Drifting but your eyes are open now. And there is light and waking. Good morning...good morning.
I'll wait for you. All of you. Until then, good morning.
"Why are you doing this...?" She asks aloud though she hadn't meant to and, embarrassed by her mind's betrayal shuts her eyes to gain her composure. There is something in his question, something in the subtext that unnerves her. Irritates her. An accusation? It almost feels like one, and she cannot hide her frustration when she speaks.
"You don't seem to understand. Darcy - he's my family. He's a part of me in the same way Henna and Jokerman and the red hare Krystal are. The way my father, Xetkal, and my...my mother Syahi are. So...yes." Eraline sighs, bracing herself. "If he had come to me wounded, I would have been there for him. But that doesn't mean I have 'chosen' you over him or vice versa. You are all a part of me - is that so difficult to understand?"
She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything else for a moment, letting him process it. Imploring him with her eyes to try to understand. Then finally, "I do not like the tension between you two. This isn't how it should be. What is it about him that worries you so much? You showed him...such disrespect today."
He retracted, stung, confused. Doing this... Doing what? What was he doing that was any different than any other buck?
"Yes..." he whispered truthfully in answer to her question, his mind attempting to wrap itself around this. Family... he understood the term. The herd. Rook was his family. ...But if Rook had managed to injure himself, and Eraline called him away, he wouldn't hesitate to leave his brother behind. But to Eraline... family seemed different, somehow. They weren't even related, but...
At her last statement, his eyes grew wide, his ears pinning themselves completely to his skull. His breathing picked up as he fought down panic.
"I... disrespected your family..." he repeated, voice strained. This was what Henna was talking about. This was what she meant. He didn't know. Hadn't proven... worse than hadn't proven. Had failed. He looked down at the grass, searching his mind for a loophole.
...There was none. There was nothing. Black and white.
If I do anything disrespectful, I will leave.
That was the only finite rule. He pushed himself onto unsteady feet, mind hazy, bowed low to Eraline, and headed off blindly into the forest.
Eraline does not see it at first. Misses the signs of his unease. So it comes as too jarring of a surprise when his voice falters and the look on his face shifts completely. So withdrawn. The young doe's heart slows for a few beats, then jumps, racing. The panic is justified when he removes himself from her side and she is caught again by the cold, by the memory of his heat no longer there with her.
"What? Where are you...? Bishop, wait!"
She is on her feet before she even thinks to do it, but it is already too late. Perhaps it is the sudden shock of losing him so suddenly, of this whole evening spoiled by one honest question, but her legs threaten to buckle beneath her as she struggles onto her hooves. Too long. Too much difficulty. Eraline is left to watch his retreating back, the patterns on his fur lost in the darkness, and then eventually nothing.
"...wait..." She whispers into nothing. The sound of the water rushing behind her grates her nerves. Her chest tightens, and she feels herself struggling to take a full breath. Then a familiar burning in her eyes. Moisture.
What had she said? The question pounded in her temples, her lower lip caught between her teeth to keep it from quivering. The day had been difficult yes, but she had been happier than she had in a long time. Now it comes crashing down on her, this failure, and she chokes on it, a deep and throaty sob.
When he had left her that day at the pond, she had felt her inadequacy in a way she'd never dreamed possible. She feels it again know, this lack of something important; it eats at her as she turns, desperate for cover, and heads in the opposite direction. Away from the memory of him, nuzzling the ticklish spot behind her ear. I am such a fool...
Eraline blinks up at her father, the abruptness of the phrase startling her, though the surprise is very short lived. She smiles, a tenderness in her eyes when she responds plainly, honestly, "I love you too, Daddy."
The orange stag looks down to his daughter, admiration in his eyes. After that emotional argument with JM... at least she managed to stir something, something deep down. Guilt, pain. He had not given Eraline the love and attention she deserved. Even after abandoning her the first time, it was as if he disregarded her for the most part... was letting her fly away without a care in the world. Maybe it was too late, everything was moving too fast. "I've done you wrong", he begins, though has a hard time continuing. His thoughts and mind were hazy, a blur, but he pushes through.
"When I left you that day... it was never meant to be out of cruelty. I wanted you to have a life without worry, without pain. I wanted you to have a parent with a level head, that could help you succeed and make it here. I've been wallowing in self pity for far too long to have given you that. Still, you made it... but not because of me. You were always capable of doing it on your own, and you did. You made some wonderful friends along the way, I see that, I know that.
You are beautiful and head strong with amazing friends... and a failure of a father... but now I am going to pull myself out of this rut and do whatever it takes to make your life wonderful. I'm sorry for everything, Eraline... but I'm going to change now, I'm going to be here for you...".
Brows furrow and her mouth tightens in confusion at the sudden overflow of emotion, self-blame and guilt. She lets him finish without interruption, though her ears flatten against her head and a few times she has to stop herself from countering his words. When he is finally finished she sits there for a moment, staring and trying to process all that he has said.
"Why...are you apologizing?" She had thought that they were past this, that they had taken care of these insecurities the last time they'd been reunited. Eraline wonders, worried, what might have brought this on. She looks away from him after a moment, staring out toward the distant hills, her voice soft as she speaks. "I have never wanted perfection. Have never expected it. All I've ever wanted is your love. To be your...daughter. And you've given me that...and so much more. It pains me to realize you shoulder all of this guilt. The Gods know I've failed you in the past."
She chews her lip, her sensitivity exacerbated by her previous misunderstanding with Bishop. "I've never stopped loving you. Even then, even when you left. You...you'll never be rid of me so easy. How can I meet you halfway? How can I be better for you too? I want to...be better for you."
