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Back and forth
Left or right
So inescive is this heart of mine
It hard to see
Even for me
Which direction is meant to be
Falllen tears
Are shed by me


For this that I must descide
However there are no rules in which to abide
Just to look into your heart
And follow your dreams
Only suddenly they aren't so clear
Minute buy minute
And even second by second
My mind changes
It's like Dr, Jekell and Mr.Hyde
And it's driven my mother up a wall
And it's possibly driven me mad
For who can I expect to understand these thoughts of mine
If I don't even understand them

I'm anxious
For time is running out
Only a few short hours
Before I absolute have to descide
And once its done its final
There is no going back
After all of this
I can testify
How mad the world can be.

I'm a warrior
Nothing more nothing less
I have seen fear in my peoples eyes.
I watched them grieve when times were hard

I watch as the children grow
In these ever-changing times.
We celebrate our victories no matter how small they are
We remind our selves of the old days
And keep the legends alive,
We forget not those who are gone from our sight

But remain forever more in our hearts.
The battle scars I bear remain
But the price paid is very little
With honor and pride
We keep our heads high
Never with shame do we let them fall

It is the people we protect
I stand corrected it is our family who we protect
For in this given time there no one I would object
Outsiders see our ways
And are curious as to how we stay so passive to the world outside
But then again we all have our secrets
That must never be revealed.
Many brother and sisters we have lost
To some great cause
But never just for the sake of blood on blood.
By now you have read my words
A warrior you say it must be male
To all you who guessed so I must say otherwise
I am a warrior female
Because in my tribe we are seen as equals.

Would any one like to rp with my character Tazanna human or deer it doesn't matter.Just state your preference and we'll go from there.
I would grately appreciate it since I've been gone a bit.

Whew it's been along time since I'v been around here.
To all who know me hugs and nuzzles and to all who don't well.......hi and hugs to all.

I feel so lost
But I know that I am not alone
For the screaming and the fighting tell me so

The tea does little to calm
And those little pills do taunt
To down them in one go
To finally be able to sleep
and slip into a world beyond the next
Escaping these nightmares
That do not allow me to sleep
Or even dream

To end this life that isn't mine
That I don't deserve
A burden is what I am
Nothing more nothing less

What you see is not what you get
If you tear away at the threads and slip into the seams
You'll truly see
The reality
The fighting is tiresome
It drains all the energy you posss

For it is both a physical and mental act
The physical being the shouting,though we never lay hands on one another
The mental being you are fighting with your mother
The only person I am closest to in this world

The clock strikes midnight
And my tears still flow
The reality of it hitting me in every direction
At this point I"m looking for a way out
In any way shape or form
the cost hopefully being my life
For I do not want to survive

Words ring in my mind


Worthless






Useless




not good enough

pathetic


It goes to these extremes
And I am powerless to stop it.

I awoke to my annoying sister Mary's prattling.I groaned and placed my pillow to drown her out.
At least it worked until she forcefully pried it out of my grip and away from my head.
"Get up you lazy girl the Colonel is visiting today,and I will not have you disgrace me in front of him"her voice was like the hissing of a snake threatening and laced with venom.

"How about you do us both a favor,and help me sneak out.That way I won't be an embarrassment to you,and I won't have to listen to old war stories"I was practically whinning my offer, she could see however the benefits of me ridding off for the day into town or to the meadow to escape.

Watching her face as she pondered I noted the sour look and discomfort before she answered.
"Somehow and don't ask me how or why but the Colonel wishes to meet you,it seems father would often talk about you and he seems to be curious"she said with distaste.


Rolling my eyes I start to dress for the day,or rather Mary dresses me."If I remember correctly father did not seem to like the Colonel morals "I said implyingly.
Mary just smilled,twas no normal smile but one of complete adoration or rather in my opinio infatutation."He has the most handsome eyes"she said dreamily.

Whether it was her words or my corset,maybe both that at that moment made me want to vomit.That was it her defense for his actions was {he had handsome eyes}talking as if he had done nothing wrong.My mind screamed these thoughts as I turned away from her disgusted as shook my head before I went to put my hair up.

Deeming myself fit for a society social I made my way down the stairs,intending to sneak out and find the spare clothes I hid in the barn for such occasions.Notting that my mother was busy talking and writting letters in the library I made my way into the kitchen and out the back door.
All seemed well until I bumped into a man."Sorry"I apologized a little out of breath.

He had a

{Anna}
My life had changed not that it was ever normal before,but still a great loss has come to me at the age of 17.
My father died,just a week ago,his death was sudden.He was riding through a cannon durring a rain storm and the rocks slid due to the mud.Tragic in many ways my father was the only person I was close to besides my horse Midnight.

Sure I had a mother and a sister,but both were caught up in the useless commands of society.To be truthfull,we were not of any rank per say.We are merely humble workers in on a farm in North Dakota.Since my father's death the ranch assistance has had to take over,of course approaching my mother to make sure she aggreed with what she was doing.


One might as well be talking to a cow on how to raise eggs.My sister was no better than my mother.She had curly locks of raven hair,with emerald green eyes,she often reminds me how my gold long hair and blue eyes are dull in camparison.Not that I care much,since I sneak out of the house early in the morning.

It's a hard thing to bare with father know gone.Mother has even become even more hell bent on turning me into what she deems a proper lady.Granted we are still in late 1700's but here in America one would think such rules would be altered.
But no corsets,the abominations that cut off your air supply and make you look stiff,but off soo sickly skinny,still seemed to be in fashion.It's difficult to evens speak seeing that I am female.
My mother's philosphy on women are rather dull,are opinions are meaningless,and are affections are restricted.


Father tried to keep me from such things,he saw my desire to be free,unlike my sister Mary who followed my mother like a puppet and did her bidding.Father taught me how to ride,and even saw fit to school well past the courses a girl would.He would take my mother's nagging in strides and would persuade her that she already had one daughter