him.
T... Trying... B-But at the same time, I want to rely on him.
I-I want to... depend...
N-No, I-I can't. Rokujou... I-I depend on her. Yes.
You must be steady with your intake... Too much and you will fall ill.
Your stomach is not as large as it used to be. It... I-It hurts, a bit. It's alright, just rest for a while. I'll wake you up if we need to go, I promise...
You're safe.
I make sure the poppy is resting by nose.
It's petals are soft...
But... I felt restless.
I had energy, f-from eating... Better... I-I think.
Virgil came when I woke up... H-His antlers are growing again. "..." I-I... Like... Them. T-That they're growing back...
Oh dear dear, fawning over him are we? Hah, how stupid. You'll be discarded when all the other does in the forest are in season. As if anyone would fight to keep you near? Perhaps once, but not now. I bet he can't even fight. H-He... I-I don't like fighting... Hmph, that's your problem. Sweet little pretty Kiyoko, innocent and fragile -- a stag must fight for you, always. You cannot protect yourself. ... I-I don't mean... to... You're that delicate little flower who needs Mr. Handsome-Strong to protect you from all life's cruelty. You can't admit it, but you like that. You like to be fought for, like to be doted on, loved rather than what nature dictates. Being a stag's continuation of life is not good enough for you.
N-No, it's n-not true!
I-I couldn't help that... M-My fawn...
A-And why I'm scared... I-It's just...
I... Never belonged, d-didn't understand why they had to fight...
E... Every year...
I-I was glad Virgil's distraction...
He's taken me closer to the poppies.
T-They look closer than ever...
Closer, c-closer...
Then the edge.
T-The end, of the grass.
My breath shortened.
What are you doing. I-I'm... What am I doing? I-I'm... trying. Your breath is wasted. She was right... A-A fawn...
My legs tremble as I watch it do little steps, l-like a dance, with Virgil.
I... try.
I-It feels strange, so I stop almost immediately.
... Wait.. D-Did he smile?
The fawn left... M-My courage fled with him, and Virgil started to take me back.
There are others around... W-Who come in close...
We... H-He ignored them and I just... F-Follow, away.
But there is one who runs past...
I bolt.
Rokujou snickered in the back of my mind.
"... P-Please can you... T-Take me in further... I-I'm sorry." We went all that way... J-Just for me to ask to go back.
I-I am sorry.
He takes me to one of the patches I like... H-How does he remember...
But I see up on the hill does a-and fawns... H-He knows them, I-I can tell.
"Nn... H-Here... C-Can I stay h-here...?" I plead, my rushing heart taking its toll. He's exhausted you... again.
"You need not be sorry dear, it is alright. I am proud of you."
P... Proud?
... I'm... not sure w-what that word means...
Proud of... Me...
I-I did try.
We both slept...
... It is him. Who?
... That smell...
F-Fire... A-Ashde-cay- Rokujou wake me up! I open my eyes as The By... I-It... Is leaving.
Virgil is a-asleep... I-I'm quiet...
I-I want to know... W-What it wants...
I-I shouldn't, b-but I move away from him...
Rokujou, sh... she wants me to listen, f-find him.
I-In silence.
... We are scared.
He doesn't prowl, kill like a wolf... Quickly...
The Bylah looms like a colourless storm... Nng
Let me meet it. I hear Virgil behind me. "V-... W-We have to... G-Get out... a-a-away-" We are going nowhere. N-No not now!
"... Disgrace.
He was here, under your nose, and you didn't wake up for her, sentinel. I will be here now, and I will confront this creature." N-No he's not! Nng, V-Virgil! D-Don't listen to her, d-don't let her!
S-She's frustrated...
Frightened... I-I won't let you chase it! Argh, s-stop it! This Virgil, he won't fight it for you, him and none of his supposedly heroic friends will! Let go, NOW. I-I won't! Y-You ca-can't! The grass, you can't go over there! Then I'll do what you're always trying to do, try.
... She hasn't gotten far b-before she... I... we panic.
And... She leaves... S-She leaves me in the open...
S-She wouldn't let me move...
I-I can't take it... Breath... T-Taste of ash,
P-P... Poppies... H-He's running at it!
W-What? D-Does he not see it? What it is?
I-I don't understand... I-It hasn't killed him,
Stand, s-sit... s-stand...