Xetkal's eyes fall upon the rich earth, running over patches of lush and glistening grass. Calming and soothing, making it a distraction as he collected his thoughts. Why was he apologizing? Jokerman had struck a nerve. She didn't know him... she didn't know that Eraline was more precious to him than any of his stashed exotic, and rare items. She was living and breathing, she was the only fawn to stick around out of hundreds that he'd tried to claim, all out of desperation to have a child of his own. When Eraline accepted his offer to stay with him and Syahi... there was a natural high that came from it. Finally he had himself a child. Now... to that toxic doe he couldn't do right by Eraline, all because of that one slip up. He didn't know how to make her see that he was paying for it, in some way... emotionally at least. The stag felt compelled to coddle his daughter every step of the way now, otherwise he'd further lose Jokerman's respect, had he not lost it all entirely already.
Xet's eyes pull from his current focus point onto Eraline again. A deep and hefty sigh given, with it came a windy noise, hallow and barren, pushing through the gap of his skull. "Because it has been eating at me... I needed to clarify. I want you to know that I love you, that I'm willing to do anything to ensure your safety and happiness. You need only ask once, it will be done", he says, his voice solid, his words definite. The orange stag was certain that he would no longer wallow in self pity. For Eraline... he was going to become a better dad, a better stag, no longer held back by fear. He would fight them tooth and nail, go against his own morals if it would ensure Eraline's safety and happiness. At her next words his chest tightens, and there is an unexplained, instant dryness in his throat. "I am glad to hear that Era...", he says shakily, but is able to pull it back by his next words, "No, you have not failed me. There is no possible way you ever could". The way he says it, powerful and without any crack to snake through, unwilling to let her argue it.
The stag would take note of her chewing at her bottom lip, sensing some unease, maybe some underlying anxiety there. 'you'll never be rid of me so easy', Xet processes this, an empty ache growing in the pit of his stomach, reaching up to his already tightened chest which created a burning sensation. He can not seem to find the words... in any case, becomes sidetracked by something else as she fully finishes speaking. "Halfway...", he whispers an echo. He'd roll her question around, repeating it over and over in his mind. "You do everything right, sweetheart... you've come farther than halfway". At this point Xetkal would draw closer to Eraline, and had she allowed it, gently rub the side of his skull against her cheek before retracting. His eyes would rest upon her... had a smirk been possible one would be crossing his lips. This was his daughter... never had he thought he'd have a child of his very own. It was unreal... and Eraline... she was so understanding... still here. "I couldn't ask for a better child".
A small distance away from the little doe's sleeping form stands an observer. A very large stag; his dark form partly hidden behind tall grass and a large tree, but still clearly visible against the warm-light backdrop of the sun-flooded forest. It was not his intention to stand and stare, but he had seen seen her sitting there, beside the little birch tree, when he was on his way towards the pond. When he had returned, she hadn't moved.
She looked lonely, he had thought, and he had stopped and contemplated the little green shape beside the little white tree.
Perhaps he had thought about walking over and greet her, but quickly let those thoughts go; she probably wanted to sit alone...
And so he settled down on another side of the hill.
/in other words, tracking this (instead of just silently reading it)!
The doe is panting lightly as she settles beside the little green deer again. Her muzzle presses gently upon the space between Eraline's ears.
"I'm sorry, Eraline. They are good friends. I had to be sure they were alright."
Apologies aside, she was perfectly content to be as quiet as before. Her little friend seemed a bit off tonight, and - mother hen that she was - Phai was more than happy to stay nearby, if only to be there.
Eraline remembers Walter. She remembers watching Henna and Tara driving him away from a mini she now knows was Kaoori. Has seen him stalking about the forest, making a ruckus. He'd even once rubbed himself against her - and that had been an experience. But, feeling somewhat compressed and mellow after nibbling on a mushroom, she cannot find the will to turn him away. He isn't threatening her, after all, and she is in no mood for another confrontation.
"The view is nice. And I like the peace." She responds matter-of-factly, only glancing at him for a moment before turning her eyes back toward the water.
"Well then, don't let me stop you from enjoying it." The stag replies in a smooth manner, briefly taking the oppertunity to run his tongue across his yellowed teeth. Following this with a shake of his head, he lowers his body down beside the smaller female and in a matter of moments his rumbling breaths indicate he's actually fallen asleep.
She turns her head just in time to glimpse the dirty color of his teeth. Stares, somewhat repulsed. Then he brings his head to rest beside her, far too close for comfort, and she tenses, unsure of this bizarre situation. What a strange beast, this one. And kind of gross.
Or maybe it's mushroom.
In any case, she does not leave, annoyed that her personal space has nearly been invaded by the old stag, but feeling far too stubborn to be the first to leave. This is her spot, damnit.
It doesn't take much for the old man to be awoken again with the new arrival. He snorts in annoyance, shakes off his ragged pelt and wanders off in another direction, grumbling the odd curse under his breath.
The large buck slowed his trot. She practically melded into the trees. "Hello, darling, you're awefully hidden there. I'm Canyon, you are?" He was not one to be hesitate with introductions. She seemed sweet, and he was in a good mood today.
Was beaten down and exhausted, but it seemed like something was always fueling the doe, particularly this night. A never-ending chain of events that continued to keep her on her toes and the adrenaline pumping. - As the hind sat in seclusion, tears poured down her face, an endless ache clenching at her chest, all the while a continuous flow of what felt like fire surged from head to hoof, feeling that burn, taking it in. The tears were no longer pouring out of sadness, but a growing rage as her mind was on overdrive. Thinking, and thinking... what she smelled, it was well known. Something came from the pearly white doe that never should have... a mix of that and the striped heathen. It burned her nostrils then, and now even thinking about it brought back the scent, it created an empty feeling in her stomach... a feeling of sickness, nausea.
