I've always felt like someone who doesn't really fit in anywhere. I feel like I don't have anyone I can really relate to, and often feel like more of an outcast than a member of society since I don't seem to fit into many of the accepted 'norms' placed.

People are able to describe themselves in many different ways - a geek, a hippie, a biker, a sailor, a political activist, an artist...there's an endless list of these, and I don't know what I could possibly describe myself as. That's the nature of this post.

I know I really should lighten up about it but I get very tired of being generalized into black and white categories when really I feel like I'm a mixture of a thousand different shades of grey.

Quad, I say this with love, but you are a beta male.

Here you can find the Beta Male Manifesto, as written by Christopher Moore:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I hope you find this useful in your daily life.



Note: Please take this with humour, Christopher Moore is a humour writer, sometimes with a bit of a twisted sense of what's funny! I couldn't help it, but when I saw this post, this was the first thing I thought. I don't mean this to be an insult to you Quad, but I hope you enjoy it. <3

Interesting. I don't want to put you in some kind of category. You're not weird but beautiful in your own way. I recognize many things in your description and I can't put myself either in any category.
Many times I feel people don't understand me or thinking that I'm weird, and at the same time I feel often that many people are a bit shallow. It's so good to see I'm not the only one thinking this way of life. I think were fitting in our own little category, somewhere on the clouds, away from the world. =)

I think it's perfectly ok to look for "boxes" to put ourselves in. Labels can actually be useful as long as we remember that it cannot describe us as a whole. They'll just always stay labels and they'll always describe just one very small facet of the whole of us.

What helps me understand myself better right now is diving into the MBTI. It's a personality questionnaire based on an actual psychological theory. Here's a free test you can take, and type descriptions. (I'm INFP)

Of course, a test is one thing. the theory behind it is much more complex than "you're 100% one of 16 types of people, no inbetweens".

Where I lived in Japan there were four other Caucasian people spread across the city. While walking about it was very common for someone to do a double-take when they saw me. Older people would sometimes watch me critically. At first this attention was exciting. But after two weeks or so I began to feel like I was disrupting day-to-day life for these people. I tried to be as polite, quiet, and unobtrusive as possible. I respected public etiquette and spoke quickly and politely. I tried to blend in. But it was no use. Everywhere I went, people noticed and were taken aback that I was not Japanese.

After a few weeks, I was startled near to jumping upon spotting another white person, only to realize it was myself in the mirror! I wasn't angry to see myself, only yanked out of my mindless daily happenings. I do this to so many people every day, I thought.

I resented my face. I wanted to wear a mask, if only it would not draw more attention to me. I just wanted to be able to live without disturbing others or upsetting the social norm.

And at last I realized.

I was born with this face. The torment I felt was not right. Just like they were born Japanese, I was born myself, of mixed ethnicity. My body is bigger and my face is different. But as much right as they have to be themselves, I have the right to be myself as well.

In such a situation I understood that all I could do was be earnest and respectful, and if my face disturbed or upset them, there was nothing I could do about it. If they did not have experience with foreigners in their city, of course they would be surprised. That's natural. But it is also good for a foreigner to be able to work and enjoy life in Japan. I had many things to share with them as a foreigner and as my earnest and friendly self. Neither of us were wrong. They were not prepared for me. And I cannot be anything other than what I am.

Neither can you.
Don't wear a mask.
Don't wish your face would change.
If others are upset that you are not the same as them, let it only upset them, and in time they will know you better and not be so upset.

I understand where you live it can be frightening to be different because of the severity of social opinion. I hope someday you can live someplace where you feel safe and comfortable sharing yourself with your community and offering all that you can with peace of mind. I think wearing one's own face and not trying to fit in is a great gift to give everyone around.
So don't feel guilty to be yourself, ok?

Thanks everyone, and sorry for another pointless blog about me. I'm still working on my self-esteem, though it's gotten better over time. I'll try not to worry about what others think about me anymore.

KingEnvy - haha I was pretty sure someone would describe me as that. It's taken me a long time to accept that I'm actually someone of value. Thank you

Unplugged - I took that test before, though I can't remember what I got. I'll take it now and see. Thank you for your words and for linking that. Edit - I got ENFP

Floortje - I'm probably just overreacting, I do know I am a little paranoid, but I suppose it's something I need to learn to grow out of. It'll be really beneficial to me in the long run anyway, I'm sure there is a Buddhist practice I can find that will help me toward not worrying about other people's thoughts. I asked a Buddhist once what he thought about people who criticized Buddhism, and he simply replied, "I do not think about it."

Eye - That story really make me understand better. I guess we as human beings can't help but be interested in each other as we walk by. It's like someone at the mall the other day had blue and green hair, and I'm pretty sure people would be staring at her just like you were getting stared at in Japan. Human nature, huh? Thank you for your story, it really taught me what I should know.

Vala - Your words always, always brighten my day! Thank you!



Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. - Thich Nhat Hanh

Hey Quad, I wanted to pass this story along. My friend has been learning various philosophies as a part of his karate class, and this week they are learning Zen teachings. You may have already heard this story, but I felt it was appropriate for you.

The Subjugation of a Ghost

A young wife fell sick and was about to die. 'I love you so much,' she told her husband, 'I do not want to leave you. Do not go from me to any other woman. If you do, I will return as a ghost and cause you endless trouble.'

Soon the wife passed away. The husband respected her last wish for the first three months, but then he met another woman and fell in love with her. They became engaged to be married.

Immediately after the engagement a ghost appeared every night to the man, blaming him for not keeping his promise. The ghost was clever too. She told him exactly what had transpired between himself and his new sweetheart. Whenever he gave his fiancee a present, the ghost would describe it in detail. She would even repeat conversations, and it so annoyed the man that he could not sleep. Someone advised him to take his problem to a Zen master who lived close to the village. At length, in despair, the poor man went to him for help.

'Your former wife became a ghost and knows everything you do,' commented the master. 'Whatever you do or say, whatever you give your beloved, she knows. She must be a very wise ghost. Really you should admire such a ghost. The next time she appears, bargain with her. Tell her that she knows so much, you can hide nothing from her, and that if she will answer you one question, you promise to break your engagement and remain single.'

'What is the question I must ask her?' inquired the man.

The master replied: 'Take a large handful of soy beans and ask her exactly how many beans you hold in your hand. If she cannot tell you, you will know she is only a figment of your imagination and will trouble you no longer.'

The next night, when the ghost appeared, the man flattered her and told her that she knew everything.

'Indeed,' replied the ghost, 'and I know you went to see the Zen master today.'

'And since you know so much,' demanded the man, 'tell me how many beans I hold in this hand!'

There was no longer any ghost to answer the question.