Examine...
Virgil's a-alarm calls scare me a-and comfort me at the same time,
Noise,
N-Noise to drown out the static... T-That's what it sounds like, f-flames, c-constant... ferocity.
"I-Is it gone? I-Ineedto... G-Grassh-hide... You can get up now... Did she freeze me in fear... Or purposefully keep me to watch it...
C-Cruel... Hate.
My eyes are stinging.
Tears... F-From the smoke, a-and... the fear for my life... for V-Virgil...
Virgil... He did what he said, he... Stayed.
He didn't attack...
He stayed...
Stayed.
I stand, nuzzling Virgil hurridly before running back into the grasses...
Poppies... Poppies is standing there. I-I bow to him...
H-He was so brave...
Virgil motions for us to go over the hill into the thick grass,
I-I feel... exhilerated, f-for some reason...
B-Being that close to fire...
I keep looking back... Poppies doesn't follow.
He... Keeps his distance, g-guards...
The poppy patch, i-it's always so close, yet so far.
Poppies... He is the same.
I-I wonder if I'll know his name one day...
"You... Y-You didn't leave me... Not like Roku-" I stop... I-I wasn't sure if he knew her, u-understood-
He embraces me...
Necks, cheeks, w-we caress each other, burrow ourselves into each others fur, l-like... L-Like...
I-I was just glad that we... T-That nothing...
T-That... H-He was still here, that he's always here.
"... I-I'm so glad you didn't... r-run from me..."
---------- [ Entry 15 March ]
Senseless distractions... Why, Rokujou?
I'd fear the birds if you let me... Why is everything a tease?
I shouldn't be frightened of moving like them, should I?
I move so differently.
I... I don't like it, not anymore.
I'm desperate to be like them.
I wonder how many you'll run from today.
"Thank you for the Poppy again today..." I smile sheepishly as Virgil approaches and sits next to me. I've been feeling tired so I still have my head on the grass. But... I-It didn't last very long.
I am brave, though, I-I don't run. There's that small deer again, s-she's nice, but then there's a bigger deer, and then an even bigger one. "I... remember him..." I whisper to myself. He is the old stag who lead us here... By the look on his face, he thought you had come here to die. Ah, Virgil acknowledges -- he is a friend of his. This stag seems to know everyone... how suspicious... H-He's too big... a-antlers... t-they looked smaller at a distance. It's alright, he's moving away. Smart brute, keeping his nose out of something that doesn't concern him... A pity Virgil didn't. My ears snap backwards, then. I-I don't like it when she's mean to him. H-He's helping, always.
"P-Poppies." Poppies had come to see me again. H-He's like... a... a g-guardian. W-When anyone gets to close, he rushes in and takes them away. Virgil watches as I tilt my head to look up in his antlers... I-I like that they have poppies in them. It makes antlers not so... w-well, they don't frighten me like that. A deer came and wanted to play... so he went and played with them, w-with Miss... Miss... P-Polter... Pul.. Y-Yes, Polterg-... eist? I-I think that's her name. After I had calmed down, Virgil walked me up the hill to watch them play below. I-I don't know what they were doing, but... T-They were funny, and I could hear them laughing, s-so I laughed to, I think. That noise... I don't like it. But Virgil does. When I laughed, Virgil looked at me and laughed too. I-I like his laugh. We sit and watch them for a while, e-even Poppies was funny. I-I really like him. P-Poppies is nice. D-Do you think he has a name? Don't be stupid. Why bother learning names, they'll all put you out of your misery if they had the chance. B-But he takes people away so we don't have to r- -Exactly. So we don't run. It's dangerous.
"... She's a silhouette in broad daylight..." That doe again... I-I'm fixated, d-distracted, for a moment.
A persistent fawn...
What's the matter, darling? We're afraid, aren't we.
But you don't want to run hm? They all demand you stay still, yes? That is what you want? "N... N-N... V-..." S-She was... I... She wanted to be close... I-I let her... T-Tried to... Play? I-I don'tknowit-ah... I-I can't breathe, I-I want to cry, whyisshe...
P-Pleased...don'tfollowy-you're... y.. not mine!