For a moment she thought it couldn't be true, she was psyching herself out over nothing... but was pulled back to believing it. It had to be true, it had to be.
Such a situation required a plan, so sure that the white doe would have never admitted to it... or perhaps she would, but that may of been the end of everything... to hear right from her soulmate the news. She would have lost her mind, lost all control. The beating she gave earlier would surely be amplified hearing it straight from her love's mouth... after everything they had been through together... after she had said those three words, so endearing, so real, not like ever before. The white doe set off a bomb, it must of been intentional, she wanted... her to go off the deep end. Intentional, it had to be.
Immediately the phoenix's mind would begin to develop a plan... who all knew that divine, magnificent creature? She couldn't go to the striped bull due to bad blood... the depressed one would never speak to her. Sianna could not recall many of the white does friends... - A flash of green, a memory. Eraline... Eraline was around her, and the memories of that damnable fawn trying to create conflict. The young green doe would surely have the information that the phoenix sought.
There was no more to think on, the minute that Eraline came to mind, the plan was born.
--
Sianna would rise from the ground, ears swaying, tail plumes licking across her hindquarters. She would listen and draw in the scents of all forest inhabitants, but only was important... "Gotcha". Without hesitation she would move in the direction of the green doe; limping, a slower pace than normal, but nonetheless she would take the trek, something so important to her had to be dealt with as soon as possible, it could not wait, or it would only eat her alive.
Finally, the young one would come into view, and Sianna would approach from the back. Although, before even coming remotely close was likely to be heard, there was nothing fluent or graceful about her pace.
"You...", she begins, breathing heavily. She was running on adrenaline alone, but it was only a matter of time before she collapsed from her injuries and exhaustion. "You're always around her... Dinah... you're going to tell me if she has a child, or I will kill you".
Eraline had just begun to fall asleep after some restless shifting back and forth against her tree when she starts to the sound of approaching hooves. And an all too familiar scent. By the time she makes the connection it is too late; the phoenix doe is standing there before her, panting, injured, but looking as furious as ever, and Eraline is overcome with a mixture of violent hatred and a deep sense of drowning. Frozen for a moment, her own cracked ribs aching against the pressure of every intake of breath and her mind swimming with rage, she does nothing but stare with large golden eyes. When it finally occurs to her to breathe, the wall of ice inside of her shatters and she straightens, though she does not bother to stand up, not yet. That would be affording the blue doe more respect than she would ever deserve.
"You think you can frighten me by threatening death? I don't fear death and I certainly don't fear you. You're just as likely to fall apart at any minute like the rest of us. Look at you, can hardly breathe." Eraline snorts and glances off toward the distance as she tries to steady the racing of her heart. When she looks at her again her gaze his sharp and dark. There is no kindness there, no sympathy, no tenderness in that swollen mouth. "I have the information you want. I know everything. But you being so desperate...I like this. It's a good look for you. I think you should keep it."
When Eraline did not move it didn't even cross her mind as something disrespectful, the only thing that rolled through was that the young doe was inexperienced and foolish.
"If it was not for your friends, little girl, what you have now would be much worse", she states, her voice shaky as blood trickles down her legs. It was not necessarily to instill fear, but a point of fact. "No, I will not falter, not before you", she says with a sharp tone interlaced with great aggravation. Sianna does not move closer, not yet. For a moment she remains silent, merely watching through glazed eyes. At her last words, it felt as if she had already answered her question. A young, hotheaded doe such as herself... she couldn't of been clever enough to be toying with the phoenix.
"But you've already given me my answer, little girl", there is a sinister grin that splits her lips. Sianna did not know if Dinah had a child or not, nor did she know if Eraline was going to say yes or no. Only mind games... always mind games. "When I find it, its blood will be on your hooves". With that, Sianna would turn, though she was not leaving, not yet. "You will never top me, little girl. Now her fawn will pay for your ignorance, unless...", she pauses, turning only slightly to look to her, "You just say yes, and I will never go after it, just as well, you, your family, and your friends will never see me again".
Her chest tightens with what can only be described as red hot panic, though she bites her cheek to keep from betraying herself to the doe. She imagines the beast stalking her little Idelle, the baby whom she's grown so fond of after babysitting multiple times for her beloved Gustiro and Dinah. She imagines that tiny, unsuspecting body torn to shreds by Sianna's antlers and hooves while the fawn screams in agony and fear. The idea shakes her to her core and threatens to burst.
Still, she cannot find the will to submit. Especially not in this way. Though the threat is entirely plausible, the outcome dark and inevitable, she can sense something amiss in the way the dirty bird in front of her insists. Those who seek to harm to not wait for answers when they've already received them. But, unwilling to dismiss the possibility that she has already given the answer away, she says the only thing she knows might wound her further. It is her only line of defense.
Pushing herself onto her hooves, her shoulder leaned against her tree for support and balance, chest heaving through labored breaths, she says, "It isn't the fawn that's killing you, anyway. So why bother? What really hurts you is knowing Dinah has completely given herself over to a male who can hardly speak properly. Still a better catch than sweet, sweet seductive Sianna."
Eraline's eyes go mock-soft, mouth turning into an exaggeratedly sympathetic frown and, nodding, she continues, "Poor little Sisi. Does it sting, blue bird? Do you feel the failure burning inside of you?" She talks a few steps forward so that there is very little space left between herself and Sianna's injured body. "You've already lost either way. Killing their lovechild won't make anything better. Won't make her love you more. You will still be the sad, lonely, loveless little pigeon you are. So go on, Sianna." She nods her head toward the expanse of the birch suggestive, brow arched. "Go on, go do it. Find her fawn. Kill it. Teach Dinah a lesson. And then go on living your sad, miserable life having destroyed one of the few who have ever been able to tolerate you. To love you - the Gods help Dinah's soul for that."
