~*~ Diary of a Monster ~*~

Graveyard's picture


Beware the Nightmare's that creep up in the darkness. Because these Nightmare's... no matter how kind or gentle they can be. Will always turn into a monster in the end.
Nightmare Icon was done by my lovely Ookami <3


Through Twisted Dreams - Bio
Beauty is only Skin Deep - RP Blog





May 15th

To Come into this world again and see those familiar faces is such a blessing to me. Even if I don't quite look the same... I've changed so much over the years I've spent in this place that I often don't know who or what I am... it's sometimes terrifying to think that I'm slowly losing my memories in certain areas of my mind.

Coming out where I am I hadn't remembered how I got on the Playground... or what I was doing laying near my mothers death bed... I was glad I left and went where I did. Though I found a strange new face and quite the interesting one at that... Herla... such a small, tiny doe... playful she is... I might have to make more attempts to see her and get to know her more.

Karooi... Wesker... it's been quite sometime since we've met and even longer since we last saw each other. To think that so much has changed since our first meeting. Ahh I remember how you were Wesker... protective of that alter... your claims over it meant nothing to me back then... but now I respect your claims. At least we aren't trying to rip each others throats out anymore... and really, I've come to consider you a brother to me... and Karooi... a sister...

Hmmm... Joro... I've missed you, it was so good to sit with you and to be close to you again. Heh, your mate has quite the temper to him. It's understandable, if I had the privilege of being the one who stole away your heart I would likely be the same way. I respect his wishes though I will continue to stay close to you... I just won't spark a fight or war should he get all uppity with me...


Old Entires in the Box~

December 31st

How long has it been since I've been here? Days... weeks... months... years even? And to come back in my condition... ah... such a sweet, fragrant yet utterly weakened state. Anyone would love to just pick me off and get rid of me. But... I cannot die... well, not in the normal way of your kind. No... an Entity such as myself is much like the raging Phoenix though with punishment. Unlike the mighty Phoenix, reborn from it's ashes as a lovely chick... full of it's glory... I am reborn in a worse condition than I was before.

You see, I never used to look this way... no... oh no I never did... full of decay, rot and malice. I used to be fully skinned, furred... a silkened coat on my body with just the edges of bone ribs starting to show through it, and just the skull. But then came a thing that you are all probably familiar with... love... emotions... thought to never be a part of my life style. I've died twice, came back both times... and each time my body has dissolved more since then, into what you see now.

A Monster... a Nightmare.

But enough on that, no use letting this blasted snow come around and destroy my already disgusted mood. So weak, yes... and so many new faces around that I'd not seen before. I guess that's what happens when you rarely venture to see those around you, and your friends all but vanish as well as your family. What family you ask? Three of them dead... one dwells in the depths of hell, my son is forever hidden in his cursed state and me? I'm the last... *chuckles and blows out gentle tendrils of smoke* I guess that's why mother always said "First Born, Last one..." which is funny and true. Yes... so very true. Soon my existence will be nothing more than a mere shadow to your kind. Long since forgotten with the years that come and go.

I can only imagine if I fathered a normal child *laughs sharply and shakes his head before coughing and groaning deeply in pain* Hmmm... that's a thought I should let linger for awhile longer. I've got... what ten months before it would come around. That time of the year where those bucks run about and try to lay claims on females within the area. But I was never one for such curious acts. Perhaps I can find myself a young doe to be with? Or a young Stag to take my broken soul away... honestly, I'd prefer a stag to any woman...

What? I suppose I've gone soft throughout my time within this world of yours... and finally those sinking emotions are coming back to me. But for now... I suppose I will rest... and slowly regenerate my energy.


Sept. 24th

Waking up in the forest seems to have gotten more odd lately. I woke up within the sunbeams, don't quite recall awakening there but who cares... it was where those dead eyes of mine erupted into the bright sky of the midday sun. Seems that the many stags weren't around to futz around with that glorious time of year. And so I just stalked off... there were plenty of deer within the area to poke my nose into.

Running and jumping, gods this old body of mine wasn't in it's prime like it used to be *chuckles* Ah well, it was all in good sport. Amidst the jumping I past by just a small group of creatures... others... and went upwards over the hill before turning and running back, time to use those Flying Skills that I'd taught myself within this world. Running above them I went past a few times before settling in a spot amidst the air. Looks like the little things noticed because one fluttered up underneath me and the others well... one went to hide amongst the rocks.

After awhile though, I grew bored... and landed down on the ground with that bellowing thud. After all, despite these frail looks I wasn't lightweight to say the least. And I stalked around for a bit before moving into the rock to 'hide' amongst the two that were there. When two of the three I saw had left I bolted to go elsewhere. Feeling that beckoning call at the Playground I stalked around it for a few moments before taking off.

