uh a random ramble of reflections that really have no coherent or connection flow but yea

it's been awesome, even if I've spent most of the past 5 years lurking rather than playing :eyes:

fun fact Ryuu will also be turning 8 this year and I find that hysterical.

it's weird because Riza was my first, but Ryuu became my main. I made Ryuu in an attempt to make him both like and unlike his parents (his design was the most artistically inspired I have ever been in my life, and it's honestly only subtly changed over time, thanks to artists doing things on commissions I didn't expect but loved enough to make "canon" hah). I also wanted him to be different from me. I'm really not sure if it was intentional or not, but I ended up seeing more of myself in him as time went on. I certainly sometimes I wish I were more like him. Friendlier, kinder, more energetic. Not to say that I don't value the strengths of my more reserved and cynical nature. I have, pretty literally, crippling social anxiety (probably entirely a result of autism). It's SO HARD for that not to project onto my characters.

That said, I tend to be extremely open and frank with people online, confessing disabilities n' all. But the social structures and etiquette rules are so completely different. I definitely still struggle to start a conversation, but I usually hide that under dank memes ;P Ryuu is also 100% a supporter, but that's a role I struggle to fill comfortably. Though, no one has ever described me as intimidating except in real life where people can see how uncomfortable I am always or my anxiety comes down enough for me to feel comfortable enough to offend someone LOL

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS BRAIN VOMIT IS GOING

Sometimes I remember things I did/said during my time here and wonder. Some of it I super regret... A lot of it I stand by proudly ;D I feel like here's something weird that happens when you hit 25 where you start to really learn to let things go and you're just chill with yourself.

I've had a decent amount of characters have a run through here. Some probably won't ever be back in any meaningful way, but that's okay. I may never be as active as I once was. The first couple years of college, when I first joined TEF, afforded me so much time lol. But I'm working at my fourth job post-graduation. We'll see if it outlasts the others. It's certainly one of the more relevant ones.

uuuhhh not sure what else to say here except I still can't believe Ryuu is going on 8 years without ever being a dad. What is this blasphemy?? -smacked-