Sianna just stands there, completely stunned and in shock. This was the first time any deer had ever went off on her like that. For once, she is absolutely speechless, for once she can not bring herself to interrupt, to stop the flow of fiery hot words pouring from the enraged doe. A feeling of numbness overcomes her... a strange, faint radiation felt around every inch of her body, something very outer-body about the experience. Not anything visible, merely a cold, numb sensation. - Eraline was right...
When the green doe finishes there was a long silence.
"I... loved her more than anything", Sianna's eyes would fall to the ground, "I would have went to hell and back for her, and only her. I would have died in her place any second of the day or night". She wanted to cry, but the numbness was preventing her; all emotions were slowly being swept away with each word. "She was my everything. She was my heart... but she is gone now, and my heart is too".
The phoenix would take one deep breath, everything around her becoming a blur. With the adrenaline rush finally depleted, she would collapse into unconsciousness.
"You look like you've been busy, little one," Phai observes softly, a glance cast at the worst of what is left of the healing wounds on the younger doe. A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, however. "Doesn't seem to be slowing you down much, though, if you're in and out of the pond like that."
Eraline cannot fight the smile that makes its way onto her face to hear the nickname. Phaios was always easy to be with. Always gentle in action and in word. She does not mind being called 'little' when the brown doe is saying it. Her ears twitch thoughtfully and when she looks at the doe her eyes are soft behind the mask, the look sheepish if nothing else. "Busy is one way of putting it, I suppose. A lot's happened since I last saw you. This..." she glances down to whatever scabbing over wound she spots first, "was for a good cause. I...think. I guess you can say I'm starting to get restless. Can't exercise the way I usually do all banged up like this. But uh, don't tell anyone I was doing what I just did. They might get mad."
She can't help but laugh. "No worries; I've kept many a secret before. And done a few foolish things, too." Her tail flicks behind her for a moment. At the same time, Phai's muzzle dips towards the large scar across her right shoulder - just a bit before she pulls it away again, catching herself. "Be confident in whatever cause you stand for. At least the mark means something more than a regret, that way."
Shifting in place, the doe gives her lanky forelegs a good stretch in front of her before lightly dropping her head upon them. "I just hope you're keeping your nose clean."
The green doe almost misses the gesture as she is turning her head to gaze out toward the cool waters, but she manages to catch the tail end of the moment just from her periphery before the mask blinds her, and so she glances over again, searching, until she finds the scar on her dear friend's shoulder. "Like that?" She asks, brow arched beneath her mask. "Is that a foolish scar or a regretful scar or the scar of a hero?"
Phaios snuffs softly, the puff of air making the grass in front of her nose sway wildly for a few seconds. "Some days I wonder. Perhaps all three." The brown and gray doe falls silent for several moments as she ponders the question.
"I suppose it would depend on whether one asked about the true scar or its echo. They're two very different stories." Her brows quirk as she peers upwards at her companion without moving anything but her eyes. "But both have protection of another as their beginning, if that is what you are asking, but I would hardly call myself 'hero.'"
"Tell me about it." She says after a moment of silence has fallen between them. "What does the echo of that scar sound like?"
She readies herself, like a child preparing for a sleeptime story, and positions herself in such a way that does not put too much pressure on her aching ribs. Chin coming to rest on the grass, her eyes swimming with the blue waters of the pond, she lets her ears lean in Phaios' direction and she listens.
A quiet chuckle escapes from between her jaws as she grins. "It sounded like Ravus's antlers on my shoulderblade. A rather unpleasant sound I am not keen to hear again, I must say." She pauses and sighs, settling in herself.
"Serene Remembrance. I suppose I'll never outlive that name, will I." Way to be cryptic, Phai. "Let's see, how to start... The Forest scar, I suppose.. It'll at least make sense to you. I don't know how the whole ordeal started, but I happened upon a fight among deer I knew. Ravus - you know Ravus, don't you? - and the Painted Lady, and a doe I must admit I do not know very well... But she holds a strong memory, and seeing her attacked and outnumbered I had to step in. I couldn't let them hurt her beyond repair. Couldn't lose her again. The fight raged for quite some time, near the Singing Oak. At some point I got between Ravus and Sianna, and Ravus tore my shoulder up but good. I was out after that, bleeding badly. Sianna fell shortly after, and the matter was considered finished. Endriaga found me then, our connection restored. Poor thing, she was so tattered, but she still stood over me and wouldn't let Ravus near." She laughs again here, amusement in her eyes. "Can you imagine mighty Ravus held at bay by such a tiny little thing? She's convincingly ferocious when she wants to be."
A flick of an ear, a pause, and then she carries on. "I don't regret the wound so much as that there was no other way for them to settle things. I don't think it was foolish, though perhaps it was a lost cause. Finding my memories again may have justified it, though, I suppose."
There is a lot in this story that feels very far away from Eraline, but she listens as patiently and attentively as possible. At the mention of Sianna, her ears immediately fall back against her head and beneath her mask and in her shoulders, a tension. Frustration. She does not bring up her recent encounters with the phoenix doe and instead waits for her to finish. At the end, Eraline considers everything she has just been told and hums softly against the inside of her mask. "Ravus is my aunt." She says first, a hint of pride in her voice, though it feels somewhat misplaced considering Ravus' role in this story. "I would not say we are exceedingly close but I have spent some time with her and I admire her greatly. Not surprised it was her antlers that did that to you." The young doe chuckles and then exhales, the tension in her body lifting as her thoughts grow lighter. "Your attitude toward battle reminds me a lot of someone I know. A pacifist. I wish I could say I've lived a successful life as a pacifist myself but as you can see, so far I have found the most effective solution is the one that does not need words."