L-Listen to Virgil, P-Poppies, t-they'llplay
Ican't
Y-You'ren-notmine! W-What doI-I do, h-help me, m-make it go away. Rokujou doesn't answer and I start to cry. Please! My head screams, h-his lifeless body... I-I can't make it go away- MAKE IT STOP!
"Go away, all of you!" H-Her roar is bigger than mine... s-she scares them. But... N-No, the fawn, i-it's still following. "Get her away if you know what's good for you." N-No! Don't hurt her! W-What have I done... why did I give in... I-I'm weak, I- I won't hurt her. Not a fawn. ...
... They stopped trying to lead her away... T-... They're forcing her away... I-It's not her fault she doesn't understand! V... V-Virgil! P-Please stop! P-Poppies... I-I didn't mean... I... "Idiots, keep away from me and the fawn will follow you. Come near me and I'll tear you to shreds, do you understand?!" Y-Yelling... noise... f-frustration... t-the fawn... I-... I-I wish I wasn't...
I wish...
K-Kusa...
M-My fawn...
I-I can't help but see his face in them, w-wishing they were mine.
"Are you completely thick, Virgil? Get out of the grass! Get out! Whether I like it or not, Kiyoko cares about you, and I don't want to hurt you. Get out of our grass." ... She...
Sh-She really does love me...
---------- [ Entry 20 March ]
You're half-blind today, you must rely on your ears and smell in this fog. Listen... The birds have gone. I-I don't like this Rokujou, the s... s-sun is gone. Distance is key to fog, we mustn't stay still for long periods. I will help you move with it.
There's someone... o-on the hill... I move behind a tree so I can smell their scent coming downwind. I-It was Virgil, b-but... I-I still didn't move until he came close enough so I could see him. "T-This fog makes the forest noisy a-and... scary..." I don't know why I said that... I-It must have sounded stupid, l-like a fawn making an observation that grass is green. Hm, his wounds are healing nicely... Pity. Y-You hurt him?! Of course I did, he was stupid, getting close to me like that as I was trying to safeguard our territory. I did shout and warn him many times, sweetheart, he just doesn't listen. Not like you, you are good and listen to me.
How am I ever going to make him understand, m-make anyone... understand.
We walk up the hill, l-like Rokujou said I should, k-keep moving. I can hear lots of things... W-Wolf howls, b-but I think it's a trick because I hear deer calls too like they're answering. I-It's still doesn't make it less scar- "-V-Virgil there's someone up therea-and another one over thereit'st-too... I-I..." I had to sit and c-calm down, I-I know that they won't hurt me, I-I can smell them... I-I recognize their smell.
...
One of them is... c-carrying fawns.
Virgil started walking us again after I'd rested... B-Both of them were sitting together up on the hill now. The hill... I-I know this hill, it looks so different in the fog, everything does.
We walk closer a-and I can see that it's his friend P-Poltergeist, a-and... I-I don't know w-who the other i-is. B-But they're both does, w-which is good. R-Rokujou d-doesn't worry very much about d-does. What are you, a skinny little spectacle? N... I-I don't understand. They're just sat, staring while he parades you up to them on the high ground. Sit down before I tear their pretty little eyes out. T-They're i...ntimidating... T-They look the same, a-almost. B-But one is leaving, now... I-It's less scary when there's just one.
No... I-It's that fawn again...
Once they know you exist, they won't stop you know. Following you around every corner, trying to get a hold of you just like Virgil has done. I... I-Is it my fault? No... No it is not your fault, it is his. He's gained your trust, now -- you always follow him. You even follow him to the place you sleep, even though you know this grassland as intimately as you know me. And now, that white skulled beast from a top the hill has followed that fawn who distressed you so. What a disgusting behaviour that fawn has, prodding your heart as if it were a toy. And to lead more to you? Their scolding was not forceful enough it seems. I-It was running around happily before... T-That fawn is fearless, t-that's all. D-Doesn't think anything is... w-wrong... Don't make excuses for it. Because of it, you cannot sleep in the grass that covers you the most. Because they wouldn't leave, you're sleeping that little more exposed tonight.
I... feel healthier, f-from the food Virgil brings me. I-I don't feel so sick...
B-But... I-It's hard not to run, i-it's hard not to make Rokujou make them all go away.