Spending a bit there I caught wind of two of those deer that I had been with, and thus... went to explore a hair. And it would seem that little one was trying to 'confuse' me... Ghost? Heh... the same set but not the same size. My son towers just as I tower over others... and he wouldn't dare tread near the source of so much pain for him. That little thing seemed to take a standing while sitting under me... and I played a dastardly little trick to the one she was with. A bat looks good on your frosted hide.

I don't know when that little Ghost clone left... but I knew that stag was terribly uneasy with my presence... *grins* Such is how they tend to be when they are around a monster... such is how they SHOULD be around a monster like me. I stalked around him for a bit before finally moving off, I went and relaxed within the bowels of the Old Oak before taking off into the lush areas near the playground eating amongst the area. There was that stag again... bet he thinks I was stalking and hunting him...

*snorts* I'm not opposed to Deer Meat, but I preferred the dead carcass at my feet instead. After awhile, I just grew bored in the area. And went to the Slab within the Graves to finally lay down and sleep. Perhaps the next time I come into their world things will be more... interesting.


Sept. 23rd

Seems that my coming back has landed me right into the midst of the one thing I despise greatly. The Rut... males always trying to pick off the females into a little harem and herd... the males constantly grunting about, attacking trees with their antlers and tangling grass up in those elegant racks of theirs. It was always so annoying to watch, especially when one such as myself never had need for such emotions or feelings.

And it seems like that merry band of monsters that dear Roxas was hanging around with has finally fallen apart. *snorts* Perhaps the kid won't be getting beaten and torn into as much as he is because of this. And if not? Well... this nightmare might just have to press into their own business and stir up a hornets nest.

*chuckles* It wouldn't matter if I got hurt... or even killed... if they managed that all that would happen would be this body tearing apart and being reborn once again. I'm already almost bone and skin as is now... *chuckles* how much more of my fluffy kindness could I lose? I wonder if Roxas wonders where I've gotten off to... heh... kid probably doesn't care about the monster that stuck around him. They never do... they never care about the monsters...


Sept. 11th

Oh that damned time of year... so many of these stupid males all they can think about it their damned need and desire to breed... to re-procreate the species. It's disgusting... and really... all they think with half the time is the balls and not their real brains. Heh, I'm glad I don't suffer from the need to screw and reproduce... after all... I've lost that urge long ago during the rebirthing process.

Then again, there's a small hint of worry from me... that little one that I've watched grow and age for a month... into what she is now. Heh, what would happen of her in the Rut I wonder... no matter, I'll watch and make sure she's not taken... after all... she is mine and belongs to no one else.


Sept. 3rd

The time draws near... I will stand on the hill and await the approach. These eyes are devoid of any emotion save for Malice and Insanity... heh... the mere thought of someone approaching me when I'm like this. Such a sickeningly sweet little sound... to imagine them screaming and crying out in pain and agony.

I dare them all to come... I want a challenge... I want blood... I want to kill and destroy... You call it insanity... I call it myself.


Aug. 31st

Again... in the forest... eyes blazing through thickening insanity and anger. Slowly I rose to my aching legs, the black smoke that lied deep within my body spewing out into the air like a disgusting smoke. It was clear to anyone that knew me to STAY the fuck away. I thought I heard things... and was walking along... passed by the Crying Idol and then had some damned fawn follow me.

Luckily my anger was contained, otherwise the damned thing would have likely been utterly destroyed. Walking and in my attempts to get away I had passed through the one that seemed to hit my mentality like a ton of bricks. Jorogumo... my dear... though I didn't stop, as I had that DAMNED fawn still following. However, my anger erupted and I turned to face the tiny creature, a taunt... and a mere shake of the head was a good enough sigh because it left. Thankfully...

I wandered... and slowly went to the pond to relax. Perhaps the calming waters would enlighten this insanity... however... my aggression rose to sparks when another damned fawn laid before me. A taunt... a roar of anger... and I moved away again, close and near her... Joro... though I dared not lay directly by the doe... I moved offwards and laid myself near the rocks towards the base of the hill.

For awhile I was alone... but the dear spider approached with followers. Iffy at first, and about to rise up in aggression... my mind was hesitant and I halted any signs of aggression towards her and the child that was with her as well as her company. Staying how we were, I could only mind the presence of so many... and when more DAMNED fawns approached my anger flew into a flare. But rather than attack, I merely left and moved away to a new spot.

They followed, but Joro was the only one to get close. I could understand the fear of her fawn and friend... why approach a monster that literally wanted to murder everything around them right? Slowly my insanity was peeking... the more they came the more aggressive I became, soon Joro's friend left and it was just the three. Me, her fawn... and Joro...