A pause, brow furrowed and her ears ringing with the echo of her own voice. Had she really said that just now? "Though...I suppose the most effective solution isn't always the right one."
-Kaoori - welcome! She's no longer a mini anymore but she has definitely met Kao several times. Always a pleasure.
The reaction to Sianna's name does not go unnoticed, but she lets it slide; Phai was well aware of the deer's reputation.
"Ravus, and the one whose memory she evokes, have been the closest to kin I have found. A sister. Sianna..." Her lip catches between her teeth, which give it a thoughtful nibble. "There was one - only one - I dared to call my daughter. She betrayed me, and many others, and her actions aided in many deaths... But there is a strange thing about love, Eraline - real love. It is unconditional. Traitor as she was, I would have laid down my own life if it would have spared hers." Her voice is soft, hushed - a quiet, mournful confession.
With sudden interest in the grass, Phai takes another pause to gather her thoughts.
"A pacifist... yes, would I that I could. But more than that, I call myself a Hondo. A Guardian who could not be. I stood by and pleaded, once, and watched one tear out the throat of another. He heard me, realized his wrong - but too late. I let the other die, watched him drown in his own blood." The brown doe lifts her head to look at Eraline eye-to-eye, her gaze solemn. "Words have their place, and often are all that need be... But they are not always enough. Even a pacifist must know when to fight."
Twice today she has become entangled in conversations about love. Her head spins with Phaios' wisdom. It is nothing she has never known before but to hear it out loud is something else entirely. When her father had returned to her just a day ago, she had told him without hesitation that despite his faults, her love for him remained unchanged. She feels a sense of relief to know now that others can feel this way too - that unconditional love is neither a weakness nor a fault. It merely is, in everyone. And so she breathes again, breaking their eye contact so that she can turn to the ground which is stable, solid, much like this 'conditional love' the doe speaks of. "I do not understand, nor can I imagine, Sianna as anyone than she is now. So it is difficult for me to understand your love for her. I do, however, understand the feeling in general. Persistent love...love like an incurable disease. I think I have tried to self medicate a few times and it has always failed. In that respect, I understand."
Eraline nods as if to confirm her own statement, then turns her attentions back to her friend, eyes soft. "I spent much of my fawnhood watching fights from underneath Henna and Jokerman's strong chests. Other times I watched them from a distance as they engaged them. I feel like most of my memories involve conflict. So I guess I grew up believing that fighting was the only form of resolution. It took Syahi - she's my...my..." a hesitant uncertainty, "an adoptive mother. She is a pacifist within the same vein as your philosophy. She had to teach me that other ways were possible. To this day I have yet to truly find a balance between both worlds. I hope I can someday."
"It will likely always fail," she replies with a quiet, knowing smile. The spotted deer says no more of Sianna; she didn't expect Eraline to understand, when so many seemed to have qualms about the phoenix doe.
"Syahi sounds like a pleasant deer. I don't believe I've run across her, however. It's strange how big this Forest seems to be, some days." Phai stretches again, her hindquarters slipping out from beneath her and to one side to work out the tingling in one foot. "Balance is a hard thing to learn, though. This Forest is generally more peaceful than the one I once knew... For your sake, I hope it stays that way and your lessons are not so rough."
He would approach when everything was quiet, when all had gone back to their homes and temporary beds as the night came. But he knew she'd still be here even when her companions left or fell deeply into their dreams. A heavy sigh left his lips as he slowly settled down beside Eraline.
At first, Mateo was silent, feeling almost awkward having sought his granddaughter out as they had never spent much time together. But he could sense the sadness in her with wounds too deep to see. But now, what would he say? Did he even have a place to say anything, to be a listening ear even though he had never been there for her before? So many worries...but he had to try. She was family, she needed comfort.
"Eraline." he started softly. "I'm so sorry about earlier, I hope you know I was only trying to keep you and Xetkal safe.. Are you okay?" he asked, worried eyes looking her over. "..Are you hurt?"
>> >D My page.
>D
My page.
"Why are you doing this...?"
"You don't seem to understand. Darcy - he's my family. He's a part of me in the same way Henna and Jokerman and the red hare Krystal are. The way my father, Xetkal, and my...my mother Syahi are. So...yes." Eraline sighs, bracing herself. "If he had come to me wounded, I would have been there for him. But that doesn't mean I have 'chosen' you over him or vice versa. You are all a part of me - is that so difficult to understand?"
She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from saying anything else for a moment, letting him process it. Imploring him with her eyes to try to understand. Then finally, "I do not like the tension between you two. This isn't how it should be. What is it about him that worries you so much? You showed him...such disrespect today."
He retracted, stung,
"Yes..." he whispered truthfully in answer to her question, his mind attempting to wrap itself around this. Family... he understood the term. The herd. Rook was his family. ...But if Rook had managed to injure himself, and Eraline called him away, he wouldn't hesitate to leave his brother behind. But to Eraline... family seemed different, somehow. They weren't even related, but...
At her last statement, his eyes grew wide, his ears pinning themselves completely to his skull. His breathing picked up as he fought down panic.
"I... disrespected your family..." he repeated, voice strained. This was what Henna was talking about. This was what she meant. He didn't know. Hadn't proven... worse than hadn't proven. Had failed. He looked down at the grass, searching his mind for a loophole.
...There was none. There was nothing. Black and white.
If I do anything disrespectful, I will leave.
That was the only finite rule. He pushed himself onto unsteady feet, mind hazy, bowed low to Eraline, and headed off blindly into the forest.
Eraline does not see it at
"What? Where are you...? Bishop, wait!"
