I have lived for what feels like forever, and life was stable and calm for the most part...but now there is this. A painful, aching hole in my soul that I can't seem to repair, can't seem to fill. There is no chance of me still loving him - no, he has hurt me too much for that. There is no chance of returning to what we once were - and there would not have been even if he had not found...found someone else.

I have been replaced.

But this replacement is not just a replacement. She is an upgrade. Better for him than I am, than I ever was. I should have known it would never last; such opposite personalities! I, with my peaceful nature and compassion, and he, with his cold arrogance and love of fighting, of winning.

Well, he has won now. He has come off better than I thought he would.

And I am left in the dark, alone.

Never before have I felt so alone. Even with my brothers and children, I am lost. I have changed. I am broken.

The only blood-family I have is Rutilus. The only daughter I ever had is gone.

All I ever wanted in life, all I had ever dared ask for, was happiness, and a family of my own.

I will never have that now. Waarhijd and Yori mean the world to me, and yet I hear that there is a rift between them. How am I supposed to fix such a thing?

I thought I had found the one. Over a year we spent together, over a year I loved him, thinking all the time that he loved me in return. I had my doubts, but love blinded me to his flaws, fooled me into thinking that he was loyal, that he would never leave me. That I was the only doe that could possibly own his heart.

But of course, bad luck runs in my family when it comes to love.

I cannot truly hold a grudge against them. It is not in my nature. They fell in love, and who am I to try and break that, when I have experienced that kind of pain myself?

It hurts.

I am broken.

All I ever wanted was a family of my own.

I cannot have that now. I cannot trust. Cannot believe. Cannot love. There is no-one. There is nothing.

I am broken.



sometimes I tremble in the dark, I cannot see
when people frighten me
I try to hide myself so far from the crowd
is anybody there to comfort me?