I chuckled in amusement... Joro was so quick in the protection of me. Right she was in her thoughts of being so protective. Had she not been there those that approached time and time again would have likely been mauled. Though some didn't take hints and we continued to move and run throughout the forest... I was wearing on my body and getting exhausted slowly. And as far as we ran... we slowly grew closer... to the Playground.

That calling, the voice in my head. CATRIN fuck off... I am not your damned precious child... I AM NOT YOUR SON! My anger was boiling... damned fawn... taunt me... challenge me... oh I'll murder you... kill you... MAIM you into nothingness. Joro... you protect it... hrmph... so be it I'll back off... my insanity and madness boiled and I left... the calling... I left and towards the graveyard where it wasn't peaceful. And then we just ran...

The playground... it seemed the peace had finally come and we sat there... on CATRIN'S deathbed... oh my mind was drawing into the madness more and more due to her damned voice. I was lost... in the thoughts and then that trumpeting sound erupted around me. I lost it... eyes literally disappearing as I roared out that infuriated roar that came up from deep within my throat... the DEVOUT... that... damned... THOSE damned bastards...

My insanity went... I lost myself to the madness... luckily nothing had hit me... nothing had DESTROYED my already decayed body. But so help me... if anyone DARES to try and hit me with that DAMNED disgusting white... I WILL kill you... I WILL destroy you... both Mentally and Physically.



Aug. 29th

By the River? What was I doing here... Ah yes, I remember now... I was sitting by watching the events take place but a few days ago. The little doe staying in the depths of the Creek seeming to avoid the monsters on the land above her.

Did I care? Perhaps... deep inside... but my mind is not what one would call all flowers and joyful buckets of fun and games. Though it seems the little doe has slipped into her own state of mental insanity. I laugh at the mere thought of it, everyone's going insane... slipping into the madness and darkness of their minds.

It's just so... sickeningly sweet to realize it. Though they won't stick to the madness like I do... of course... I won't stick to it long myself. Slowly, I know I am recovering from the mental trauma that occurred due to my extended stay at the Playground... at Catrin's grave and my birth bed. I grinned at the thoughts of how I was born... me... and my damned brother. Monsters... creations of the lust between an innocent doe and a devil of a stag.

A gentle cackle came up from me, I couldn't help but truly laugh at the thought of those things. Those who were around me would think of me as insane... in which they would be right. I laugh about the thoughts of her screaming in blissful agony while I ripped from her womb and stomach... but... I faltered... something deep inside me craves and yearns to fill pity on her poor soul. Catrin... mother...

I let myself sleep in the same spot I'd awoken... rather, I didn't move from the spot at all. I laid there... resting... blank and mindless to everything around me. A few times someone would come. A nameless stag approached, or so I thought he was nameless as I didn't get a glance to the glowing orb above his head. I suppose he was using my 'sleeping' corpse to spell a fawn. Annoyances that those damned things are.

Soon they left and I was left in my peace. And then a stranger walked over and laid with me. I do not know if I remember the deer... I'm not all in my right mind now to tell friend and foe apart from each other. A skull ladened mask, the Magpie feathers and the pelt... I cannot quite recall... I believe it was brown with the stripes. I could be wrong. Soon the stranger fell asleep near me and I guess had to leave... as they were no longer at my side.

More fawns... I cringe at their damned howls and bellows... perhaps it's time for me to make my leave. Before I lose myself and actually attack one...




OokamiAzura's picture

-Sneaks through- &hearts

-Sneaks through-

&hearts
Graveyard's picture

Phew loads of chaos today...

Phew loads of chaos today... Updated with the Events before Nightmare went offline. Those who were around and he was aggressive towards... he's not in his right mind at this point in time so it's generally best to avoid him.

"Your efforts are insignificant! I carry you to your deaths!"
Haru's picture

*streaks through* 8DDD

*streaks through* 8DDD
OokamiAzura's picture

-GASP- I SEE ZE PICTO I DID

-GASP-

I SEE ZE PICTO I DID 'CAUSE I WUV YOU.

-CRIES-

&hearts
Graveyard's picture

It is so awesome and sexy and

It is so awesome and sexy and and and *spazzes* It totally fits the layout Laughing out loud

"Your efforts are insignificant! I carry you to your deaths!"
Shulgalaj's picture

Is it just me, or does the

Is it just me, or does the smoke in the top picture actually have the shape of a woman?

I loved reading this
Graveyard's picture

You know I never realized

You know I never realized that until you pointed it out Shocked

"Your efforts are insignificant! I carry you to your deaths!"