She is on her feet before she even thinks to do it, but it is already too late. Perhaps it is the sudden shock of losing him so suddenly, of this whole evening spoiled by one honest question, but her legs threaten to buckle beneath her as she struggles onto her hooves. Too long. Too much difficulty. Eraline is left to watch his retreating back, the patterns on his fur lost in the darkness, and then eventually nothing.
"...wait..." She whispers into nothing. The sound of the water rushing behind her grates her nerves. Her chest tightens, and she feels herself struggling to take a full breath. Then a familiar burning in her eyes. Moisture.
What had she said? The question pounded in her temples, her lower lip caught between her teeth to keep it from quivering. The day had been difficult yes, but she had been happier than she had in a long time. Now it comes crashing down on her, this failure, and she chokes on it, a deep and throaty sob.
When he had left her that day at the pond, she had felt her inadequacy in a way she'd never dreamed possible. She feels it again know, this lack of something important; it eats at her as she turns, desperate for cover, and heads in the opposite direction. Away from the memory of him, nuzzling the ticklish spot behind her ear. I am such a fool...
(^ARRRGGGHHH)
(;-;)
@Sianna Eraline blinks up
Eraline blinks up at her father, the abruptness of the phrase startling her, though the surprise is very short lived. She smiles, a tenderness in her eyes when she responds plainly, honestly, "I love you too, Daddy."
The orange stag looks down to
"When I left you that day... it was never meant to be out of cruelty. I wanted you to have a life without worry, without pain. I wanted you to have a parent with a level head, that could help you succeed and make it here. I've been wallowing in self pity for far too long to have given you that. Still, you made it... but not because of me. You were always capable of doing it on your own, and you did. You made some wonderful friends along the way, I see that, I know that.
You are beautiful and head strong with amazing friends... and a failure of a father... but now I am going to pull myself out of this rut and do whatever it takes to make your life wonderful. I'm sorry for everything, Eraline... but I'm going to change now, I'm going to be here for you...".
Brows furrow and her mouth
"Why...are you apologizing?" She had thought that they were past this, that they had taken care of these insecurities the last time they'd been reunited. Eraline wonders, worried, what might have brought this on. She looks away from him after a moment, staring out toward the distant hills, her voice soft as she speaks. "I have never wanted perfection. Have never expected it. All I've ever wanted is your love. To be your...daughter. And you've given me that...and so much more. It pains me to realize you shoulder all of this guilt. The Gods know I've failed you in the past."
She chews her lip, her sensitivity exacerbated by her previous misunderstanding with Bishop. "I've never stopped loving you. Even then, even when you left. You...you'll never be rid of me so easy. How can I meet you halfway? How can I be better for you too? I want to...be better for you."
Xetkal's eyes fall upon the
Xet's eyes pull from his current focus point onto Eraline again. A deep and hefty sigh given, with it came a windy noise, hallow and barren, pushing through the gap of his skull. "Because it has been eating at me... I needed to clarify. I want you to know that I love you, that I'm willing to do anything to ensure your safety and happiness. You need only ask once, it will be done", he says, his voice solid, his words definite. The orange stag was certain that he would no longer wallow in self pity. For Eraline... he was going to become a better dad, a better stag, no longer held back by fear. He would fight them tooth and nail, go against his own morals if it would ensure Eraline's safety and happiness. At her next words his chest tightens, and there is an unexplained, instant dryness in his throat. "I am glad to hear that Era...", he says shakily, but is able to pull it back by his next words, "No, you have not failed me. There is no possible way you ever could". The way he says it, powerful and without any crack to snake through, unwilling to let her argue it.
The stag would take note of her chewing at her bottom lip, sensing some unease, maybe some underlying anxiety there. 'you'll never be rid of me so easy', Xet processes this, an empty ache growing in the pit of his stomach, reaching up to his already tightened chest which created a burning sensation. He can not seem to find the words... in any case, becomes sidetracked by something else as she fully finishes speaking. "Halfway...", he whispers an echo. He'd roll her question around, repeating it over and over in his mind. "You do everything right, sweetheart... you've come farther than halfway". At this point Xetkal would draw closer to Eraline, and had she allowed it, gently rub the side of his skull against her cheek before retracting. His eyes would rest upon her... had a smirk been possible one would be crossing his lips. This was his daughter... never had he thought he'd have a child of his very own. It was unreal... and Eraline... she was so understanding... still here. "I couldn't ask for a better child".
A small distance away from
She looked lonely, he had thought, and he had stopped and contemplated the little green shape beside the little white tree.
Perhaps he had thought about walking over and greet her, but quickly let those thoughts go; she probably wanted to sit alone...
And so he settled down on another side of the hill.
/in other words, tracking this (instead of just silently reading it)!
(No subject)
The doe is panting lightly as
"I'm sorry, Eraline. They are good friends. I had to be sure they were alright."
Apologies aside, she was perfectly content to be as quiet as before. Her little friend seemed a bit off tonight, and - mother hen that she was - Phai was more than happy to stay nearby, if only to be there.
"Why do you sit alone, my
"Why do you sit alone, my dear? Surely you'd prefer some company.."
Eraline remembers Walter. She
"The view is nice. And I like the peace." She responds matter-of-factly, only glancing at him for a moment before turning her eyes back toward the water.
"Well then, don't let me stop
"Well then, don't let me stop you from enjoying it." The stag replies in a smooth manner, briefly taking the oppertunity to run his tongue across his yellowed teeth. Following this with a shake of his head, he lowers his body down beside the smaller female and in a matter of moments his rumbling breaths indicate he's actually fallen asleep.
(lmfao) -- She turns her
--
She turns her head just in time to glimpse the dirty color of his teeth. Stares, somewhat repulsed. Then he brings his head to rest beside her, far too close for comfort, and she tenses, unsure of this bizarre situation. What a strange beast, this one. And kind of gross.