I nuzzle Virgil a lot so I might stop thinking, I-I like to think that when I burrow myself in his fur i-it's like I'm hiding. Even Rokujou isn't there when I nuzzle him, it's j-j... just us.
Still, I... thought I was getting better.
I-I don't think I am.
---------- [ Entry 25 March ]
I feel so used to Virgil's regular food-drops when I'm asleep... I-I think soon I want to try and walk with him to the poppies, a-and eat things myself. That would be wonderful. But...
I-I don't know,
A-Am I getting better?
Or is my paranoia getting worse as the fog lingers on? No-one is here... Yes, wonderful, isn't it? It seems a long time since it was just I and you...
"..." There is someone coming... s-slowly... I-I can't quite make them out. I-I'm scared, why are they walking so slowly? A-Are they trying to keep hidden?
W-Why are they bowing... Get moving, we'll soon lose whoever they are- "P... P-Poppies?" I-It was him, but there was something else in his antlers. I-I'm not sure what they were, but he ran off... A-And came back with poppies in them.
J-Just for me?
I-I feel... More comfortable. "I... I-I... I'm not scared of you." I uttered, because he was safe a-and I didn't want him standing so far away. The fog hides things and makes everything difficult. Rr, blasted fawns, where are their mothers? Their hides should be lashed for running about so fearlessly in this weather. Anything can happen to them. I'll happen to them, that's for sure." I stand close to Poppies, h-he's protected me so many times before. I'm close enough to learn his s-smell, now. Usually he stands too far away.
I r-rest my head on his shoulders, thinking perhaps Virgil will be here soon. I-It feels... n-nice, to trust. P-Poppies and Virgil.
We start to walk all over, b-b-but I-I'm skittish, things keep... l-leaping out of the dark. W-Well, it's not dark, i-it's light, but it's like dark because I can't see v-very much.
I-I can see Poppies very well though, I-I stay close to him.
Poppies stands far away again... I-I wonder... D-Does he think there's danger?
I-I can't hear or smell anything...
I nuzzle Virgil and then hear something, an audible crackle o-of fire? "S-Something... The fog plays tricks... It makes me proud to see you so quick onto your hooves. Your lack of instinct and intuition has disappointed me lately.
A Raven flies nearby... I-I like birds.
They are always the first in the forest to raise an alarm call. I-I can always count on them.
Oh?
P-Poppies has a friend, a shy one t-too. I-I'm glad he stays with her, I-I can relate with wanting to stay... put... Virgil's been listening for a long while... "V-Virgil? I-Is there..." I look to Poppies, he's not alert s-so I'm unsure. "... s-something wrong?"
T-Things feel... c-cramped, l-like this fog means I-I can't go anyway.
W-We don't go anywhere... I-I only move a few feet when a stranger comes... I-I usually run far, but it feels like I can't.
I-It was like I suddenly switched off, j-just now... T-there was a stag with huge red antlers... A-And now Poppies is comforting me. I-I like being close to him, h-he was far away before, like the poppy patch I want to see so dearly... M-Maybe it's a sign that I-I'm getting better after all.
"T-There's a Raven over there." This feels really dream-like... I-I feel myself almost falling asleep on my feet. I trot over to the Raven to say hello, u-usually they fly away. This one d-didn't, t-though. I-It was... familiar? It was the same one I saw a moment ago, but...
Virgil seems to know it, too. An empty distraction while that fawn gets even closer. Keep moving away every time it does. I-I do, b-but it keeps coming. R-AH, that deer, it came before, you called at it to stop pestering that other shy deer with... whatever you've called him, Poppy. I-It was making her worried, a-and I was worried, a-and now it's running a-and- - It's run off. Mindless beast stupefied with the fog. This weather has lasted for far too long, it does things to creatures. It's changed you, you feel more suffocated than usual and... dreary.
"V-Virgil..." I whisper very quietly whilst nuzzling him. My eyes are closed. "W... Why do... A-Ah, um..." I-I wanted to ask why he brings me food... a-and... p-presents, t-the poppies... a-and why he's al-always here... w... why he protects me, l-listens for m-me, s-sits by me when I'm asleep and why...
I agree with Ravyn - you are one of the best writers of the community. I always look forward to reading Kiyoko's diary entries.
I tried not to scare Kiyoko too much today, but there were so many deer around that it was hard not to.