Or maybe it's mushroom.
In any case, she does not leave, annoyed that her personal space has nearly been invaded by the old stag, but feeling far too stubborn to be the first to leave. This is her spot, damnit.
It doesn't take much for the
It doesn't take much for the old man to be awoken again with the new arrival. He snorts in annoyance, shakes off his ragged pelt and wanders off in another direction, grumbling the odd curse under his breath.
The large buck slowed his
Gunna track this. >> She's
(When she peaked under Brighteye's tail, I lost it.)
Welcome! She's always been
She's always been curious about Brighteyes. >.> A little peek never hurt anyone.
Track
brb going to hell
brb going to hell
(No subject)
Track (:
*track* I believe Ember met
I believe Ember met her today. ^^
Tracking 8D
Oh... would you be so kind to
Of course, dear! The song is
The song is called 'Black Milk' by Massive Attack.
Thank you.. ^@^
Was beaten down and
For a moment she thought it couldn't be true, she was psyching herself out over nothing... but was pulled back to believing it. It had to be true, it had to be.
Such a situation required a plan, so sure that the white doe would have never admitted to it... or perhaps she would, but that may of been the end of everything... to hear right from her soulmate the news. She would have lost her mind, lost all control. The beating she gave earlier would surely be amplified hearing it straight from her love's mouth... after everything they had been through together... after she had said those three words, so endearing, so real, not like ever before. The white doe set off a bomb, it must of been intentional, she wanted... her to go off the deep end. Intentional, it had to be.
Immediately the phoenix's mind would begin to develop a plan... who all knew that divine, magnificent creature? She couldn't go to the striped bull due to bad blood... the depressed one would never speak to her. Sianna could not recall many of the white does friends... - A flash of green, a memory. Eraline... Eraline was around her, and the memories of that damnable fawn trying to create conflict. The young green doe would surely have the information that the phoenix sought.
There was no more to think on, the minute that Eraline came to mind, the plan was born.
--
Sianna would rise from the ground, ears swaying, tail plumes licking across her hindquarters. She would listen and draw in the scents of all forest inhabitants, but only was important... "Gotcha". Without hesitation she would move in the direction of the green doe; limping, a slower pace than normal, but nonetheless she would take the trek, something so important to her had to be dealt with as soon as possible, it could not wait, or it would only eat her alive.
Finally, the young one would come into view, and Sianna would approach from the back. Although, before even coming remotely close was likely to be heard, there was nothing fluent or graceful about her pace.
"You...", she begins, breathing heavily. She was running on adrenaline alone, but it was only a matter of time before she collapsed from her injuries and exhaustion. "You're always around her... Dinah... you're going to tell me if she has a child, or I will kill you".
Eraline had just begun to
"You think you can frighten me by threatening death? I don't fear death and I certainly don't fear you. You're just as likely to fall apart at any minute like the rest of us. Look at you, can hardly breathe." Eraline snorts and glances off toward the distance as she tries to steady the racing of her heart. When she looks at her again her gaze his sharp and dark. There is no kindness there, no sympathy, no tenderness in that swollen mouth. "I have the information you want. I know everything. But you being so desperate...I like this. It's a good look for you. I think you should keep it."
When Eraline did not move it
"If it was not for your friends, little girl, what you have now would be much worse", she states, her voice shaky as blood trickles down her legs. It was not necessarily to instill fear, but a point of fact. "No, I will not falter, not before you", she says with a sharp tone interlaced with great aggravation. Sianna does not move closer, not yet. For a moment she remains silent, merely watching through glazed eyes. At her last words, it felt as if she had already answered her question. A young, hotheaded doe such as herself... she couldn't of been clever enough to be toying with the phoenix.
"But you've already given me my answer, little girl", there is a sinister grin that splits her lips. Sianna did not know if Dinah had a child or not, nor did she know if Eraline was going to say yes or no. Only mind games... always mind games. "When I find it, its blood will be on your hooves". With that, Sianna would turn, though she was not leaving, not yet. "You will never top me, little girl. Now her fawn will pay for your ignorance, unless...", she pauses, turning only slightly to look to her, "You just say yes, and I will never go after it, just as well, you, your family, and your friends will never see me again".
Her chest tightens with what
Still, she cannot find the will to submit. Especially not in this way. Though the threat is entirely plausible, the outcome dark and inevitable, she can sense something amiss in the way the dirty bird in front of her insists. Those who seek to harm to not wait for answers when they've already received them. But, unwilling to dismiss the possibility that she has already given the answer away, she says the only thing she knows might wound her further. It is her only line of defense.
Pushing herself onto her hooves, her shoulder leaned against her tree for support and balance, chest heaving through labored breaths, she says, "It isn't the fawn that's killing you, anyway. So why bother? What really hurts you is knowing Dinah has completely given herself over to a male who can hardly speak properly. Still a better catch than sweet, sweet seductive Sianna."
Eraline's eyes go mock-soft, mouth turning into an exaggeratedly sympathetic frown and, nodding, she continues, "Poor little Sisi. Does it sting, blue bird? Do you feel the failure burning inside of you?" She talks a few steps forward so that there is very little space left between herself and Sianna's injured body. "You've already lost either way. Killing their lovechild won't make anything better. Won't make her love you more. You will still be the sad, lonely, loveless little pigeon you are. So go on, Sianna." She nods her head toward the expanse of the birch suggestive, brow arched. "Go on, go do it. Find her fawn. Kill it. Teach Dinah a lesson. And then go on living your sad, miserable life having destroyed one of the few who have ever been able to tolerate you. To love you - the Gods help Dinah's soul for that."
Sianna just stands there,
When the green doe finishes there was a long silence.
"I... loved her more than anything", Sianna's eyes would fall to the ground, "I would have went to hell and back for her, and only her. I would have died in her place any second of the day or night". She wanted to cry, but the numbness was preventing her; all emotions were slowly being swept away with each word. "She was my everything. She was my heart... but she is gone now, and my heart is too".
The phoenix would take one deep breath, everything around her becoming a blur. With the adrenaline rush finally depleted, she would collapse into unconsciousness.
"You look like you've been
Eraline cannot fight the
She can't help but laugh. "No
Shifting in place, the doe gives her lanky forelegs a good stretch in front of her before lightly dropping her head upon them. "I just hope you're keeping your nose clean."
The green doe almost misses
Phaios snuffs softly, the
"I suppose it would depend on whether one asked about the true scar or its echo. They're two very different stories." Her brows quirk as she peers upwards at her companion without moving anything but her eyes. "But both have protection of another as their beginning, if that is what you are asking, but I would hardly call myself 'hero.'"
"Tell me about it." She says
She readies herself, like a child preparing for a sleeptime story, and positions herself in such a way that does not put too much pressure on her aching ribs. Chin coming to rest on the grass, her eyes swimming with the blue waters of the pond, she lets her ears lean in Phaios' direction and she listens.
A quiet chuckle escapes from
"Serene Remembrance. I suppose I'll never outlive that name, will I." Way to be cryptic, Phai. "Let's see, how to start... The Forest scar, I suppose.. It'll at least make sense to you. I don't know how the whole ordeal started, but I happened upon a fight among deer I knew. Ravus - you know Ravus, don't you? - and the Painted Lady, and a doe I must admit I do not know very well... But she holds a strong memory, and seeing her attacked and outnumbered I had to step in. I couldn't let them hurt her beyond repair. Couldn't lose her again. The fight raged for quite some time, near the Singing Oak. At some point I got between Ravus and Sianna, and Ravus tore my shoulder up but good. I was out after that, bleeding badly. Sianna fell shortly after, and the matter was considered finished. Endriaga found me then, our connection restored. Poor thing, she was so tattered, but she still stood over me and wouldn't let Ravus near." She laughs again here, amusement in her eyes. "Can you imagine mighty Ravus held at bay by such a tiny little thing? She's convincingly ferocious when she wants to be."
A flick of an ear, a pause, and then she carries on. "I don't regret the wound so much as that there was no other way for them to settle things. I don't think it was foolish, though perhaps it was a lost cause. Finding my memories again may have justified it, though, I suppose."
ahhh! Now I find the little
Now I find the little mini who's been around Kaoori a few times. ^^
There is a lot in this story
A pause, brow furrowed and her ears ringing with the echo of her own voice. Had she really said that just now? "Though...I suppose the most effective solution isn't always the right one."
-Kaoori - welcome! She's no longer a mini anymore but she has definitely met Kao several times. Always a pleasure.
[Kao
The reaction to Sianna's name does not go unnoticed, but she lets it slide; Phai was well aware of the deer's reputation.
"Ravus, and the one whose memory she evokes, have been the closest to kin I have found. A sister. Sianna..." Her lip catches between her teeth, which give it a thoughtful nibble. "There was one - only one - I dared to call my daughter. She betrayed me, and many others, and her actions aided in many deaths... But there is a strange thing about love, Eraline - real love. It is unconditional. Traitor as she was, I would have laid down my own life if it would have spared hers." Her voice is soft, hushed - a quiet, mournful confession.
With sudden interest in the grass, Phai takes another pause to gather her thoughts.
"A pacifist... yes, would I that I could. But more than that, I call myself a Hondo. A Guardian who could not be. I stood by and pleaded, once, and watched one tear out the throat of another. He heard me, realized his wrong - but too late. I let the other die, watched him drown in his own blood." The brown doe lifts her head to look at Eraline eye-to-eye, her gaze solemn. "Words have their place, and often are all that need be... But they are not always enough. Even a pacifist must know when to fight."
Twice today she has become
Eraline nods as if to confirm her own statement, then turns her attentions back to her friend, eyes soft. "I spent much of my fawnhood watching fights from underneath Henna and Jokerman's strong chests. Other times I watched them from a distance as they engaged them. I feel like most of my memories involve conflict. So I guess I grew up believing that fighting was the only form of resolution. It took Syahi - she's my...my..." a hesitant uncertainty, "an adoptive mother. She is a pacifist within the same vein as your philosophy. She had to teach me that other ways were possible. To this day I have yet to truly find a balance between both worlds. I hope I can someday."
"It will likely always fail,"
"Syahi sounds like a pleasant deer. I don't believe I've run across her, however. It's strange how big this Forest seems to be, some days." Phai stretches again, her hindquarters slipping out from beneath her and to one side to work out the tingling in one foot. "Balance is a hard thing to learn, though. This Forest is generally more peaceful than the one I once knew... For your sake, I hope it stays that way and your lessons are not so rough."
fffffffffsfjsdfdsgf so sorry
Edit: Very pretty bio btw! :3
rooofl. XD it's okay.
He would approach when
At first, Mateo was silent, feeling almost awkward having sought his granddaughter out as they had never spent much time together. But he could sense the sadness in her with wounds too deep to see. But now, what would he say? Did he even have a place to say anything, to be a listening ear even though he had never been there for her before? So many worries...but he had to try. She was family, she needed comfort.
"Eraline." he started softly. "I'm so sorry about earlier, I hope you know I was only trying to keep you and Xetkal safe.. Are you okay?" he asked, worried eyes looking her over. "..Are you hurt?"
adorable art by Tuoho! ♥