I'm having a lot of fun, but if I'm bothering you or Virgil too much, just lower your antlers at me next time. I'll get the hint.
Aw thank you Fincayra (:
I like the way you play Esll, you were really accommodating and are not a bother at all. Lot's of deer around makes things very difficult, but such challenges are fun indeed.
I hope Kaoori didn't scare her too much today.
As Fincayra said, there were many deer around, so she simply decided to sit down and wait. I think it was eventually too much for Kiyoko though.
Waterweeds from the pond.
Lush grasses from beside the crying idol.
Mushrooms from the tree beside the ruins.
Oak leaves from one of the saplings around the Old Oak.
Blue berries from the Blue Bowl.
Purple flora from the lightest flower patch in the forest.
I have to be idle for a little while, hope you don't mind (: I won't be able to come on tomorrow, so I'm making the most of today and want to stay in as long as possible hehe.
"You need not be sorry dear, it is alright." The deer responded with a smile. "I am proud of you."
He didn't expect her to go so far so soon. Virgil was very proud, very impressed.
-
okei.
-
"Shh... I am here." He'll go no where.
-
Sorry if I'm slow, my dad is drinking and arguing at me again. -_____________-''
That was so exciting! Thank you Bylah if you read this...
(unrelated note, vcg, i got a phone call from Dag - she's done one of her famous disappearances with her car Cx she'll be back either tomorrow or monday, if you're wondering. And I'm sorry that your dad's arguing with you ): )
Close beside her, the hart layed his head down to sleep.
-
Young grasses, Fungi, young and tender Oak leaves, and a pinecone.
The poppy seemed stronger, this one had grown from a part of the forest just a little drier than all the others. But it also carried a faint scent of violet flowers.
I agree with Ravyn - you are
I tried not to scare Kiyoko too much today, but there were so many deer around that it was hard not to.
I'm having a lot of fun, but if I'm bothering you or Virgil too much, just lower your antlers at me next time. I'll get the hint.
Aw thank you Fincayra (: I
I like the way you play Esll, you were really accommodating and are not a bother at all. Lot's of deer around makes things very difficult, but such challenges are fun indeed.
I hope Kaoori didn't scare
As Fincayra said, there were many deer around, so she simply decided to sit down and wait. I think it was eventually too much for Kiyoko though.
Waterweeds from the
Lush grasses from beside the crying idol.
Mushrooms from the tree beside the ruins.
Oak leaves from one of the saplings around the Old Oak.
Blue berries from the Blue Bowl.
Purple flora from the lightest flower patch in the forest.
I keep reading this when it's
...well, I fixed that now.
Heehee, thanks Pegasicorn (:
Awww. I was quite surprized
"Yes... one day..." The deer
One day.
-
Oak leaves, waterweeds, dandelion leaves and a poppy.
I have to be idle for a
"You need not be sorry dear,
He didn't expect her to go so far so soon. Virgil was very proud, very impressed.
-
okei.
-
"Shh... I am here." He'll go no where.
-
Sorry if I'm slow, my dad is drinking and arguing at me again. -_____________-''
That was so exciting! Thank
(unrelated note, vcg, i got a phone call from Dag - she's done one of her famous disappearances with her car Cx she'll be back either tomorrow or monday, if you're wondering. And I'm sorry that your dad's arguing with you ): )
x
You are an amazing writer.
I second what Amazon said!
<33
Thank you Amazon and day4 (:
vcg, that picture is so cute C: <3
Beautiful as always.
Blueberries, grass, oak
The poppy this time was more moist than the others, like it had grown somewhere close to water...
Tracking~!! 8D
By Leuvr ♥
bah, I wish I hadn't had to
(No subject)
The grass beside her was
Waterweeds, blueberries, oak leaves and a poppy.
You're making her fat >C Lol
Lol <3
(:
Awww thank you Amazon! I like
-----
My game keeps freezing ): I think I'll give up soon.
Esll will reveal his name
Though I will miss Kiyoko calling him Poppies...
"Kiyoko? Alright..." Close
Alright..."
Close beside her, the hart layed his head down to sleep.
-
Young grasses, Fungi, young and tender Oak leaves, and a pinecone.
The poppy seemed stronger, this one had grown from a part of the forest just a little drier than all the others. But it also carried a faint scent of violet flowers.